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parasiticsultanas

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #45 on: July 04, 2016, 11:32:51 pm »
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Essay on Winter: My Secret (by Rossetti). I'm currently kind of dying from a lack of any feedback from my teacher, so any feedback greatly appreciated!


ESSAY
Winter: My Secret is at once a liberation, a revolt, and a rebellion. There is no formal structure, no regular rhyme or meter, all stanzas are of different lengths and are read with tonal variations; the poem is intentionally deviant from any traditional framework. It is clear from the very first lines that the speaker’s “secret” is not only an idyllic ornament of her psyche, but a metaphorical symbol of the clandestine realm over which women can assert power, ownership and control in a patriarchal society. When infused with the speaker’s oscillating voice, the elusive, evasive and complex poetic form comes alive, as the “secret” comes to represent an ebullition, or awakening, of female autonomy. Through a self-conscious attempt to place emphasis on the constructed nature of art, Rossetti reclaims power through poetry, exalting in the fictitious and imagined as a means of transcending her own subjugation in Victorian society.
The poem opens jarringly in media res, launching the reader into a well-established relationship with the speaker. The forceful “no” strongly engenders the feeling that the reader has probed the poetic voice for her secret; it is deliberately at odds with what a literary opening usually connotes, that is, a point at which the writer begins to build emotional intimacy with the reader. A swift, lyrical descent into nursery-rhyme cadence follows immediately with the couplet “perhaps some day, who knows?/but not today; it froze, and blows, and snows”, the use of internal rhyme and assonance contributing to a sense of beguiling lyricism. The nursery rhyme-like rhythm of the lines carries with it the very thing it describes—the “secret”—yet its lilting, songlike tone suggests it is of little importance; that the reader’s curiosity is compelled by means of this small and insignificant token offers a commentary on the “secret” power of art. The absence of extrinsic references—to the external world and external events which have transpired—is keenly felt as the intimate relationship between the speaker and reader is left unexplained. Rossetti instead, directs the reader’s attention to the capacity of art to provide its own set of enabling conditions. Submerged within the self-sufficing power of fictive scenarios, of creation and of created artefacts, Rossetti champions poetry as a medium through which the female poet can exert power over the reader, and in doing so, reclaim a fibre of her lost autonomy, as powerfully rendered in the repetition of the startling possessive pronoun: “mine”.
A tonal change in stanza two is observable as the lines are jutted forth by a gathering momentum. One must pause at the violent—and almost onomatopoeic—consonantal sounds of “nipping” and “biting” as Rossetti reinforces the speaker’s need for a “shawl”, “veil”, “cloak” and “other wraps” by personifying the “day” with animalistic attributes. Indeed, the repeated articles of clothing herald the start of a long verbal striptease of the stanza, as the speaker enacts in harsh aural detail the implications of “ope[ning] to everyone who taps”; the stinging sibilance of “taps” giving this suggested sexual imagery a sense of startling violation. A torrent of repeated present participles—“bounding”, “surrounding”, “buffeting”, “astounding” – further expound upon this notion of sexual violation, framing it with a disconcerting sense of immediacy, as so does the violent crack of the “k” in the aggressive verb “peck”. The “draught” that subsequently “come[s ] whistling thro’” is intrusive and disruptive, as emphasised aurally by the rhyme scheme, one which is scattered into further disarray and unpredictability. Trapped in a downward path of despair—one as difficult to resurface from as the enveloping vowel sounds of the internal rhyme scheme of “bounding”/”surrounding”/”astounding”—Rossetti powerfully reinforces the necessity of “wear[ing]” a “mask” for “warmth”. The connotations of comfort embedded in the languid vowel sounds of “warmth” offer a welcome reprieve to the hostile sibilance of “Russian snows”; representing a reaffirmation of the speaker’s choice to “leave that truth untested still”. Indeed, it is through the speaker’s refusal to reveal herself—to unwrap and unmask despite “goodwill” – that Rossetti infuses the cold desolation of winter with a tendril of warmth—of protected female liberty.
Almost as quickly as momentum is constructed, it is cut off in stanza three with the enjambment of “March”, extending time cartographically through the stanza. The previous, gruelling cold is no longer felt as the speaker transitions into the “expansive time” of spring; the lolling lethargy of “flowers” and “showers” suggesting increased potential for the speaker to divulge her secret. Yet, with the resurfacing of the hostile verb “peck”—providing a lexical link between this stanza and the last—Rossetti tears open this landscape of deceptive beauty to reveal an underlying violent, sexual energy. Allusions to transience in “brief” and “wither” evoke a sense of instability that is mirrored in the speaker’s inconstant tone. In this sense, the speaker’s continued reluctance to divulge her secret—protracting the time in which she takes to do so with continued enjambments of months—seems to stem from springtime’s ephemeral nature. Indeed, while April’s “rainbow-crowned showers” and May’s “flowers” may be beautiful and beguiling, they are passions the poetic voice is not tempted by since they are transient and unreliable; the “showers” do not last and the “flowers” can be destroyed by one “frost”. In her rejection of May—with its connotations of fertility, marriage and love—and the “rainbow-crowned showers” of April—a synesthetic symbol of the passion between men and women—Rossetti consciously ascribes her speaker to the freedom, protection and isolation of winter, over the transience of passion, love, beauty and spring.
The last stanza begins with the toying, petulant “perhaps”, returning the reader to the playful, teasing tone of the first. The long, drawn out sounds of “languid” mimic the lazy indolence of a “summer day”, as the flood of synesthetic imagery—of “golden fruit ripening to excess” and “drowsy birds sing[ing] less and less”—engulfs all senses. The lingering lethargy of these actions is embedded within the protracted phonetics of the stanza—“less”, “drowsy”, “excess”, “day”—as the reader transitions into the sensuous and new seasonal image of summertime. Yet, with the onslaught of caveats and provisos—“perhaps”, “when”, “and”, “if”, “and”—this inertia is undermined as Rossetti unveils a kind of revolutionary energy lying within the speaker. In her construction of a set of impossible-to-fulfil criteria—one deliberately as nebulous as the indefinite and evasive “not too much…nor too much”—the speaker once again asserts her autonomous spirit in the ownership of her secret. In this sense, the abrupt conclusion—one which forgoes a sense of closure—preserves the rebelliousness of language, themes and characterisation within Rossetti’s self-sufficing artefact. Thus, while Keats’ Ode to a Nightingale and Ode to Autumn (alluded to in the first three lines) urges the reader to accept created beauty—whether imagined, or natural—Rossetti’s exemplification of the “secret” power of art is an intentionally riddling assertion of the form of escapism that is inherent in, and can be achieved through artistic perfection—what transcends all.
 


« Last Edit: July 09, 2016, 04:50:41 pm by literally lauren »
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literally lauren

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #46 on: July 13, 2016, 05:43:19 pm »
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Winter: My Secret is at once a liberation, a revolt, and a rebellion. There is no formal structure, no regular rhyme or meter, all stanzas are of different lengths and are read with tonal variations; this feels a bit 'list-y,' and how do you know they're 'read w/o tone?' Is this an analysis of a spoken collection? the poem is intentionally deviant from any traditional framework. It is clear from the very first lines that the speaker’s “secret” is not only an idyllic ornament of her psyche, but a metaphorical symbol of the clandestine realm over which women can assert power, ownership and control in a patriarchal society. When infused with the speaker’s oscillating voice, the elusive, evasive and complex poetic form comes alive, as the “secret” comes to represent an ebullition, or awakening, of female autonomy some nice V&V statements here, though you could afford to make this intro a bit shorter and leave the grand conclusions about Rossetti's feminist messages until the end. Through a self-conscious attempt to place emphasis on the constructed nature of art, Rossetti reclaims power through poetry, exalting in the fictitious this is a bit of a departure from the focus of the rest of your discussion and imagined as a means of transcending her own subjugation in Victorian society.

The poem opens jarringly in media res, launching the reader not sure if your teacher cares about this, but you may need to use the term 'audience' here - that tends to be the convention for poetry, but nbd if you use 'readers,' especially if your teacher doesn't pull you up for it into a well-established relationship with the speaker. The forceful “no” strongly engenders the feeling that the reader has probed the poetic voice for her secret; it is deliberately at odds with what a literary opening usually connotes establishes(?), that is, a point at which the writer begins to build emotional intimacy with the reader. A swift, lyrical descent into nursery-rhyme cadence follows immediately with the couplet “perhaps some day, who knows?/but not today; it froze, and blows, and snows”, <--careful with sentence flow here, there's a bit of a break--> the use of internal rhyme and assonance contributing to a sense of beguiling lyricism. The nursery rhyme-like try not to repeat this too much; consider what it is about the rhythm that's so lilting and nursery rhyme-like rhythm of the lines carries with it the very thing it describes—the “secret”—yet its lilting, songlike tone suggests it is of little importance; that the reader’s curiosity is compelled by means of this small and insignificant token offers a commentary on the “secret” power of art good! The absence of extrinsic references—to the external world and external events which have transpired— as in, because the poem is so insular? I'm not too sure what you're analysing here. What is the lack of extrinsic references replaced by? Intrinsic references? If so, how? is keenly felt as the intimate relationship between the speaker and reader is left unexplained. Rossetti instead, directs the reader’s attention to the capacity of art to provide its own set of enabling conditions. Submerged within the self-sufficing power of fictive scenarios, of creation and of created artefacts, Rossetti champions poetry as a medium through which the female poet can exert power over the reader, and in doing so, reclaim a fibre of her lost autonomy, as powerfully rendered in the repetition of the startling possessive pronoun: “mine” v nice para conclusion :)

This isn't a requirement, but a connection between paragraphs might be good here. A tonal change in stanza two is observable as the lines are jutted forth by a gathering momentum. One must pause at the violent—and almost onomatopoeic—consonantal sounds of “nipping” and “biting” as Rossetti reinforces the speaker’s need for a “shawl”, “veil”, “cloak” and “other wraps” by personifying the “day” with animalistic attributes. Indeed, the repeated articles of clothing herald the start of a long verbal striptease of the stanza love this ;), as the speaker enacts in harsh aural detail the implications of “ope[ning] to everyone who taps”; the stinging sibilance wrong word; sibilance is for 'hissing' fricative sounds like 's' 'z' and 'sh;' these sounds 't' and 'p' are plosive of “taps” giving this suggested sexual imagery a sense of startling violation. A torrent of repeated present participles—“bounding”, “surrounding”, “buffeting”, “astounding” – further expound upon this notion of sexual violation, framing it with a disconcerting sense of immediacy, as so does the violent crack of the “k” in the aggressive verb “peck” great close analysis here. The “draught” that subsequently “come[s ] whistling thro’” is intrusive and disruptive, as emphasised aurally by the rhyme scheme, one which is scattered into further disarray and unpredictability. Trapped in a downward path of despair—one as difficult to resurface from as the enveloping vowel sounds of the internal rhyme scheme of “bounding”/”surrounding”/”astounding”—Rossetti powerfully reinforces the necessity of “wear[ing]” a “mask” for “warmth”. The connotations of comfort embedded in the languid vowel sounds of “warmth” offer a welcome reprieve to the hostile sibilance of “Russian snows”; <--should be a comma, not a semicolon here representing a reaffirmation of the speaker’s choice to “leave that truth untested still”. Indeed, it is through the speaker’s refusal to reveal herself—to unwrap and unmask despite “goodwill” – that Rossetti infuses the cold desolation of winter with a tendril of warmth—of protected female liberty. Really awesome paragraph! Only comment I'd make is that you centre the majority of your analysis on sounds and phonemes (which is impressive) but I could understand an assessor wanting you to mix it up a bit by linking this with some discussion of metaphors, connotations, imagery, etc. Again, this isn't a requirement, but it'd help make your analysis seem more holistic.

Almost as quickly as momentum is constructed, it is cut off in stanza three with the enjambment of “March”, extending time cartographically word check through the stanza. The previous, gruelling cold is no longer felt as the speaker transitions into the “expansive time” of spring; the lolling lethargy of “flowers” and “showers” suggesting increased potential for the speaker to divulge her secret. Yet, with the resurfacing of the hostile verb “peck”—providing a lexical link between this stanza and the last— don't overuse the hyphen; a comma would be fine here Rossetti tears open this landscape of deceptive beauty to reveal an underlying violent, sexual energy. Allusions to transience in “brief” and “wither” evoke a sense of instability that is mirrored in the speaker’s inconstant tone getting super fussy now, but what evidence is there of this tone? Many assessors would accept this, but others might pull you up on making this claim without evidenve to support you. In this sense, the speaker’s continued reluctance to divulge her secret—protracting the time in which she takes to do so expression is a little clunky here with continued enjambments of months—seems to stem from springtime’s ephemeral nature. Indeed, while April’s “rainbow-crowned showers” and May’s “flowers” may be beautiful and beguiling, they are passions the poetic voice is not tempted by since they are transient and unreliable; the “showers” do not last and the “flowers” can be destroyed by one “frost” V nice! In her rejection of May—with its connotations of fertility, marriage and love—and the “rainbow-crowned showers” of April—a synesthetic symbol is this synaesthetic? It just seems to involve sight/colour in this context(?) of the passion between men and women—Rossetti consciously ascribes her speaker to the freedom, protection and isolation of winter, over the transience of passion, love, beauty and spring really great, strong reading here

The last stanza begins with the toying, petulant “perhaps”, returning the reader to the playful, teasing tone of the first. The long, drawn out sounds of “languid” mimic the lazy indolence of a “summer day”, as the flood of synesthetic again, this isn't really an example of synasthesia; Rossetti is just talking about the sight of ripe fruit and the sound of birds singing. Synasthesia would be if she had said 'the fruit smells like happiness and the birds sing songs of pink and purple' imagery—of “golden fruit ripening to excess” and “drowsy birds sing[ing] less and less”—engulfs all senses. The lingering lethargy of these actions is embedded within the protracted phonetics what do you mean by this? of the stanza—“less”, “drowsy”, “excess”, “day”—as the reader transitions into the sensuous and new seasonal image of summertime. Yet, with the onslaught of caveats and provisos—“perhaps”, “when”, “and”, “if”, “and” no need to quote this twice if you'r listing like this, though incidentally I do like that you're collecting quotes in this fashion to forge connections across different lines—this inertia is undermined as Rossetti unveils a kind of revolutionary energy lying within the speaker. In her construction of a set of impossible-to-fulfil criteria—one deliberately as nebulous as the indefinite and evasive “not too much…nor too much” this quote would probably make more sense if you quoted the "sun" and "cloud" parts—the speaker once again asserts her autonomous spirit in the ownership of her secret. In this sense, the abrupt conclusion—one again, don't overuse the dashes as it tends to make the essay jarring to read if there are too many in a row which forgoes a sense of closure—preserves the rebelliousness of language, themes and characterisation try to refrain from this kind of listing, and steer away from the word 'themes' outright - a lot of Lit teachers hate it when students use it in essays. Try and identify which themes are relevant, or else just remove that reference within Rossetti’s self-sufficing artefact. Thus, while Keats’ Ode to a Nightingale and Ode to Autumn (alluded to in the first three lines) if you're going to use this allusion as part of your final conclusion, you should probably bring it up sooner in your essay. A reference at the start and the end would be a good way to tie things together, or you could just chuck this in a BP where it fits urges the reader to accept created beauty—whether imagined, or natural—Rossetti’s exemplification of the “secret” power of art is an intentionally riddling assertion of the form of escapism that is inherent in, and can be achieved through artistic perfection—what transcends all.

Firstly, the quality of your analysis is awesome! Often Lit essays have to be punctuated with comments like 'how do you know?' 'where's your evidence' and 'but what LANGUAGE is contributing to this sense?' but you're effectively answered those questions at almost every turn. There were occasional moments where your focus seemed to shift, or else the conclusion you reached was a little tenuous given the analysis that had come before it, but for the most past, this was all highly tagetes the language and features of the poem.

Structurally, because you're just looking at one poem in isolation, this is fine, but when it comes to full-blown passage analysis, try and avoid the chronological approach. The ideas you were reaching at the end of your paragraphs were excellent, so all you'd need to do was hide those references to 'in stanza three...' and instead make idea/language-based transitions wherever possible. That said, it's not disastrous if you do things this way (i.e. one passage per paragraph or something like that) - it just means that the assessors might be more critical of the limitations of your focus. If you're still able to make decent connections across stanzas/passages though, you should be fine.

Awesome work overall though - your close analysis of words and sounds (esp in the 2nd BP) was really impressive - keep it up! :)

Buttercrisis

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #47 on: July 21, 2016, 12:06:40 am »
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Hello, I just started trying to write some passage analysis things for practice (so it's not an actual essay, it's just like two paragraphs) and they're pretty bad but I was wondering if I could get some feedback on how to improve it?
I found my own poems since I didn't know what to write on, and they're The End and the Beginning and Reality Demands by Wislawa Szymborska (they're really nice, I think!). :)

Whilst an idealistic vision of recovery from human conflict is lovingly painted in Reality Demands, Wislawa Szymborska sculpts an exceedingly sombre representation of this same concept in The End and the Beginning. Solemnly stating within the fragmented body of The End and the Beginning that occasionally ‘someone still unearths rusted-out arguments’ and carelessly tosses them ‘to the garbage pile’, Szymborska evokes a bitter melancholy within the reader, making known that perhaps the increasing speed and carelessness with which war is regarded is not ideal. As time progresses and ‘those who knew what was going on here’ shamefully give way to a generation of those who know ‘as little as nothing’, Szymborska regretfully propounds the increasing lack of knowledge as the cruel views of ‘corpse-filling wagons’ and ‘bloody rags’ fade from memory. With even the ‘grass’ overgrowing the ‘causes and effects’ of war, and thus giving birth to an overly romantic generation who, in ‘gazing at the clouds’ with a ‘blade of grass in (their mouths)’ forget the ‘scum and ashes’ of the past, Szymborska mourns the ease with which the comfortable new generation forget the mistakes of the past. Contrastingly, this quick recovery in response to the brutality of human conflict is painted by Szymborska in light, mellow colours within the romantic stanzas of Reality Demands. Meticulously crafting a powerful list of places crushed by conflict- ‘Cannae’; ‘Pearl Habour’; ‘Hastings’- Szymborska in the face of the cold truths of war boldly notes that ‘life goes on’. Woven into the words of Reality Demands is the underlying confidence and hope that even within this ‘terrifying world’, the speedy recovery of societies subject to conflict and hardship is a ‘charm’. Constantly championing the concept of rebirth through phrases such as ‘where Hiroshima had been Hiroshima is again’ and ‘the grass is green on Maciejow’s fields’, Szymborska acknowledges that although ‘perhaps all fields are battlefields’, the concept of a forgiving revival from unforgiving violence is one which makes ‘waking up worthwhile’. 

The ubiquitous nature of war is one painfully expressed across both poems by Szymborska. Utilising a constant stream of full-stops in The End and the Beginning to break up the stanzas and create short, stunted statements, Szymborska reflects a mirror-image of the sharp, repetitive character of war itself. Lamenting that ‘all the cameras have left for another war’, Szymborska paints a painfully realistic world in which wars come and go with such frequency that ‘already there are those… who will find it dull’. Similarly, in Reality Demands Szymborska puts forth a powerful list of places affected by war, such as ‘Kosovo Polje and Guernica’, ‘Jericho’ and ‘Bila Hora’, graphing within the reader’s mind an overwhelming map of the numerous locations human conflict has destroyed. By utilising this method of writing akin to methodical list-taking, Szymborska presents cold evidence of the painfully pervasive nature of war.   

My tutor has been saying to me to always write in the active, and I was just wondering if I could get more opinions on that? Because occasionally even in the VCAA exemplar essays they write in the passive, and no one's ever told me anything like that so I was just wondering if it was okay to take that on board. Thanks! :)   

Maz

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #48 on: July 21, 2016, 11:38:56 am »
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Hey, here are some of my thoughts, I hope you find them helpful, and feel free to question or disregard them if you don't agree:

Hello, I just started trying to write some passage analysis things for practice (so it's not an actual essay, it's just like two paragraphs) and they're pretty bad but I was wondering if I could get some feedback on how to improve it?
I found my own poems since I didn't know what to write on, and they're The End and the Beginning and Reality Demands by Wislawa Szymborska (they're really nice, I think!). :)

Whilst an idealistic vision of recovery from human conflict is lovingly Maybe lovingly isn't the best choice of words, what about laudably?painted in Reality Demands, Wislawa Szymborska sculpts an exceedingly sombre representation of this same concepta similar concept in The End and the Beginning. Solemnly stating ,Your phraseing is a little awkward here, what about Szymbrorska evokes a bitter melancholy within the reader, by solemnly stating, within the fragmented body of The End and the Beginning that occasionally ‘someone still unearths rusted-out arguments’ and carelessly tosses them ‘to the garbage pile’. Hereby making known that perhaps the increasing speed and carelessness with which war is regarded is not ideal.within the fragmented body of The End and the Beginning that occasionally ‘someone still unearths rusted-out arguments’ and carelessly tosses them ‘to the garbage pile’, Szymborska evokes a bitter melancholy within the reader, making known that perhaps the increasing speed and carelessness with which war is regarded is not ideal. As time progresses and ‘those who knew what was going on here’ shamefully give way to a generation of those who know ‘as little as nothing’, Szymborska regretfully propounds the increasing lack of knowledge as the cruel views of ‘corpse-filling wagons’ and ‘bloody rags’ fade from memory. With even the ‘grass’ overgrowing the ‘causes and effects’ of war, and thus giving birth to an overly romantic generation who, in ‘gazing at the clouds’ with a ‘blade of grass in (their mouths)’ forget the ‘scum and ashes’ of the past, Szymborska mourns the ease with which the comfortable new generation forget the mistakes of the past.Goof sentence and some really good ideas, however it is really long. Maybe try and break it into two. Contrastingly, this quick recovery in response to the brutality of human conflict is painted by Szymborska One thng to remember with writing is to try and stay away from saying the author does and says 'x'. Since you don't actually know what the author is saying. How about saying, 'painted within the poem/text', or 'the text lends itself to x interpretation'. It just sounds better and also teachers generally like it more. in light, mellow colours within the romantic stanzas of Reality Demands. Meticulously crafting a powerful list of places crushed by conflict- ‘Cannae’; ‘Pearl Habour’; ‘Hastings’- If there is any evidence within the the text that these are places crushed by conflict, add that in with the name. You need to provide evidence for this poing, like how/where does it say that these are crushed with conflict?Szymborska in the face of the cold truths of war boldly notes that ‘life goes on’. Good :)Woven into the words of Reality Demands is the underlying confidence and hope that even within this ‘terrifying world’, the speedy recovery of societies which aresubject to conflict and hardship is a ‘charm’. Constantly championing the concept of rebirth through phrases such as ‘where Hiroshima had been Hiroshima is again’ and ‘the grass is green on Maciejow’s fields’, Szymborska acknowledges that although ‘perhaps all fields are battlefields’, the concept of a forgiving revival from unforgiving violence is one which makes ‘waking up worthwhile’.  Nice ending

The ubiquitous nature of war is one painfully expressed across both poems by Szymborska. Utilising Through the utilisation of (You are starting a lot of your sentences with verbs. While that is very good, it sounds better is you maybe change it up a bit. It also adds more of a flow. a constant stream of full-stops in The End and the Beginning to break up the stanzas and create short, stunted statements, Szymborska reflects a mirror-image of the sharp, repetitive character of war itself. Lamenting that ‘all the cameras have left for another war’, Szymborska paints a painfully realistic world in which wars come and go with such frequency that ‘already there are those… who will find it dull’. Similarly, in Reality Demands Szymborska puts forth a powerful list of places affected by war, such as ‘Kosovo Polje and Guernica’, ‘Jericho’ and ‘Bila Hora’, graphing within the reader’s mind an overwhelming map of the numerous locations human conflict has destroyed. Again, expand this a little more...how? provide evidence. even if it's a sentence which leads up to the listingBy utilising this method of writing akin to methodical list-taking, Szymborska presents cold evidence of the painfully pervasive nature of war.   What is your question? If you have a question or thesis statement, try and use the words from those as it provides a nice ending and answers the 'question'. From the last paragraph, I can sort of tell, however, the wording in your last ending sentence and this one are almost completely different. Try using somewhat similar words to wrap up, which will remind your reader of what you are conveying (or why)

My tutor has been saying to me to always write in the active, and I was just wondering if I could get more opinions on that? Because occasionally even in the VCAA exemplar essays they write in the passive, and no one's ever told me anything like that so I was just wondering if it was okay to take that on board. Thanks! :)   
You wrote this well, and have some brilliant ideas, just watch phrasing at times and also your topic sentence and ending sentences. Also, expand a little more in places, and add some more evidence.
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Maz

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #49 on: July 21, 2016, 01:26:51 pm »
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Hey,
I wrote this essay on The Great Gatsby and I was wondering if someone could please have a look at it?
I would appreciate any thoughts?

Examine the ways in which writers shape and adapt generic conventions to reflect and expose particular value systems. In your response, you must make reference to at least one literary text.
By Maryam Qureshi
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Set during the post World War 1 economic boom of the 1920’s, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel, The Great Gatsby (1926), is often referred to as a chronicle of the American Dream, exploring a point of the nation’s history when capitalism and economic opportunity for all was at it’s peak. The Great American Dream incorporated the belief that anyone, regardless of where they were born, could obtain prosperity and success. Deep-rooted in the Declaration of Independence, the American Dream was the proclamation that ‘all men are equal’, with full right to ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’ Perhaps one the best works of literature, representing the American Dream is the Great Gatsby. Throughout the novel, Fitzgerald contextualizes a gripping antithesis regarding the Great American Dream, through a contrast and disclosure of societies key value systems, including the emphasis upon materialism and commodification. The Great Gatsby juxtaposes characters born in the upper echelons of society, with Myrtle and Gatsby, who attempt to transcend the class boundaries but ultimately become ‘incoherent failures’. The novel displays ‘how dreaming can be tainted by reality, and that if you don’t compromise, you may suffer’(Azar Nifisi). Fitzgerald’s text exposes the key value systems prevalent within society through an adaption of generic conventions, reflecting the misery of a modern capitalist society.

Employing the first person point of view, Fitzgerald conveys the entire story of Gatsby from the memories of Nick. Through this utilisation of Nick as first person narrator, the novel’s integrity strengthens as all key characters are neatly tied together, through Nick, in the position of ‘Daisy’s second cousin’, ‘Gatsby’s neighbour’ and ‘Tom‘s [acquaintance] in college’. It is arguable that, despite Nick claiming that he is ‘inclined to reserve all judgements’, Fitzgerald, in essence, is providing readers with over 150 pages of judgement. Notwithstanding this confession, Nick is employed as a reliable narrator so that ‘life is successfully looked at through a single window’. Nick is taken out of any story line within the novel, hereby, creating an unswerving attitude towards the contradictions and conflicts which drive the plot. Through ‘employing a narrator who is more of a spectator than an actor’ (Maxwell E. Perkins, editor of The Great Gatsby in a letter), Nick becomes an observer, however, not an impartial one. Consequently, through Nick’s eyes, Fitzgerald exposes the ‘ruin of society’ and degeneration of the upper echelons; as Nick depicts in vivid imagery, the ‘behaviour [of the guests] associated with amusement parks’, and the prevalence of meaningless indulgence within society.  Though this first person point of view can provide vivid imagery, Nick can’t provide detailed knowledge of other characters thoughts and feelings. In chapter five, Fitzgerald employs transgression point of view to surpass that narrative limits on a first person narrator. Nick comments upon Gatsby as he goes ‘over to say goodbye’ and sees the ‘expression of bewilderment [which] had come back into Gatsby’s face…Almost five years! There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams.’ In this comment, Nick creates a supposition to Gatsby’s mind, as the statement, ‘Almost five years’, appears as though it has come directly from the mind of Gatsby. Thus, the narrator transcends the limits of the ‘I’ witness point of view. This transgressed point of view serves importantly in conveying meaning within the novel as readers find motive in Gatsby feeling ‘a faint doubt’ regarding the meeting. Focussing upon Gatsby’s feelings and actions provides Fitzgerald opportunity to idolise those with wealth and power portraying the emphasise society placed upon the wealth; contextualising the era as one with ‘parties [which] were bigger, a pace [which was faster] and morals which were looser.’   
              Additionally to the transgression of the point of view, Fitzgerald employs shifts within the narration to view one event alongside another for long periods of time. Within The Great Gatsby, the shifts are predominantly presented in first person narration, however, they are of limited essence; being omniscient or partially omniscient. This is evidenced when Tom takes Nick to ‘see [his] girl’. As it is only rumoured and ‘insisted upon’ that Tom has a mistress, it is reasonable for Nick to utilise the omniscient view as he deems it ‘supercilious’ for him to visit Myrtle. Fitzgerald then quickly shifts Nick’s point of view to first person narrative as he becomes ‘curious to see her’. Here, this change enables the main focus of the novel’s plot to be centred around Gatsby, and not Tom, changing the attention focus more upon what Nick’s thought are, rather than the story of Tom. The shift from one point of view to another allows an observation of each character’s thoughts and feelings; sanctioning the development of plot and narrative truth. Nick becomes a vehicle for the author’s final judgement. Thus, through an adaptation of the generic convention of point of view, Fitzgerald shapes audiences to view Nick as an acumen and reliable narrator, so that he is placed in a position to successfully depict the place of commodification and materialism within society.        

Utilising the generic convention of point of view, Fitzgerald exposes the failure of the American Dream and the drive for a materialistic lifestyle, through the eyes of Nick Caraway. When Tom takes Nick to the Valley of Ashes to meet his ‘mistress’, Myrtle, Nick likens the area to a ‘wasteland’, portraying the ‘desolate area of land’ as plagued with destitution and dilapidation. Nick’s point of view of the ‘ash grey men’, allows for Fitzgerald’s exposure of the flip side of materialism, revealing the detrimental outcomes, which ensue when all items are produced to facilitate the wealthy. Despite the outward appearance of excessive wealth, only a very small minority of the 1920’s society lived the ideology of the American Dream, while a large proportion of society lived in poverty. This was perhaps the first hint of the failure of the American Dream, which incorporated the idea of all men being able to attain wealth. Society’s emphasise upon materialism is realised through the stagnated aspect of the inhabitants of the Valley of Ashes, who Nick categorically describes them as ‘spiritless and anaemic’. Despite the ‘ghastly’ description Nick gives to every other aspect of the Valley, he depicts a slightly jovial picture of Myrtle; displaying her as one of ‘perceptible vitality’ and ‘sensuous [ness]’. Notwithstanding this early optimistic connotation, as Nick spends time with her, the first person point of view begins to mock her attempts to behave as a host, describing her as ‘violently affected’. Fitzgerald reflects, through an adaptation of point of view that society within the twentieth century placed great emphasis upon materialism and commodification. This is indicated through Nick’s mockery of Myrtle’s ‘incessant’ and ‘immoderate’ movements, revealing much about society’s values as Nick ignores her infidelity and criticizes her for only her working class pretensions. On the other hand, through a combination of point of view and characterisation, Fitzgerald exposes the American Dream as un-attainable. As Myrtle tries to move up the social rungs of this apparent ‘meritocracy’ through her association with the ‘wealthy’ Tom, she is condemned, mocked and eventually killed; positioning her as the collateral flip side to materialism. This convention allows focus upon the key value systems prevalent in society during the early twenties’; conveying a society, which valued monetary contempt above all else.       

The novel provides an insight into the outwardly heady capitalist culture, exposing its dark underbelly and it’s impact upon personal value systems. The deceptive ‘inexhaustible’ charm of a life ‘full of money’ gives rise to a large contribution towards the decay of personal values. Fitzgerald utilizes many generic conventions to portray this ideology, however, none so powerful as the characterization of the wealthy Tom Buchannan, the bourgeois figure of the story. The ‘bourgeois respectability’, as it was called, incorporated ideas of financial success free of debt and a high morale patriarchal society. As a member of an ‘enormously wealthy [family]’ , Tom relates to the world majorly through his money, the one exception being his expression of ‘love’ for Daisy. For Tom, all things are commodities. Even his marriage to Daisy Fay was an exchange of beauty and social standing for the image of Tom’s strength, stability and power; all of which imparted him. This was an idea symbolized through the ‘string of pearls valued at three hundred and fifty thousand dollars’, Tom gifted to his bride-to-be. Though it is not necessary, or custom to spend excessive amounts of money on a necklace, Tom does this to draw attention to his affluence. Similarly, Tom utilizes his socioeconomic status to seduce Myrtle and his other mistresses, whom, like the guests at Gatsby’s party, are drawn to him ‘like moths to a flame’. His consistent infatuation in lower class woman can be explained through the commoditized view the world upheld in the 1920s. Tom promotes his wealth to women who are most desperate for it, satisfying himself at a level unaffected by logic, reality or the everyday world. This id level of satisfaction manifests itself in the desire to ‘purchase’ numerous working class women; including the ‘common, but pretty’ woman he interacts with, just metres from his wife. Thus, Fitzgerald, by exposing audiences to the nature of the prosperous, divulges the  key value system within the hedonistic society through a reflection upon the detrimental side-effects and thinking of the monetary driven.

However, ‘Tom’s commodity psychology is not wholly limited to his relationships with women’ (L.Tyson). Rather, it branches to encompass all aspects of the ‘you are what you own’ capitalist thinking exhibited through the ‘fantastic dream’ of the decade’s sustained prosperity and dizzying technological advancements. Fitzgerald conveys this key drive within society thorough an emphasis of Tom’s characterisation, incorporating the notion of Tom’s own sense of identity linked to how others see him. The importance of social status within society is disclosed with Tom’s discourse and his need to divulge the ‘nice place’ he has. Following this idea, Tom further embodies the consumerist attitude of society by mentioning that the house ‘belonged to Demaine, the oil man’, and thus, denoting that the house pedigree itself is of ‘old-money’ lineage. This convention of the wealthy displaying their wealth is evident again when Tom toys with George Wilson regarding the sale of the ‘car’. Financially, the matter of ‘sell[ing] that car’ means very little to the wealthy Tom, however, it is of great value to the impoverished George. It can be presumed that there isn’t even a ‘man working on’ the car, and Tom is merely dangling his considerable wealth in front of Wilson so he has an excuse to see Myrtle. Fitzgerald conveys the failure of the American dream, through Tom’s behaviour with the impoverished George. As the dream incorporated the idea of hard work providing success, it is interesting to observe that George, who was a ‘proprietor’ running his own ‘business’, is presented as the weaker and ridiculed, comparatively to Tom, who is given no indication of even working a day in his life and is given a position of dominance. Through this, Fitzgerald conveys the power of the upper class of the weaker class; denoting that the weaker are at the mercy of consumerist value system.  Tom’s agonistic nature becomes a medium through which Fitzgerald ridicules the American dream; disclosed through the generic convention of discourse in Nick’s description of his ‘careless [ness]’ and his tendency to ‘smash up things and retreat back to [his] money or vast carelessness.’ Though Tom is living a life most people in the twenties would consider a dream, he ends up ‘smash[ing]’ up those who wish to become like him. In Tom’s case, Myrtle’s death becomes the method of ‘cleaning up [his] mess’. Subsequently, Fitzgerald exposes the unfair nature of and the respect those with ‘wealth’ demand, through a condemnation of the values of those who are born into ‘old money’. Through the generic convention of the characterisation of Tom, Fitzgerald exposes the excessive underlying importance society in the 1920’s placed on commodification, and it’s key place at the very core of the American Dream.

Fitzgerald critiques the consumerist lifestyle through a stark separation between key settings within the novel. These setting segregations juxtapose the classes of ‘old money’, ‘new money’ and impoverished working class. The consumerist culture exhibited in The Great Gatsby was possible through the growth of the upper class in the early twentieth century. This growth brought with it value upon the display of wealth and an era characterised by Republican notions of rugged individualism. According to this theory, the abundant wealth in the possession of Gatsby should have ensured the outcome of the American Dream. However, one quality that undermines self-made wealth, was wealth which was inherited and the result of an ‘enormously wealthy family’. This became a point of conflict between ‘old money’ and ‘new money’; severely criticising the idea in the American Dream of the value of hard work. In a culture manifested with pecuniary emulation, the most common method in which to declare ones wealth was through possessions. It is through the expression of the generic convention setting, that Fitzgerald exposes the consumerist lifestyle evident amongst society at the time. This notion is perhaps most evident in in Louisville where ‘the largest of the banners and the largest of the lawns belonged to the Fay house’. The intense importance of commodification is realised through the discourse of the home itself having ‘belong [ings]’, which is portrayed as desirable by also housing Daisy who is ‘the most popular of all the young girls’.  Here, Fitzgerald introduces another value system, which is prevalent not only within the 20th century, but also prevalent in the modern day. Immediately proceeding the ‘belong [ings]’ of the Fay house, Daisy is introduced in a similar fashion; exposing that women themselves had becomes possessions. This notion is supported by the generic convention of Nick’s dialogue as he describes the effect on Gatsby upon loosing Daisy as ‘his enchanted objects diminish[ing] by one’.  The Fay house is brought up again later in the novel, when Gatsby’s past is discussed. It is here again, that Fitzgerald intertwines the two generic conventions; setting and language to further emphasise upon the value society placed on commodification. The ‘ripe mystery’ of the house attracts many ‘officers’, who sensed the ‘hint of bedrooms upstairs [which were] more beautiful and cool than other bedrooms, [the] gay and radiant activities taking place through its corridors, and of romances that were not musty and laid away already in lavender but fresh and breathing and redolent of this year’s shining motor-cars…’. This sort of language can be analysed through stylistic analysis to disclose the meaning reader’s can take from the language Fitzgerald uses; ‘to find the artistic principles underlying a writers choice of language’2. Within stylistic analysis is the grammatical category of Appositional phrases and romantic, evocative imagery. The sentence is saturated with words that exhibit the sheer wealth of the Fay’s highlighting the ‘beautiful bedrooms’ the wealthy possess and the ‘radiant activities’ they engage in. Everything contained in this appositive is suggestive and works to provide the compelling, ‘ripe mystery’ of the ‘golden’ Daisy, thus depicting the rich as desirable and highlighting the importance society in the twenties placed upon material wealth. Depicting the ‘ripe mystery’ of Daisy, Fitzgerald depicts her as a commodity; exposing the dehumanisation of others that results from a society obsessed with wealth.       

Whilst the Fay mansion laudably conveys the emphasis society placed upon materialistic possessions, it is only one of the many settings, which portray this. Nick notices that West Egg and East Egg are ‘dissimilar in every particular except shape and size’, driven by the need to constantly out-do one another. This competition became one of the most necessary plot drivers within the novel, as Gatsby and Tom fought for the materialistic Daisy. The Buchannan mansion, resides in East Egg, originated from families who have had money through inheritance and who have been categorically described as ‘old money’. East Egg of Long Island is a blatant representation of aristocracy and formality, accentuating the prominence of wealth in society. The setting concretizes ‘the sort of devouring, self-pleasuring and hypocritical materialism the stupendous and ruthless success of nineteenth century capitalism fostered and enabled’ 2 At the very beginning of the novel, Nick visits the Buchannan’s in their ‘white palace’ which he observed to ‘glitter along the water’. Coupling the generic convention of setting with language, reveals the illusion of purity the house is depicted as exuding. Fitzgerald’s choice of words, including ‘white’ and ‘glitter’, are symbolically associated with angels and a notion of purity. The constant drive within society to be above others socioeconomically becomes evident, as the house is a ‘cheerful red and white Georgian colonial mansion’, affirming the cultured European taste, placing them in patrician society. This European atmosphere the house emanates is further enriched through the use of ‘French windows’ and ‘reflected gold’. The imported commodities and foreign design of the ‘palace’ providing the Buchannan’s with an image of esteem. However this directly reputes the values of the American Dream. The ‘palaces’ give rise to the presence of class within society, an idea which directly relates to the old aristocracy present in Britain; a doctrine which conflicts with the egalitarian republic set-up of America. However, even the Buchannan mansion gives rise to the failure of the American Dream.  This is bet depicted through the ‘tumultuous scene’ created from the ‘wreck’ of Owl Eyes’ drunken car crash. Tom emphasises that the house originally belonged to ‘Demaine, the oil man’, which provides Fitzgerald a deft and unobtrusive method by which to convey that the emphasise society placed upon material wealth had attained a corrupt level. The notion of oil being a reactant in destruction is again depicted when Myrtle’s life is ‘violently extinguished’. Myrtle’s death brought with it the shocking spectacle of her left breast ‘swinging loose like a flap’ after the accident, exposing those who attempted to gain wealth as debased, disfigured and violated. Thus, to hide the failure of the American Dream and expose the materialistic nature of people in the early twentieth century, Fitzgerald draws upon Europe and ‘old’ history creating a façade to dignify and hide the dangerous value systems of society.
In contrast, West Egg as a setting is an emblem of the nouveau riche, depicting the vulgar and gaudy division of society in the 1920s. As the ‘less fashionable’ of the two eggs, the inhabitants of West Egg lack social graces and are consumed by a ‘raw vigour that chafed under the old euphemisms’. Perhaps the most ludicrous of all settings within The Great Gatsby is Gatsby’s own mansion and the location of his flamboyant parties. The mansion is described as a ‘colossal affair by any standard’, imitating ‘Hotel de Ville in Normandy’ and exposing Gatsby’s all too obvious efforts to create a façade of sophistication. This exemplification of one’s socioeconomic status and highlighting the importance of it is an everlasting theme amongst literature, and subsequently, a reflection of society. The mansion, like the Buchannan house, is a symbol of excess wealth containing a ‘tower on one side, spanking new under a thin beard of raw ivy, and a marble swimming pool and more than forty acres of lawn and garden’. The use of large multi-clausal sentences describe the numerous “bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender and silk and vivid with new flowers, through dressing rooms and pool rooms and bathing room with sunken baths’, the house contains. However, despite this and the ‘celebrated people’ Gatsby fills it with, the Gatsby mansion appears ‘lonely’ and lacks the elegance and sophistication present in the Buchannan house. Emphasised via the plural language, Gatsby’s mansion is filled with fatuous assets, which hold little meaning, depicting the failure of the American Dream as Gatsby creates a hollow imitation of his wealth. The need for a monstrous façade to obtain happiness is depicted as pitiable, and through Nick’s eyes, Gatsby’s quest for his ‘green light’ is romanticised. According to this notion of consumerism, Gatsby has become overwhelmed by his surroundings, to the extent that he feels no option but to submit to the socioeconomically classified society. However, even when he does, he is still considered as an outsider by his guests, many of whom leave ‘without having met Gatsby at all’. Through this Fitzgerald reveals the value system of materiality which was of major prevalence within society, however, also depicts the failure of the American Dream, as even the ‘Great’ Gatsby, who embodies the description of wealth, is still treated as an outsider since he is not of ‘old money’ lineage.

The opening of Chapter three provides a sensory depiction of Gatsby’s parties. Fitzgerald describes the scene as one of uncontained debauchery where inhabitants are driven purely by the pursuit of pleasure. Although Gatsby’s house is ‘full of people’ and a container for hoards of wealthy positions, it is spiritually empty, exposing the hollowness of the American Dream. Fitzgerald describes the party with an air of excessive consumption as the ‘buffet tables’ are ‘garnished with glistening hors –d’ouevre spiced backed hams…and turkeys bewitched to dark gold’. Fitzgerald again combines language with setting through narrative sentence types in the Grammatical category. The party is depicted as a kaleidoscope of movement as  ‘groups change more swiftly, swell with new arrivals, dissolve and form in the same breath; already there are wanderers, confident girls who weave here and there among the stouter and more stable, become for a sharp, joyous moment the center of a group, and then, excited with triumph, glide on through the sea-change of faces and voices and color under the constantly changing light.’
. Despite being the longest sentence in the description of Gatsby’s oncoming party, there is no loss of clarity. Its first clause in a composition of four coordinated verbs; ‘change’, ‘swell’, ‘dissolve’ and ‘wonder’. The apposition of ‘confident girls’ which ‘weave’, ‘become’ and ‘glide’, provide the sentence with a description depicting quick movement from one ‘group’ to the next; hence highlighting the atmosphere of chaos and mindlessness. Gatsby held parties often, almost as if that will bring the life to him that he lacks within himself. However, the popularity this party brings him as ‘men and girls went like moths’, fails to fill the purpose of filling the emptiness within Gatsby, rendering those who follow the idea of the American Dream and build up their own wealth as outcasts of society.

However, it is not until after Gatsby’s death that the true contrast and nature of the roaring 20s is realised. The dream Nick has proceeding Gatsby’s death, unveils another side of America that had become ‘distorted’ under the glitz and glamour of riches and parties. Fitzgerald depicts a stark imagery in the setting of East Egg;
 Even when East Egg excited me most…it had always for me a quality of distortion. West Egg, especially still figures in my more fantastic dreams. I see it as a night scene by el Greco: a hundred houses, at once conventional and grotesque, crouching under a sullen overhanging sky and a lusterless moon.’
         Evidence of the corrupting society and the failure of the American Dream soon become apparent as East Egg is stripped bare of it’s façade. The once uncontained hedonism of a place ‘full of people’ has become a place of human alienation, with ‘a hundred houses’ that have now become ‘grotesque’ rather than ‘fashionable’ and ‘cheerful’ as they once were. The ‘drunken women’ becomes a symbol of the exhausted nature of society as she is delivered by ‘four solemn men’ who don’t even know ‘the woman’s name’. The image painted is bleak as the sky ‘overhangs’; ‘sullen’, exposing the moral decay now becoming evident. The emphasise placed upon wealth during the ’twenties has attained a status where even the woman’s ‘cold jewels’ have more ‘sparkle’ than the ‘lustreless moon’, criticising the value system that emphasized materialism above all else.

Fitzgerald exposes, through an accentuation of the generic conventions of characterisation, language, setting and dialogue; that American society within the 20th century was manifested with the value system of commodification, driven by the want for a materialistic lifestyle. Fitzgerald highlights this through a ridicule of the values of the American Dream and the resultant effects upon those who followed its incorporated concepts. Both Myrtle and Gatsby, the two characters’ striving for the attainment of the American dream suffered the severe consequence of death. In the end, Gatsby never attains ‘the green light, and the orgastic future’, despite believing in it even when it ‘eluded’ and ‘receded before [him]’. Thus, through the medium of the Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald reflects upon the American dream as unattainable and an empty promise of happiness. Despite this, society within and beyond the 20th century, places great emphasis upon materialistic wealth and commodification, a value system that is to this day, timeless. ‘That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you are not lonely an isolated from anyone. You belong.’ (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald).   
« Last Edit: July 21, 2016, 01:34:04 pm by mq123 »
2016: Methods | Chem | Physics | Accounting | Literature

Buttercrisis

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #50 on: July 22, 2016, 11:27:51 pm »
+1
Hey, here are some of my thoughts, I hope you find them helpful, and feel free to question or disregard them if you don't agree:
You wrote this well, and have some brilliant ideas, just watch phrasing at times and also your topic sentence and ending sentences. Also, expand a little more in places, and add some more evidence.

Hey, thanks so much for correcting it for me, I really really appreciate it. :) I just had something I wanted to ask, if that's okay...
I think you mentioned not to say things like 'author X does and says such and such' and things like that, and actually that's something which has been bothering me.  ??? My tutor keeps telling me to write in the active and always attach a name to an action (so she's like 'who does the painting? Author X does! Make sure to include it and say Author X does the painting.'), and I've been really unsure because I've never heard that before. Even in the VCAA exemplar essays they write in passive sometimes, so I'm a little wary of taking that advice.
Do you think you could maybe clear that up for me?
Thanks so much :)   

Maz

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #51 on: July 23, 2016, 01:05:52 pm »
+1
Hey, thanks so much for correcting it for me, I really really appreciate it. :) I just had something I wanted to ask, if that's okay...
I think you mentioned not to say things like 'author X does and says such and such' and things like that, and actually that's something which has been bothering me.  ??? My tutor keeps telling me to write in the active and always attach a name to an action (so she's like 'who does the painting? Author X does! Make sure to include it and say Author X does the painting.'), and I've been really unsure because I've never heard that before. Even in the VCAA exemplar essays they write in passive sometimes, so I'm a little wary of taking that advice.
Do you think you could maybe clear that up for me?
Thanks so much :)   
Okay, maybe I didn't convey it right... it is okay to say 'recovery in response to the brutality of human conflict is painted by Szymborska'... However, most of my teachers generally say just to stay away as much as you can from these type of sentences. There is a very thin line between using the author's name to generate meaning, and using the author's name and saying 'Author X did this to convey Y'. The key word here is 'to'. Since you don't have it, your sentence is alright (but bordering the don't-do-line). The reason behind it is mostly because you don't actually know what the author was thinking or why they did something.  So every essay writer should stay away from outright saying that the author did X to convey Y. You don't know what the author did or why they did it. If you are going to say something like that you should really have some sort of quote from the author integrated into the paragraph validating it.
Like, for example, I did an essay on Henrik Insen's A Doll's house. Now, Henrik Ibsen specifically quoted that his play was NOT a play about feminism, however, my essay was about how it reflected society at the time. Doing a feminst reading of it would be a brilliant way to convey that. But because Henrik Ibsen had said that 'it wasn't about Feminsim, I should no longer say 'Ibsen, conveys a feminist reading of his play through the discourse of Nora's husband, conveying the domineering nature of men at the time'. instead I should say 'The 20th century play, A Doll's House' lends itself to a feminist reading, conveyed through its saturation of discourse conveying Nora's husband as haveing power over her'
HOWEVER, this is a MINOR point, and it might score you a little higher to follow it, but it will definitely not cause a deduction in marks. A lot of people say 'that an author does this to portray X', even I do (as I imagine a lot of other people do, especially in exam scenarios), and in some essay questions, it is (almost) unavoidable. I would say that if you can (and the question allows it), stay more close to saying 'the  text lends itself to a Feminist reading, due to the discourse between character X and character Y when discussing...'. Do you kind of see what I mean? It sounds better, and you aren't assumeing, which makes you sound more reliable and more like you know what you are talking about.

I hope that cleared it up for you. Haveing a re-read of your paragraph, I think you are fine in saying what you did. Just try and keep in mind what I said and maybe incorporate it more...
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bianic

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #52 on: August 18, 2016, 09:54:07 am »
0
I'd love some feedback if anyone has time?

The Cat's Table - Close Analysis
passages attached if thats helpful

Ondaatje's book, the Cats Table, introduces the reader to the subtle complexities of children. In the first passage Ondaatje's use of the phrase 'deserted ship' with the lingering smell of 'the previous nights cigarettes' suggests that Michael and the boys are disconnected from the rest of the ship's passengers yet still influenced by what happens aboard. This is reinforced in latter passages when Michael explains that they learned about adults 'by simply being in their midst'. The suggestion that the presence of an adult can alter and teach a child represents Ondaatje's belief that children are more intelligent then they may at first seem. Furthermore, Ondaatje's description of Mrs Lasqueti's laugh that had 'rolled around in the mud once or twice' and that 'everything was based on that wink by Mr Mazappa' shows that Ondaatje believes that children are able to observe the connotations of adults attempts to be subtle. In these descriptions Ondaatje attempts to show that children, such as Michael, are not to be underestimated in their intelligence and that adults should thus be careful as to what they are exposing children to. 

However in his book Ondaatje does not just explore the depth of understanding that children have, but also the depth and complexity of adults. By describing Mrs Lasquetti's 'chosen gloom' and Mr Gunesekera 's 'complex shrug' Ondaatje constructs an air of mystery around the adults and thus hints at their hidden depths. Ondaatje's description of the 'lithe' and 'whimsical'  Mrs Lasquetti provides the reader with insight into the contrasting characteristics of the adult mind. Yet ultimately she is only a character of interest and provides no clear purpose, only showing the juxtaposing elements of the human mind and the power mystery has. Contrarily the bland character of the 'silent and content'  Mr Gunesekera  shows the reader a character of little interest that 'laughed when [everyone else] laughed' and has no mysterious elements. The juxtaposition of Mrs Lasquetti and Mr Gunesekera  is shown through the normality of the laughter and shallow conversation that is drawn from Mrs Lasquetti yet the 'rare quiet moments' that are found as a result the alarm in Mr Gunesekera  face shows that the 'livid welt' near Emily's eye shows the frailty of the simple. The pure and fragile moment that is constructed comes solely as a result of the simple and completely mundane Mr Gunesekera. This is used by Ondaatje to show that mystery and intrigue has great power but beauty and kindness can be found in the simplicity of normality.

By creating parallels between the complexities of both adults and children Ondaatje creates a confounding issue in the simplistic and shallow relationships of a postmodern society. His descriptions of the 'new kind of beauty' that was the Australian creates a sense of mystery. However the enthrallment that the boys feel at this is undercut by the description of her crashing and merely 'glancing at her watch' as the 'mayhem of rolling trolleys' continues around her. Ondaatji uses this to create a sense of haste that is representative of distaste he feels at the fast moving nature of postmodern society. This is reinforced in the lack of 'acknowledgement on [her] part of [their] existence' showing that in this mayhem human interaction and basic manners can be discarded. This can also be seen in the interactions between Mr Mazappa and Miss Lasqueti  and their 'ribald stories' and 'whimsical nature' as they head towards the 'near[est] exit'. Ondaatje uses this to show the shallow nature of such relationships and the simplicity of their core, that it is mere entertainment. 

In his challenging of the empty nature of postmodernism societal relationships Ondaatje suggests that one of the causes of this is the existence of mystery and curiosity. The fact that the boys feel 'enthralled' by the foreign girl shows that interest in piqued by unknown people, the fact that the girl ignored them has no consequence on their 'waking even earlier to watch her skate'. Ondaatje suggests that the stimulus of the new creates an excitement that causes humans to overlook the flaws and issues in one another. Furthermore, Micheal's observation that it wouldn't have surprised him if she 'lept off the [ship]… and kept pace [with it] for twenty minutes' shows that the mystery and unknown nature of the girl creates an excitement and an unreasonable set of expectations. He also suggests that these expectations are often inaccurate and lead to an anti-climax that creates a materialistic relationship, which is seen in the boys merely following 'evaporating [footsteps]' that disappear as they approach. 

As a suggestion for resolving this conflict Ondaatje constructs certain characters to rebut the place of mystery in society. Ondaatje contrasts Mr Gunesekera with other 'exciting' characters in subtle ways. The description of the girl in the chapter heading as 'An Australian' gives an impersonal and distant impression through the use of the word 'an'. Contrarily, the phrase 'The Tailor' has a more intimate and individual suggestion, and even provides insight into his life and occupation. The use of this more personal description attempts to subtly persuade the reader to develop a more intimate understanding of Mr Gunasekera as a character, and thus support the views and values he represents.  Ondaatje uses the character Mr Gunesekera to suggest that depth in human connection is not formed in the complex, mysterious and distant, but rather the 'gracious', 'quiet' and 'courteous'. By constructing a character who does not speak and rather gives 'complex shrugs'  Ondaatje attempts to show the reader that mystery, excitement and 'enthrall[ment]' can be created in simple human decency rather than the 'animal' behavior of the girl or the pig-like laughter of Miss Lasqueti. Ondaatje's support of this can be seen in the interaction between Emily and Mr Gunasekera, and his 'delicate' touch and Emily being 'suddenly moved' creating a 'rare quiet moment at [the] table'. This interaction shows Ondaatje's belief that the postmodern society over complicates human interaction and relationships; that true honest connections can be formed in the seemingly meaningless connections. 

In his novel Ondaatje shows the complexity in both children and adults and thus questions why postmodern relationships are so shallow and seemingly meaningless, and this is often created through unnecessarily high expectations and deceit. Through his representation of various characters he shows the reader that the most important relationships are formed in the small and simple moments, and challenges the place of the peculiar and its resulting outcomes.
Bianca
Subjects (2016): Literature | English | Legal Studies | Psychology | Business Management

bananabreadbelle

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #53 on: September 12, 2016, 05:34:10 pm »
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Only a paragraph - but in what mark range (in terms of the examination criteria) would the quality of this paragraph be if replicated throughout a full-length essay?
My class teacher's only feedback was to "relate more to the broader text", without any specific comments, but I feel like my last line was a summating/broader relating link?

Thank you very much, in advance! :)



Passage One establishes the disingenuous role of the Company in its projected intentions, particularly regarding its function in the colonisation of Africa. Descriptive vocabulary constructing a pervading tone of brooding suspense, signposted by Marlow’s inceptive observation that the “light was dim”, scaffolded by adjectives such as “ominous”, “eerie”, “uncanny”, and “not quite right”, elicit the reader’s response of suspicion and apprehension towards the Company; the discomfort felt by Marlow in the strangeness of being “made [to] sign some document” is thus able to be associated as the European equivalent of “weird incantations” characteristic to the foreign occult of the African "wilderness”, delocalising the Company as an unnatural modus within this “Christian country”. The satirising of the human figures present in the scene, as through the plosive alliteration of “pale plumpness” and one-dimensional impressions of “foolish and cheery" youths, further ascertains to an absence of credibility within the premise of the Company, undermining the assumed rectitude through its purported moral mission of bringing civilised clarity to the “mysterious niggers”. Thus the baleful mood prevalent in Passage One lends impetus to the rest of Heart of Darkness’s narrative landscape, one of dismembering tangible facades to uncover the incorporeal, and by extension the true state of the heart - both of humans and the natural world.

« Last Edit: September 12, 2016, 05:55:35 pm by bananabreadbelle »
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giorginamaxwell

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #54 on: October 31, 2016, 06:21:13 pm »
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Does anyone have any passages for 'Dark Roots' by Cate Kennedy?
Wanting to do a little more practice and I've run out of passages!
Thanks for any help anyone can give  :)

rhosemary

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #55 on: November 01, 2016, 04:50:14 pm »
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I’ve been penalised in the past for going too “big” and not focusing enough on language in my essays, so I tried to put more focus on language features in this. Not sure how well it worked.
It’s based on the 2015 Literature exam passages- any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Throughout her early life, Jane is mistreated and judged prematurely; an “uncongenial alien” to the Reeds and, as introduced to Brocklehurst, a “naughty little girl”. The behaviours which create such an undesirable impression on weaker-minded people, however, are portrayed by Bronte as Jane’s virtues- her ability to maintain her ideas of propriety, her stubborn adherence to “God’s will”, and ability to resist the easiness of a marriage to St John are hard-won trials that earn the novel’s happy ending. A key factor in this virtuous behaviour is strict maintenance to a religious code that lacks the hypocrisies of Brocklehurst’s and rewards Jane with the climactic ability to “hear” Rochester calling her name at a moment where all in her life might otherwise be “sacrificed in a second”.
The dramatic imagery Bronte develops this sentiment through is nothing short of grandiose; with its  talk of “life rolled together like a scroll” and “death’s gates opening”, weighty concepts applied to physically impressive objects, the passage infuses a potentially unremarkable moment- fundamentally, just a conversation- with all the significance of a Biblical painting. While the enormity of this passage takes place before the crux of the dialogue, heralding it, the moment before the “miracle” of Rochester’s voice is relatively “still”, much calmer mentions of the candle “dying out” and the only description of movement being Jane’s heart beating “fast and thick” as the narrator shifts focus from grandness to the comparatively minimal and visceral state of her “flesh” and “bones”. Hence Rochester’s staccato cries of “Jane! Jane!” interrupt in a somewhat cinematic fashion, shattering the “beat” of peace and stillness. Bronte’s knowingly dramatic structuring of the scene infuses it with significance both thematically and on a more practical level- where formerly Jane’s marriage to St John would have been “impossible”, she is with her inheritance now a socially respectable choice, and as a single woman will be advantaged in society by the union. Her decision is potentially life-changing, and the refusal Jane ends up making- as well as her weakness to the “force” of his “kindness” are indicative of her character development from the childhood glimpsed in the first excerpt.
At the age of ten, in the face of overwhelming contempt from everyone in her “little world”, Jane confides in her friend Helen that she “cannot bear to be solitary and hated”, childishly listing with increasing morbidity the violent fates she would rather meet. The kindness of Helen and Miss Temple show her moves her deeply, in the same way that St John’s makes her “pliant as a reed”; however, as Jane’s life goes on, she is able to accept that facing dislike from figures such as Brocklehurst and the Reeds is no reason to change the character that inspires such dislike. The conversation in excerpt three demonstrates Bronte’s enforcement of this message, as Rochester- caught off-guard and uncharacteristically emotionally honest- confides in Jane of his “natural sympathies” to her, which make “owing (her)” a debt “tolerable”. His repeated breaking off and restarting while expressing this sentiment hints at the romantic inclination of these sympathies, while Bronte’s mention of his “proceeding hastily” is a sign of embarrassment that humanises further the once-aloof Rochester. Through the slow build of her romance with Rochester, Jane is able to find acceptance of herself on her own terms, which St John, in his attempts to coerce her into a marriage she shows no sign of desiring, cannot offer.
Bronte often distinguishes between sympathetic and unsympathetic characters by means of their attitude towards Jane- natural, given that the the narration is first-person and the story firmly entrenched within Jane’s own perspective. The “stony” Brockehurst, who intimidatingly dominates the first excerpt, mistreats the girls at his school and preaches austerity while his own family dress in “furs” and “silk”; Mrs Reed, while less of a tyrant, is much the same. Rochester, less judgemental, is able to accept Jane, to be struck by “delight” in his “innermost heart”, and in a marriage of equals to him she attains the happiness Bronte metaphorically envisions as a “shore, sweet as the hills of Beulah” in the second excerpt. While discouragements, the “counteracting breeze” of the disapproval of figures such as Brocklehurst, drive her back, Jane’s disinclination to stray from her principles of “sense” and “judgement”, no matter how it unnerves shallower individuals, are rewarded.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2016, 09:13:09 pm by rhosemary »

MsEmilia

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #56 on: July 22, 2017, 12:55:42 pm »
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So I have to do an essay in response to two critical reviews ("Literary perspectives" is probably the one), and we've been allowed to pretty much write in advance, how are these paragraphs, if someone would be kind enough to offer me advice. (Attached are the reviews, but my writing should be easy to analyse stand-alone, my work will also be attached in case anyone finds that more convenient)

Both reviewers offer different explanations for Nora leaving Torvald, Wiaam argues that Nora’s decision to leave Torvald at the conclusion of the play is due to a realization that wealth is “Not that important”, and argues that Nora has become disillusioned with wealth, and thus that she no longer “Equates freedom with acquisition of wealth”. The marxist analysis argues that Nora is placed by men to be positioned as an “Other”, a secondary figure, as she is not only dependent on them financially, and thus weaker, but because they treat her as a “Doll” or a child, who they tell not to eat Macaroons or feed “All their opinions”.  Noelle89 argues that in order to break free of this Nora “Decides bravely to abandon her family to escape the restrictive confines of the patriarchal society she lives in.” However, this is not reflective of the text. The claim that Nora leaves to escape “patriarchal society” is contradicted by the end of the play where, it is revealed how deeply Torvald cares about his reputation and wealth, worrying over it far more than his own wife; despite growing signs of discontent throughout the play, in forms of eating the forbidden Macaroons and disregarding Torvald’s instructions on dancing the Tarantella, it is not until this point that Nora leaves, undercutting the notion that her motive was solely due to discontent with her expected role. From the start of the play, Nora has been lax about spending, even telling the delivery to “Keep the change” she gives him, indicating clearly that she cares about more than just wealth, and leaves because her “Miracle” never came, indicating Torvald being too distant from her for them to have a “Real marriage”. Nora leaves at the end of the play due to discontent with her current life with Torvald, not because she feels restricted in her role as a woman, indeed it is this role as “A wife and mother” that makes the decision easier for her, as she leaves her children in the hands of Ann-Marie, who she believes to be more reliable.



Both analysis pieces propose different primary influences of Nora’s thoughts throughout the text, Noelle89 claims that Nora’s thoughts are a product of her “Social and economic conditions” and strongly emphasizes this, suggesting that not only is she deeply concerned with displaying her wealth, but that she becomes more selfish as a result of her economic status. Wiiam claims instead that Nora is controlled by her society placing her as an “Other”, which reduces woman to a “Docile body regulated by the norms of cultural life”. Neither analysis is accurate, as the text presents Nora as a character who strongly defies cultural norms, despite outward obedience. While wives were banned from taking loans without the consent of their husbands, Nora took one out regardless, not being afraid to forge her signature, a social affront that Torvald, a character deeply concerned with societal pressures is afraid, as Nora is likely to be branded a “Criminal”. Additionally, she is willing to leave her children in the hands of her nanny, Ann-Marie, something that directly conflicts with the role expected of her. The ending of the play is the strongest example of this, as she leaves her Husband, a move so scandalous the play itself had to be rewritten to be allowed public performance. Nora’s defiance of cultural norms suggests she is willing to go against the grain of a society who would make her an “Other”, and that she stays with Torvald until she realizes that he does not truly love her, abruptly countering her opinion of him when she said  that she had been “So happy these past eight years.” Additionally, she demonstrates a willingness to disregard wealth for other things, not only does she put herself financially at risk by forging a signature for her husband’s sake, who in contrast won’t “Take any case that is absolutely respectable”, but she leaves behind the financial security of her husband, not knowing if she’ll even find employment soon. These actions directly undercut suggestions that she is bound by either wealth or to an oppressive society.


It is argued that Nora is reduced to a status of inferiority, by both Noelle89 and Wiiam, who respectively argue that Nora is treated as an afterthought and that she is treated as a child. Noelle89 states that “Nora is only an afterthought” to Torvald’s reputation, and that she is “Financially enslaved” to her husband. Wiiam argues instead that Nora is treated as a “Doll” in the titular house and that Torvald is frequently demeaning to her, calling her a “Skylark”, reflecting a wider society in which “Man tries to secure the good conduct of a woman.” Nora is treated as secondary by Torvald, who commands her to not be a “Spendthrift” and to not to tire her “pretty little eyes” or “sweet little fingers”, demeaning her to a state of dependence. Torvald is also possessive of Nora, describing as “The beauty that belongs to no-one else but me” and, just as Nora’s father treated her as a doll, Torvald makes Nora his “doll-wife”. Torvald also places Nora secondary to himself, declaring “I’m saved” right before her when he discovers he is free from the threat of debt. Both reviews correctly identify Nora as being diminished by Torvald, however Wiiam’s review suggests that this reduction is inherent to all women in a society, as “Nora and the other female figures...are the best models of the ‘second sex’ “ Linde, a prominent female figure in the text, directly contradicts this, while she had to depend on a husband on wealth, she simply leaves upon his death to seek employment, and quickly secures it upon arriving in town. Not only is she immediately able to find a job, but she is unwilling to give up her position to Krogstad when asked. Linde is not “secondary” to a man, as she is able to be financially independent and in control, and she is not a “weak and docile woman”, and instead of having been taught “not to take but to receive”, she takes Krogstad’s job and will not even give it back. Thus, while Nora is indeed treated as secondary or inferior to Krogstad, Wiiam’s claim that her state is the same as all other female figures in the text, and within the time’s wider society, is directly contradicted by Linde, who, unlike Nora, has not “agreed to the definition of the “One” and the” Other”.”


Both reviews posit that Torvald values his own reput over his relationship with Nora, Noelle89 claiming that Torvald cares about Nora more for his reputation than for her sake, stating that “It’s got to seem like everything is the same between us.” Similarly, Wiiam argues that
Despite Nora’s feeling that Torvald “Would sacrifice his reputation” for her, he does not, and that her feeling she is “Not worth her husband’s nobility”  is a sign that she is “Pleased with her role as the other”, as these thoughts cause her to feel she is “Not good enough to be a mother.” The claim that Torvald values his own reputation over Nora is very true to the text, even placing it above her own happiness, as when she tries to leave Torvald tries to save face by asking if they could live as “Brother and sister.” Torvald is strongly occupied with seeming to be of high social standing, not only stating that “No man would sacrifice his honour” but setting up the house to be “Furnished inexpensively, but with taste”, indicating a desire to be among the higher class. Noelle89’s claim that Torvald focuses solely on “Money and the status it earns him” is supported by the link between a well furnished house and a higher social standing, and Nora’s insistence that he is a “Bank manager”, as it is an indication that a job which earns him a great deal more money than before is directly a matter of pride. Wiiam, however claims that Nora is upset by Torvald’s hurt sense of nobility, as it causes her to feel unfit to be a mother, Nora instead decides to leave them in the hands of the maid, someone who is poorer and by Torvald’s own standard, less noble, because she is afraid of filling them with “Poison.” Being told that “All young criminals have had dishonest mothers” directly plays on her fears of forging a signature.

Charlie Locke

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #57 on: September 06, 2017, 08:44:04 am »
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Can we upload essays in response to past VCAA passage analysis'?

MightyBeh

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #58 on: September 06, 2017, 08:53:03 am »
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Can we upload essays in response to past VCAA passage analysis'?
Absolutely! :)
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Charlie Locke

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Re: Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
« Reply #59 on: September 06, 2017, 05:33:57 pm »
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The following is an essay in response to the 2015 VCAA passage analysis of A Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen.

Henrik Ibsen challenges the traditional and stereotypical conventions of society as he depicts a woman initially 'like a child' but through experience abandons her 'sacred duties' in order to become 'free' from the moral obligations that she is forced to fulfill as a woman. Nora's self-sacrificial attitudes and duties diminish as Ibsen implements the use of possessive pronouns to illustrate how Nora begins as Helmer's 'baby' and 'child' but evolves into an opinionated woman as she discovers clarity amidst hostility. Nora's profound realisation reflects the rebellion against the patriarchal system in which she resides. The patriarchal conventions serve as a catalyst for the tragedies and triumphs that are permeated throughout the play text.

Nora's 'frivolous' nature forces her to fall victim to Helmer's possessive mechanisms as demonstrated by the possessive pronouns. The reoccurring motif of the animalistic metaphor and possessive pronoun manifesto assists in the illustration of Helmer's manipulation and commodification of Nora as Helmer states 'be my own little skylark again'. Nora '[dresses] up] for Helmer which in turn masks the deep sorrow and emotional turmoil that she endures through her fractured marriage. The melodramatic behaviour masks Nora's inner struggle however simultaneously causes the and forbodes the conflict that unfolds towards the latter stages of the play text. The objectification of Nora is accentuated by Mrs Linde's statement 'poor Nora' as this reflects both her immaturity but also the entrapment she experiences as a result of Helmer's masculine dominance.

Amidst Nora's explanation and justification, she demonstrates to Mrs Linde her desire to become 'like all the other young wives'. Nora is often alienated by her disfigured husband whilst she too is manipulated and morphed into a more desirable being. Her feminine 'obligations' to her 'husband and children' manifest themselves into her life which in turn encapsulates her. Nora's self-sacrificial rituals when stating 'you mustn't think of anything else but me' reflects her susceptibility to objectification. 'Then you'll be free' depicts Nora's release from Helmer and his possession which is coherent with the 'tarantella' as this denotes the notions of emotional expression and escapism, ridding herself of the illness of deceit and supposed disloyalty. Other characters 'wouldn't understand' the complexity of Nora's standing in her marriage because this reflects the solitary confinement in which Nora is subject to in her supposed 'lovely happy home'. Her gradual detachment from Helmer's tyrannical ideals is compromised as she succumbs to him once more when she exclaims 'here she is'. Through simplicity of language and the bluntness of tone. Ibsen depicts Nora's entrapment and confinement whilst conveying her attempts to escape Helmer's possession.

Nora's profound transformation from a 'little skylark' and 'inexperienced creature' to a selfless woman encapsulates Ibsen's portrayal of a developing and prosperous character. From a figment of Helmer's imagination, Nora experiences a emphatic realisation as she rebels against his 'madness' and strives to become 'a real wife'. Nora's surety of both herself and her situation symbolises her transition, whilst her authorial voice is amplified by the absence of melodrama and over-exaggerated behaviours. Nora's infatuation with perfectionism is shattered when she confronts both herself and her relationships boldly, proving she is no longer of being 'alone' in a 'world outside' of Helmer's parameters. Ironically, through Nora's realisation of Helmer's oppressing nature and acknowledgement of her own imperfections she is able to 'educate' herself and transform from a seemingly artificial and unrealistic character to an individual who admits to her mistakes but who is subsequently willing to gain a sense of purpose through 'some experience'.

Ibsen successfully depicts flawed characters through his naturalistic conventions and style. The realism that is seamlessly interwoven throughout the play text allows audiences to explore and follow the development of characters previously 'ill' with the deceit that plagued the house, to individuals who question conventionalism so that individualism and equality can prosper.