Hey, everyone!
Going to progressively start going through these responses :D Hope the feedback is helpful!
Thesis:
Through representation of individual and collective human experiences, stories are able to appropriate common values to challenge assumptions in a way that enables social cohesion towards shared goals.
Topic sentence on inversion of values in 1984:
The contrast drawn between the values of Winston and those of the world around him allow Orwell to challenge assumptions about totalitarian societies through the inversion of shared values held by his audience.
OdenP Feedback
Hey, OdenP!
Well done for being the first poster. Your thesis and topic sentence are both looking good! The thesis draws from the storytelling concept of the module well and expands on the ideas from the statement. Being super picky, I would probably just remove that phrase at the beginning since it doesn't contribute as much to the thesis and isn't as related to the question itself. That being said, you could introduce that as an elaboration of your thesis in the next sentence!
As for the topic sentence, I think it's clever that you're looking at the inversion of values in 1984. This topic sentence sets your paragraph up nicely for an engagement with the Human Experience module ideas. Also still being picky but you could cut down on a few words here to make the sentence more concise as follows: The contrast drawn between the Winston's values of Winston and those of the world around him allow Orwell to challenges assumptions about totalitarian societies through the inversion of shared values held by his audience. I would bring up Orwell and the audience in the next sentence to extend on the topic sentence to keep it more focused on the module. You could also insert the words "narrative" or "storytelling" somewhere in the topic sentence to engage deeper with the question. Otherwise, great work!
Storytelling is a powerful device that communicates individual experiences to a larger cohort of the population developing a collective experience as a whole, that brings communities together building a common ground of understanding and experiences.
hmcclellan's Feedback
Hey, hmcclellan!
Your thesis is heading on the right track! You engaged well with the question and really thought about how its ideas relate to individual and collective human experiences. Something you could look at in terms of reworking it is refining the thesis. As of current, it's quite long and while it addresses everything you need to, it could definitely be shortened. There are some repeated elements in it which you could look at refining to make your judgement clearer. Here's where I think you can cut down: Storytelling is a powerfullly device that communicates individual experiences to a larger cohort of the population developing a collective experience as a whole, that to brings communities together, building a common ground of understanding and experiences. I also think you could add something like "to the audience" as a way to reinforce the whole "purpose" of storytelling at the end of the thesis. This would give it more clarity as a result! Great effort and I hope this helps!
Thesis: In the documentary ‘Waste Land’, the purpose of storytelling exposes us to the transformative power of art and resilience of human beings which further brings us together as we are able to relate to these universal concepts.
Thank you!
sekaiiakira12's Feedback
Hey, sekaiikakira12!
Great work with the thesis! Along with the other responses I've seen so far, you have tackled the storytelling concept in a direct and simple manner. I particularly like how you look at "art" and suggest the role of the text being also a medium to explore visual narratives. My only suggestion is to dive straight into it and introduce the text itself in the next sentence or two. Keep the thesis an answer to the question. I could be even pickier and say to cut down the "as we are able to relate to these universal concepts" part. You could bring this up in later in the introduction. Otherwise, well done for engaging with the question so well.
Thesis for: the purpose of storytelling is to bring us together, rather than tear us apart
Storytelling serves to explore, remind and teach us of our humanity and paves a way for communication and understanding of our shared experiences.
The Merchant of Venice elucidates the dynamic interconnection between human emotion and materials to expose the paradoxical and inconsistent interaction between each value.
renachen's Feedback
Hey, renachen!
Your thesis is looking good and directly engages with the question. I particularly like how you have almost illustrated storytelling as a pathway that reveals important ideas about being human. My only suggestion would be to refine it a little like so; Storytelling serves to explore, remind and teach us of our humanity and paving a way for communication and understanding of our shared experiences. I think this encapsulates the essence of your thesis and you can bring up communication as a point in your elaboration of the thesis!
For your topic sentence, I would advise you to reduce the length and verbosity in it so you can have some more clarity in your ideas. Something like "The Merchant of Venice elucidates the dynamic interconnection between human emotion and materials to expose the paradoxical and inconsistent interaction between each value." I would also aim to consider how this links to narrative and storytelling to make sure it extends from the thesis itself and still responds to the question. Off to a great start and hope this helps!
Thesis: Composers reveal the way in which storytelling acts as a vessel for human experience, allowing humanity to share and connect individual experiences to a broader collective narrative.
Topic sentence: Orwell explores the power of storytelling and language in manipulating and controlling the collective human experience of conscious thought and freedom of expression until individual identity is void and reduced to primal obedience.
z_oec's Feedback
Hey, z_oec!
The thesis and topic sentences are looking good! They both orient themselves toward the question and delve into ideas of storytelling evidently. For the thesis, I could even go as far as to say that you could probably remove the "Composers reveal the way in which" phrase at the beginning because the rest of the thesis works fine without it! If anything, it lends itself to be more directed to the actual question and shows that immediate engagement with the module concepts.
Your topic sentence is coming together nicely too. I would perhaps recommend shortening it a little too to something like this; Orwell explores tThe power of storytelling and language in manipulates and controls the collective human experiences of conscious thought and freedom of expression until individual identity is void and reduced to primal obedience. In removing these elements, you could introduce them, as well as the author, in the explanation sentence to follow. This can enable the topic sentence to remain a response to the question as a result. Hope this helps and great effort!
Powering through with more feedback! Thanks for being so patient with me, folks :)
Text: The Merchant of Venice
Thesis: Storytelling acts as a vice to further our human experience. Harbouring connections through storytelling creates a better understanding of humanity.
Topic Sentence: Shakespeare uses storytelling as a vice to educate Elizabethan society about the dangers of the human condition. As human we tend to act on emotion, leading to us to become prejudiced towards each other.
Rubytuesday2027's Feedback
Hey, Rubytuesday2027!
Great to see you using the terminology of the question and engaging with the storytelling concept from the module. The thesis could be revised a little for more clarity; what exactly do you mean by acting as a vice? Did you mean "device" instead? The second sentence works well and could be slightly elaborated with something like ", indeed bringing us together" to quote the statement more directly.
As for the topic sentence, you would need to make sure there's a specific theme or idea being explored. So far it's talking about dangers but perhaps be more detailed. Based on the ideas you've got there, something like this could work: Storytelling seeks to educate on having prejudice as a danger in the human condition. This can then enable you to dive into Shakespeare's representation of human experiences and the role audiences play as storytelling aims to "bring us together." Hope this helps!
Hey Angelina - thanks in advance :)
Thesis: At the core of storytelling, its purpose is to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience and to unify individuals whom withhold aligning morals and beliefs. Miller’s The Crucible seeks to expose the human condition, which in both Salem’s 1692 and McCarthyism’s 1950s contexts, individuals are challenged by those around them, thus, are torn apart.
Point Sentence: The experience of mass hysteria is successful in both tearing apart and unifying the society of Salem, and in its transcendent nature, the world.
tara_forman01's Feedback
Hey, tara_forman01!
The thesis and topic sentence you've written engage with storytelling well and the statement. I like how you are looking more at the "tear us apart" aspect and showing how through representing it, Miller aims to educate and unite us. The expression in your thesis could be refined since it's packed at the moment with a lot of elements. I would recommend reconfiguring the two sentences as follows: At the core of storytelling, its purpose is to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience and to unify individuals who withhold aligning morals and beliefs. Arthur Miller’s The Crucible seeks to explore how expose the human condition, which in both Salem’s 1692 and McCarthyism’s 1950s contexts, individuals are challenged by those around them and, thus, are torn apart to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience. You can bring up context later on so keep the introduction and thesis conceptual.
As for the topic sentence, I would suggest you insert something about storytelling (you could use narrative, drama/theatre as ways to show it) and perhaps clarify what you mean by "transcendent" just so it flows better. Something along the lines of "Embedded in the drama,the experience of mass hysteria is represented as successful in both tearing apart and unifying the society of Salem, and, in its transcendent nature, the world" could work. Hope that helps!
Thesis:
Through the techniques employed by Slessor to reveal the human experience of finding beauty in the unexpected in the poem William Street, he challenges his readers to reconsider assumptions about the concept of beauty, therefore uniting his audience in this similar human experience.
Topic sentence:
Slessor uses storytelling in his depiction of life, colour and energy in William street, aptly conveying the beauty he sees in this environment and uniting his audience in this experience of beauty.
Thanks so much for doing this!!
Hannah1004's Feedback
Hey, Hannah1004!
Both your thesis and topic sentence dive straight into the question and look at storytelling within poetry nicely. I do think that both of them are quite long and contain lots of elements which you could possibly split into an elaboration sentence. These would be my suggested revisions for them.
Storytelling challenges his readers to reconsider assumptions about the concept of beauty, therefore uniting his audience in this similar human experience. us with newfound understandings on the human experience. Such is evident with Kenneth Slessor's poetry who to reveals the human experience of finding beauty in the unexpected.
Storytelling aptly conveys beauty in the environment, unifying audiences with empowering human experiences. Slessor uses storytelling in his depiction of life, colour and energy in William Street, challenging reader assumptions on what enriching qualities nature holds.
Hope this helps and you're very welcome!
Thesis: The purpose of storytelling is to ignite recognition within readers towards experiences and emotions they gain an insight to through texts, namely Tim Winton’s memoir, ‘The Boy Behind The Curtain’. This sense of recognition acts as a guide for human actions that result in a meditation on life’s fragility, spirituality and how the natural world underlines these notions.
bellab02's Feedback
bellab02's Feedback
Hey, bellab02!
The thesis is coming together nicely and addresses the key concept of storytelling from the module really well. I would perhaps just recommend shuffling the different elements of it around so that you can keep that initial statement more conceptual and then you can elaborate and introduce your text afterwards. It'd also try and insert a part of the statement somewhere in the first sentence. Something like this would work: The purpose of storytelling is to ignite recognition within readers and unite them with common experiences. towards experiences and emotions they gain an insight to through texts, namely Tim Winton’s memoir, ‘The Boy Behind The Curtain’. In turn, they may gain insight into human emotions and become aware of their humanity.This In Tim Winton's 'The Boy Behind The Curtain', this sense of recognition acts as a guide for human actions that results in a meditation on life’s fragility, spirituality and how the natural world underlines these notions. Your thesis has all the right parts in it though so well done! Hope this helps!
Storytelling allows us to share our individual human experiences through textual mediums so that we are able to create collective human experiences. This is especially shown in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" where various human experiences result due to the 'red scare' and 'McCarthyism'.
Be brutally honest (to a band 5 level) ...Thanks in advance!
akjen's Feedback
Hey, akjen!
The thesis you've written up is on the right track! I like where it's heading and you definitely hit the nail with the storytelling aspect. I think having more clarity would elevate it further and to ensure you have detail in your answer. I would also avoid diving straight into context with the elaboration sentence and keep it human experience-driven. Something like this might be a way to rework it: Storytelling allows us to share our individual human experiences through textual mediums so that we are able to create (or share?) collective human experiences. This (purpose? What is "this" referring to exactly?) is especially shown in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" where various human experiences seem to "tear apart", as opposed to unite, in order for audiences to be commonly enlightened on human flaws. result due to the 'red scare' and 'McCarthyism.' This gears the response more towards the question and show your judgement in a stronger fashion. Otherwise, it's heading in the right direction and creates a great platform for an interesting essay discussion. Hope that helps!
Thesis: The telling and receiving of stories provides a glimpse into the voices not heard in history, and allows us to be present in our human experience as well as drawing us into the experiences of others.
Topic: Anthony Doerr’s postmodern novel All the Light We Cannot See challenges the way we receive stories and by doing so he invites the petit-recits of the silenced individuals and groups, igniting new ideas of the experiences of the past.
dani01's Feedback
Hey, dani01!
Fantastic thesis and topic sentence! Both have all the right elements there and set a nice precursor to your essay's discussion on the text's representation of human experiences. I think shuffling a few bits of the thesis around might make it more logical and for the topic sentence for the body paragraph, I would probably only suggest removing the text and author since you'll presumably introduce it in full in the introduction. These would be my recommended revisions.
The telling and receiving of stories provides a glimpse into the voices not heard (maybe "buried" would be a good word choice here?) in history, and allows us to be present in our human experience as well as drawing us into the experiences of others and allows us to allow us to be present in our human experience as well as.
Anthony Doerr’s postmodern novel All the Light We Cannot SeeTexts may challenge the way we receive stories and by doing so, he invites the petit-recits of the silenced individuals and groups, igniting new ideas of the experiences of the past.
Well done on your responses and hope this helps!
Thank you, all, for taking initiative and giving great attempts for this segment of the lecture. It has been an absolute pleasure helping each and everyone one of you out and I hope you gained something out of this :) All the best with your English exams and be sure to let us know how you go 8)
Angelina ;D