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March 29, 2024, 05:31:42 pm

Author Topic: 2018 AA Club - Week 8  (Read 1291 times)

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scout

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2018 AA Club - Week 8
« on: February 19, 2018, 10:59:31 am »
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Background: Lamb-eating is very much ingrained in the culture of Australia Day. On the eve of Australia Day this year, Duncan Fine challenged Australians to question their dietary habits concerning meat.

Vegetarianism, an idea whose time has finally come

For me it all started with the movie Babe. The story of the lovable piglet who wins the local sheep dog trials steered a generation of impressionable children and, like me, some cynical parents, towards vegetarianism and veganism.

I can clearly remember my young son, having watched the film on DVD a few years ago, asking me how we could eat farm animals such as pigs, cows and chickens when they so clearly had emotions and characters like the dogs and cats we keep in our homes and love so dearly. I did not have an answer. I still don't.

In the face of the often barbaric ways we keep farm animals and the sometimes almost medieval way we slaughter them, some people are fighting back. Last week vegan activists started secretly placing anti-meat stickers on packets of steak, sausages and other meats in Coles and Woolworths supermarkets. Some of them look just like the warnings found on packets of cigarettes, with graphic images and the bold heading, "Meat Consumption Causes Heart Disease".

The stickers were put there by a worldwide group known as Anonymous for the Voiceless, whose website claims it takes "an abolitionist stance on animal exploitation".

Vegetarians, so often portrayed as a vague band of hippies on the fringes of society, are in reality becoming mainstream. In 2016 research found that more than 2 million Australians were vegetarian. Many of these people were young and living in inner cities, and many were from Indian, Chinese and other Asian backgrounds.

People embraced vegetarianism for health, environmental and animal-welfare reasons, and they also were likely to be slimmer. And on that note, perhaps the most cogent argument to cut down on meat is last week's news that Donald Trump, whose diet seems to exist solely of Big Macs, weighs in at 108 kilograms (but looks suspiciously heavier than that).

I defy anyone to visit a sanctuary for rescued farm animals like Edgar's Mission, an hour north of Melbourne, and to see chickens and pigs that have only known life in a cage feel the warmth of the sun and the softness of grass, and not come away with a changed view of the world and our place in it.

Victor Hugo said there is nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come. The notion that farm animals deserve our love and respect in the same way that dogs and cats in our homes do may just be the powerful idea for today.

The views of people we consider vegan extremists today may well be absolutely middle-of-the-road tomorrow. Think about that the next time you see an advertisement telling you the best way to celebrate Australia Day is to eat lamb.

-Duncan Fine is a lawyer and Age columnist.

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Anonymous

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Re: 2018 AA Club - Week 8
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2018, 02:36:03 pm »
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Just wanted to note appreciation for your work with this, scout!

Anonymous

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Re: 2018 AA Club - Week 8
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2018, 10:05:03 pm »
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I haven't touched language analysis in over half a year. Here's hoping that the putting in a bunch of semi-sophisticated words will make my piece acceptable. Please also rate it out of 10.


With Australia Day drawing ever closer, controversial topics in relation to it also pop up. This year, on the eve of Australia Day, Duncan Fine, a lawyer and Age columnist, has deigned to voice his thoughts on Australia's meat eating culture , contending that vegetarianism would be a better alternative for all, chiefly children and parents.

From the onset, Fine is quick to point out the barbaric nature in which animals are slaughtered for meat, claiming that it has no place in society today. He draws the readers in by first relating to the iconic film, Babe, and then linking it to an anecdote, to highlight the discrimination between our treatment of various domestic animals. By incorporating his son into the anecdote, the innocence in his question regarding "animal exploitation" would aid in eliciting feelings of guilt within readers, especially parents, who hold in high regard their child's ideas of fairness. His use of words with a negative connotation, such as "barbaric" and "medieval" also emphasise on the  severity of the situation at hand, making the idea of eating meat seem more distasteful to the audience. His challenge to the readers to visit a farm animal sanctuary also cements the notion of just how much he stands by his ideals, thus dissuading the audience from disagreeing with his point of view.

To contrast the gloomy tone of the initial argument,  Fine inserts a more comedic piece of news on anti-meat stickers. Furthermore, he makes a parallel between the slogans on the stickers and "the warmings found on packets of cigarettes" to help readers gain a better understanding of the dangers of "meat consumption". By then introducing the masterminds behind this, the group Anonymous for the Voiceless, Fine then transitions to contending that vegetarians brings about many health benefits, to indicate why vegetarians is becoming mainstream. The succinct manner in which the benefits are listed works to overwhelm the readers with a load of positive information within a short period of time, thus making the idea of vegetarianism more appealing almost instantaneously. This is accompanied by the statistics that "2 million Australians were vegetarian" who were of various demographics and ethnicities, which works to highlight the growing popularity of abstaining from meat. This established community would help readers who were interested in making the switch but were scared of being seen as a "hippie on the fringes of society", to make the jump. Again, another slice of satire is inserted into the piece, in which Donald Trump is made to represent the end result of sticking to meat. The statistical figure that is Donald Trump's weight also helps to cement Fines arguments of vegetarianism's health benefits to reality; by using real people and real results. He also leaves some food for thought by claiming that if the change isn't upon us now, it's imminent, to place emphasis on the growing popularity of vegetarianism, making readers assume that choosing to go vegetarian is the right choice.

By asserting in a passionate tone that the time for vegetarianism to have a place in society has come, Fine encourages readers to put an end to animal exploitation and to convert to vegetarianism.

scout

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Re: 2018 AA Club - Week 8
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2018, 11:28:51 pm »
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I haven't touched language analysis in over half a year. Here's hoping that the putting in a bunch of semi-sophisticated words will make my piece acceptable. Please also rate it out of 10.


With Australia Day drawing ever closer, controversial topics in relation to it also pop up too colloquial, and also to general -
 you should launch straight into introducing the issue here
. This year, on the eve of Australia Day, Duncan Fine, a lawyer and Age columnist, has deigned I'm not quite sure where you got this from to voice his thoughts on Australia's meat eating culture , contending that vegetarianism would be a better alternative for all, chiefly children and parents.

From the onset, Fine is quick to point out the barbaric nature in which animals are slaughtered for meat, claiming that it has no place in society today good. He draws the readers in by first relating to the iconic film, Babe, and then linking it to an anecdote - include quotation to showcase what language you are analysing specifically, to highlight the discrimination between our treatment of various domestic animals is it the discrimination b/w domestic animals, or domestic and wild animals bred for consumption?. By incorporating his son into the anecdote, the innocence in his question regarding "animal exploitation" contextualise the quote - need more info would aid in eliciting feelings of guilt within readers, especially parents, who hold in high regard their child's ideas of fairness you've chosen a very good section of the article to analyse. Work with the evidence more; why does the writer talk specifically about his son's reference to the dogs and cats "we" keep "in our homes" and their "emotions and characters"? What thoughts would this humanisation of animals conjure in readers' minds about their own pets? And in turn how does it shape the way they view farm animals?. His use of words with a negative connotation, such as "barbaric" and "medieval" also emphasise on the severity but also how backward our treatment of animals is of the situation at hand, making the idea of eating meat seem more distasteful I see what you did there ;) to the audience. His challenge to the readers to visit a farm animal sanctuary also cements the notion of just how much he stands by his ideals similar to your analysis of the "animal exploitation" question: really dig into what the writer is trying to say in this piece of evidence.
 why is he challenging readers to visit an animal sanctuary - how is it different to a farm, in terms of its maintenance of animals, and how has this transformed animals' lives? How does this then challenge readers' preconceptions about farm animals' place in the world?
, thus dissuading the audience from disagreeing with his point of view.

To contrast the gloomy tone of the initial argument,  Fine inserts a more comedic piece of news on anti-meat stickers. Furthermore, he makes a parallel between the slogans on the stickers and "the warnings found on packets of cigarettes" to help readers gain a better understanding of the dangers of "meat consumption" Golden opportunity here to show off your close analysis. Why the analogy to cigarettes packets, cigarette packets with horrific graphic images? ...and why cigarettes? What is smoking so notorious for -> what's the implication for meat consumption? . By then introducing the masterminds behind this, the group Anonymous for the Voiceless, Fine then transitions to contending that vegetarians brings about many health benefits, to indicate better word might be 'account for'why vegetarians is becoming mainstream. The succinct manner in which the benefits are listed works to overwhelm the readers with a load of positive information within a short period of time, thus making the idea of vegetarianism more appealing almost instantaneously quote?. This is accompanied by the statistics that "2 million Australians were vegetarian" who were of various demographics and ethnicities, which works to highlight the growing popularity of abstaining from meat. This established community would help readers who were interested in making the switch but were scared of being seen as a "hippie on the fringes of society", to make the jump. Again, another slice of satire is inserted into the piece, in which Donald Trump is made to represent the end result of sticking to meat. The statistical figure that is Donald Trump's weight also helps to cement Fines arguments of vegetarianism's health benefits to reality; by using real people and real results. He also leaves some food for thought by claiming that if the change isn't upon us now, it's imminent, to place emphasis on the growing popularity of vegetarianism, making readers assume that choosing to go vegetarian is the right choice. the last two lines are too general

By asserting in a passionate tone that the time for vegetarianism to have a place in society has come, Fine encourages readers to put an end to animal exploitation and to convert to vegetarianism. short, sweet end :)

Hi,
You are definitely on the right track because you know which pieces of evidence you need to analyse, so you've got the tools to create a masterpiece! Now you need to go about creating that piece meticulously; make sure you are being as specific to your chosen evidence as possible. Always think why the writer chose that particular example; why that particular image? Why in that particular context? It will give your writing a lot more shape. I would give this a 7.
ATAR: 99.70