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December 01, 2022, 03:33:19 pm

Author Topic: please give me feedback on my creative piece for like a house on fire - Flexion  (Read 1420 times)  Share 

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Gurbaz

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Flexion - like a house on fire

It was just like any other average day, where frank would get up at 4:00 am and go to the farm and do his work just like every day. But, today Frank felt pain around his chest while he was getting get ready to go to the farm. But he didn’t mind the pain. Frank made his coffee and went off to the farm. As Frank was driving his tractor around the paddock, the chest pain came again but this was severed frank couldn’t see anything, and suddenly the tractor went to a hole and frank tried to save it but the tractor flipped and crash into a tree.

BANG. the noise that suddenly woke up Franks’s wife, his wife called frank but he wouldn’t pick up the call. She called him 5 times but still no answer. Straightaway franks wife got on the call and went to the farm as fast as possible, she sees smoke coming from the tree when she goes near the tree. “FRANK” she screams when she sees the tractor crash to the tree and blood dripping from franks head. Franks’s wife runs to him to get him out of the tractor. She manages to get frank out of the tractor but he is unresponsive, she called the ambulance straight away.

Frank is in the hospital now with tubes coming in and out of him. Everyone is around him and trying to get him to respond, and the nurse came to frank's wife and said “there will be a slight chance that frank will be alive in the next 48 hours”. Frank's wife drops on the chair and every emotion comes out of her. She was praying to god to make frank respond. Then a miracle happened, and the nurse came to frank's wife and said he is responding, but he is in critical condition.

After a few days come and go to the hospitals, Franks’s wife has been doing all the work inside of the house and on the farm. She has begun to notice that franks attitude has changed a lot, frank has become more aggressive than usual. One day Franks’s wife nearly lost it because frank got angry because she didn’t wash the spoon properly. As the days went by the recovery for frank has been getting better but his anger management has been getting worse and worse, and Franks’s wife cannot handle it. She even thought of filing a divorce, so she could live a better life without getting verbal abuse.

She has been taking frank to the hospital for a few days for regular checkups, and while waiting in the waiting area for Frank’s checkups to be done. She has finally decided to file a divorce against frank when he gets better because she cannot handle the aggressiveness and verbal abuse from frank.

A month later from the accident, Frank can know confidently do the regular things has he has been doing since get purchased the farm, while Frank gets up at 4 am and do his job. Franks’s wife has been looking for an apartment or a house to live in after the divorce. She contacts the lawyer and files a divorce against Frank. A week later she travels to the city to see an apartment for sale, she sees the apartment and makes a good deal and purchases it. Franks’s wife was happy because the furniture comes with the apartment, and she felt there is less weight on her shoulders now.

When she came home she check the mail and there for the divorce letters. She calls franks and asks him “when are you coming home from the farm”, and Frank replies “about in 3 hours, just fixing the tractor”. She was thinking about how would Frank react if I gave him the divorce papers. So she thought about it and she decided to leave the house with her belongings before Frank comes home in 3 hours and makes a scene about it. She gets her clothes in her suitcases, left the divorce papers and a note, and left the house. While she was leaving the house, she starts to cry and think about the good times she had with Frank but what she did was good, and she want to start a new chapter of life with no barriers only freedom.

A couple of hours later, Frank comes home and see the house is quiet, he looks around the house and sees his wife's not here, Frank tries to call her but she doesn't answer. Then he sees a note on the kitchen table with notes of divorce papers and he sees a note with it. He starts to read the note and he starts to tear up and sad and angry. Frank starts to get severe chest pain again and gets shortness of breath, and he falls to the floor and shouts his wife's name.

Another ending could be.

Franks's wife was on the way to her apartment when she feels that something is wrong with frank, she drives as fast as she could back home, and when she enters the house she sees Frank lying on the floor, and she runs to him crying, and she checks his pulse and he dies.

lantern

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Hi there! I'm a little bit late into replying to this but I've got a few things to point out in case you need future assistance and advice with creative writing.  ;)
whilst reading your piece, I've come to realise that some punctuation was missing, and when you transition to other parts of the text sometimes it can take a sharp turn, just like how you mentioned frank's wife filing a divorce. I suggest you spend more time focusing on your use of language. My advice may be vague; so apologies in advance!  :P