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Author Topic: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1  (Read 5713 times)

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J_Rho

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[2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« on: April 27, 2020, 11:59:03 am »
+7
Hey guys, thought I'd post a currently relevant article because more time than not what you will be asked to analyse will be recent.
Happy Analysing!

Text 1: Letters to the editor and short takes; Saturday, March 7, 2020

AUSTRALIANS always have prided themselves as working together as mates willing to share between themselves, the ANZAC spirit, but looking at the empty shelves at Coles at The Junction today it seemed to me that something selfish has definitely crept into the society.
While diarrhoea has not been included as a symptom of COVID-19 virus, there was not a single roll of toilet paper. The plain flour shelves and rice were largely denuded as well, as was the paper hand towel section.
A few days before stocks seemed under control, but within a few days it was like a swarm of locusts had descended on the place. For all those selfish hoarders, just ask yourself how you would feel if you desperately needed toilet paper for sick family and there was none. So, it seems Australia is now the land of look after yourself and bugger the other bloke.
John Davies, Newcastle East


Text 2:

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2020, 05:01:23 pm »
+3
Here's my paragraph! (Also this was fun to analyse since it had a lot of analyse-able stuff :P)
Just a heads up, I left out the second image and only analysed the first two texts.

Davies opens his letter with the colloquial epithet "mates" in an appeal to patriotism, and invites the reader to share his adulation for the commonly lauded Australian spirit. Conversely, the author's immediate excoriation of the community by referring to "something selfish" encourages the reader to retrospectively scrutinise their behaviour. This selfishness connotes a sense of greediness and apathy, which attempts to invoke feelings of guilt and realisation within the Australian readership regarding the current coronavirus outbreak. Therefore, the author mocks the so-called patriotic spirit Australians are known for as he questions its absence now. Furthermore, Davies' use of the verb "crept" implies that the previously described selfish nature has slowly and steadily wallpapered itself in the minds of Australian citizens. This exacerbates the author's condemnation of the appalling behaviour rampant in "society" as he highlights the imperceptible egocentrism that has blinded the country. The reader is also invited to share the author's emanating rage through his imagery of the "largely denuded" supermarket shelves; suggesting that they have been constantly stripped of items. Therein, the author endeavours to arouse fear within his readership and prompt them to rationalise their thoughts and instead support one another in the face of adversity. The visual included in the letter to the editor depicts empty shelves that extend into the distance for the majority of the image. It represents the neverending doom Australians will inevitably face if the author's proposition to look after one another is not adhered to. Analogous to this, what begins as a disappointed tone, found in phrases such as "Australians have always prided themselves", grows in conviction to a rallying and accusatory tone that resonates with rage when Davies refers to Australians as a "swarm of locusts." By dehumanising the individuals who descend upon supermarkets in a manner similar to that of a pest, the author expresses his vexation towards Australian citizens and their unnerving lack of concern for others. Thereby, the reader is inclined to react with disgust towards this self-centred approach to shopping and castigate these shoppers along with Davies. Additionally, the cold, metallic shelves empty of toilet roles poses a stark reminder of the consequences of callous disregard for others. In the same vein, the writer's universalised anecdote of "toilet paper" for a "sick family" serves to illustrate the corollaries of others' inconsiderate hoarding. To this end, Davies seeks to invoke empathy in his readership towards the less fortunate, as well as position them to regard their opportunistic actions with self-guilt. This notion is furthered by his use of the second-person pronoun "you", as the onus is placed atop the reader in an attempt to make them feel responsible for the suffering of others. As a result, Davies corroborates his assertion that the "selfish" acts of others need to change in order to circumvent the current ramifications of this crisis.

Anonymous

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2020, 05:07:31 pm »
0
Davies opens his letter with the colloquial epithet "mates" in an appeal to patriotism, and invites the reader to share his adulation for

Great paragraph however your first line caught my attention. I wouldn't necessarily say that 'mates' is an appeal to patriotism, rather companionship?

Anonymous

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2020, 05:09:42 pm »
+1
Great paragraph however your first line caught my attention. I wouldn't necessarily say that 'mates' is an appeal to patriotism, rather companionship?

Omg thank you :o
I didn't think of that rip

J_Rho

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2020, 05:11:10 pm »
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Omg thank you :o
I didn't think of that rip

You could say they appeal to universal Australian values

I've got a bit to get through tonight but I should have feedback to give on your whole essay tomorrow :)
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Anonymous

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2020, 08:23:13 pm »
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I had a go at analysing the last image alone... :o

Knight's ludicrous positioning of the sanitary rolls next to precious and expensive jewellery mocks the Australian public's rapacious acts of hoarding. The pyramidal structure of the toilet tissues serves to accentuate their value as the reader's eyes are drawn to the focal point located atop the structure of pristine rolls. This attempt to capture the viewer's attention in a bottom-to-top vertical movement is reflective of society's current hierarchy, whereby the fortunate have the opportunity to purchase toilet rolls, whilst those lingering at the bottom face the deprivation of a normally common sanitary item. Additionally, the crowd of people gathered around the window enclosing the rolls are emblematic of the many individuals who suffer without access to the highly-prized rolls. Thus, the viewer is inclined to feel a sense of culpability regarding their fellow Australian peers and the loss they are facing. Furthermore, the cartoonist strategically places the people perceiving the toilet rolls as lower than the elevated rolls, which is symbolic of their preposterous transcendence in the eyes of the community. Thus, Knight satirises the entirety of the situation and aims to evoke a gross sense of guilt within the viewer. Thus, Knight lures the viewer to excoriate society's selfishness and take a stand against the community's appalling behaviour by aligning with the moral imperative.

hel256

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2020, 10:43:16 pm »
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Hi! I only wrote a response to the first text, although I may do the cartoon sometime later this week.

John Davies begins his letter to the editor with an appeal to national identity, in an effort to confront audiences with the loss of common decency since the beginning of the coronavirus outbreak. He evokes a sense of national pride within the audience, through use of the iconic Australian endearment "mates" and invoking the name of the "ANZAC spirit", a significant aspect of Australian culture. That Davies subsequently insinuates the camaraderie that such icons represented to have been replaced with "something selfish" - signalled by the "empty shelves" in supermarkets - is designed to confront readers with the degradation of common courtesy during the pandemic. The readers are thus impelled to feel a sense of loss in response, and specifically vilifies panic buyers as directly contributing to the decay of Australian values. In this way those who Davies recognises as the root of the crisis are incited to cease their overzealous purchasing, in order to see the return of Australian ideals. The Newcastle resident adds to the attack on panic buyers by ridiculing the lack of "a single roll of toilet paper" in stores, sarcastically noting the "diarrhoea [not to be] a symptom of COVID-19", implying its absence is a product greedy individuals' irrational, excessive purchasing. The indecency of this behaviour is underscored by his description of the empty shelves as having been "denuded', insinuating the act that caused its stripping of supplies to be inappropriate and explicit, therein advancing the image of hoarders as uncouth and irresponsible. This idea is supported by the accompanying photograph, in which an empty supermarket shelf is featured. The previously uncommon sight is intended to arouse discomfort in the reader, thereby strengthening Davies' assertion that the actions of panic buyers, having resulted in the pictured scene, is unacceptable. In using successive attacks to scathingly deride the actions of hoarders, the Newcastle East resident aims not only to direct his readership's ire towards such individuals, but also to compel overzealous shoppers to cease their inconsiderate behaviour through reviling them as shameful. This sentiment is magnified through the description of the panic buyers as a "swarm of locusts", serving to castigate them as pests hindering the rest of society. Directly addressing "all those selfish hoarders", Davies endeavours to promote feelings of embarrassment and chagrin by urging them to consider the consequences of their habits on those who may "desperately need toilet paper for sick family." Through this appeal to empathy and the value of family, the writer hopes to amplify the panic buyers' feelings of mortification and regret for their excessive buying, thereby motivating them to cease such behaviour. Davies' departing line refers to his opening, and contrasts the previous attitude of "working together as mates" to the "bugger the other bloke" mentality that has emerged during the pandemic. To this end, Davies highlights the loss of quintessential Australian compassion and kindness, exacerbated by the rough sound of the slang "bugger", and hence implores the readers to return to their previous standard of conduct, in an effort to reclaim the Australian spirit that has endured for over a century.

I appreciate any feedback you can give me! :)
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whys

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2020, 08:00:50 am »
+1
John Davies begins his letter to the editor with an appeal to national identity, don't think you need a comma here in an effort to confront audiences readers? with the loss of common decency since from the beginning of the coronavirus outbreak. He evokes a sense of national pride within the audience again, this should be readers, through use of the iconic Australian endearment "mates" and invoking the name of the "ANZAC spirit", a significant aspect of Australian culture. That Davies subsequently insinuates the camaraderie that such icons represented to have been replaced with "something selfish" - signalled by the "empty shelves" in supermarkets - is designed to confront readers with the degradation of common courtesy during the pandemic. The readers are thus impelled to feel a sense of loss in response, and specifically vilifies vilify panic buyers as directly contributing to the decay of Australian values. In this way, those who Davies recognises as the root of the crisis are incited to cease their overzealous purchasing, no comma needed in order to see the return of Australian ideals. The Newcastle resident adds to the attack on panic buyers by ridiculing the lack of "a single roll of toilet paper" in stores, sarcastically noting the "diarrhoea [not to be] a symptom of COVID-19", implying its I think a little bit of specificity here would be great - I know you are talking about the toilet rolls when you say 'its' but making it more overt would be better! absence is a product of greedy individuals' irrational, excessive purchasing. The indecency of this behaviour is underscored by his description of the empty shelves as having been "denuded', insinuating the act that caused its stripping of supplies to be inappropriate and explicit, I don't know if explicit is the correct word here therein advancing the image of hoarders as uncouth and irresponsible. This idea is supported by the accompanying photograph, in which an empty supermarket shelf is featured. The previously uncommon sight is intended to arouse discomfort in the reader, thereby strengthening Davies' assertion that the actions of panic buyers, having resulted in the pictured scene, is unacceptable. In using successive attacks to scathingly deride the actions of hoarders, the Newcastle East resident aims not only to direct his readership's ire towards such individuals, but also to compel overzealous shoppers to cease their inconsiderate behaviour through by reviling them as shameful. This sentiment is magnified through the description of the panic buyers as a "swarm of locusts", serving to castigate them as pests hindering the rest of society. Directly addressing "all those selfish hoarders", Davies endeavours to promote this is a small thing, but this word sounds a little awkward here since 'promote' is usually associated with positive elevation feelings of embarrassment and chagrin by urging personally, I avoid words like urging because it's very close to stating a definitive effect them to consider the consequences of their habits on those who may "desperately need toilet paper for sick family." Through this appeal to empathy and the value of family, the writer hopes to amplify the panic buyers' feelings of mortification and regret for their excessive buying, thereby motivating them to cease such behaviour. Davies' departing line refers to his opening, and contrasts the previous attitude of "working together as mates" to the "bugger the other bloke" mentality that has emerged during the pandemic. To this end, Davies highlights the loss of quintessential Australian compassion and kindness, exacerbated by the rough sound of the slang "bugger", and hence implores the readers to return to their previous standard of conduct, in an effort to reclaim the Australian spirit that has endured for over a century. this was vv good! I enjoyed this macroanalysis and zooming out of the details to analyse the article as a whole. I think your last sentence might be a teeny bit too long though!

I'm still in year 12, but I hope you found this helpful. If any of my feedback is incorrect, someone please feel free to correct me!
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hel256

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2020, 03:36:57 pm »
0
I'm still in year 12, but I hope you found this helpful. If any of my feedback is incorrect, someone please feel free to correct me!

Thanks so much this is great! Ahh, my old foes word choice and never-ending sentences arise again :')
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digdog123

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2020, 01:11:46 pm »
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Hey guys, this is one of my first attempts for the year at LA so sorry if its not the best. Hope its not too late, and any feedback would be appreciated!!

Beginning his letter by appealing to the patriotism of the reader, Davies attempts to establish the Australian cultural norm as “working together as mates”, and calls upon past examples of selflessness, mentioning “the ANZAC spirit”. In doing so, Davies creates an ideal example of Australian behaviour, of which the reader is proud to share in. However, he then juxtaposes the normal virtuous behaviour of those in Australian society with the recent spike in panic-buying, arguing that “something selfish” has “crept” into the Australian way of life. In doing so, Davies utilises the negative connotations of the word ‘crept’ to imply that those who are hoarding food are less-than-reputable members of society, and thus the reader, who wants to uphold the aforementioned ideal, does not wish to associate with the hoarders. Furthermore, Davies uses humour, asserting that “diarrhoea has not been included as a symptom of COVID-19 virus” to highlight the irrationality of the hoarders, presenting no logical reason as to there would be “not a single roll of toilet paper”. Davies, therefore, argues that hoarding had no real purpose or reason, but is simply a product of panic-induced selfishness, causing the reader to appreciate the logic in Davies argument and thus side with him. Moreover, describing the shelves as being stripped by “a swarm of locusts”, Davies insinuates that panic-buyers are acting like mindless insects, who are simply following the crowd. Indeed, by likening such people to locusts, Davies implies that they are in their own way a plague, stressing the severity of the issue to the reader, urging them to not partake in such selfish and destructive behaviour. Additionally, Davies attempts to evoke feelings of sympathy in the reader, posing the scenario of a “sick” family “desperately” needing toilet paper, using the connotations to further create pity in the reader, by portraying the family as helpless and in dire need of assistance. As such, the reader wishes to help the family, and sides with Davies on the issue of hoarding. It is in this way that Davies also makes the issue personal, as the reader themselves question what they would do in such a situation, cementing their opinion against hoarding. Finally, Davies contrasts traditional Australian culture with the current rash of hoarding, arguing that Australia is now a country of “look after yourself and bugger the other bloke”, positioning the reader to want to return to past times and uphold conventional Australian values. Moreover, by using colloquial language again, in the words “bugger” and “bloke” Davies again emphasises the fact that hoarding is a nationwide issue that is affecting the Australian way of life, causing the reader to rally behind him in defence of the country.

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whys

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2020, 01:30:10 pm »
+1
By beginning his letter by appealing to the patriotism of the reader with an appeal to patriotism, Davies attempts to establish the Australian cultural norm as “working together as mates”, and calls upon past examples of selflessness, mentioning “the ANZAC spirit”. In doing so, Davies creates an ideal example of Australian behaviour, of which the reader is proud to share in which the reader is likely to take pride in. However, he then juxtaposes the normal virtuous behaviour of those in Australian society with the recent spike in panic-buying, arguing that “something selfish” has “crept” into the Australian way of life. In doing so, Davies utilises I think 'uses' would do just fine here the negative connotations what connotations? 'negative' is not specific enough of the word ‘crept’ to imply that those who are hoarding food are less-than-reputable members of society, and thus the reader, who wants this is too certain regarding effect on reader to uphold the aforementioned ideal, does not wish to associate with the hoarders. watch your expression here Furthermore, Davies uses humour, asserting that “diarrhoea has not been included as a symptom of COVID-19 virus” to highlight the irrationality of the hoarders, presenting no logical reason as to there would be there is “not a single roll of toilet paper”. Davies, therefore, argues that hoarding had no real purpose or reason, but is simply a product of panic-induced selfishness, causing the reader again, the effect is too certain to appreciate the logic in Davies argument and thus side with him. Moreover, by describing the shelves as being stripped by “a swarm of locusts”, Davies insinuates that panic-buyers are acting like mindless insects, who are simply following the crowd. Indeed, by likening such people to locusts, Davies implies that they are in their own way a plague, stressing the severity of the issue to the reader and urging them to not partake in such selfish and destructive behaviour. Additionally, Davies attempts to evoke feelings of sympathy in the reader, posing the scenario of a “sick” family “desperately” needing toilet paper, using the connotations to further create pity in the reader, by portraying the family as helpless and in dire need of assistance. sentence could be worded more concisely and clearly As such, the reader wishes to help the family, and sides with Davies on the issue of hoarding. It is in this way that Davies also makes the issue personal, as the reader themselves question too certain what they would do in such a situation, cementing their opinion against hoarding. Finally, Davies contrasts traditional Australian culture with the current rash of hoarding, arguing that Australia is now a country of “look after yourself and bugger the other bloke”, positioning the reader to want to return to past times and uphold conventional Australian values. Moreover, by using colloquial language again, in the words “bugger” and “bloke” Davies again emphasises the fact that hoarding is a nationwide issue that is affecting the Australian way of life, causing the reader to be less certain rally behind him in defence of the country.
To improve:
- You need to be less certain regarding the effect on the reader (i.e. reader is positioned to, reader is likely to, encourgaged to, invited to, lured to, etc)
- Sometimes, the wording of your sentences compromises expression and clarity - you could probably avoid this by going over your piece and trying to frame your sentences in the least words possible without changing its meaning (a good exercise that will help make your writing more clear). This was more of an issue near the start and end of your piece.

Otherwise a good piece :)

Here's my paragraph! (Also this was fun to analyse since it had a lot of analyse-able stuff :P)
Just a heads up, I left out the second image and only analysed the first two texts.

Davies opens his letter with the colloquial epithet "mates" in an appeal to patriotism, and invites the reader to share his adulation for the commonly lauded Australian spirit. how? not specific enough Conversely, the author's immediate excoriation of the community by referring to "something selfish" encourages the reader to retrospectively scrutinise their behaviour what behaviour? again, too broad. This selfishness connotes a sense of greediness and apathy, which attempts to invoke feelings of guilt and realisation within the Australian readership regarding the current coronavirus outbreak. Therefore, the author mocks the so-called patriotic spirit Australians are known for as he questions its absence now. Furthermore, Davies' use of the verb "crept" implies that the previously described selfish nature has slowly and steadily wallpapered itself in the minds of Australian citizens. This exacerbates the author's condemnation of the appalling behaviour rampant in "society" don't quote when analysing a different quote as he highlights the imperceptible egocentrism that has blinded the country. The reader is also invited to share the author's emanating rage through his imagery of the "largely denuded" supermarket shelves; suggesting that they have been constantly stripped of items. Therein, the author endeavours to arouse fear within his readership and prompt them to rationalise their thoughts and instead support one another in the face of adversity. The visual included in the letter to the editor depicts empty shelves that extend into the distance for the majority of the image. It represents the neverending doom Australians will inevitably face if the author's proposition to look after one another is not adhered to. --> awkward phrasing in this sentence Analogous to this, what begins as a disappointed tone, found in phrases such as "Australians have always prided themselves", grows in conviction to a rallying and accusatory tone that resonates with rage when Davies refers to Australians as a "swarm of locusts." so what? you didn't explain the implications of this tone By dehumanising the individuals who descend upon supermarkets in a manner similar to that of a pest, the author expresses his vexation towards Australian citizens and their unnerving lack of concern for others. Thereby, the reader is inclined to react with disgust towards this self-centred approach to shopping and castigate these shoppers along with Davies. Additionally, the cold, metallic shelves empty of toilet roles poses a stark reminder of the consequences of callous disregard for others. In the same vein, the writer's universalised anecdote of "toilet paper" for a "sick family" serves to illustrate the corollaries of others' inconsiderate hoarding. To this end, Davies seeks to invoke empathy in his readership towards the less fortunate, as well as position them to regard their opportunistic actions with self-guilt. This notion is furthered by his use of the second-person pronoun "you", as the onus is placed atop the reader in an attempt to make them feel responsible for the suffering of others. --> awkward positioning of this analysis in the para, it's a bit random As a result, Davies corroborates his assertion that the "selfish" acts of others need to change in order to circumvent the current ramifications of this crisis.
Knight's ludicrous positioning of the sanitary rolls next to precious and expensive jewellery mocks the Australian public's rapacious acts of hoarding. how? not specific enough The pyramidal structure of the toilet tissues serves to accentuate their value as the reader's eyes are drawn to the focal point located atop the structure of pristine rolls. too certain regarding reader effect - 'the reader's eyes are likely to be drawn...' This attempt to capture the viewer's attention in a bottom-to-top vertical movement is reflective of society's current hierarchy, whereby the fortunate have the opportunity to purchase toilet rolls, whilst and those lingering at the bottom face the deprivation of a normally common sanitary item. Additionally, the crowd of people gathered around the window enclosing the rolls are emblematic of the many individuals who suffer without access to the highly-prized rolls. Thus, the viewer is inclined to feel a sense of culpability regarding their fellow Australian peers and the loss they are facing. Furthermore, the cartoonist strategically places the people perceiving the toilet rolls as lower than the elevated rolls, which is symbolic of their the rolls' preposterous transcendence in the eyes of the community. Thus, Knight satirises the entirety of the situation and aims to evoke a gross sense of guilt within the viewer. Thus, repeated sentence starter! a better one: To this end, Knight lures the viewer to excoriate society's selfishness and take a stand against the community's appalling behaviour by aligning with the moral imperative. what is the moral imperative? not specific enough
Surely I can correct my own writing? Self-evaluation for the win :P
« Last Edit: May 03, 2020, 01:53:26 pm by whys »
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digdog123

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2020, 04:30:29 pm »
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To improve:
- You need to be less certain regarding the effect on the reader (i.e. reader is positioned to, reader is likely to, encourgaged to, invited to, lured to, etc)
- Sometimes, the wording of your sentences compromises expression and clarity - you could probably avoid this by going over your piece and trying to frame your sentences in the least words possible without changing its meaning (a good exercise that will help make your writing more clear). This was more of an issue near the start and end of your piece.

Otherwise a good piece :)
Surely I can correct my own writing? Self-evaluation for the win :P

Thanks so much for the feedback!! but also, how I would go about making the effect on the reader less certain? would it be just like "thus the reader is likely to appreciate the logic in Davies' argument" or something on those lines? thanks again though!
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whys

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2020, 04:54:41 pm »
+1
Thanks so much for the feedback!! but also, how I would go about making the effect on the reader less certain? would it be just like "thus the reader is likely to appreciate the logic in Davies' argument" or something on those lines? thanks again though!

Yep, that's basically it. You can't say 'the reader appreciates Davies' argument' because you don't actually know for sure. You can only predict what reader effect the author is attempting, and you can show this by introducing low modality words like attempts/likely to/positions/tries/aims/seeks/endeavours in your essay.
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digdog123

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Re: [2020 LA CLUB] Week 1
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2020, 07:16:13 pm »
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Yep, that's basically it. You can't say 'the reader appreciates Davies' argument' because you don't actually know for sure. You can only predict what reader effect the author is attempting, and you can show this by introducing low modality words like attempts/likely to/positions/tries/aims/seeks/endeavours in your essay.

oh yeah true that makes sense, thanks!
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