English : Online Literary Essay

[livvy_1234]

Hi!
I was just wondering if I could get some feedback on my work so far for English?
I hope I did this right haha!! 

Thanks,
Liv 

[literally lauren]

Hey livvy!

This is a very well-written piece, and your textual analysis skills are fantastic! Couple of points:

  - I've left comments in the attached doc assuming this is an IA1 piece that's meant to be a feature article of some kind. But I might have misinterpreted things based on the title, so please let me know if there were any particular instructions you had to adhere to for this piece!

   - At the moment, it seems like you've got a 90/10 ratio of analysing-the-set-texts vs. writing-a-feature-article-about-bigger-ideas. If this is what your teacher has told you to do, definitely stick with that! But it might be safer if you try to make this more like 70/30, so cut down on a bit of the analysis, and add more sentences that talk about the broader concepts of war/trauma/sacrifice/psychological ramifications. Again, your analysis of the text is really good! But typically the focus of these tasks is writing for a public audience, so you have to think about who would realistically be reading a piece like this, and how it should be written to suit them. (Kinda silly, since your real audience is your English teacher but just play pretend!)

   - I know parts of this are unfinished, so let me know if you have a more recent draft you want feedback on! Happy to answer questions about anything in the attached doc too!

Best of luck with your assessment!