Friendships b/n guys and girls

[ampersand8]

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever” - Dave Matthews

I'm not sure if this has already been discussed/debated (please direct me to the post if it has) but I'd like to know your take on this subject. I personally think it's true that at one point or another you do end up falling for the other but I guess what I'd really like to delve into is whether it's a two way street (i.e whether one falls for the other but the other doesnt, so like some unrequited love stuff)?

And also, sometimes when I meet someone, I sort of just imagine a whole story up of us having a life together, does this count at "temporarily falling for the other person" because I don't particular think I am falling for the other person, I'm just imagining what life could possibly be like to assess the potential?

[thushan]

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever, or maybe never.”

[keltingmeith]

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever, or maybe never.”

^This amendment easily summarizes my thoughts on the topic.

Otherwise, I don't think that "assessing the potential" constitutes as "falling for" the other person, temporarily or no. I think what Matthews is referring to is a lot more primal than what you're suggesting.

[Apink!]

As a person who has more "male" friends than female (I'm a girl myself)

I have never, ever fallen for one of my friends
and
never will

[TheAspiringDoc]

As a person who has more "male" friends than female (I'm a girl myself)

I have never, ever fallen for one of my friends
and
never will

Fair enough. I don't mean to be prying, but may I ask, is there a difference between "falling for" and deciding to?

[Tyleralp1]

A matter like this purely depends on the two parties involved.

Some people are more than capable of interacting with the opposite sex, developing a friendship relationship, and not letting that transition into something emotional and more serious. Others however, may realise the good qualities in said person and thus develop an attraction that wasn't initially present at first.

However, it may also depend on the initial conditions upon which the two met. By that, I mean sometimes the two parties will meet in a purely non-relationship way and decide to keep in that way. Or, you could be one of those people who interact with the opposite sex only when you appear interested in them and want to pursue something more (aside from those you are forced to befriend, such as work, Uni, etc).

Hence, there's a lot to consider. Though it does appear that more often than not, one will want something more whilst the other doesn't. That being said, it's no doubt possible for two to actually be "just friends", which may take a bit more effort to and sometimes require one to forgo any feelings.

[imaware]

I'm gonna say no.
Physical attraction always intervenes, if a guy finds a female attractive inevitably there will be feelings or a sexual attraction.
Only time men and women in my opinion 'can' be friends, and this is the subtle examples are when a guy/girl does not find the other attractive or if the person is gay/lesbian.

Heres an old video, but proves my point
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA#t=147

[ampersand8]

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever, or maybe never.”

In regards to your amendment, well what if they have temporarily fallen for you but have never voiced that opinion, how would you know that falling for the other would never happen?

As a person who has more "male" friends than female (I'm a girl myself)

I have never, ever fallen for one of my friends
and
never will

What's the bet that they have not fallen for you? After all the concept does go both ways and as imaware says, physical attraction does intervene,

I'm gonna say no.
Physical attraction always intervenes, if a guy finds a female attractive inevitably there will be feelings or a sexual attraction.
Only time men and women in my opinion 'can' be friends, and this is the subtle examples are when a guy/girl does not find the other attractive or if the person is gay/lesbian.

Heres an old video, but proves my point
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA#t=147

That video was an awesome social experiment. In terms of being friends with someone who is gay/lesbian, well if they are in the closet or for example Person A didn't know that they were homosexual then do you think that Person A would develop feelings, temporary or not, for their homosexual friend?

However, it may also depend on the initial conditions upon which the two met. By that, I mean sometimes the two parties will meet in a purely non-relationship way and decide to keep in that way.

Do you think that meeting a friend's significant other would prevent an attraction and consequent 'falling for' or even then is there an element that is temporary?

[sjayne]

I'm a girl, most of my friends are guys (except for 1) and we're all fine being friends    It would never work because it'd be like dating a brother for me.

[Apink!]

What's the bet that they have not fallen for you? After all the concept does go both ways and as imaware says, physical attraction does intervene,

That'd be pretty impossible ( or of a very, very low chance)
I mean, after all, I know who all my guy friends like
so...

[achre]

I'm a female-attracted male. Personally, I get along better with girls than I do with guys, I always have. In substance all of my 'close' friends are women, and nothing even remotely non-platonic has ever come of it.

But I recognise that some people I know would find it extremely difficult to be just really close friends with a member of the opposite sex. Different people are different in many respects, the way they approach or act in social relationships is one of those differences. That's the danger in making absolute statements like men and women can never be friends, because it's exactly as true for some people as it is false for others.

[Russ]

Friendship and a relationship are just different stages of the same spectrum and I think the emphasis people place on this is overstated. The  tangible difference between the two is quite small.

[TheAspiringDoc]

Friendship and a relationship are just different stages of the same spectrum and I think the emphasis people place on this is overstated. The  tangible difference between the two is quite small.

Not quite?
I thought it was more like we are talking about *those kinds* of relationships - not the kind I have with my best buddies - despite the fact that we do have a 'relationship'..

[Russ]

No, I'm saying that the difference between platonic and romantic relationships isn't necessarily large. Emotional intimacy and connection aren't the sole domain of people who are 'dating'.

[slothpomba]

Totally false in the sense of outcomes.

Maybe its because you're still at school or have a somewhat limited circle of friends or friends of the opposite sex (hello engineers..).

However, once your friendship circle will expand, you can reasonably expect it to be approximately 50% (wo)men. For many people that would mean they have opposite sex friends they talk to regularly that would number in the 10s. Certainly contacts and acquaintances that probably range in the hundreds even.

Most people might only have feelings for one or two people at a time. I've never heard of anyone having feelings for a group of 10+ people before.

That said, being in close or constant contact changes relationship dynamics in all kinds of ways. I travelled to Japan for about a month with one of my mates and it almost broke out into a fist fight once or twice. That kind of constant or close contact just changes dynamics from what they would normally be.

If you're still in school with limited activities outside of school, then yes, seeing people and having contact with them every day creates a certain relationship dynamic. David Chappelle told a joke (which i've cleaned up a bit). He was talking about Bill Clinton and he said "He did what busy men do, they love who is close to them". If its dominant way you interact with people with little outside social interaction, its no surprise a potential lover could be drawn from your circle of friends.

Also, as Russ said, there's only so much of a gap between a romantic and platonic relationship. A lot of people say they are best friends with their partner or spouse. However, obviously, being best friends likewise isn't enough (needs something else). Many people have come to be partners with someone who they were originally friends with, for a lot of people, it happens quite often unless you're into the whole blind date thing and so on.