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Author Topic: [English] "Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard" language analysis  (Read 2057 times)  Share 

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SDPHD

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SS Aim - 40+

Text Response Texts - Interpreter of Maladies and The Old Man Who Read Love Stories.

Context Texts - Issues Of Identity and Belonging - The Member of the Wedding and Growing Up Asian in Australia.

Note - I hate English with a burning passion, if I had a choice (and I wish I did), I wouldn't have even considered doing English. I did English 3 + 4 in 2010 but my SS was too low for my liking since (stupidly) it's the most important subject in VCE. Hopefully I can do better in 2011.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 10:44:21 pm by ninwa »
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SDPHD

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Re: EternalFailure's thread
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2011, 11:08:11 pm »
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January essays – Week 3 – Language Analysis – ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ – Andrew Bolt

‘Boat people’, a phrase heard all too often, has come under the spotlight once more following the Christmas Island tragedy. Andrew Bolt addresses this issue with an opinion piece entitled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010. Straightforward in language and aggressive in tone, Bolt establishes the main contention that it is not too early to blame the Gillard Government for this foreseeable and for the most part, avoidable disaster.

The headline of the piece ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’, encapsulates Bolt’s argument, using a cliché expression and the same blame game tactics as the Gillard Government to emphasise his point of view. Placed prominently on the page, an image of a boat involved in the tragedy immediately raises concern in the reader’s mind; putting forward the idea the people pictured may not have survived. The subheading, ‘It’s too early to blame the Gillard Government for these Christmas Island deaths, we're told’, uses factual evidence to provide Bolt with the basis for his argument, when will it be the right time?

Bolt begins by resorting to rhetorical questioning aimed towards the Gillard Government ‘But why? And if not now, when?’ immediately encouraging the reader to critically consider Bolt’s brutally clear point of view. Bolt then moves on to dispassionately accuse and attack the Gillard Government ‘But they lie, of course, these pious Leftists…’ following with emotive imagery ‘…the deaths… of these men, women and - God rest them - children’ Using this amalgamation of language to his advantage, Bolt invokes a sense of outrage in the reader whilst possibly kindling an emotional response knowing children would have perished. ‘It's never been the right time...No, too early…Too soon…’ Bolt uses repetition throughout his entire piece to subtly influence the reader to memorably ponder Bolt’s point of view. Bolt then shares the opinions of refugees ‘The (Australian) Government has changed now… Kevin Rudd - he's changed everything about refugee…’ appealing to the reader’s sense of sympathy by depicting the issue through the perspective of a refugee. Bolt lends considerable weight to his argument through the use of statistics ‘Within months of these "reforms"...the boats were back - soaring from three a year over the previous six years, to almost 200 this year alone’. Further use of emotive imagery ‘Once again people were being tempted into the boats -- and to their deaths at sea’ paints a distressing picture in the readers mind while portraying the Gillard Government in a hostile manner. Bolt then emphasises the reality of this issue ‘…even though the dead included Afghan Norooz Ali Iqbal and his nine-year-old son, Mounir, both of whom had been interviewed by the ABC's Unleashed seven weeks earlier…’ immediately causing the reader to stop consider the lives lost. The Gillard Government is further belittled and a horrific image is placed in the readers mind after Bolt refers to the events of a previous boat incident ‘...the Government's harvest of bodies in April last year, when five Afghans died in blowing up their boat...’ Bolt then highlights the complete lack of concern demonstrated by the Gillard Government ‘a Government that would rather have boat people die in their dozens than admit it was wrong’ serving as a wake up call to anybody who by now wasn’t on the same page as Bolt. Following Julia Gillard’s statement ‘These conversations are best had when they are fully informed by the facts’ Bolt causes the reader to realise Julia Gillard was only beating around the bush ‘To make sure those full facts would take weeks, even months, to arrive, she announced four separate inquiries into the disaster, not one of which was specifically into those policies of hers.’ Bolt concludes his piece by further reinforcing his point of view that it is simply not too late for the Gillard Government to take the blame ‘So, no, it's not too soon for such folk to fling blame for this disaster on you, me...But it's always too soon to blame what's already killed so many -- Gillard's weak laws’

Andrew Bolt has used a vast number of persuasive techniques to his advantage. Clearly and comprehensively, Bolt concludes that it is most definitely not too early for the Gillard Government to take responsibility for this latest ‘boat people’, an event that could have been avoidable, provided the appropriate laws were in place.


PS - I know its crap. Our class was literally taught nothing last year and I can't remember a thing from when I did English 1 + 2. Any help would be much appreciated.
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chrisjb

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January essays – Week 3 – Language Analysis – ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ – Andrew Bolt

‘Boat people’, a phrase heard all too often, has come under the spotlight once more following the Christmas Island tragedy.I feel like this is just not the right tone for a language analysis... A little too coulorfull. Perhaps start by introducing the article and the author, the issue requires less of an introduction Andrew Bolt addresses this issue with an opinion piece entitled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010. Straightforward in language and aggressive in tone, Bolt establishes the main contention that it is not too early to blame the Gillard Government for this foreseeable and for the most part, avoidable disaster.
remember the target audience. Also, I would have said 'the christmas island boating accident' or something less opinionative than 'foreseeable and avoidable disaster' unless you quote Bolt for that bit. I know that some people won't care about that though.

The headline of the piece ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’, encapsulates Bolt’s argument, using a cliché expression
is it?
and the same blame game tactics wouldn't use this phrase either, too conversational. However once agian, that is a minor little thing as the Gillard Government to emphasise his point of view.it is good to analyse more than one technique in one paragraph, and it's good to do it in the manner you have but you have to link the two together somehow. Chose two techniques that work together (which you have) to form the paragraph and comment on how they work together and perhaps use a linking word to join the two bits of the paragraph together. Otherwise it can be a bit jumpy when reading the paragraph Placed prominently on the page, an image of a boat involved in the tragedy immediately raises concern in the reader’s mind; putting forward the idea the people pictured may not have survived. The subheading, ‘It’s too early to blame the Gillard Government for these Christmas Island deaths, we're told’, uses factual evidence not factual evidence to provide Bolt with the basis for his argument, when will it be the right time?

Bolt begins by resorting to rhetorical questioning aimed towards the Gillard Governmentthings are always aimed towards the reader, Gillard is just a convenient vessel to house the underlying technique ‘But why? And if not now, when?’ immediately encouraging the reader to critically consider Bolt’s brutally clear point of viewI like this sentence,  but I wouldn't mix my evidence with my topic sentence too much. Ive always been taught that a topic sentence should be as short as possible. Bolt then moves on to dispassionately accuse and attack the Gillard Government ‘But they lie, of course, these pious Leftists…’ try to integrate your quotesfollowing with emotive imagery ‘…the deaths… of these men, women and - God rest them - children’ Using this amalgamation of language to his advantage, Bolt invokes a sense of outrage in the reader whilst possibly kindling an emotional response knowing children would have perished. ‘It's never been the right time...No, too early…Too soon…’integrate your quotes! Bolt uses repetition throughout his entire piece to subtly influence the reader to memorably ponder Bolt’s point of view. Bolt then shares the opinions of refugees ‘The (Australian) Government has changed now… Kevin Rudd - he's changed everything about refugee…’ appealing to the reader’s sense of sympathy by depicting the issue through the perspective of a refugee. Bolt lends considerable weight to his argument through the use of statistics ‘Within months of these "reforms"...the boats were back - soaring from three a year over the previous six years, to almost 200 this year alone’. Further use of emotive imagery ‘Once again people were being tempted into the boats -- and to their deaths at sea’ paints a distressing picture in the readers mind while portraying the Gillard Government in a hostile manner. Bolt then emphasises the reality of this issue ‘…even though the dead included Afghan Norooz Ali Iqbal and his nine-year-old son, Mounir, both of whom had been interviewed by the ABC's Unleashed seven weeks earlier…’ immediately causing the reader to stop consider the lives lost. The Gillard Government is further belittled and a horrific image is placed in the readers mind after Bolt refers to the events of a previous boat incident ‘...the Government's harvest of bodies in April last year, when five Afghans died in blowing up their boat...’ Bolt then highlights the complete lack of concern demonstrated by the Gillard Government ‘a Government that would rather have boat people die in their dozens than admit it was wrong’ serving as a wake up call to anybody who by now wasn’t on the same page as Bolt. Following Julia Gillard’s statement ‘These conversations are best had when they are fully informed by the facts’ Bolt causes the reader to realise Julia Gillard was only beating around the bush ‘To make sure those full facts would take weeks, even months, to arrive, she announced four separate inquiries into the disaster, not one of which was specifically into those policies of hers.’ Bolt concludes his piece by further reinforcing his point of view that it is simply not too late for the Gillard Government to take the blame ‘So, no, it's not too soon for such folk to fling blame for this disaster on you, me...But it's always too soon to blame what's already killed so many -- Gillard's weak laws’ This paragraph is too long. There is too much going on and not enough space to let an idea develop or to go deeply into the causes or effects of the language. Also, it is realy realy hard to read if there is a very long paragraph. My english teacher last year told our class every lesson to use as many paragraphs as we liked becasue they're free :P

Andrew Bolt has used a vast number of persuasive techniques to his advantage. Clearly and comprehensively
don't eveluate
, Bolt concludes that it is most definitely not too early for the Gillard Government to take responsibility for this latest ‘boat people’, an event that could have been avoidable, provided the appropriate laws were in place.

Righty-o, it wasn't too bad. If you fixed up just a small couple of things then it would be a lot better. 1) integrate your quotes (make them part of the sentence and make the sentence flow) 2) smaller paragraphs. 3) nice short quotes (this also makes integration much easier). Your quotes should contain just the important bit. There's no need to include other bits.

one more thing, watch your tone and conversational language. Be more formal.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2011, 11:53:34 pm by chrisjb »
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CaptainAwesome

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‘Boat people’, a phrase heard all too often, has come under the spotlight once more following the Christmas Island tragedy. Unnecessary. Andrew Bolt addresses this issue with an opinion piece entitled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010. Straightforward in language and aggressive in tone, Bolt establishes the main contention that it is not too early to blame the Gillard Government for this foreseeable and for the most part, avoidable disaster.
You should probably use a term that is less opinionated to refer to the incident.

The headline of the piece ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’, encapsulates Bolt’s argument, using a cliché expression How? Needs explaining. and the same blame game tactics It seems slightly.. colloquial. as the Gillard Government to emphasise his point of view. Placed prominently on the page, an image of a boat involved in the tragedy immediately raises concern in the reader’s mind; putting forward the idea the people pictured may not have survived. The subheading, ‘It’s too early to blame the Gillard Government for these Christmas Island deaths, we're told’, uses factual evidence Is it factual evidence? Who is Bolt quoting? to provide Bolt with the basis for his argument, when will it be the right time?

Bolt begins by resorting to rhetorical questioning aimed towards the Gillard Government They are aimed at the reader. ‘But why? And if not now, when?’ immediately encouraging the reader to critically consider Bolt’s brutally clear point of view. I really liked this. It describes the piece brilliantly. Bolt then moves on to dispassionately accuse and attack the Gillard Government ‘But they lie, of course, these pious Leftists…’ following with emotive imagery ‘…the deaths… of these men, women and - God rest them - children’ Using this amalgamation of language to his advantage, Bolt invokes a sense of outrage in the reader whilst possibly kindling an emotional response knowing children would have perished. ‘It's never been the right time...No, too early…Too soon…’ Bolt uses repetition throughout his entire piece to subtly influence the reader to memorably ponder Bolt’s point of view. Bolt then shares the opinions of refugees ‘The (Australian) Government has changed now… Kevin Rudd - he's changed everything about refugee…’ appealing to the reader’s sense of sympathy by depicting the issue through the perspective of a refugee. Bolt lends considerable weight to his argument through the use of statistics ‘Within months of these "reforms"...the boats were back - soaring from three a year over the previous six years, to almost 200 this year alone’. Further use of emotive imagery ‘Once again people were being tempted into the boats -- and to their deaths at sea’ paints a distressing picture in the readers mind while portraying the Gillard Government in a hostile manner. Bolt then emphasises the reality of this issue ‘…even though the dead included Afghan Norooz Ali Iqbal and his nine-year-old son, Mounir, both of whom had been interviewed by the ABC's Unleashed seven weeks earlier…’ I think that this quote is a bit lengthy. My Lit teacher told me that a three word quote is better than a three line one.. but this may or may not be applicable to English. immediately causing the reader to stop consider the lives lost. ? Needs rewording. The Gillard Government is further belittled and a horrific image is placed in the readers mind after Bolt refers to the events of a previous boat incident ‘...the Government's harvest of bodies in April last year, when five Afghans died in blowing up their boat...’ Bolt then highlights the complete lack of concern demonstrated by the Gillard Government ‘a Government that I think the underlined part needs some sort of punctuation to help it flow better. would rather have boat people die in their dozens than admit it was wrong’ serving as a wake up call to anybody who by now wasn’t on the same page as Bolt. Following Julia Gillard’s statement ‘These conversations are best had when they are fully informed by the facts’ Bolt causes the reader to realise Julia Gillard was only beating around the bush Seems too colloquial . ‘To make sure those full facts would take weeks, even months, to arrive, she announced four separate inquiries into the disaster, not one of which was specifically into those policies of hers.’ Bolt concludes his piece by further reinforcing his point of view that it is simply not too late for the Gillard Government to take the blame ‘So, no, it's not too soon for such folk to fling blame for this disaster on you, me...But it's always too soon to blame what's already killed so many -- Gillard's weak laws’ I counted 13 quotes in this paragraph.. I think that may be a few too many.

Andrew Bolt has used a vast number of persuasive techniques to his advantage. Clearly and comprehensively, Bolt concludes that it is most definitely not too early for the Gillard Government to take responsibility for this latest ‘boat people’ Doesn't make sense., an event that could have been avoidable, provided the appropriate laws were in place. Too opinionated.

The second paragraph is too long. It probably should've been broken up into two paragraphs, especially since (IMO) an essay of this type should have 3-5 body paragraphs.

Good job. You show a wide range of vocabulary and obviously know your persuasive techniques. You should pay attention to how you structure your essay (step back and have a look at it - ignore the words... Does it look 'even' and 'neat'?) and try to cut down your quotes to leave out irrelevant information.
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SDPHD

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Thanks chrisjb, I'll definitely work on trying to make my quotes flow with my sentences. I wasn't too sure when to make paragraphs so I pretty much left everything in one huge chunk. :P I'll make sure to paraphrase and make my quotes shorter. One thing I was never taught was to use formal language, I'll do my best to do that in next weeks analysis.

Thanks CaptainAwesome, I honestly didn't even go over what I had written, I rushed to finish and post it up here. Now that I've had another look through it, when I said 'aimed towards the Gillard Government', 'to stop consider the lives lost.' and 'for this latest 'boat people'' I realised how epically I failed in my wording. The last two should have read 'to stop and consider the lives lost.' and 'for this latest 'boat people' incident' Or something along those lines.

I would + Karma you both but I think I'm still too new for that. You both have been more helpful than any English teacher I have ever had, no joke.
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werdna

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I'll underline key sections and discuss these in red. Rewording in green.

‘Boat people’, a phrase heard all too often Avoid. , has come under the spotlight once more following the Christmas Island tragedy. Andrew Bolt addresses this issue with in Watch your prepositions. an opinion piece entitled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010. Straightforward in language and aggressive in tone, Bolt establishes the main contention that it is not too early to blame the Gillard Government for this foreseeable and for the most part, avoidable disaster Weak expression. You also need to avoid writing in this slightly opinionative view. .

The headline of the piece ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’, encapsulates Bolt’s argument This is unnecessary. , using a cliché expression and the same blame game tactics as the Gillard Government to emphasise his point of view You haven't touched on how this impacts the reader! . Placed prominently on the page This doesn't flow on from the last few sentences. It's choppy. , an image of a boat involved in the tragedy immediately raises concern in the reader’s mind; putting forward the idea the people pictured that the asylum seekers may not have survived. The subheading, ‘It’s too early to blame the Gillard Government for these Christmas Island deaths, we're told’, uses factual evidence No he doesn't. to provide Bolt with the basis for his argument Unnecessary. , when will it be the right time? Don't know what you're trying to do here?

Bolt begins by resorting 'Resorting' is the wrong word to use! Normally you'd use the word 'resorting' in the context of doing something at the last resort; doing something at the end of something unsuccessful - like a Plan C kind of thing. Here, you use the word 'resorting' to describe how Bolt has put together his article; it sort of downgrades the way he's put it together and that's not what you ought to do in an analysis. to rhetorical questioning aimed towards the Gillard Government ‘But why? And if not now, when?’ Be specific with these examples. What are they referring to? What argument was the "But why?" referring to? You can't analyse the intended effect of this rhetorical question if you don't mention the context it was in. immediately encouraging the reader to critically consider Bolt’s brutally clear Brutally clear? point of view. Bolt then moves on to dispassionately accuse and attack the Gillard Government ‘But they lie, of course, these pious Leftists…’ following with emotive imagery ‘…the deaths… of these men, women and - God rest them - children’ Using this amalgamation of language You should also take the type to delve deeper and look at the impact these techniques work individually also. Also look at the specific impact of particular words, as you'd impress your reader if you analysed to death, a single word that carries heavy connotations. to his advantage, Bolt invokes a sense of outrage in the reader whilst possibly kindling an emotional response Delve deeper. There are many types of emotions, pick one! knowing children would have perished. ‘It's never been the right time...No, too early…Too soon…’ Bolt uses repetition throughout his entire piece to subtly influence the reader to memorably ponder Bolt’s point of view. Bolt then shares the opinions of refugees ‘The (Australian) Government has changed now… Kevin Rudd - he's changed everything about refugee…’ appealing to the reader’s sense of sympathy by depicting the issue through the perspective of a refugee. Bolt lends considerable weight to his argument through the use of statistics ‘Within months of these "reforms"...the boats were back - soaring from three a year over the previous six years, to almost 200 this year alone’. Further use of emotive imagery ‘Once again people were being tempted into the boats -- and to their deaths at sea’ paints a distressing picture in the readers mind while portraying the Gillard Government in a hostile manner. Bolt then emphasises the reality of this issue ‘…even though the dead included Afghan Norooz Ali Iqbal and his nine-year-old son, Mounir, both of whom had been interviewed by the ABC's Unleashed seven weeks earlier…’ immediately causing the reader to stop consider the lives lost. The Gillard Government is further belittled and a horrific image is placed in the readers mind after Bolt refers to the events of a previous boat incident ‘...the Government's harvest of bodies in April last year, when five Afghans died in blowing up their boat...’ Bolt then highlights the complete lack of concern demonstrated by the Gillard Government ‘a Government that would rather have boat people die in their dozens than admit it was wrong’ serving as a wake up call to anybody who by now wasn’t on the same page as Bolt. Following Julia Gillard’s statement ‘These conversations are best had when they are fully informed by the facts’ Bolt causes the reader to realise Julia Gillard was only beating around the bush ‘To make sure those full facts would take weeks, even months, to arrive, she announced four separate inquiries into the disaster, not one of which was specifically into those policies of hers.’ Bolt concludes his piece by further reinforcing his point of view that it is simply not too late for the Gillard Government to take the blame ‘So, no, it's not too soon for such folk to fling blame for this disaster on you, me...But it's always too soon to blame what's already killed so many -- Gillard's weak laws’ OK, the whole area covered in italics is what not to do in a language analysis. You've fallen into the trap of merely listing persuasive techniques one after the other, and just thought it sufficient to add a one-lined, generic intended effect sentence on the end. If you read through this paragraph, you'll notice that it gets choppier and choppier. You do not need to mention all the techniques. Choose the ones you think have the most impact, and analyse those in more depth. Be selective with the way you do this task, because you will otherwise end up with a paragraph that emulates the persuasive techniques table in the textbooks - I'm subtly referring to the paragraph above here. :P

Andrew Bolt has used a vast number of persuasive techniques to his advantage. Clearly and comprehensively Don't evaluate. , Bolt concludes that it is most definitely not too early for the Gillard Government to take responsibility for this latest ‘boat people’, an event that could have been avoidable, provided the appropriate laws were in place.

Not too bad I guess. I'm being harsh only cause I know you. ;) You need to steer clear of the generic, general impact statements, and delve deeper into 4 or 5 persuasive techniques, instead of falling into the trap of listing technique after technique. There's definitely some room for improvement, and you'll do well if you keep writing essays throughout the year.

With regards to this comment:

Quote
Our class was literally taught nothing last year and I can't remember a thing from when I did English 1 + 2.

Our 1&2 teacher was awesome! (Your 3&4 teacher was/is pretty good too, don't know why you guys kept bagging her LOL)

Final score: 6/10.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2011, 10:43:32 am by werdna »

nacho

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As with what chrisjb has already said, you need to avoid turning this into a persuasive essay and leave out the personal opinions, because you are only required to explain how well the persuasive techniques and effects were. If i'm not making sense, i mean:

January essays – Week 3 – Language Analysis – ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ – Andrew Bolt

‘Boat people’, a phrase heard all too often, has come under the spotlight once more following the Christmas Island tragedy. Andrew Bolt addresses this issue with an opinion piece entitled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’ published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010. Straightforward in language and aggressive in tone, Bolt establishes the main contention that it is not too early to blame the Gillard Government for this foreseeable and for the most part, avoidable disaster.

PS - I know its crap. Our class was literally taught nothing last year and I can't remember a thing from when I did English 1 + 2. Any help would be much appreciated.
and we have all year to improve, it's good to start out crap, it's us (i'm also terrible) who'll show the most improvement :D
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SDPHD

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Thanks Andrew. You pointed out quite a lot but the one thing I realised while writing my analysis was the whole listing techniques with a generic intended effect following it. I've never really been taught how to structure a language analysis properly I guess, certainly not last year. I had a look at some of the other peoples analyses and they were extremely different to the way I thought they were meant to be set out, but hey, I'll learn from the things I do wrong.

Like I said, I don't remember much of 1 + 2, but you just like her because she cried after reading something you wrote.  ;D

Nah I reckon last year our teacher gave up on the class from term one. You can even ask Damo, it was nothing like your class, we were never given any work to do, never given any homework, never put under the same pressure as your class and I reckon it all showed in the end.

And nacho, I'll make sure to keep the personal opinions out of the analysis next week, hopefully I can build from all the guidance I have gotten. Yeah we have a year but no doubt it'll be end of year exam time before we know it. >:(
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