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March 29, 2024, 09:02:33 pm

Author Topic: language analysis criticism  (Read 6455 times)  Share 

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melanie.dee

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language analysis criticism
« Reply #15 on: October 28, 2007, 06:43:52 pm »
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ps. what do i need to do to make it a solid 9 rather than an 8?

i can correct other peoples work, but i cant seem to fix my own haha.

BA22

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« Reply #16 on: October 28, 2007, 07:05:52 pm »
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Quote from: "melanie.dee"
ps. what do i need to do to make it a solid 9 rather than an 8?

i can correct other peoples work, but i cant seem to fix my own haha.


I'd really like to see you pick some phrases in particular, and spend an extra sentence really looking at the subtle implications. I realise you did this at some points, but i'd like to see more of it. There were also some expression issues where you can come accross as a little vague, which is a shame since you generally have excellent control of the english language.

Your response was excellent mel, it would more than likely obtain you a 9, but i'm making sure you focus on improvement and achieving more. With a tightened control of expression and a deep examination of the subtlety of the piece and you will obtain 10, from both examiners

bilgia

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« Reply #17 on: October 28, 2007, 07:47:35 pm »
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it looks pretty long..but i havent read it yet
edit: now that i have...i must say its pretty good (liked the use of some words lik..garner and vilifying). however there were some better phrases which i had thought of while reading but this is solid stuff. keep it up
i would give it 8-9/10
My Subjects:
2006 I.T Systems --> 42
2007 English --> 40
         Methods --> 41
         Spec --> 38
         Chem --> 36
         Physics --> 37
         Unimaths --> 5.5

ENTER: 97.35


                   



 

melanie.dee

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« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2007, 01:42:16 pm »
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thanks a lot for your feedback!

i sent it to two teachers. my notoriously easy marking teacher... "amazing, easily a 10!" ahhaha and then another one who said the same sort of thing as you BA22, more specific references needed, she gave it a 9.

there you go, the reason i sent it to 2 different ones ha. my teacher marks sooo easily its crazy. but ill hope its 9 anyway lol.

avogarbro

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« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2007, 03:05:49 pm »
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can someone show me an example of a conclusion.

brendan

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« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2007, 03:09:41 pm »
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In language analysis a level of detachment is required, by saying that writer's approach was actually 'measured' rather than saying that the approach was intended to be 'measured', you step over the line between language analysis and endorsing/critiquing arguments. It would be better to say: "By adopting this approach, the author seeks to convince readers that their argument is measured and reasonable, and that they have considered the issue thoughtfully from both sides, and are not attacking the proposal just for the sake of it."

Same with: "The alarmist approach of comparing the government?s daily compulsory exercise proposal to the actions of China?s Mao regime strives to convince the audience that the suggestion is extreme, and unnecessarily getting involved in issues which are up to the individual to address. "

I would re-write that as: "By comparing the government?s daily compulsory exercise proposal to the actions of China?s Mao regime the writer strives to alarm the audience and to convince them that the proposal is extreme, unnecessarily impinging on individual liberties"

"A ?we know best? tone"
You could also describe that as a 'tone of authority', or an 'authoritative tone'.

"to plant doubt"
if you want to use the full expression then say it, if not then just say "to place doubt in the minds of ....".

melanie.dee

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« Reply #21 on: October 29, 2007, 06:26:53 pm »
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i appreciate that you need detachment in a language analysis, but seriously how far can you go, with aims to, strives to, in an effort to.. yes iv done that with the EFFECT of the technique on the audience. but the "measured tone" in the TECHNIQUE, and then i explain what effect that technique aims to have on the readers.. i duno.. i see your point, and i probably could have made the China example a bit more detached but seriously how far can you go with that.. anyway ill just keep it like that, criticisms about my lang analyses have always been about being too vague rather than not sufficiently detached. but i appreciate your advice

Pencil

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« Reply #22 on: October 29, 2007, 06:40:09 pm »
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Quote from: "brendan"
In language analysis a level of detachment is required, by saying that writer's approach was actually 'measured' rather than saying that the approach was intended to be 'measured', you step over the line between language analysis and endorsing/critiquing arguments. It would be better to say: "By adopting this approach, the author seeks to convince readers that their argument is measured and reasonable, and that they have considered the issue thoughtfully from both sides, and are not attacking the proposal just for the sake of it."


I'd disagree. Yes, you need to be detached, in that you can't be critiquing the arguments, but by saying it is 'measured' isn't it similar to describing the tone? We are allowed to say 'he/she writes excitedly/ (insert other tone word here)' etc we don't have to say 'he/she aims to appear excited'..

Pencil

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« Reply #23 on: October 29, 2007, 06:43:59 pm »
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Also, whilst I would tend not to make value judgments, some high-scoring responses from previous years that are in the examiners reports have done so.
I'm so sick of everyone putting up their 'rules' about english (ie. you can't put quotes in intro's, you can't start a part 2 essay paragraph with a characters name) because most of the time they are bullshit, and it is just due to the individual teachers

Collin Li

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« Reply #24 on: October 29, 2007, 06:44:44 pm »
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Quote from: "goosefraba"
I'd disagree. Yes, you need to be detached, in that you can't be critiquing the arguments, but by saying it is 'measured' isn't it similar to describing the tone? We are allowed to say 'he/she writes excitedly/ (insert other tone word here)' etc we don't have to say 'he/she aims to appear excited'..


Yeah, you can claim the writer has a "measured" tone without endorsing an argument. It just means that the writer has a rational voice rather than an emotional voice.

melanie.dee

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« Reply #25 on: October 29, 2007, 06:50:06 pm »
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agreed. well now thats settled..! haha

i understand the lang analyses have a bit more of a formulaic approach than text essays, but yeh silly 'rules' in english annoy me too

brendan

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« Reply #26 on: October 29, 2007, 07:10:10 pm »
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On my reading of the language analysis, the "measured approach" was not a reference to the tone of the piece but rather what mel mentioned in the preceding sentence: "considers the other side of the issue, recognising that indeed obesity is a serious issue that needs to be addressed"

Hence, on my reading, "measured approach" was a reference to:
(1) the writer's consideration of "the other side of the issue"; and
(2) the writer's recognition that "indeed obesity is a serious issue that needs to be addressed".