Well, hoooooowwwwwww to even start.... this massive story'll have to go in a spoiler LOL. Once upon a time...
Spoiler
...I was born. And then continued to exist.
And that says it all.
nah I will come back and post a really-truly one
I'm in a mood for story-telling; my personal fave but by far the longest is #2, if you can't be bothered reading 'em all. :P
story 1
Let us go back in time to the highly intelligent year 7 version of me.
So we were having a history class with a teacher singularly lacking in crowd control skills. Next door was the cooking room, and mid-class, a couple of the boys invaded the kitchen, located some raw red chilis and began consuming them, as, of course, you do. Next minute, they were frantically running round the classroom, screaming wildly and hanging their tongues out.
So I, the oh-so-humble angel of the class, looked scornfully at them and stated that I could eat a whole chili - nay, two chilis! - without batting an eyelid. So I did. I swallowed two big chilis. I was going to prove them wrong.
I went an incredibly violent shade of red, my eyes began to water (I refuse to call it crying), I had some difficulty breathing, could barely read or write the rest of the class, and the whole class gathered round to stare and laugh. But still, I managed to sit silent and proud :P
story 2
If you didn't know me, you wouldn't think it was possible for someone to make quite so many mistakes in a row. :P
December 26 last year. After a late-night Christmas party, I was up at 5.30 to work a 7am shift that morning. It was dark and pouring with rain and despite being summer, it was a very cold morning. I had a 2km walk to catch my bus, and I couldn't find an umbrella, and... for some reason it didn't occur to me to bring a jacket or cardigan or anything.
So I ran through the rain to the station, getting absolutely soaked. Near the station, I suddenly stopped.
Shit. It's Saturday.
Different public transport timetable.
Oh well. I checked the timetable at the bus stop. Well, on Saturdays there was a bus at 52 past. I'd be at work 10-15 minutes late, and I actually have to be early for handover. Dammit. I scrolled through my phone to find work's number, only to recall that a couple of days before my sister and I had done something with our phones (I can't remember what) and the majority of my rarely-used contact list was wiped, and I hadn't fixed it yet. Dammit #2. So I shivered in the rain, freezing to death... but at 6:52 the bus didn't come. I waited another five minutes before checking the timetable again.
I'd misread.
The first bus on Saturdays was 7:52, not 6:52.
What was worse, had I read it correctly, I could have caught the train that came soon after I arrived at the bus stop, which would take me to a station 2km from work... I would have been very late, but better than this. Catching the next train, I arrived at work extremely late, stressing my head off meanwhile because I'd never been late before and I couldn't contact them and... yeah. So I raced in, dripping wet and freezing cold, and diving straight into jumbled apologies and excuses to the incharge.
He just looked at me oddly.
"Heidi... what are you doing here?"
I stood there staring foolishly at him, shivering in a growing puddle of water, rain dripping slowly off my nose.
Looked at the roster. I wasn't even on that shift.
There are moments you wish you could briefly stop existing.
So I turned round and went back home through the pouring rain.
story 3
Probably 5-6 weeks ago, I was coming home on the train, exhausted, stressed and down.
The train stopped at my station. I kind of tried to get up, but kind of... didn't. I hopelessly watched the station go by.
I struggled out of the train at Lilydale with no fucking clue what to do next. I didn't have my phone on me because I'd mislaid it at home somewhere, and I was so stressed and tired that I couldn't quite figure out how to get on a train to get home. So I sat down on the platform and cried. As you do.
Finally this bunch of PTOs came over to check if I was okay, asking what was wrong, and I couldn't even stop crying enough to explain - all the time getting more and more embarrassed as a group of silent onlookers gathered. I was beet red by now and more than a little hysterical. When they finally peeled the story out of me, and were reassured that I wasn't on drugs and they didn't need to call the police for me, one of the PTOs then gave me a personal escort home. I sulked in silence the whole way home, in a puddle of embarrassment and imagining my friends seeing me in this extremely awkward situation. :P
(And the more embarrassing part to this story: It happened twice, with variation.)