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Author Topic: English Advanced: Creative Writing  (Read 1687 times)

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2D Trash

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English Advanced: Creative Writing
« on: October 11, 2017, 08:38:56 pm »
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Anyone is welcome to give feedback!!

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“Damn it…!” He cursed as he passed alleyways and sprinted down the street, barely missing the market stalls, shoving aside shaken townspeople of Ente Isla. Just when he had his sights on that lady’s pendant. It could’ve been worth at least 20 tenmas and more along with the rest of their stolen loot.
“Stop right there!” Yelled one of the palace guards, waving his spear, armour rattling as he ran after him. More of them were right behind him. “Halt!”

The young man ran faster as they gained on him, his raven-black hair pulled back from the air rushing past as he ran. He glanced around, looking to expect one of his own to provide a distraction of some sort, but all he could see were merchants and children. Did he lose his pack? Why of course.

He had to improvise.

Turning sharply to his left, he spotted a stone pillar and hid behind it, unnoticed by the guards who passed by him. “Don’t let him get away!” They would yell. As soon as the last of the guards disappeared around the corner, he checked if the coast was clear. He let out a breath of relief, as there were none that he could see.

Slipping out from behind the stone pillar, he continued on, still keeping his guard up.

The thief walked around the flea markets and passed the beggars who were huddled together against the dirty walls and in dusty corners, ignored by onlookers who made faces of disgust and disdain. He used to be just like them. Used to.

He can remember the days where he would starve and wore only a ripped tunic and a musty undershirt, accompanied by pants and shoes like swiss cheese. Lice-infested and barely even bathing once a day at the least.

Now here he is, living on the edge, or as he thought to himself. He went by the name of Donovan, stealing things to survive in this unforgiving world, constantly on the run from the authorities. Fortunately, he banded together with other thieves and formed an infamous group: The Pack.

They were known as this, due to the way they would travel in a large group and target areas with goods and riches. They were fierce and savage, moving with inhuman speed and would fight anyone who would dare defy them. They were most active from dusk to dawn, making them difficult to capture. They were scavengers.

Donovan was a mere subordinate compared to his pack leader, despite this, he was quick on his toes and would be loyal and merciless like the rest of them. But, he would often feel a sense of being trapped, always following orders and having to share his findings with the rest of his pack. He wanted to be free. A lone wolf, if you would.

This was a marvelous opportunity to feel freedom. Free to roam and take whatever he pleased, as long as he doesn’t get caught, of course.

“There he is!” He’s been spotted.
He bolted off like a startled rabbit from a gunshot. Looks like he’s going to have to make an escape plan. He turned corners, winding around marketplaces and potteries, hopefully he could loose them if he tried hard enough.

“Oof!” He collided with another body. He stumbled back and eyed a young woman on the ground. His fiery golden eyes met her clear emerald ones. She looked dazed, her chestnut hair lay disarranged over her face.

“Get him!” A palace guard yelled, running towards where he stood. He turned his head and frowned.
The woman got to her feet, tucking her hair strands behind her ear. He had a plan.

In one swift movement, he spun around and unsheathed his switchblade, throwing it up and catching it midair. He seized the woman and pressed the blade against her bare throat. The guards halted their movement. They looked at the woman’s frightened eyes, then to the man’s unblinking ones. He had a menacing look, one that warned them to stay where they were and drop their weapons, or else she gets it.

Slowly, the guards lowered their weapons and as soon as the last spear touched the ground, he shoved the woman towards them and shot off like a bullet. Donovan could hear their shouts and footsteps, but he was already far ahead of them, closer and closer to freedom. He smirked.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2017, 08:57:18 pm by 2D Trash »

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced: Creative Writing
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2017, 08:42:03 pm »
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Welcome to the forums!! ;D

As discussed here you aren't eligible for a moderator to check this over, but keen to see your peers give you some feedback! ;D

Potatohater

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Re: English Advanced: Creative Writing
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2017, 10:29:03 pm »
+1
I think this piece was quite engaging as it really dragged me in, making me want to know more about the unfolding events.
Just wanted to clarify, the discovery is the self discovery that Donovan wants freedom?
Just be careful with tense, since it seemed to shift a bit, this part is where I noticed it in particular

“There he is!” He’s been spotted.
He bolted off like a startled rabbit from a gunshot. Looks like he’s going to have to make an escape plan. He turned corners, winding around marketplaces and potteries, hopefully he could loose them if he tried hard enough.
The peice changes from past to present tense here and then returns to past tense. There might be other moments like this so maybe just go through and have a careful read, checking the tense and fixing it so it is all in past tense. That will make it much clearer to audiences and the markers will not be able to fault it in terms of how you've sustained the peice. Other than that it was good!
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2D Trash

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Re: English Advanced: Creative Writing
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2017, 05:06:38 pm »
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Oh, I see! Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix it up. ^^