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June 20, 2024, 04:19:54 pm

Author Topic: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!  (Read 5418 times)  Share 

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Undeadeast15

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My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« on: January 11, 2013, 12:48:14 am »
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Hey guys, i was just wondering if you could give me your opinion on my year 10 application for Melbourne High, thank you :)))

Moderator action: redacted application
« Last Edit: January 11, 2013, 12:56:07 am by pi »
2013: John Monash Science School - 05/09/13
2015: Mathematical Methods (CAS)
2016: English | Chemistry | Specialist Mathematics | Biology | MUEP - Mathematics
2017: Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Bachelor of Commerce
2019: Bachelor of Medical Studies and Doctor of Medicine

pi

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2013, 12:55:16 am »
+9
I edited out the application. It's:
1) Not really something you should be posting for the world to see
2) Probably not the best way of securing a place into MHS
3) Got a lot of your private details in there

If you want feedback, Id suggest you PM it to a few people who you think you can trust and see if they get back to you with suggestions. But I wouldn't think MHS would want you to do this, it should be from the heart :)

Look, and as I remember before, you DID send this to me and I did make some suggestions already (and you haven't changed much from a glanced reading...).

« Last Edit: January 11, 2013, 12:59:48 am by pi »

Undeadeast15

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2013, 01:00:13 am »
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PM me guys if you wanna read my written application :)
2013: John Monash Science School - 05/09/13
2015: Mathematical Methods (CAS)
2016: English | Chemistry | Specialist Mathematics | Biology | MUEP - Mathematics
2017: Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Bachelor of Commerce
2019: Bachelor of Medical Studies and Doctor of Medicine

pi

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2013, 01:07:30 am »
+1
As I said, you DID send it to me and I've just checked with that copy, you didn't take any of my suggestions on board. Just making that a note to those who may wish to spend their time to PM you to help you :)

Undeadeast15

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2013, 01:22:16 am »
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As I said, you DID send it to me and I've just checked with that copy, you didn't take any of my suggestions on board. Just making that a note to those who may wish to spend their time to PM you to help you :)

Pi, before I made any changes to it, I re-checked it with my tutor teacher (past VCE english examiner and past mhs examiner) and he said that It was what he wanted me to write. Now I'm confused on who to listen....
2013: John Monash Science School - 05/09/13
2015: Mathematical Methods (CAS)
2016: English | Chemistry | Specialist Mathematics | Biology | MUEP - Mathematics
2017: Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Bachelor of Commerce
2019: Bachelor of Medical Studies and Doctor of Medicine

pi

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2013, 01:26:46 am »
+4
Well, to take one line from your application (one without personal details): "I have participated in many community services activities held at our school such as Diversity Week, Be Brave and Shave Day, Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless..."

Ok, now I can't see *anyone* that would recommend you include "Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless" in an application. If this person told you to write that, then I am very confused, because *everyone* donates gold coins here and there and it's not something worthy of an application.

If I were you, I'd ask him WHY he wants you to include things like that. He *could* be right, but I highly doubt it.

Undeadeast15

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2013, 01:29:21 am »
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Well, to take one line from your application (one without personal details): "I have participated in many community services activities held at our school such as Diversity Week, Be Brave and Shave Day, Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless..."

Ok, now I can't see *anyone* that would recommend you include "Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless" in an application. If this person told you to write that, then I am very confused, because *everyone* donated gold coins and it's not something worthy of an application.

If I were you, I'd ask him WHY he wants you to include things like that. He *could* be right, but I highly doubt it.


Hmmmm, now as I look back at it, yes it looks very dodgy doesent it. Hmm, might have to remove it. And just to be on the safe side, I'll have it checked out from other tutor teachers :)
2013: John Monash Science School - 05/09/13
2015: Mathematical Methods (CAS)
2016: English | Chemistry | Specialist Mathematics | Biology | MUEP - Mathematics
2017: Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Bachelor of Commerce
2019: Bachelor of Medical Studies and Doctor of Medicine

spectroscopy

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2013, 09:00:42 am »
+3
With my app I talked about what I can do for the school not what they can do for me eg; ranked number 2 in the state in violin, running x fast and sending in an official copy of results from my athletics team, list leadership experience like house captain and stuff, and yeah
Tbh I think that once you do well enough in the entrance exam for an interview they want people who will represent the school well and be active in the community and stuff, don't put dodgy things in like "donated gold coins" or participated in, talk about how you organised those activities

Source(s): got an offer

walkec

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2013, 10:37:41 am »
+1
Pi, before I made any changes to it, I re-checked it with my tutor teacher (past VCE english examiner and past mhs examiner) and he said that It was what he wanted me to write. Now I'm confused on who to listen....


If I were you I'd listen to Pi, because obviously he knows the environment of MHS as he went there! And good point of the gold coins thing, it's a bit like writing a resume I guess. You want to include things that make you stand out, not seem like a bore!

ninwa

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2013, 11:14:21 am »
+2
Well, to take one line from your application (one without personal details): "I have participated in many community services activities held at our school such as Diversity Week, Be Brave and Shave Day, Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless..."

Ok, now I can't see *anyone* that would recommend you include "Contributed many gold coins that go and fund vicinities that help the homeless" in an application. If this person told you to write that, then I am very confused, because *everyone* donates gold coins here and there and it's not something worthy of an application.

If I were you, I'd ask him WHY he wants you to include things like that. He *could* be right, but I highly doubt it.

And get someone to check over your expression and grammar, because I'm pretty sure "vicinities" is not the right word to use there :P
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Shenz0r

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Re: My Melbourne High year 10 application!!
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2013, 11:51:40 am »
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When MHS is selecting the Year 10 intake, as you may have noticed, they're looking for well-rounded students who participate in many extra-curricula activities. There's less emphasis on academics, although you still have to pass the exam.

So if you want a good chance of getting in, mention any involvements and achievements in music, sport, and leadership.

The gold coin thing seems to be pulling at the straws in my opinion. Perhaps you could try to mention any involvement in community service outside of school? Working in a soup kitchen, or at an aged care centre, the list goes on.

With my app I talked about what I can do for the school not what they can do for me eg; ranked number 2 in the state in violin, running x fast and sending in an official copy of results from my athletics team, list leadership experience like house captain and stuff, and yeah
Tbh I think that once you do well enough in the entrance exam for an interview they want people who will represent the school well and be active in the community and stuff, don't put dodgy things in like "donated gold coins" or participated in, talk about how you organised those activities

Source(s): got an offer

This is exactly on the ball. :)
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2013-2015: Bachelor of Biomedicine (Microbiology/Immunology: Infections and Immunity) at The University of Melbourne
2016-2019: Doctor of Medicine (MD4) at The University of Melbourne