Social media is contributing to societal issues. Feedback needed please

[Rose34]

Social media is contributing to societal issues. do you agree or disagree?

As you will see I have analyzed some of my essay to see what techniques I have used.

Our world is developing daily, as a result, many problems are raising as well. One of the significant issues that societies are facing right now is social media. Without realising it, social media became part of our lives and affected it positively and negatively. It is true that social medial is beneficial, because it is a source of information, it helps communicating, it helps building relationships and it is an easy tool for teaching and learning. However, if we are true to ourselves, we will realize that its disadvantages overcome its benefits which affects our lives more. The following reasons will explain why social media is becoming toxic to our lives. The impacts of it is that it breaks down relationships, it kills student’s success, it causes addiction as well as its involvement in legal and ethical problems.

Relationships slowly get destroyed (emotive words) starting from family to friends and acquaintances. According to surveys, internet users spend an average of seven hours a day, so it should not be surprising how that wasted time causes conflict in relationships. In the past, we(inclusive language) would see people with their family and friends spending time meaningfully by playing board games or talking. Nowadays, however, when seeing families together outside for “dinner” or “trips” they are found (generalization) sitting on their phones browsing social media or they are playing video games online. Also, not socialising with the people around you can make you become antisocial(logic).It shows that you have no interest in the topic that is being discussed. As a result, your action will lead the others into thinking that they are not as important as what you are browsing. A book by Sherry Turkle, Alone Together, talks about a study conducted where parents and children were asked their opinion about social media. The results were shocking!(appeal to fear) Many children were complaining about how their parents spend days and nights on their phones without giving attention to their children. What do you think will happen to those children when they grow up?(rhetorical question) Here is what is most likely to happen. When those children could not get the love and support when they need it the most, there is a high chance that they will think of moving out. They will think that living with or without their parents will not be a huge problem.  As a result, when they move out of their parents’ house, the family will drift a part due to the lack of connection and communication(logic). Is it not amazing how social media connects people!(sarcasm) Other family-impact of social media studies, it was found that when a parent came back from work, 50% of the time, they were ignored by their children and only 30% of the time they were greeted. (Conclusion)Those studies prove that social media robs attention and communication within the families.

Australia’s education system is in crisis (emotive word) because of social media. Based on the OECD which is a test conducted for all 15 years old students around the world to test their knowledge in math, reading and science. Australia’s rank is the following, 29th place for math, 15th place for science and 16th place for reading. Considering that Australia was once ranked in the top 10 nations in math, 8th place for science and for reading it was in the top 5, these results are disappointing and shameful (emotive words). Whereas(contrast) our neighbour country China is ranked in top for every subject and the countries that were behind Australia in the past overtook it today. Now I will tell you why Australia’s rank is dropping ((colloquial language). From 2015 to 2018 (statistics) the number of teenage users increased from 58% to 69%, 11% increase might not sound like a lot, but if you think about it, that 11% increase made Australia fall on the face(imagery) like this, then imagine what will happen when the number climbs up to 90% or 95(appeal to fear). When students go to school the expectations are that they will be learning there, however, the reality is totally the opposite, most of them keep talking about the trends that they see on social media. For example, a couple of years ago my cousin(anecdote) was obsessed with Rubik’s cube, after that his new obsession became Fort night and currently the newest trend that he is following is making Tik Tok videos with his friends. The problem is that they are not only killing time at school and at home as well. Instead of doing their homework for at least two hours a day, they waste time on social media following trends that will eventually disappear over time leaving them with only low and shameful grades (appeal to fear). All students must wake up now (sense of urgency), my friends (personal pronoun), the future of our country is in our hands (repetition), we can either build and improve our (inclusive language) beloved country or we can demolish (emotive word) it. 

Moreover, obesity, sleep deprivation and lack of self confidence are all caused because of addiction to social media. Especially sensitive to this kind of addiction are children and teenagers. According to Corinn Cross (Pediatrician)(appeal to authority), “Not getting enough exercise because of increased screen time which includes watching TV, playing video games, playing on the computer and texting etc, all these activities need to be limited to two hours a day or less”, then she states that an average of “7 hours a day” is being spend on social media. According to other studies, children who suffer from obesity are expected to have liver failure in 10 years which means that they might as well lose their lives because there is not enough replacement. In addition, most of teenagers stay up night on Instagram or snapchat because they have a fear of missing out and known as (FOMO). Doctors also scientists strongly recommend that the last 30 minutes before going to sleep should not be spend on your phone because blue light emitted from our screens inhibits our melatonin levels. Also, when you are trying to sleep you can not easily do that because social media is deeply alluring and that is how individuals find it difficult to put their phones down. 66% of people have difficulty sleeping after using social media. Furthermore, unfortunately many teenagers lack self-confidences these days. When they are on social media both girls and boys see unrealistic pictures of models that have the “perfect body shape” or “the perfect skin”. That is how they become more self-conscious and put pressure on themselves to change themselves because they think that a “perfect body” equals to a “perfect life”.

Social Media is a dark hole(metaphor) that is filled with illegal and unethical behaviours. A simple example of that is cyberbullying and plagiarism. Some say that social media is preventing individuals from going outside and doing the wrong activities like doing drugs and alcohol. However, those who say that are ignoring the fact that a person can sit home comfortably and practise the worse which is cyberbullying. Cyberbullying have become a major issue that societies are facing. It is dangerous because behind the screen there are malicious people (emotive words+ appeal to fear) who wish to do harm by tricking and manipulating you. For example, people who get bullied through social media, most of the times do not know who is bullying them because the identity of the bully is unknown.
In conclusion, the use of social media is contributing to societal issues and these issues should not be ignored because it creates distance in relationships, it is killing student’s success, it causes physical and mental diseases due to addiction and lastly it is not safe because people can easily get cyberbullied.

 Please if you have any feedback feel free to let me know.

Thanks in advance.