**** please take my feedback with a grain of salt cause sometimes idk what im doing***
[/b] I've been struggling with writing a language analysis. It seems like I've forgotten how to write one. Here is my attempt on these 2 articles.
Recently debate resurfaced regarding the issue I would probably talk more about how this discussion has resurfaced by the mistreatment towards elders? of a royal commision into the aged care sector. Targetted towards older people and those working in the aged care sector I can see what you mean but I believe the intended audience are average Australians reading the newspaper. You're right in the sense that the article talks about these two stakeholders two writers shared their views. In an article titled 'Royal commision must help make aged care sustainable', Sean Rooney formally contends that the government's new royal commision commission! into aged care will improve the existing system. you can weave out his contention more... what are his main arguments and what does this suggest his contention is? In contrast to Rooney, Eric le royal wrote an article titled 'Be sceptical of aged care royal commision'. In a critical yet scathing tone good tone selection, he argues that the royal commision will shift the blame to the workers and portray the government in a positive light. yep, but to make it more sophisticated as you are rewording the last sentence, you can say the royal commission is a political move for publicity
From the onset of the article, Rooney argues that whilemany Australians receive some sort of aged care system, it does not meet the increasing and that the demand for care and support is increasing. see what i did there :)That “more than 1.3 million older Australian receive some sort of aged car” Thus this creates a feeling of shock on the readers to highlight the enormous amount of older people receiving health care thus this generates more interest from the readers and shows how the “demand for support and care is increasing rapidly”. Be careful with the length of your sentence. This sentence is quite chunk. An alternative way of writing this is "By asserting that 'more than 1.3 million older Australians receive some sort of aged care", Rooney engenders a sense of...... However, good job on identifying the effect!!! He then juxtaposes this with the fact that there has been “an additional 226,000 would be required by 2040,... under 50 billion dollars” yet the “government” has reduced aged funding by an estimated “3 billion”. This creates a feeling of anger on the reader and further demonstrates the issues within our aged care system. yes!! BUT you can definitely expand on this further. Who is the reader angry at? What does this demonstrate on them? Aged care facility, especially in rural areas, are “operating at loss”. “There are people who have been assessed as requiring care at home, but who don't receive the level of support recommended, or even worse don't get any care at all.” In order to make your piece sound more fluent, try and avoid inserting large chunks of quotes at all. Instead, weave them into your sentence!This generates readers to feel sorry for the people there and once again criticizes Australias falling aged care system. Rooney then goes on a positive light try and not use the word positive, try to be more specific showing that the recent report by the Committee for Economic Development Australia's Community Pulse report found that "high quality and choice of aged care services" ranked third in the top five critical paths for the nation in the minds of Australians”. This brings the audience to end on a good note as the government is aware of the issue and is willing to address them through the royal commision on aged care. I think you've misread the sentence. To my understanding, this statistic showcases that regular Australians are aware that the aged-care sector is a critical issue
From the commencement of Le royal article, he portrays a negative again, be more specificpicture of the aged care system how?. With “ the media … full of stories of residents being handled roughly and sometimes abused and assaulted by frustrated aged care workers”.This is so politicians can take up the cause and be put in a positive light. Thus this results in critical thinking from the audience who now understand that it is a poly to stay in power. you've picked up on what Royal is trying to convey, but how will readers react towards politicians doing this? Le royal then brings a quote from prime minister Scott Morrison “I think we should brace ourselves for some pretty bruising information about the way our loved ones, some of them, have experienced some real mistreatment” make sure that if you bring in a point, you analyseLe Royal argues that it was under this government were funding was cut. Now they are “cynically feigning concern for aged care residents in order to get a bump in the polls.” This results in the readers to really think about the government's actions and plans.
Thanks in advance
Hey!
Good effort in giving it a go, especially since you've been struggling with AA! With more practice, I am sure that you'll pick up on the gist of writing an AA
- Try not to put in a slab of quotes, but rather weave it into your piece
-Be careful with your sentence length, and the structure of your sentence. I like to look at high-scoring essays and see how people word things...
- Good job for providing the effect on readers for most of the piece. However, you want to tease these out. Don't stop short! Ask yourself "Why would the author do this? How does she/he do this? Why do the readers feel this?
-Expand on some of your sentences
My best advice on writing AA again after a long time is to read ALOTTTT of other students work!
Argument- Evidence - Effect