"The Friendzone" Debate

[Special At Specialist]

Recently, I've seen a lot of guys complaining about being caught "in the friendzone" with the girl they are attracted to. This means that the guy wants to have an intimate relationship with the girl, take her out on dates, kiss/cuddle her etc. but the girl doesn't want that. She wants them to "just be friends" instead.

What is your opinion on this? Does "the friendzone" exist? Is it a form of rejection? Is it wrong for a girl to put a guy in "the friendzone"? Is it wrong for a guy to want to be more than just friends? Also, what sort of guys end up in "the friendzone" and why?

[hobbitle]

Why would you start a thread about this. IT IS NOT A THING. END OF STORY. It's like starting a debate about whether or not the tooth fairy exists. Figment. Of. Imagination. Ugh.

[Thu Thu Train]

It doesn't exist. Sack up ask her out and if she says no at least you have (had?) a good friend?

Why would you start a thread about this. IT IS NOT A THING. END OF STORY. It's like starting a debate about whether or not the tooth fairy exists. Figment. Of. Imagination. Ugh.

Erm do you have scientific proof of this non-existence? maybe this is the debate we should be having

I don't understand how it would be "wrong" to put anyone in the friend zone. "I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU NOW HAVE SEX WITH ME"  is such a douche thought to have. It's not wrong to want to be "more than friends" but it's wrong to blame the girl when she doesn't want to be more than friends.

[brenden]

Why would you start a thread about this. IT IS NOT A THING. END OF STORY. It's like starting a debate about whether or not the tooth fairy exists. Figment. Of. Imagination. Ugh.

I can empathise with your exasperation but this could be a productive debate. Perhaps the silliness isn't as visible to some as it is to others; dialogue is always productive.

I'll take this opportunity to remind people of the 'no hate speech' rule, so any sweeping gender discrimination in this thread such as "girls that won't put out are just attention seeking sluts" or "boys who complain about the friendzone are just closet rapists" will be dealt with appropriately. Keep it clean, keep it productive, people! Happy debating.

Erm do you have scientific proof of this non-existence? maybe this is the debate we should be having

Also, I'll take this opportunity to remind people that trolling is not a cool guy and does afraid of everything.

[Special At Specialist]

It doesn't exist.

This is inconsistent with your comment below:

I don't understand how it would be "wrong" to put anyone in the friend zone. "I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU NOW HAVE SEX WITH ME"  is such a douche thought to have. It's not wrong to want to be "more than friends" but it's wrong to blame the girl when she doesn't want to be more than friends.

I'm going to focus on this sentence below:

"I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU NOW HAVE SEX WITH ME"  is such a douche thought to have.

Is this the way you think of everyone who mentions "the friendzone"? Do you automatically assume that them wanting to be in a relationship equates to wanting to treat the other person as a sex object? Would you agree that there is more to a relationship than just sex? Would you also agree that being in a relationship doesn't necessarily take your friendship away, but can actually strengthen it?

Also, one thing which no one has touched on yet: is "the friendzone" a form of rejection? Is it another way of saying "I don't like you as much as you like me"? If so, would it be reasonable for a guy to feel unappreciated and unwanted when he gets "friendzoned"?

[hobbitle]

Is this the way you think of everyone who mentions "the friendzone"? Do you automatically assume that them wanting to be in a relationship equates to wanting to treat the other person as a sex object? Would you agree that there is more to a relationship than just sex? Would you also agree that being in a relationship doesn't necessarily take your friendship away, but can actually strengthen it?

The difference between a close friendship between a guy and a girl (ie "friend zoned") and a relationship IS sex (and other forms of intimacy).

[hobbitle]

Also, one thing which no one has touched on yet: is "the friendzone" a form of rejection?

Uh, no.
The "friend zone" is a way that people of opposite genders are able to be friends with each other without having to be in a relationship with multiple people.
Otherwise known as, well, monogamy.
Might not be everyone's cup of tea but it's kind of the norm.

Sorry for multiple posts. Tapatalk on phone sucks for quoting.

[hobbitle]

...SO HIT THE GYM M8

LOL Kev <3

[Special At Specialist]

@hobbitle - Surely there is more of a difference between a relationship and a close friendship than just sex? What about traits like loyalty, commitment and sacrifice? It's very rare for close friends to be 100% loyal and committed to each other when it comes to things such as sharing a house, sharing children (if they were to adopt for example) and planning to spend the rest of their lives together. There are certain things like this that our society practically condemns for people that aren't "partners". Being "close friends" with someone is rarely a long term thing that you're willing to make huge sacrifices for. If your best friend were to move overseas, would you move as well? The vast majority of people would answer "no" to that unless it was convenient for them.

Whilst I'm not denying that sex is a big part of relationships, it's certainly not the only thing that makes a close friendship and a relationship distinct from each other.

These types of discussions/debates really irk me.

Special At Specialist, think of a girl (assuming you're straight) that you would never even consider touching her lips with your own. Someone who you don't feel ANY sort of physical attraction towards ("ugly" is such an ugly word).
Now give them the nicest personality in the world, e.g. You're able to confide in them, you're able to express your opinions to them freely and you can trust them. BUT you still would never, ever, EVER consider kissing them.

That is all the "friendzone" is. Someone with a personality that you're comfortable with but whom you don't feel any sort of physical attraction towards.


So now put a girl in your position and replace the "friendzoned" guy in the other position and ta-da! The classic "friendzone" example!

It's no big deal and it's certainly not wrong for someone to place another person in the "friendzone" (wtf? lol).
It's also not wrong for the guy to want to be more than friends, as if that's the case, obviously the guy's physically attracted to the girl. But usually nothing really works out if the girl isn't really into the guy.

Anyone can end up in the friendzone, it's just whether the girl's attracted to you or not.


...SO HIT THE GYM M8

This is an interesting example. I'll respond to this later.

[simpak]

I don't think a friendzone exists.  I don't think that, just because someone considers you a friend and doesn't want to be a relationship with you right now, means that they never would.  Just as people 'fall out' of love, people can 'fall in' love at any time.  Just because someone considers you a friend today, doesn't mean you'll be 'just' a friend tomorrow.

Everyone should just respect the fact that people are either attracted to someone or not attracted to someone, in a sexual way.  It's not something that can be controlled.

And there is no one sort of 'guy' who would end up being friends with every girl they meet.  That's ridiculous.  This concept is so stupidly sexist too, because I have never seen a girl complain about being 'friendzoned'.

Just be glad to have that person as a friend and look for intimacy elsewhere.  Don't bitch and moan because someone doesn't want to go out with you - attraction is never a choice.  You are never entitled to sex.

[Thu Thu Train]

This is inconsistent with your comment below:

I'm going to focus on this sentence below:

Is this the way you think of everyone who mentions "the friendzone"? Do you automatically assume that them wanting to be in a relationship equates to wanting to treat the other person as a sex object? Would you agree that there is more to a relationship than just sex? Would you also agree that being in a relationship doesn't necessarily take your friendship away, but can actually strengthen it?

Also, one thing which no one has touched on yet: is "the friendzone" a form of rejection? Is it another way of saying "I don't like you as much as you like me"? If so, would it be reasonable for a guy to feel unappreciated and unwanted when he gets "friendzoned"?

Sorry I should have said "I don't understand how it would be "wrong" to put anyone in the friend zone, if it existed." but I thought it was pretty clear from the start of my post that I believe it is not real.

Is this the way you think of everyone who mentions "the friendzone"? Do you automatically assume that them wanting to be in a relationship equates to wanting to treat the other person as a sex object? Would you agree that there is more to a relationship than just sex? Would you also agree that being in a relationship doesn't necessarily take your friendship away, but can actually strengthen it?

Obviously that comment emulates my thoughts on women and I did in fact refer to myself as a douche I wasn't at all mimicking the stereotypical bro-fisting frat bro at all.

People who cry about the friend zone have this strange belief that the girl/guy they're being nice to owe them a romantic relationship or sex (see I even said romantic relationship this time so you don't get confused) for being nice. They think "I'm so nice they'll definitely go out with me now" and when they're told that they're only considered a friend they mope around and for some reason it's the girls fault that there is no romantic relationship because she saw the guy treating her as a friend instead of a love interest because he didn't make his intentions clear.

[Special At Specialist]

I always end up being the devil's advocate and a debate turns into a lecture... I'm not taking any sides here, I'm just trying to ask heaps of questions to force people to justify their views so we can actually get a discussion going.

[hobbitle]

I take back what I said about this thread that should never have been started. It's awesome and hilarious.

S@S -
Yes there is more than just sex to a relationship than friendship + sex.
But seriously, don't mess with me.
If a girl you were into was like, "let's be best friends, I mean absolute best friends, let's move in together and make lots of future plans and you can move with me to Spain... but we can't have sex" you wouldn't go there, right? You'd still be considered "friend zoned". And you know why you wouldn't do it? Because intimacy is a huge part of the foundation in a romantic relationship and everything else works because of it.

[hobbitle]

And yes I know you are playing devils advocate and don't necessarily believe in the friend zone.

[MagicGecko]

I always end up being the devil's advocate and a debate turns into a lecture...

lol I've noticed that in some threads
I agree with simpak though, shit happens life and someone you were never attracted to today might seem attractive to you tomorrow or vice versa.