I'm not sure where to start. I guess I should start typing and see where that takes me. And then keep proof-reading it and adding amendments to it. Also this will be a place of vulnerability. In case you couldn't already tell, I love AN, so I figured I would start it up here.
About me
I'm 19 years old. I should have finished my first year of university this year*. I live in Melbourne's outer western suburbs. I'm introverted. Would love some friends. Like, real friends. But I know they're hard to find and hard to develop.
*back to this later.
pandemic talk
We've all been affected by the pandemic in some way. I don't think my individual experience is representative of all young people, but anyway..I never realised how vulnerable I was to the outbreak of a pandemic. I had just come out of Year 12, a year filled with struggle and not much joy. My life already had no structure for several months prior to lockdown starting. I had literally just started uni. It seemed so unfair. Why did it have to be first year? I could have probably coped better if it was my second or third year, but the pandemic got me when I was at my most vulnerable. I guess I still hadn't fully recovered from the burdens Year 12 placed on me. The scars still hadn't healed.
This year has flown by. Days just flew off the calendar effortlessly. Where has this year gone? The overriding emotion I have felt for a good portion of this year is inexplicable sadness. Why do I feel sad? I chose to defer my course indefinitely (or at least until we're allowed to learn on-campus). So I ended up taking a sort-of gap year that was totally unplanned. When am I ever going to have control of my life again? It's all uncertain.
This rapid transition to virtual forms of communication has also left me feeling quite literally isolated as well. Like when I video call someone, at least I can see their face, but I know they are still physically far away from me. And it hurts. I know it's the best alternative, but it doesn't really build closeness. I also can't imagine being a person who loves hugs during this time. Oh wait, I'm one of those people. Yeah, it sucks. And this is far from over, unfortunately.