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March 28, 2024, 10:26:14 pm

Author Topic: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.  (Read 15677 times)  Share 

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alondouek

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2013, 01:04:19 am »
0
haha I wish; the first thing I did after the English exam was hug my teacher, apologise for not doing any work throughout the year, and promptly wiped my brain.

Also, VCAA still hasn't sent me my Statement of Marks yet :/
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2013, 01:13:35 am »
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When did you order them?? I got mine last week sometime, perhaps the week before.
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alondouek

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2013, 01:16:28 am »
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Posted it on the 11th, payment was processed on the 13th, so they definitely have it *shakes fist at VCAA*
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2013, 01:18:35 am »
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Posted it on the 11th, payment was processed on the 13th, so they definitely have it *shakes fist at VCAA*
Ah, no stress then, it should arrive at some point! Check with your local post-office?
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alondouek

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2013, 01:20:34 am »
+1
I might give it till Uni starts, then I'll do the whole indignant "where's my mail" shtick at the post office haha
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FlorianK

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2013, 04:40:41 am »
+3
statement of marks took AGES for me, but maybe cause I send it to a different adress, on purpose though.
But it was worth it :D

I only skimmed through the essay, cause brenden who, in comparison to me, studied the book already marked it. I planned to read 12AM since ages, but I still haven't bought it :(. My reluctant fundamentalist came today though :)

Anyways, my brief comments:
Intro:
-I like the flow of you writing
-too brief
-1 sentence per point that you gonna discuss
-Not sure if it works for a 12AM essay, but if it does, add a thesis statement to the end to round up the introduction.
Examples for a Thesis statement for Interpreter of Maladies:
1. Thus, it is through these means of communication that Lahiri evokes the significance of strong relationships and positive minds in one's quest to overcome the trials and tribulations that life may entail.
2. Hence, it is through these evocative short stories that we are offered a glimpse of the importance of effective communication and integration into society.


BP 1:
-find a stronger topic-sentence
-expand upon your ideas
-good to see that you are not retelling the plot as most people do, but you are going a bit too far away. Be more narrow in the middle. The overall structure of the BPs should me broad-narrow-broad. So a broad Topic-sentence, narrow in the middle and a broad link sentence.
-refer to the author much, much more
-add a good link sentence

BP 2:
-find more examples for one thematic point
-refer to the author. Example from Interpreter:
This is exemplified by Lahiri’s equiption of the credulous and susceptible protagonist with short and abrupt sentences such as “everyone, this people, too much in their world”, which serves to highlight Mrs. Sen’s incompetence of the English Language, which makes her immigrant experience even more noticeable.
-as seen in the example, add character-descriptive words to your essay
-please don't write your essays in the Second-person narrative
-otherwise same comments as for the first BP

BP 3:
-also don't use 'we'. Save your inclusive language for context-essays, it works well there
-" somewhat of an aggressive" please don't write like that
-you are retelling the plot now

Conclusion:
-too short
-the brief content of it is good though


Not the best essay tbh, a 5 max. But don't give up, my written (and spoken english) was way worse at start of Yr12, since I was a complete fob. Try to write in a more academic manner and also use better vocab. This is one of the first essays for which I didn't need to look up any of the words used.
Try to write longer essay and try to rewrite this one. For the length aim for maybe 150-250-250-250-100 so 1k in total. In the exam you will be faster trust me and longer, I wrote the longest and best TR essay of my life in the actual EOY exam :D.
Get some good notes for 12AM, my tutor got some really great tertiary education notes for my anthology. I used many of the ideas that I found in those notes, which also not many other students in Australia, especially ESL-students, had, hence they are in the eye of the examiner unique ideas.

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12AM

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #21 on: February 27, 2013, 05:10:20 pm »
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Yeah okay, not bad. You could defs write T.sentences like this if you wanted to. The way I usually wrote mine (just as an alternative for you, if you please) was I'd split it into two parts, and it would usually be rather lengthy (This was the only piece of advice I didn't take from the AN study guide). I'd have a two part topic sentence, one part addressing the prompt, and one part addressing Rose and some verb pertaining to him. Didn't matter which came first. I found it really shaped my paragraphs and kept me strictly on topic and read well, with my writing anyway. For example. "Rose condemns the adversary system of trial as implemented in 1950s American society, demonstrating the ways in which it promotes misuse of power and hinders justice." .. Not entirely perfect, but imo, a pretty good sentence. Now we can easily discuss power in relation to justice and all sorts of values etc throughout the paragraph.

Just on this point specifically, today in English we were told to write down some topic sentences of the other prompt we were offered, but chose not to do. The prompt was something like "Twelve Angry Men shows the importance of seeing things from different perspectives.' Discuss." I tried to think about your suggestions, borrowing some of your ideas and came up with these. Do you think these are better?

  • "Rose illustrates the danger of the 1950's American judicial system, accentuating the ways in which personal bias and perspective can hinder justice."
  • "Following world war 2, in a time period of communist paranoia, Rose highlights the prejudicial perspectives that existed in post-war American society and the risks that surround such prejudice."
  • "Rose amplifies the need to consider the perspectives of others, something which was not always done in the pre-civil rights era."
« Last Edit: February 27, 2013, 09:20:53 pm by 12AM »
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2013, 01:02:09 am »
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Thre are small improvements to be made but those sentences are much better imo
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12AM

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2013, 04:13:05 pm »
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Thre are small improvements to be made but those sentences are much better imo

Thanks Brenden. :) But I showed them to my English teacher and she wasn't really all that much of a fan of them. She didn't really like the idea of bringing in the different contexts. At this stage, I suppose I'm writing for her because of SACS. However, I think I might write in that other structure around the exam.

Oh and, will probably have another essay up soon-ish aha.
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #24 on: March 05, 2013, 10:17:42 am »
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Well, the improvements I would have made were taking the history out of the TSs. Context goes as te first line of your intro and then throughout your essay however it doesn't NEED to be explicitly referenced in your TS. I think perhaps my example (from memory) may have given you that impression. (Apologies).
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #25 on: March 05, 2013, 10:18:22 am »
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But yeah - do everything your teacher says to a T.
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FlorianK

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #26 on: March 05, 2013, 10:20:49 am »
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lol, for my last Context SAC, which was my only written A+ for SACs. I did like the opposite of what my teacher told me and got the best mark of all my SACs :p

But yeah do to a degree what your teacher says. What the teacher wants might be something slightly different.

12AM

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #27 on: March 25, 2013, 10:18:23 am »
+1
Fuck yeah, worked my ass off the past month in English and pulled a 30/30 on the first SAC. :D

EDIT: massive thank you to Brenden and FlorianK for your help!
« Last Edit: March 25, 2013, 10:21:14 am by 12AM »
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alondouek

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2013, 10:19:12 am »
+1
Well done mate!
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brenden

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Re: Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.
« Reply #29 on: March 25, 2013, 11:39:43 am »
+1
Fuck yeah, worked my ass off the past month in English and pulled a 30/30 on the first SAC. :D

EDIT: massive thank you to Brenden and FlorianK for your help!
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