Because I don't have access to the article, some of my corrections may not be relevant or may not make complete sense in relation to the particular article/images you analysed. Without much ado:
Spoiler
The weekly column in a local Lawton newspaper published a letter by Mayor Alexandra Wiley which contains her proposal of a town landmark to attract tourist attention after being diverted off of the main road. this sentence feels incomplete - read it to yourself out loud and you will see what i mean :> (hint: you probably don't need the word 'which' Shifting from an enthusiastic to urgent tone, i think it might be best to reference tonal shifts in the body paragraphs so you can actually analyse them. in the intro, a simple few tonal descriptors will do the trick Wiley addresses the benefits of her proposition and mentions that she wishes to showcase her town's local culture. Throughout her letter, Wiley addresses repetition: watch out her fellow Lawton residents using simple and informal language. Her letter aims to convince residents of the benefits an outstanding structure would provide for the town, and the opportunities it would bring. you need to more explicitly state her contention - you said the purpose and what she addresses, but did not overtly word her contention
Wiley proposes the creation of a town monument commemorating Lawton's fresh produce and suggests it could create tourism opportunities. By describing it with colourful, emotive pet peeve here. 'emotive' can be okay in some cases, but emotive language is just so broad and could apply anywhere - try substitute 'emotive' for a more specific adjective language such as "spectacular" and "soaring", Wiley builds excitement and anticipation in her readers, which positions them to become curious and open to Wiley's new ideas regard Wiley's new ideas with a sense of openness and curiosity - of course this is not the only way to phrase this, but i feel it is more fluent than what you have said. By proffering don't think this is correct usage of this word that the monument would be "created right here by local craftsmen and women," she appeals to a sense of town patriotism and evokes communal pride. This ultimately positions the reader to agree with Wiley, as they would assume their contributions to Lawton would be celebrated alongside their fellow residents. this is good, but you can expand on this a teensy bit more. i know what you are saying, but spell it out more clearly. communal pride ---> would feel the need to support/solidarity towards their fellow residents in this creation Through employing an exciting possibility for Lawton residents, Wiley engages her audience and persuades them to show their support. support for what? always be specific!!!!!
Wiley, utilising caring and enthusiastic language, puts forward a heartwarming call-to-action to her residents to garner support for her town monument. Repetition of emotive hmmm this word statements beginning with "we" solidifies her communal try using a different word here, you've already used this focus, and encourages locals to band together to have a "chance [to be] on the tourist map." don't include a quote if you aren't going to analyse it Inclusive language coaxes the reader into agreement with the Mayor through an emotive hm, all-encompassing stance. By listing her town's numerous attractive qualities such as 'healthy food, sporting teams, and annual Show," Wiley invokes a shared town identity in her audience and positions them to endorse the Mayor the Mayor's what? i know what you are referring to, but you have to remember to be specific for your assessor!, who appears to have the residents' best interests in mind.
would be nice to start with a linking word like furthermore, moreover, etc to introduce some change and establish a sense of coherence Wiley enthusiastically addresses any possible rebuttals to her proposition and solidifies her stance. Utilization of self-deprecating language to imitate "naysayers" paints Wiley in a down-to-earth light, which positions readers to find her more trustworthy. good Wiley also claims "visitors love" structures and "towns with giant attractions receive 20% more visitors." Regardless of the truth of these statements, using statistics presents a solid, genuine argument to readers, who will become more inclined to support Wiley as a result. In response to Wiley's proposition, Gary Shaw's cartoon demonstrating a drawing of Lawton with a giant watermelon structure published in the same local newspaper is seemingly a mockery of Wiley's idea. The watermelon structure in Shaw's cartoon occupies a quarter of the image, symbolising the possible obscuration of the town's other redeeming qualities by a large, comical structure. good This is also communicated through a visible sign in the foreground of the image, reading "LAWTON, HOME OF THE GIANT WATERMELON." This proposes that Lawton's other traits become redundant under the hype of the "giant watermelon." Shaw's cartoon invokes fears of losing grasp of the town's culture, and positions readers to resist Wiley's plans.
Wiley suggests that a large monument appealing to tourists is a beneficial proposition to attract attention to Lawton. Utilisation of inclusivity presents Wiley as a communal figure who has the town's best interests in mind. She also appeals to the patriotism and community pride many residents have through mentioning the many strengths she can bring to light through this opportunity, which sways the reader to ultimately support her ideas to go ahead with the town monument. your conclusion becomes redundant if you are just rephrasing the introduction/repeating what has already been said. definitely reiterate the contention, but you can also end with a bang by analysing the article's ending, or by summarising the main way the audience is likely to feel/tone/the main effort. you don't need to list the main focus' of your body paragraphs again here, because you've already explained them in sufficient detail in the paragraphs themselves.
Edit: I realise I have read this article + seen the images in year 11 myself, but I have long forgotten it anyways.
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