Analytical Essay Feedback

[forbiddensoulxx]

Should boys and girls be in separate schools?

When you were in high school, when was the last time you  friends muttered how attractive a girl or boy looked? Many argue being in different campuses and schools takes away social skills from boys and girls, however some oppose that high school is the time when most students care about social statues and relationships rather than studies. Being separated for 5 days, 10 months for 4 years does not make boys and girls lack social skills.

Almost all of the students in high school only care about how pretty someone looks, who is going out with who, and other social talk that does not need to take place in school. By being in separate school, boys and girl can take a break from the other gender, instead, they can focus more on education and studies. The 2 leading schools in Victoria are Melbourne High School and Mac Robertson Girls School, both of which are single-sex schools. Thus, proving that single-sex schools give students the opportunity to achieve higher academically.

Being separated for 5 years only on school days and grounds does not ruin social skills of either gender. In fact, being separated strengthens the bond, as they are together for their primary, college years and years until their death. Being in a single-sex school does not mean students cannot see the opposite gender for five years in a row. Margaret Kilmore from Australian Children's Welfare states "Co-ed schools are less likely to get their students to achieve better academically than single-sex schools like Mac Robertson Girls School". Therefore, it boys and girls are separated, neither gender looses social skills and they are not restricted from seeing each other.

Boys and girls should be in separate schools as they are able to achieve higher academically and infact, gain more social skills, rather than gossiping and trying to ask each other on dates. Single-sex schools also provide the oppurtunity to gain a better, successful future.

[Hannibal]

Awesome effort, especially in 15 minutes .
I would say that it's a pretty nice piece of work, and all it needs is a little bit of refinement in terms of the grammar, and allowing it to flow as well as it can. I recommend using verbal language rather than numerical values for numbers under ten, because it sounds a lot more formal and professional. Try and use more evocative language as well, just to give it a little bit of punch, like 'salacious gossiping' rather than just 'gossiping'. I would give it a 8/10, so nice .