Jokes thread

[ninwa]

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."        

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.                    

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.    
          
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"          

God replied: "I didn't fucking recognize you."

[Hutchoo]

OMG ROFL HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[ninwa]

[Hutchoo]

[ninwa]

How to be a good parent

[ninwa]

[cypriottiger]

^ ROTFL, im actually crying
ok i got a few, and sorry to those who will most likely be offended

[milkcarton]

* Coarse Language

[ninwa]

do not read post if easily offended





this picture was the "Introduction to sexual offences" Powerpoint slide in my criminal law lecture last year *sigh*

[Spreadbury]

(Image removed from quote.)

* Coarse Language
(Image removed from quote.)

lol to the first thing... what are you on about to the second thing?

and I love ninwa's motivational posters, especially 'Blasphemy'

[milkcarton]

@ Spreadbury,
                    Read the first line on top, then the pokemon name, then the bottom line. For instance;
This shit is onix-ceptable.

Lame, but it'll make do

[Spreadbury]

karma X 1,000,000 for the raticate/ ratata one. almost died laughing. (i'm not racist... but )

[ninwa]

"What is 1 + 1 ?"

Doctor: What? It is 2 don't waste my valuable time...I have lives to save and nurses to chat up.

Lawyer: I fail to see the validity of this question? Beyond reasonable doubt, I put it you that it is 2.

Nurse: (giggle) Oh don't be silly it is 2.

Rap Dancer: You jivin' me man? Ev ree bidy knows it's twooooooooooo (nervous laugh and a piercing stare)

Teacher: (with a look of disbelief and in condescending tone) To the back of the class...it's 2, you silly boy.

Accountant: (slight pause and a grin) Well, what would you like it to add up to?

[pi]

found these

[physics]

SEXES JOKES??

what do you call a woman with 2 brain cells? pregnant
how many men does it take to change a light bulb? let the bitch cook in the dark