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July 15, 2024, 09:27:46 pm

Author Topic: 1984 helppppp  (Read 3746 times)

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hooter03

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1984 helppppp
« on: October 19, 2020, 02:46:09 pm »
+1
Hi, it would be great if someone could please give me feedback on an introduction I wrote for 1984 that I am going to change and mould to the exam question tmr. Also please indicate what band I am sitting at or a mark out of 5 for the intro. Thanks in advance   
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Human qualities and emotions that arise from individual and collective human experiences define and challenge the values and beliefs of an individual and within society. George Orwell's dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty Four (1949) revolves around the dissident voice of Winston Smith, a character stifled by individuality and freedom. Orwell explores the behaviour and motivations outside the norms and the conventions of a particular social context. The allegorical text delivers a broad message on the real-world dangers that exist within a totalitarian society.  Orwell's past experiences are a catalyst for the ideas and perspectives portrayed in the text 1984. Due to the cold war, when the text was written, the Soviet Union, a totalitarian government, caused Orwell to question the stability of his world which is reflected in the text through mind control, identity and totalitarianism.

The Cat In The Hat

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Re: 1984 helppppp
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2020, 05:30:53 pm »
+1
Hi, it would be great if someone could please give me feedback on an introduction I wrote for 1984 that I am going to change and mould to the exam question tmr. Also please indicate what band I am sitting at or a mark out of 5 for the intro. Thanks in advance   
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Human qualities and emotions that arise from individual and collective human experiences define and challenge the values and beliefs of an individual and within society. George Orwell's dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty Four (1949) revolves around the dissident voice of Winston Smith, a character stifled by individuality and freedom. Orwell explores the behaviour and motivations outside the norms and the conventions of a particular social context. The allegorical text delivers a broad message on the real-world dangers that exist within a totalitarian society.  Orwell's past experiences are a catalyst for the ideas and perspectives portrayed in the text 1984. Due to the cold war, when the text was written, the Soviet Union, a totalitarian government, caused Orwell to question the stability of his world which is reflected in the text through mind control, identity and totalitarianism.
Note - I'm not an HSC student (so I don't know what they're looking for), and I've only read 1984 once and have a fairly vague idea of it.
Things I noticed -
-Good vocabulary :)
-Should change up your sentence structures a bit, the fairly short sentences got a little annoying
-Felt like your arguments were a little unclear
-Good way of expressing yourself

This isn't much, but hopefully it helps!
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hooter03

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Re: 1984 helppppp
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2020, 06:06:06 pm »
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Thank you so much for your feedback, will definitely work on improving the things you have mentioned, any feedback is a step closer to my goals. 

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Re: 1984 helppppp
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2020, 09:25:42 pm »
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I'm not HSC or English focused so I'm not going to try to mark but here are a few points:

Would be great to see more flow (greater connection between your sentences such that one idea flows to the next).

I'm not sure that stifled makes much sense in that sentence.

" Due to the cold war, when the text was written, the Soviet Union, a totalitarian government, caused Orwell to question the stability of his world which is reflected in the text through mind control, identity and totalitarianism." -> this sentence could be a structured a bit more nicely, the amount of commas due to the two embedded phrases near each other upsets fluency.


Good luck for your exam! You've got this :)