statement of marks took AGES for me, but maybe cause I send it to a different adress, on purpose though.
But it was worth it
I only skimmed through the essay, cause brenden who, in comparison to me, studied the book already marked it. I planned to read 12AM since ages, but I still haven't bought it
. My reluctant fundamentalist came today though
Anyways, my brief comments:
Intro:-I like the flow of you writing
-too brief
-1 sentence per point that you gonna discuss
-Not sure if it works for a 12AM essay, but if it does, add a thesis statement to the end to round up the introduction.
Examples for a Thesis statement for Interpreter of Maladies:1. Thus, it is through these means of communication that Lahiri evokes the significance of strong relationships and positive minds in one's quest to overcome the trials and tribulations that life may entail.
2. Hence, it is through these evocative short stories that we are offered a glimpse of the importance of effective communication and integration into society. BP 1:-find a stronger topic-sentence
-expand upon your ideas
-good to see that you are not retelling the plot as most people do, but you are going a bit too far away. Be more narrow in the middle. The overall structure of the BPs should me broad-narrow-broad. So a broad Topic-sentence, narrow in the middle and a broad link sentence.
-refer to the author much, much more
-add a good link sentence
BP 2:-find more examples for one thematic point
-refer to the author. Example from Interpreter:
This is exemplified by Lahiri’s equiption of the credulous and susceptible protagonist with short and abrupt sentences such as “everyone, this people, too much in their world”, which serves to highlight Mrs. Sen’s incompetence of the English Language, which makes her immigrant experience even more noticeable.-as seen in the example, add character-descriptive words to your essay
-please don't write your essays in the Second-person narrative
-otherwise same comments as for the first BP
BP 3:-also don't use 'we'. Save your inclusive language for context-essays, it works well there
-" somewhat of an aggressive" please don't write like that
-you are retelling the plot now
Conclusion:-too short
-the brief content of it is good though
Not the best essay tbh, a 5 max. But don't give up, my written (and spoken english) was way worse at start of Yr12, since I was a complete fob. Try to write in a more academic manner and also use better vocab. This is one of the first essays for which I didn't need to look up any of the words used.
Try to write longer essay and try to rewrite this one. For the length aim for maybe 150-250-250-250-100 so 1k in total. In the exam you will be faster trust me and longer, I wrote the longest and best TR essay of my life in the actual EOY exam
.
Get some good notes for 12AM, my tutor got some really great tertiary education notes for my anthology. I used many of the ideas that I found in those notes, which also not many other students in Australia, especially ESL-students, had, hence they are in the eye of the examiner unique ideas.
"Keep Posting" - Florian L. Kreyßig