I think the intro is great! Just add in the purpose of each article.
I’ve only read the first paragraph so far so because I’m on a phone I’ll come back and keep editing this after each paragraph.
Paragraph 1:- I like how you’ve identified quotes and explaining them.
- usually after the first sentence I explain the purpose of the argument in relation to her target audience.
- at one point you didn’t make it sound like it was intended to make them feel that way rather it
did make them feel that way, all the other times you were correct. You said
“leading the audience to feel.....”- What you think it’s making them feel is valid but I think maybe go into more depth into exactly why this specific audience would respond that and why they’d be inspired specifically as customers.
2nd paragraph
- good lead in from the first!!!! It’s sophisticated showing that it’s logically sequenced (I never got this mark in sacs but nvm)
- I think I’d again avoiding the word “leading” when describing the effect on the audience. Maybe try thinks like aims, strives, endeavours for the audience to.....
- this is great:
“invokes readers to rethink the safety of cash and understand the benefit of cashless payments.“ you’ve analysed why he’s done what he’s done! This is the
why. One thing I’m not sure about is if why has to be feelings AND actions or just feelings? I’ll get back to you on this but this is brilliant!
- More visual analysis (my teacher usually says dedicate a whole paragraph while linking with the visual or at least go into some depth with things like angle, proportion etc.) you said the image of people taking
“...demonstrates the value to customers and overall the community” which may be correct but you must again justify the authors choices and what they attempt to make the specific audience as customers feel and maybe do.
3rd paragraph
- Purpose of argument in relation to target audience needed.
- you’ve just said what the second person has said and named a few techniques in their writing.
- you need to also include how that conveys specific meaning and why- all in relation to the target audience. (Like you kind of did in the first paragraph).
- I haven’t seen this yet but is there a second visual? If there is you must at least touch on it somewhere.
General Feedback 🌟
- Right now I think you have the telling part down as in reiterating the article, but just a bit more analysis and it’d be perfect! The How and Why as I’ve explaining above
- But your language is also good (at least I think) words rapport, establishing which prevented it from being boring.
- Remember everything must be in relation to a target audience and sometimes even sub-audiences are targeted. I haven’t yet done this issue so I don’t have article specific examples.
I hate giving feedback because feedback makes me cry so I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings because this really is a good article with a few little things and hey- I’m just a year 12 what do I REALLY know?
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