Post by: elysepopplewell on September 13, 2016, 03:30:22 pm
This thread is created for Area of Study, being the common denominator between Standard and Advanced. This doesn't limit you to posting your thesis statements for other modules to gather some perspectives! This has potential to be a great resource for yourself and others, and if you join in on the feedback, you improve your own editing skills as well as helping a peer. If you're not here for feedback and just have a question about thesis statements in general, please post! There is no post requirement to receive or give feedback, so join in :)
Some things to consider when giving/asking for feedback:
-The modality: does it work?
-The core concepts.
-The originality
-The clarity of expression
If you're starting from scratch or looking to improve on what you've got, you might benefit from having a skim through this guide here!
*Thesis statements are the same as motherhood statements, concept statements, overarching statements, whatever you like to call them! :)
Post by: conic curve on September 14, 2016, 06:49:33 pm
In order to make thesis statements for discovery, you should be looking at the discovery rubric and breaking it up into pieces.
The ways in which the concept of discovery is REPRESENTED in and through texts. HOW
The experience of discovering something for the first time or rediscovering something that has been lost, forgotten or concealed. WHAT
Discoveries can be sudden and unexpected, or they can emerge from a process of deliberate and careful planning evoked by curiosity, necessity or wonder HOW
Discoveries can be fresh and intensely meaningful in ways that may be emotional, creative, intellectual, physical and spiritual. WHAT AND WHY
They can lead us to new worlds and values, stimulate new ideas, and enable us to speculate about future possibilities. WHY
Discoveries and discovering can offer new understandings and renewed perceptions of ourselves and others. WHY
An individual’s discoveries and their process of discovering can vary according to personal, cultural, historical and social contexts and values WHEN AND WHERE
The impact of these discoveries can be far-reaching and transformative for the individual and for broader society. WHY
Discoveries may be questioned or challenged when viewed from different perspectives and their worth may be reassessed over time. HOW
The ramifications of particular discoveries may differ for individuals and their worlds. WHY
By exploring the concept of discovery, students can understand how texts have the potential to affirm or challenge individuals’ or more widely-held assumptions and beliefs about aspects of human experience and the world. WHY
Through composing and responding to a wide range of texts, students may make discoveries about people, relationships, societies, places and events and generate new ideas HOW
By synthesising perspectives, students may deepen their understanding of the concept of discovery. HOW AND WHY
Students consider the ways composers may invite them to experience discovery through their texts and explore how the process of discovering is represented using a variety of language modes, forms and features. HOW
So basically think of who, what, when, why, where and how and do this for each sentence of the rubric. When doing so you can start to come up with ideas easily for discovery
We can also think of it like this: Impetus (what initiates the discovery)-->process (how does the discovery take place)-->Impact (what is the outcome and effect of the discovery)
Some words you can associate with discovery are: curiosity, self, competition, knowledge, challenge, scientific, historical, etc
Exploring discovery
Discovery is a concept that can be found in many disciplines
Students should explore the ways these disciplines define discovery
Look at the following extracts from other disciplines and consider how they related to the rubric and extend the notion of discovery
Perhaps they provide insight into a thesis?
Discovery in science
Discovery places a value on students' contacts with the world around them and how they interact with it. It relies on students' natural curiosity about the world and utilizes their ability to make sense of the things they touch, taste, or smell. It implies direct contacts with the world, a way of manipulating those contacts to form recognizable patterns, and developing structures for making sense of newly discovered information.
Discovery in research
A dynamic of consciousness, "discovery" is one of the essential driving forces of living entities. Even basic primate behaviors such as the drive for food, sex, social interplay can be said to be based in the act of "discovery". So, what is the nature of this drive? Could a machine be instilled with this? Is it simple matter of novelty, or is it a factor of "learning"? It seems to be a blend of feeling and logic resulting in development of conceptualization, often leading to further investigation or parsing of root cause (reflection)..
Discovery in literature
A narrative pattern common in novels for children is a sequence of events involving a buried or concealed object whose discovery triggers a search for origins. Generally such narratives construct protagonists as young detectives, tracking when, by whom, and how these objects were hidden or buried. …Moreover, the discovery of buried items (weapons, personal effects, human remains) functions in narrative terms as a catalyst for personal growth on the part of protagonists, resulting in enhanced understanding of national and local histories and an appreciation of the meanings of the past for the present.
Relating discoveries in texts:
Rainbow’s End: Identity and self discovery through cultural and historical events
Away: self discovery (anagnorisis); National identity
Go Back to where you came from: humanity; cultural discovery; geographical and social discovery
Motorcycle Diaries : Intellectual, social, historical, and geographical discovery: self discovery
Life of Pi: self discovery
Awakening: self discovery; social and gendered discovery
Hurley: historical and cultural discoveries. New ways of seeing through the camera.
Bryson: the wonder of discovery; unplanned and planned discovery- the nature of discovery
Swallow the Air: cultural discovery; identity; spiritual
Tempest: a physical discovery of a new island leads to new ways of seeing the world. Written at a time of discovery when the New World was framed by assumptions about superiority. Shakespeare raises questions about the way we perceive the new. Exploitation becomes linked with discovery
Frost – discovering the spiritual in the natural; understanding of self; asking the big questions
Dobson – female ways of seeing the world through relationships and contact
with the bigger events of the world – discoveries are framed by who we are and when we live
Gray – Discovering the beauty of the visual.
Thinking about this:
What are some of the positive and negative aspects of discovery?
How do we regard the discoverer in society?
What constitutes a discovery?
What do we expect comes from discoveries?
What does this mean about what we value?
Some 'positive' discovery connotations
Revelation of something new
New pathways
Progress
Understanding
Enquiry
Ever-changing
Some negative discovery connotations
Assumption of being the first
Rejection of established ways
Dissatisfaction
Sense of Superiority
Constant uncertainty
Unstable
When presenting texts:
Keep practising close readings with extracts from a range of discovery texts
Be explicit about the reason why these texts are being read: this extends understanding of discovery as a concept gives more ideas for a thesis statement, gives practice for section 1 but also can be a source for related texts
Discovery is about questions and answers but it's also about what we value
Post by: elysepopplewell on September 15, 2016, 02:06:45 pm
I'll put some input here
Seriously good input here conic curve!
Post by: conic curve on September 15, 2016, 04:46:12 pm
Seriously good input here conic curve!
ahaha thanks. I hope people do make great use of it :)
For more inspiration on writing thesis statements and discoveries, you can look at some sample discovery quotes on the internet
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=discovery+images&biw=1366&bih=667&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiyrsjs4JDPAhWJ1IMKHU6lBhcQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=discovery+quotes&imgrc=_
https://www.google.com.au/search?biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&q=self+discovery+quotes&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiH-enw4JDPAhUH6oMKHcGICG4QhyYIHw&dpr=1
Post by: birdwing341 on September 21, 2016, 05:13:37 pm
Post by: conic curve on September 21, 2016, 05:29:30 pm
Why is there nothing about Wrack haha :P
Unfortunately I couldn't find anything :'(
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on September 30, 2016, 06:32:20 am
Just wondering if you could help me out with my thesis for the upcoming HSC? How much can you actually prepare your AOS essay?
For instance i wrote the following introduction on the question: Whether planned or unexpected, the importance of discovery lies in how it has altered perceptions of ourselves and our world.
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. When exploring different ares of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge.
I've noticed in some of your past posts that you have recommended having two thesis statements and adapting one to the question in the exam. What do you recommend i could take word for word into the exam and what should i leave open for adaption out of the above intro/thesis?
Thanks in advance!! this is a truly awesome site... i wish discovered it before yesterday!
Post by: ssarahj on September 30, 2016, 06:09:16 pm
Hello Elyse!
Just wondering if you could help me out with my thesis for the upcoming HSC? How much can you actually prepare your AOS essay?
For instance i wrote the following introduction on the question: Whether planned or unexpected, the importance of discovery lies in how it has altered perceptions of ourselves and our world.
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. When exploring different ares of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge.
I've noticed in some of your past posts that you have recommended having two thesis statements and adapting one to the question in the exam. What do you recommend i could take word for word into the exam and what should i leave open for adaption out of the above intro/thesis?
Thanks in advance!! this is a truly awesome site... i wish discovered it before yesterday!
Hey karyn.mcdonald, welcome to the forums! So glad you're finding it useful!! Obviously I'm not Elyse but hopefully I can help out a little bit here. Lets break down your thesis:
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. Nice use of phrases from the rubric, but this sentence could be made more unique/stronger by blending it with one of your other sentences. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. I like this idea a lot, but you probably don't need the "However". Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. I like this one too. When exploring different ares areas of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge. This last sentence is a nice ending to the introduction, and I'm assuming you would introduce your texts somewhere in the middle of the paragraph?
There's some strong ideas here, but I think some of it could be phrased more clearly so that the marker can grasp what you're trying to say straight away. For example you could combine your first three sentences into something like this:
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.
In terms of 'two thesis statements', you could go into the exam with something like what is written above and then either change words/add on phrases that answer the question. Don't feel like you have to start out with a really broad statement from the rubric, you can hone straight in on your thesis and answering the question.
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 01, 2016, 09:29:28 am
So say if the question was nothing to do with changing perceptions or the nature of discovery being planned or unexpected (sorry just being difficult here :o) but rather something like this:Discoveries, their process and their effect, very depending on an individual's context., how would you suggest adapting our thesis statement (below) to fix the question?
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.
Thanks again!
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 01, 2016, 09:30:22 am
Post by: ssarahj on October 01, 2016, 02:52:00 pm
Thankyou so much ssarahj!! seriously appreciate it! ;) :D
So say if the question was nothing to do with changing perceptions or the nature of discovery being planned or unexpected (sorry just being difficult here :o) but rather something like this:Discoveries, their process and their effect, very depending on an individual's context., how would you suggest adapting our thesis statement (below) to fix the question?
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.
Thanks again!
When adapting your thesis to a question you want to keep the core of your own idea while adding the specific notions of the question. So for that one you could say something like this: (changes from the previous one are in bold)
The process and effect of discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries is very dependant on one's context, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one's perception of themselves and their life.
So I would recommend that you take your thesis and go write the introduction under timed conditions for at least 10 questions. This will help you to knuckle down the core of your thesis and practise changing the wording of sentences to suit the question. Best of luck! :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 02, 2016, 10:58:02 am
When adapting your thesis to a question you want to keep the core of your own idea while adding the specific notions of the question. So for that one you could say something like this...
Best of luck! :)
Ahh, young grass hopper! You give such good advice Sarah!
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 02, 2016, 07:08:53 pm
Post by: angiezhang9 on October 02, 2016, 11:11:27 pm
I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?
"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."
Post by: ssarahj on October 04, 2016, 10:30:19 am
Hey guys,
I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?
"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."
Hey angiezhang9! I really like your thesis, you've hit some syllabus points really well without repeating the words of the rubric exactly and I think it'll be very adaptable :) Just something to be aware of: since you're wanting to make it adaptable, make sure you're prepared to change the wording slightly from talking about the "process of discovery" to whatever the question specifies. So now I would recommend that you take your thesis and go write the introduction under timed conditions for at least 10 questions. This will help you to knuckle down the core of your thesis and practise changing the wording of sentences to suit the question. :) :) Great work 8)
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 04, 2016, 11:42:24 am
Hey guys,
I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?
"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."
The only thing I'm wary of here is "the human experience." It seems quite vague - and I think you could be more direct in order to really grab the marker. The human condition and the human experience is vague, so you've got to tag it with something in order to make it really clear to a marker that you aren't someone using a sweeping statement to make a point. Perhaps you should knuckle it down to the perception towards human interaction, or human emotion, or whatever it may be. Identify which part of the human experience you are focusing on.
Post by: angiezhang9 on October 05, 2016, 11:29:27 am
The only thing I'm wary of here is "the human experience." It seems quite vague - and I think you could be more direct in order to really grab the marker. The human condition and the human experience is vague, so you've got to tag it with something in order to make it really clear to a marker that you aren't someone using a sweeping statement to make a point. Perhaps you should knuckle it down to the perception towards human interaction, or human emotion, or whatever it may be. Identify which part of the human experience you are focusing on.
Thank you Elyse <3
Moderator action: merged your second post with the spelling correction with the first ;)
Post by: Scarlet on October 05, 2016, 03:43:16 pm
I really appreciate all the time ATAR notes tutors are putting in to help us prepare for our HSC English exam.
I'm currently attempting the 2015 AOS paper, if someone could give me feedback on my thesis that would be awesome !
Q. The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: An individual’s process of discovery involves uncovering what has been previously hidden and reconsidering what is already known. However, the ramifications and processes of these discoveries vary for each individual and their worlds. The discoveries can either transform the individual for the better, worse or have no apparent effect.
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 05, 2016, 05:40:36 pm
Hi,
I really appreciate all the time ATAR notes tutors are putting in to help us prepare for our HSC English exam.
I'm currently attempting the 2015 AOS paper, if someone could give me feedback on my thesis that would be awesome !
Hi Scarlet! Not a worry in the world, super glad to help!
Q. The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: An individual’s process of discovery involves uncovering what has been previously hidden and reconsidering what is already known. However, the ramifications and processes of these discoveries vary for each individual and their worlds, asThe discoveries can either transform the individual for the better, worse or have no apparent effect.
My critique on this:
Your first sentence is pretty well a regurgitation of the question - I tend to suggest leaving that repeating of the question (if you need to) until the second sentence at least, simply so that you grab the marker with something really catchy early on. The next suggestion I have is for the wording of "for the better, worse, or have no apparent effect." I think "better or worse" is a bit colloquial and also subjective. Perhaps suggest, "...can either transform the individual in ways they deem positive, or in ways that contradict society's expectations." Obviously you'd need to adapt it to what is true from your texts, I'm just suggesting a way to be a bit less ambiguous :) I also think the second sentence should become one with the third! :) Let me know what you think!
Post by: Scarlet on October 05, 2016, 05:55:32 pm
Hi Scarlet! Not a worry in the world, super glad to help!
Q. The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: An individual’s process of discovery involves uncovering what has been previously hidden and reconsidering what is already known. However, the ramifications and processes of these discoveries vary for each individual and their worlds, asThe discoveries can either transform the individual for the better, worse or have no apparent effect.
My critique on this:
Your first sentence is pretty well a regurgitation of the question - I tend to suggest leaving that repeating of the question (if you need to) until the second sentence at least, simply so that you grab the marker with something really catchy early on. The next suggestion I have is for the wording of "for the better, worse, or have no apparent effect." I think "better or worse" is a bit colloquial and also subjective. Perhaps suggest, "...can either transform the individual in ways they deem positive, or in ways that contradict society's expectations." Obviously you'd need to adapt it to what is true from your texts, I'm just suggesting a way to be a bit less ambiguous :) I also think the second sentence should become one with the third! :) Let me know what you think!
Thank you Elyse !
How would I then approach the question without regurgitating ? I'm really stuck on this part
Post by: :3 on October 05, 2016, 06:52:57 pm
For each body paragraph thesis, do we provide a general statement on a concept of discovery we're about to talk about? Or do we refer to the text with snippets of certain concepts (e.g. Character's exploration of unknown lands has a far-reaching impact on him, which ultimately revitalises his perspective towards...)
Thanks :P
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 05, 2016, 07:05:44 pm
Hello friendly volunteers/moderators,
For each body paragraph thesis, do we provide a general statement on a concept of discovery we're about to talk about? Or do we refer to the text with snippets of certain concepts (e.g. Character's exploration of unknown lands has a far-reaching impact on him, which ultimately revitalises his perspective towards...)
Thanks :P
Hey there! ;D
Each paragraph should indeed have a sentence at the start giving a brief conceptual statement about what the paragraph will cover. I generally call this a Motherhood Statement, it acts like a mini-Thesis for the paragraph ;) you still do the conceptual stuff throughout the paragraph! But you set up the reader at the start :)
Post by: jakesilove on October 05, 2016, 07:07:38 pm
Hey there! ;D
Each paragraph should indeed have a sentence at the start giving a brief conceptual statement about what the paragraph will cover. I generally call this a Motherhood Statement, it acts like a mini-Thesis for the paragraph ;) you still do the conceptual stuff throughout the paragraph! But you set up the reader at the start :)
I've always loved this 'Motherhood Statement' business; only ever heard Elyse and yourself call it that. If anyone else is as confused as I was the first time they heard the term, it's just a topic sentence/golden sentence/whatever your teacher calls it.
Moderator Self-Edit: I don't mean to start a war here
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 05, 2016, 07:21:04 pm
I've always loved this 'Motherhood Statement' business; only ever heard Elyse and yourself call it that. If anyone else is as confused as I was the first time they heard the term, it's just a topic sentence/golden sentence/whatever your teacher calls it.
Moderator Self-Edit: I don't mean to start a war here
Pretty sure one of the Bede teachers coined the phrase ;)
We didn't start the War, but by God, we will finish it...
Post by: :3 on October 05, 2016, 07:52:20 pm
Hey there! ;D
Each paragraph should indeed have a sentence at the start giving a brief conceptual statement about what the paragraph will cover. I generally call this a Motherhood Statement, it acts like a mini-Thesis for the paragraph ;) you still do the conceptual stuff throughout the paragraph! But you set up the reader at the start :)
So do we basically rephrase concepts from the rubric? If so, it feels like I'm repeating what I stated in the main thesis.
This is one from my essay: "Hurley’s planned exploration of the unchartered Antarctic during the Mawson and Shackleton expeditions had impacted him at an emotional level, compelling him to share it in a revitalising matter. "
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 05, 2016, 10:07:10 pm
So do we basically rephrase concepts from the rubric? If so, it feels like I'm repeating what I stated in the main thesis.
This is one from my essay: "Hurley’s planned exploration of the unchartered Antarctic during the Mawson and Shackleton expeditions had impacted him at an emotional level, compelling him to share it in a revitalising matter. "
I would say that sentence is okay, though perhaps a little vague; exactly what were the impacts? ;D
I would think of it this way, think of your main Thesis as an umbrella. A big idea. Your motherhood statements all fall under that umbrella, but they are all distinct.
As an example, maybe your main Thesis is something like, Personal attitudes act as barriers to effective Discovery. Your motherhood statements/paragraphs might be:
- Jealousy as a barrier to discovery
- Obsession as a barrier to discovery
Purely an indicator of course :) so all of these are different concepts, but they all fit under the common theme of "barriers to Discovery." So I discuss each of them in turn, all the while linking to my big idea!
So you see it is up to you to create these little 'mini-ideas' that fit under your big one. There can be a little repetition, and all will link to the rubric in some way (probably), but they should still all serve their own purpose. Does that make sense? :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 06, 2016, 10:57:43 am
Thank you Elyse !
How would I then approach the question without regurgitating ? I'm really stuck on this part
I always find that the best way to approach either the question or the rubric without regurgitating is to make sure that when you directly address the question or the rubric, you tag it with something original in the same sentence. This way, you're directly addressing the question like they want, but before they've even got to the second sentence, you've paired it with something that sets you apart from everyone who uses the essay question as their first sentence :)
Post by: alyssastama on October 06, 2016, 11:06:47 am
I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback thesis for Mod A (Richard III and Looking for Richard)?
"An exploration into differing social paradigms during a text’s composition enables a greater understanding of the composer’s intention. Shakespeare’s 16th Century play Richard III, set in Elizabethan England, adjacently analysed with Al Pacino’s postmodern docudrama LFR facilitates an examination into how the shift in pervasive values greatly influenced the film appropriation for a contemporary audience."
Thanks!
Post by: :3 on October 06, 2016, 11:14:11 am
I would say that sentence is okay, though perhaps a little vague; exactly what were the impacts? ;D
I would think of it this way, think of your main Thesis as an umbrella. A big idea. Your motherhood statements all fall under that umbrella, but they are all distinct.
As an example, maybe your main Thesis is something like, Personal attitudes act as barriers to effective Discovery. Your motherhood statements/paragraphs might be:
- Jealousy as a barrier to discovery
- Obsession as a barrier to discovery
Purely an indicator of course :) so all of these are different concepts, but they all fit under the common theme of "barriers to Discovery." So I discuss each of them in turn, all the while linking to my big idea!
So you see it is up to you to create these little 'mini-ideas' that fit under your big one. There can be a little repetition, and all will link to the rubric in some way (probably), but they should still all serve their own purpose. Does that make sense? :)
Thank you Jamon for the all help; I think I'm beginning to understand as to where you're getting at. :)
You basicaly just have to take an aspect (or multiple ones) from your main thesis and write it with respect (not explicitly) to your related text's main concepts/themes.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 06, 2016, 11:22:13 am
Hi!
I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback thesis for Mod A (Richard III and Looking for Richard)?
"An exploration into differing social paradigms during a text’s composition enables a greater understanding of the composer’s intention. Shakespeare’s 16th Century play Richard III, set in Elizabethan England, adjacently analysed with Al Pacino’s postmodern docudrama LFR facilitates an examination into how the shift in pervasive values greatly influenced the film appropriation for a contemporary audience."
Thanks!
Hey Alyssa! I love it, I think that provided you subsequently examine what precise values/paradigms you are referencing, then you are golden. This links to the module well and sets up your argument nicely! Again, make sure you give us more clarification with regard to what social paradigms/values you are talking about in the next sentence(s) :) :)
Post by: alyssastama on October 06, 2016, 11:24:44 am
Hey Alyssa! I love it, I think that provided you subsequently examine what precise values/paradigms you are referencing, then you are golden. This links to the module well and sets up your argument nicely! Again, make sure you give us more clarification with regard to what social paradigms/values you are talking about in the next sentence(s) :) :)
Thank you so much! I think that I do... if it comes in through my topic sentence/context does that work?
Post by: alyssastama on October 06, 2016, 11:28:24 am
Thank you so much for all the work you do for us on here!! Sorry for another post, but I was also wondering if my Discovery thesis works?
We do Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and its quite a difficult test to create an overall thesis for!
My related text is the Lost Thing. :)
"For the individual, discovery is a concept that provokes a re evaluation of pervasive understandings, offering new insight into life and humanity. This is especially true when re evaluation is prompted by challenging or adverse situations. If met with flexibility, the renewed perspective from these discoveries can positively shape is as human beings and the world around us."
Mod Edit: Posts Merged :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 06, 2016, 11:36:57 am
Thank you so much for all the work you do for us on here!! Sorry for another post, but I was also wondering if my Discovery thesis works?
We do Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and its quite a difficult test to create an overall thesis for!
My related text is the Lost Thing. :)
"For the individual, discovery is a concept that provokes a re evaluation of pervasive understandings, offering new insight into life and humanity. This is especially true when re evaluation is prompted by challenging or adverse situations. If met with flexibility, the renewed perspective from these discoveries can positively shape is as human beings and the world around us."
That's no problem!! Happy to be of help! ;D
As long as it comes through somewhere, you are okay. I'm not quite getting it in what I see there, I'd expect you to introduce some more detail in the introduction and then really flesh it out in your body paragraphs!!
That AoS one is picture perfect, I wouldn't add anything to that, jump into introducing your texts and establishing your paragraph arguments!! ;D
Post by: Nicki on October 06, 2016, 05:28:54 pm
i was hoping i could get some advice on my these statement for my discovery essay :) would be much appreciated
was also wondering if its too specific?
thesis:
It is the power of discoveries in being able to confront an individual’s intrinsic values and beliefs which allow them to physically and mentally transform an individual’s perception of themselves and their surrounding world.
Post by: CaitlinSavins on October 06, 2016, 06:07:13 pm
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative discoveries, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, and grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Is this clear and to the point? How can I improve it?
Post by: amina_98 on October 06, 2016, 06:15:49 pm
This is my thesis statement for AOS Discovery Essay.
Discoveries encompass exposure to new landscapes. An individual reconsidering their outlooks can evoke this within themselves and others, challenging their ideals held about themselves and the world around them. Shakespeare's play, "The Tempest" and Peter Weir's drama film "Dead Poets Society" convey this through their depitction of the far reaching impact of emotional and self-discoveries.
I'd like some feedback as to whether a third party believes this is succint and adaptable? Cheers ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 06, 2016, 06:40:47 pm
hi!
i was hoping i could get some advice on my these statement for my discovery essay :) would be much appreciated
was also wondering if its too specific?
thesis:
It is the power of discoveries in being able to confront an individual’s intrinsic values and beliefs which allow them to physically and mentally transform an individual’s perception of themselves and their surrounding world.
Hey Nicki! I like the idea you are putting across, it works well, but I think your expression could be tidied a tad:
Provided you then go into just a tad more detail, likely to link to the question, I really like it! ;D I don't think it is too specific, you could use it in response to a variety of questions, but perhaps have other ideas in your back pocket in case you get something particularly nasty ;)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 06, 2016, 06:44:43 pm
Hello! I've been a massive nerd and spent more studying than socialising but the good news is that I already have some idea of what my thesis will be about :)
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative discoveries, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, and grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Is this clear and to the point? How can I improve it?
Hey Caitlin! Glad to hear from a fellow nerd ;)
I like this Thesis! I think it would work better if you used a synonym for discoveries in the second sentence, or perhaps framed it a little differently, right now it is repetitious. Your expression in the last part of that second sentence could also perhaps be polished ever so slightly, just a tad messy:
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative
I think this is a really great Thesis! Well developed, though you may want to practice linking it to questions once Year 12 starts. I love that you have ideas already, if you are writing this already you should feel super confident for the 12 months ahead! ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 06, 2016, 06:47:13 pm
Hey guys!
This is my thesis statement for AOS Discovery Essay.
Discoveries encompass exposure to new landscapes. An individual reconsidering their outlooks can evoke this within themselves and others, challenging their ideals held about themselves and the world around them. Shakespeare's play, "The Tempest" and Peter Weir's drama film "Dead Poets Society" convey this through their depitction of the far reaching impact of emotional and self-discoveries.
I'd like some feedback as to whether a third party believes this is succint and adaptable? Cheers ;D
Third party reporting for duty ;) okay, so I love the way you bring in the texts but still link to a concept quickly, that works well. I think your Thesis itself is very adaptable, though perhaps slightly simplistic, I'd like to see you add more to that first sentence that responds to the question and develops some sophistication (EG - What does this exposure cause? What landscapes do you mean, just physical or emotional as well?). Expression is definitely great. On the whole, I think this works well, and should be nicely adaptable for an essay question! Just remember to spice it up a bit when you see the specific question ;D
Post by: amina_98 on October 06, 2016, 06:55:36 pm
Post by: Nicki on October 06, 2016, 07:20:28 pm
Hey Nicki! I like the idea you are putting across, it works well, but I think your expression could be tidied a tad:It is the power of discoveries inAn individual being able to confrontan individual’stheir intrinsic values and beliefswhichallows them to physically and mentally transforman individual’stheir perceptions of themselves and their surrounding world.
Provided you then go into just a tad more detail, likely to link to the question, I really like it! ;D I don't think it is too specific, you could use it in response to a variety of questions, but perhaps have other ideas in your back pocket in case you get something particularly nasty ;)
Post by: Rikahs on October 06, 2016, 08:12:32 pm
Could I please get some feedback on my AOS essay thesis and intro, any feedback would be appreciated.
Individuals who embrace possibilities inevitably become transformed even if they had previously shown a reluctance to accept new ideas and values. In the documentary Go Back to Where you Came From (‘GBTWYCF’) we see individuals such as Raye, Raquel and Adam, display perspectives and attitudes stemming from racism and ignorance. Through being confronted by the suffering of refugees, they reluctantly transform into tolerant individuals. Similarly, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad is a narrative of self-discovery by the protagonist, who experiences a confronting disillusionment with a previous ideology ultimately resulting in transformation.
Post by: massive on October 06, 2016, 08:47:10 pm
Post by: CaitlinSavins on October 06, 2016, 10:37:14 pm
Hey Caitlin! Glad to hear from a fellow nerd ;)
I like this Thesis! I think it would work better if you used a synonym for discoveries in the second sentence, or perhaps framed it a little differently, right now it is repetitious. Your expression in the last part of that second sentence could also perhaps be polished ever so slightly, just a tad messy:
Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocativediscoveriesSYNONYM, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism,andthus grantsing the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
I think this is a really great Thesis! Well developed, though you may want to practice linking it to questions once Year 12 starts. I love that you have ideas already, if you are writing this already you should feel super confident for the 12 months ahead! ;D
Hello again, I've modified them following your instructions in two ways:
1. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This transformation, stimulated by evocative realisations both deliberately planned and unforeseen, occurs within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism and consequently grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
2. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative realisations, both deliberately planned and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, thus granting the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Personally I think the first one is better because it sounds smarter, but using big words =/= logic and sense. Can I get an expert opinion pls?
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 06, 2016, 10:56:57 pm
guys, I know this may be weird time to ask, especially with hsc one week away, but better late than never! Well basically, whats the point of having techniques in an essay. I get it, you're trying to prove that your thesis is relevant to both texts and as such you can come to the consensus that it is true for the majority of texts. But how do you use techniques to prove your point? Like cool there's a simile here, but what does it have to do with discovery?
Haha, I laughed at, "I know this may be weird time to ask..." LOL, but it's okay, better late than never!
Essentially, you're showing how the composer made deliberate decisions in the composition of their text in order to reveal, extend, simulate, prompt or observe discovery. So every literary technique is either a way for a reader to engage with or access the text, or a direct way of evoking emotion or engagement, or a way of simulating a fictional experience in a real way. So your techniques should be talking about how the author depicts discovery :)
Post by: Lauradf36 on October 07, 2016, 09:22:56 am
Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship.
Mod A Thesis: A comparative study of Sonnets & Gatsby heightens our understanding of the conflict between individual and societal values, as the 1920s manifests the flawed nature of individual ideals the Victorians feared.
Mod B Thesis: Hamlet transcends time as it explores the universal search for meaning in a corrupted world.
Mod C Thesis: Arthur Miller demonstrates the complexity a variety of political perspectives creates for the attainment of morality and truth. OR Arthur Miller represents community disruption and instability as the catalyst for the attainment of power.
Post by: Minnasquire on October 07, 2016, 10:30:35 am
I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?
A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art.
Thanks for your help!
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 07, 2016, 11:37:28 am
i was just wondering if you could help me with my Module C - Exploring Interactions essay thesis/structure?
i just want to clarify if the following thesis/intro and structure is alright and if it can be adapted to fit any HSC question.
Thesis + Intro:
Whether one is subject to a positive or negative interaction, the undergoing of an interactive process with others will irrefutably result in some development or transformation of one’s existing outlook and beliefs regarding themselves and the world in which they live. Contrastingly, a lack of interactions may or may not shape an individual’s attitudes and beliefs. ‘Romulus, My Father’, an autobiographical memoir written by Raimond Gaita, thoroughly explores these ideas through character relationships and detailed accounts of Gaita’s father Romulus, and his life as an immigrant living in rural Australia. The ideas are further supported by Sylvia Plath’s poem, ‘I Am Vertical’ which demonstrates the impact of interactions and lack of interactions on her persona. Both texts incorporate various techniques to highlight the consequences of these relations and explicitly convey the nature of interaction as precipitating a change in attitudes and beliefs of an individual.
Paragraph 1: Positive interactions - RMF
Topic sentence: Positive relationships assist in the development of one’s values and beliefs, and lead to the formation of affirmative perspectives and identities.
Paragraph Two: Negative interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: Contrastingly, negative interactions often challenge and transform an individual, adversely impacting upon their self-perception and identity.
Paragraph Three: Lack of interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: An absence of relationships, positive and negative, often leads to antagonistic circumstances in which the individual and their identity are either unaffected, or consequently shaped by their lack of interaction.
Also just wondering whether i should prepare two related texts in case they ask for two?
Thank you so much ;)... and sorry to bombard you with questions!! :o
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 07, 2016, 11:57:34 am
Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?
Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?
Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship. There's just a little something in the syntax here that isn't right. Do you need "personal" in front of potential? I think it doesn't add much greatness to the statement, and at the same time it makes it a little more difficult to swallow. The syntax error is essentially that the front of your sentence is the mirror image of the end. In different words: Difficult times allow individuals to discover their potential to create change in response to difficult times. So the end part of your sentence doesn't add anything to what you've already said in the first half. Do you mean, potential to create change in times that initially appear helpless? This is another way I can see your wording working, although I don't think it is what you actually intend to write. Perhaps, "create change in societies that hold stagnant perspectives." This mightn't be what you're trying to say, in which case I think you need to twist the ending of your sentence to make sense. Otherwise, for the first part of the sentence, it's brilliant! It will work really well with an essay question!
Mod A Thesis: A comparative study of Sonnets & Gatsby heightens our understanding of the conflict between individual and societal values, as the 1920s manifests the flawed nature of individual ideals the Victorians feared. Very to the point without being bland - good job!
Mod B Thesis: Hamlet transcends time as it explores the universal search for meaning in a corrupted world. Also great! Except - I would identify, "Shakespeare's Hamlet..." or something to that effect, to identify exactly that we are talking about the text and not the persona.
Mod C Thesis: Arthur Miller demonstrates the complexity a variety of political perspectives creates for the attainment of morality and truth. OR Arthur Miller represents community disruption and instability as the catalyst for the attainment of power. It was my personal preference to write a Module C essay thesis without the composer identified or the text. I just thought this was better because you do have a related text, and setting out the conceptual foundation for your essay in the thesis statement allows you to explore it in either text later on. If you wanted to do something similar, I'd consider talking about the morality/truth or attainment for power you have above, but universalise it a bit more by saying it is a common experience in the relationship between people and politics, for example.
Hopefully this makes sense! Let me know if you have any questions :)
Post by: marynguyen18 on October 07, 2016, 01:23:41 pm
Paragraph 1 (The Tempest) "Uncovering the truth in society shapes the way an individual reflects on who they once were, who they have become and who they should be."
Paragraph 2 (Lime Tree Bower) "Discoveries have transformed our understanding and appreciation of the world around us that allows us to shape the way we perceive the past, present and future."
Paragraph 3 (The Tempest) "the progression of individual growth in new discoveries allow them to gain a new understanding on the way that they perceive the past, present and future."
Post by: Lottie99 on October 07, 2016, 01:27:43 pm
Just looking for a bit of feedback on my thesis for discovery:
At the heart of the human experience lies a need to understand our past and create a path for a future. Discoveries are the inherent catalysts of this process. Often discoveries are prompted by a disequilibrium that start us on a process of renewing our perceptions and speculating on future possibilities.
Thank you :)
Post by: MarkThor on October 08, 2016, 01:21:43 pm
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries spawned from chaos have consequences that can vary for individuals, but ultimately reveal hidden ideas and knowledge forcing the reconsideration of an individual’s knowledge. Shakespeare’s The Tempest (1611) contains an island with a melange of different characters, which experience differing vehement metamorphosis depending on their separate discoveries generated by Prospero and his chaotic tempest. Similarly, Guernica (1937) is Pablo Picasso’s artwork of the chaos engendered by fascists’ bombing of the titular town, which creates different profound discoveries about the event and of humanity in general depending on the audience’s perspective. Both texts depict the revealing nature of discovery as it forces us to reconsider what we know to be true.
Post by: Lauradf36 on October 08, 2016, 04:57:34 pm
Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship.
Thanks for the feedback! I'm thinking I could flip it to open with "discoveries of hardship" instead of at the end, and then in the last sentence of the intro, talk about the confronting and provocative.
Post by: massive on October 09, 2016, 02:16:38 am
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 09, 2016, 09:29:34 am
Guys, quick question. Jamon always talks about this, but I don't really understand; what's a conceptual thesis? and do you recommend having a conceptual thesis just for discovery or are there any other modules that would be answered better with a conceptual thesis??
A conceptual thesis is usually a statement that avoids talking about the texts directly - it just focuses on the ideas (concepts) within the texts and it kind of stands as your overarching statement. For discovery, I think it is the best way to go! For Advanced Module C, I also used a conceptual thesis. Module A and B were less "conceptual" but still had that overarching nature that linked into each paragraph :)
Thesis statement feedback is coming later today everyone! Sorry for the delay!
Post by: massive on October 09, 2016, 03:35:31 pm
A conceptual thesis is usually a statement that avoids talking about the texts directly - it just focuses on the ideas (concepts) within the texts and it kind of stands as your overarching statement. For discovery, I think it is the best way to go! For Advanced Module C, I also used a conceptual thesis. Module A and B were less "conceptual" but still had that overarching nature that linked into each paragraph :)
Thesis statement feedback is coming later today everyone! Sorry for the delay!
Thanks! I get it now. I just have one other question. For discovery i found that playing the devils advocate when answering the question gives your essay a real edge and helps it to stand out. For example if the q was " Discoveries have positive impacts on those involved." playing the devils advocate your thesis would be something like: "How a discovery impacts the people involved relies entirely on what discovery is made." I was just wondering whether you can use this technique for any of the modules. Since you said that mod c is conceptual i'm assuming that playing the devils advocate for that module would be beneficial. Would it work for mod A and B??
Post by: isaacdelatorre on October 09, 2016, 05:40:14 pm
Just wondering if I could get some feedback on my introduction for module C, people and politics.
Specifically, how well does it set up my argument and how adaptable is it to different questions, as well as general expression etc.
Representations of people and politics are often a reflection of political motivations and acts and their ramifications on individuals and society more broadly. Arthur Miller’s dramatic play The Crucible (1953) utilises characterisation to explore how competing voices are silenced in 1692 Salem, paralleling his contextual political situation of McCarthyism. Similarly, Lee Daniels’ historical feature film The Butler (2013) explores competing political perspectives surrounding the American civil rights movement, revealing the impacts of political attitudes and acts on individuals and broader society. Dissent in the form of political perspectives that oppose the majority’s view are silenced by the majority. The ramifications of their political acts can cause injustice to individuals and broader society. These texts are a testament to the notion that composers often deliberately represent political situations of their own context, commenting on the impacts of political acts that silence competing political perspectives.
Thanks guys :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:41:20 pm
Hi everyone!
Could I please get some feedback on my AOS essay thesis and intro, any feedback would be appreciated.
Hey Rikahs! Sorry for delay, I didn't realise that these weren't getting handled!
Individuals who embrace possibilities inevitably become transformed even if they had previously shown a reluctance to accept new ideas and values. Good conceptual start! In the documentary Go Back to Where you Came From (‘GBTWYCF’) we see individuals such as Raye, Raquel and Adam, display perspectives and attitudes stemming from racism and ignorance. Through being confronted by the suffering of refugees, they reluctantly transform into tolerant individuals. Nice quick textual introduction and explanation, good. Similarly, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad is a narrative of self-discovery by the protagonist, who experiences a confronting disillusionment with a previous ideology ultimately resulting in transformation. Again, effective.
I think this is great! But I think it needs one more sentence at the end that ties everything together properly, like, what is the big conclusion that you will draw from this essay? :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:47:58 pm
Hello again, I've modified them following your instructions in two ways:
1. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This transformation, stimulated by evocative realisations both deliberately planned and unforeseen, occurs within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism and consequently grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
2. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative realisations, both deliberately planned and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, thus granting the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
Personally I think the first one is better because it sounds smarter, but using big words =/= logic and sense. Can I get an expert opinion pls?
Hey! Sorry for late reply!! But I actually think the second one is a little clearer, they essentially say the same thing but the second one sounds a little more direct, which I like!! You should always stick with the one that makes the most sense to you; big words don't get marks :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:51:07 pm
Hi guys,
I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?
Thanks for your help!
Hey Minnasquire! Welcome to the forums!! Sorry for the late reply, but I certainly can:
A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. Cool concept! But I'm not 100% getting it yet, I think you'll need to elaborate on exactly how/why these attitudes develop! These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. What do you mean by experiences of 'new worlds?' Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art. Great!
I think this works really well and should definitely be quite adaptable!! But a little more clarity would help you develop your ideas further :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:54:24 pm
Hello awesome moderators!! 8) ;D
i was just wondering if you could help me with my Module C - Exploring Interactions essay thesis/structure?
i just want to clarify if the following thesis/intro and structure is alright and if it can be adapted to fit any HSC question.
Hey! Sure thing, sorry for the late reply!!
Thesis + Intro:
Whether one is subject to a positive or negative interaction, the undergoing of an interactive process with others will irrefutably result in some development or transformation of one’s existing outlook and beliefs regarding themselves and the world in which they live. Contrastingly, a lack of interactions may or may not shape an individual’s attitudes and beliefs. ‘Romulus, My Father’, an autobiographical memoir written by Raimond Gaita, thoroughly explores these ideas through character relationships and detailed accounts of Gaita’s father Romulus, and his life as an immigrant living in rural Australia. The ideas are further supported by Sylvia Plath’s poem, ‘I Am Vertical’ which demonstrates the impact of interactions and lack of interactions on her persona. Both texts incorporate various techniques to highlight the consequences of these relations and explicitly convey the nature of interaction as precipitating a change in attitudes and beliefs of an individual.
This works really well! The concept could do with some more explanation and clarity, but perhaps best to save that for when you know the question!
Paragraph 1: Positive interactions - RMF
Topic sentence: Positive relationships assist in the development of one’s values and beliefs, and lead to the formation of affirmative perspectives and identities. Good, no comments
Paragraph Two: Negative interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: Contrastingly, negative interactions often challenge and transform an individual, adversely impacting upon their self-perception and identity. Excellent, builds from previous idea, I like it
Paragraph Three: Lack of interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: An absence of relationships, positive and negative, often leads to antagonistic circumstances in which the individual and their identity are either unaffected, or consequently shaped by their lack of interaction.Yep, works really well, very nicely explained!
No comments here Karyn, these work really really well! Definitely very adaptable too :) oh, if they ask for two ORT's, just use your one for AoS! It almost definitely won't happen :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:57:01 pm
Hi, I was wondering if my topic sentences for Discovery were okay. I'm doing The Tempest and This Lime tree bower, my prison
Paragraph 1 (The Tempest) "Uncovering the truth in society shapes the way an individual reflects on who they once were, who they have become and who they should be."
Paragraph 2 (Lime Tree Bower) "Discoveries have transformed our understanding and appreciation of the world around us that allows us to shape the way we perceive the past, present and future."
Paragraph 3 (The Tempest) "the progression of individual growth in new discoveries allow them to gain a new understanding on the way that they perceive the past, present and future."
Hey Mary! I think these work really well, my only comment on them all generally would be that they are slightly broad. I'd challenge you to dig deeper once you know the question; what new understanding are granted? How is the way we perceive the world shaped by Discovery? A little more detail would give you more sophistication, but these are nice and broad, ready to be adapted :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 05:58:23 pm
Hey guys,
Just looking for a bit of feedback on my thesis for discovery:
At the heart of the human experience lies a need to understand our past and create a path for a future. Discoveries are the inherent catalysts of this process. Often discoveries are prompted by a disequilibrium that start us on a process of renewing our perceptions and speculating on future possibilities.
Thank you :)
Hey Lottie! Sorry for delay: I think this works really, really well. I like that you sort of lead in to the Discovery element, set it up well. I think this is really great and you have a few elements to this that you could accentuate to respond to the question! Nicely done :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 06:00:54 pm
Hey Guys, could you just let me know what you think of thesis/intro in response to this question:
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries spawned from chaos have consequences that can vary for individuals, but ultimately reveal hidden ideas and knowledge forcing the reconsideration of an individual’s knowledge. Shakespeare’s The Tempest (1611) contains an island with a melange of different characters, which experience differing vehement metamorphosis depending on their separate discoveries generated by Prospero and his chaotic tempest. Similarly, Guernica (1937) is Pablo Picasso’s artwork of the chaos engendered by fascists’ bombing of the titular town, which creates different profound discoveries about the event and of humanity in general depending on the audience’s perspective. Both texts depict the revealing nature of discovery as it forces us to reconsider what we know to be true.
Hey Mark! Sorry for delay, I think this works really well. The Thesis you present in the first sentence is a little broad; perhaps explore whether you overall view the hidden ideas to be positive, negative or both? :) I'd also suggest adapting your last sentence so it links to your first a little more explicitly, just to show you've maintained the same idea throughout the introduction and haven't strayed :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 06:02:19 pm
Thanks! I get it now. I just have one other question. For discovery i found that playing the devils advocate when answering the question gives your essay a real edge and helps it to stand out. For example if the q was " Discoveries have positive impacts on those involved." playing the devils advocate your thesis would be something like: "How a discovery impacts the people involved relies entirely on what discovery is made." I was just wondering whether you can use this technique for any of the modules. Since you said that mod c is conceptual i'm assuming that playing the devils advocate for that module would be beneficial. Would it work for mod A and B??
You can do this anywhere you please in the manner you described, though it works best for conceptual Thesis statements! It's a little harder to challenge the more text/context specific questions, just based on experience :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 06:05:57 pm
Hey everyone,
Just wondering if I could get some feedback on my introduction for module C, people and politics.
Specifically, how well does it set up my argument and how adaptable is it to different questions, as well as general expression etc.
Representations of people and politics are often a reflection of political motivations and acts and their ramifications on individuals and society more broadly. Arthur Miller’s dramatic play The Crucible (1953) utilises characterisation to explore how competing voices are silenced in 1692 Salem, paralleling his contextual political situation of McCarthyism. Similarly, Lee Daniels’ historical feature film The Butler (2013) explores competing political perspectives surrounding the American civil rights movement, revealing the impacts of political attitudes and acts on individuals and broader society. Dissent in the form of political perspectives that oppose the majority’s view are silenced by the majority. The ramifications of their political acts can cause injustice to individuals and broader society. These texts are a testament to the notion that composers often deliberately represent political situations of their own context, commenting on the impacts of political acts that silence competing political perspectives.
Thanks guys :)
Hey Isaac! Some brief comments:
- First sentence is a little broad, it's essentially just saying "The events in texts represent politics broadly." Try and delve a little deeper, add some extra little nugget of detail, or even just express it a little differently (integrate the composers context?)!
- Good introduction of your texts
- You need to incorporate the idea of representation, that techniques are used to represent these political ideas you are discussing
On the whole, a very good introduction, just needs a little cut and polish. It definitely is nicely adaptable, and sets up your argument well! :)
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 09, 2016, 07:40:46 pm
Quote
Hey! Sure thing, sorry for the late reply!!
Thanks again Jamon! :)
Also just two quick questions:
1. About how much are you expected to write for each essay? is it around 600-1000 words? and how many words is it possible to write in 40 mins?
2. What is the best way the approach study for Close Study of Text (I'm doing Merchant of Venice) - should I be writing study notes on themes and characters or just completing past exam questions? I really don't know where to start because there's so much content to cover! Is there anything particular I can focus on that will definitely aid my essay in the exam?
Post by: marynguyen18 on October 09, 2016, 07:52:56 pm
Hey Mary! I think these work really well, my only comment on them all generally would be that they are slightly broad. I'd challenge you to dig deeper once you know the question; what new understanding are granted? How is the way we perceive the world shaped by Discovery? A little more detail would give you more sophistication, but these are nice and broad, ready to be adapted :)
thank you so much Jamon, i tried to be as broad as possible as i didn't know the question. How would i be able to dig deeper once i do know the question?
Post by: Justina Shehata on October 09, 2016, 10:42:28 pm
Hi guys,
I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?
A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art.
Thanks for your help!
I think this is easily adapted to the question given that it is quite broad.
Also, when you say "positive attitudes", I think it is important to establish that not all attitudes are positive towards discovery. Another things is life and art bit - it is a bit vague. Maybe extend on that a little more explaining what you mean by that
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 11:22:51 pm
Thanks again Jamon! :)
Also just two quick questions:
1. About how much are you expected to write for each essay? is it around 600-1000 words? and how many words is it possible to write in 40 mins?
2. What is the best way the approach study for Close Study of Text (I'm doing Merchant of Venice) - should I be writing study notes on themes and characters or just completing past exam questions? I really don't know where to start because there's so much content to cover! Is there anything particular I can focus on that will definitely aid my essay in the exam?
Most welcome!! :)
1. Depends on the person, but usually, essays sit in the 700-1000 word mark (it's broad because there is a massive range of writing styles in an exam with 70,000 students ;)). Exactly how much you write will depend totally on you! It is possible to write 1200-1300 if you are super quick/working from memory, but is that necessary? Absolutely not, most of my essays were around the 900 word mark on average :)
2. You should be doing both of those things!! But with time short, get some practice under your belt. Any direct practice you can do will directly help you in the exam. That said, make sure you have some basic quotes and themes written down before you begin (just enough to get you through writing an essay) ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 09, 2016, 11:27:49 pm
thank you so much Jamon, i tried to be as broad as possible as i didn't know the question. How would i be able to dig deeper once i do know the question?
Hey Mary! Yep I definitely appreciate that, it's a good approach and I think you've nailed it. Digging deeper for the specific question is tricky, it really is just a matter of practice and developing a keen eye for adapting your concepts properly. Try asking the questions I suggested around the specific thing presented; say the question demands an understanding of how discovery is a transformative process. How do transformations alter our understanding of the world? Why are they necessary? Same style of question, but framed around transformations! :)
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 10, 2016, 06:38:44 am
Quote
Most welcome!! :)
Thnx :D 8) ;) :D 8) ;) :) :) :)
With regards to 'linking' sentences at the conclusion of each paragraph, do you have to link the paragraph back in a stand-alone conceptual statement or can you just finish off whatever you've been saying, whether that's explaining a quote or character, and link it back at the end of the sentence?
e.g. Is the following a good enough 'Link' back to the question or do I have to complete the paragraph with another summary sentence?
The simile has visual implications on the reader who, through visualising and identifying themselves with the comparison, can come to a realisation that the character’s experience has been negatively affected through the isolation of his environment.
btw the idea I'm meant to be linking the above sentence back to is: The harsh and isolated environment of Australia is a key element portrayed by distinctive images to convey its severe and negative impact on the experience of individuals associated with it.
Post by: nancy_cc on October 10, 2016, 11:35:01 am
A loss of human values is often the result of authoritative individuals and regimes, which subject their society to inhumane conditions that see a loss of love, freedom and hope. Metropolis (1927) by Fritz Lang and Nineteen Eighty-Four (1948) by George Orwell, examine the detrimental consequences of control and oppression, eventuating in the diminishment of rights and wellbeing of humanity. The dystopic visions of Lang and Orwell, provide means to explore the dysfunction of their respective social and historical contexts to portray their fears toward the future of humanity. Thus, the composers criticise strict political regiment to project cautionary tales for their audiences about the unchecked abuse of power and misuse of technology which ultimately ensue a loss of individualism.
Post by: BPunjabi on October 10, 2016, 12:23:40 pm
Just some of my intros:
[/size]AOS:
Discovery is a process which everyone goes through, to uncover hidden abilities and differences which are experienced in diversified ways including constant struggles and challenges. Ang Lee's dramatic film ‘Life of Pi' (2012) captures the idea of discovering hidden abilities whilst also drawing focus to the will to live. Sylvia Plath's 1962 poem ‘Cut’, focuses on the assertion of abilities, justifying its process of discovery whilst commenting on the symbolic subject of mortality. Both texts personas feature transformations where they uncover hidden agendas and reconsider what was lost and now found.
MOD A:
Morals are distinctive qualities which every human possess, but how an individual chooses to action their moral duties, forms their character. This sense of moral judgment is seen in William Shakespeare’s 1599 play, ‘Julius Caesar’ as it forges the perception of good versus evil as it uses the historical concept of Roman monarch, Julius Caesar, with the playwrights own political context involving the queens instability from not having a clear successor. Throughout the play, the evident power struggle between good and evil persists through the concept of morality and more importantly persuasion. Correlated to the belief in how characters are vehicles for the struggle between good and evil morality, the concept of fate opposed to fortune is explored in political treatise ‘The Prince’ , written by Niccolo Machiavelli in 1509 as he incorporates historical events to justify the concepts put forward to assist a monarch in running a perfect kingdom. As both texts compare relating identities of morals, the judgment of characters being righteous or dishonourable must be addressed as they are explored in depth.
MOD B:
Dilemmas are problems needing to be explored in various ways to tackle and surpass their boundaries until they are finally exploited. Poems ‘Goblin Market’ (1862) and ‘In an Artist's Studio’ (1896) discretely communicate personal ideology on religious aspects whilst referring to women and femininity in the nineteenth century. Whilst these themes are common in her poetry it is noticeable on how she gives voice to any person inclined to the same values. Rossetti is acclaimed for her poetry opposing social ideals of her context giving voice to women to exceed social prospects.
MOD C:
Control is seen to be the ultimate goal for people involved in Politics as they strive to isolate and secularise people into believing in their ideas. This idea is shown through the futuristic dystopian novel, ‘Brave New World’ (1932) written by Aldous Huxley, influenced by parts of his personal context whilst connecting those to the ideas of control and isolation. ‘Blade Runner’ (1981) a neo-neir futuristic film directed by Ridley Scott also possessing dystopian qualities proves how control can isolate a human being into thinking morally corrupt actions for an organisation. Both texts highlight satirical techniques which show the powerful and complex relationship between people and politics especially the way each individual effects their political system and hierarchy.
Post by: MarkThor on October 10, 2016, 04:35:39 pm
Hey Mark! Sorry for delay, I think this works really well. The Thesis you present in the first sentence is a little broad; perhaps explore whether you overall view the hidden ideas to be positive, negative or both? :) I'd also suggest adapting your last sentence so it links to your first a little more explicitly, just to show you've maintained the same idea throughout the introduction and haven't strayed :)
Cool, thanks Jamon for the feedback :)
Post by: suemaya on October 10, 2016, 08:59:03 pm
Just wondering if this line of my thesis makes sense? It sounds kind of wrong to me but i dont really know how to fix it haha any feedback would be appreciated thank you! (:
"The complex process of discovery is often a transformative experience for individuals that can stimulate new notions about one’s self and others."
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 09:04:36 pm
Thnx :D 8) ;) :D 8) ;) :) :) :)
With regards to 'linking' sentences at the conclusion of each paragraph, do you have to link the paragraph back in a stand-alone conceptual statement or can you just finish off whatever you've been saying, whether that's explaining a quote or character, and link it back at the end of the sentence?
e.g. Is the following a good enough 'Link' back to the question or do I have to complete the paragraph with another summary sentence?
The simile has visual implications on the reader who, through visualising and identifying themselves with the comparison, can come to a realisation that the character’s experience has been negatively affected through the isolation of his environment.
btw the idea I'm meant to be linking the above sentence back to is: The harsh and isolated environment of Australia is a key element portrayed by distinctive images to convey its severe and negative impact on the experience of individuals associated with it.
Hey Karyn! I'd almost always suggest to have a completely separate concluding/linking sentence, it works better in my opinion :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 09:08:26 pm
Hi, I was hoping to receive some feedback on my module A thesis/introduction, I feel as though i might just be repeating myself. Thanks in advanced really appreciate what you guys are doing!! :D
A loss of human values is often the result of authoritative individuals and regimes, which subject their society to inhumane conditions that see a loss of love, freedom and hope. Metropolis (1927) by Fritz Lang and Nineteen Eighty-Four (1948) by George Orwell, examine the detrimental consequences of control and oppression, eventuating in the diminishment of rights and wellbeing of humanity. The dystopic visions of Lang and Orwell, provide means to explore the dysfunction of their respective social and historical contexts to portray their fears toward the future of humanity. Thus, the composers criticise strict political regiment to project cautionary tales for their audiences about the unchecked abuse of power and misuse of technology which ultimately ensue a loss of individualism.
Welcome to the forums Nancy! Some comments:
- Fantastic first sentence, nicely conceptual, fairly broad too to hit a variety of questions. Nicely done
- Good introduction of texts and subsequent link to the modules
- Excellent links to the idea of 'didactic' texts, warning for audiences, etc
In fact, I have nothing bad to say about this intro. If you add a sentence after your first to specifically respond/add extra detail for the question, then you have a winner! Great stuff ;D
Post by: Sssssrr on October 10, 2016, 09:11:50 pm
Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Composers select the textual form which most effectively conveys their perspectives and ideas. The repercussions of such political agendas and ideologies are evident in the implementation of power and control which may result in corrosion of humanity. WH Auden’s poems “The Unknown Citizen”, “September 1st 1939” respond to the outbreak of war and totalitarian governments respectively whilst Mira Nair’s film ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ provides a non-western perspective post 9/11. Both composers effectively explore these ideas whilst responding to their respective contexts, illustrating the influence of political agendas and events on cultural paradigms and portraying the dehumanising nature of despotic political agendas.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 09:18:21 pm
AOS:
Discovery is a process which everyone goes through, to uncover hidden abilities and differences which are experienced in diversified ways including constant struggles and challenges. Ang Lee's dramatic film ‘Life of Pi' (2012) captures the idea of discovering hidden abilities whilst also drawing focus to the will to live. Sylvia Plath's 1962 poem ‘Cut’, focuses on the assertion of abilities, justifying its process of discovery whilst commenting on the symbolic subject of mortality. Both texts personas feature transformations where they uncover hidden agendas and reconsider what was lost and now found.
- First sentence has a tiny bit too much going on at once, perhaps split into two sentences, just to really give clarity to the ideas
- Good linking of texts to the idea of Discovery
- Not really getting a single clear idea/Thesis, really accentuate the hidden abilities and how it relates to Discovery
MOD A:
Morals are distinctive qualities which every human possess, but how an individual chooses to action their moral duties, forms their character. This sense of moral judgment is seen in William Shakespeare’s 1599 play, ‘Julius Caesar’ as it forges the perception of good versus evil as it uses the historical concept of Roman monarch, Julius Caesar, with the playwrights own political context involving the queens instability from not having a clear successor. Throughout the play, the evident power struggle between good and evil persists through the concept of morality and more importantly persuasion. Correlated to the belief in how characters are vehicles for the struggle between good and evil morality, the concept of fate opposed to fortune is explored in political treatise ‘The Prince’ , written by Niccolo Machiavelli in 1509 as he incorporates historical events to justify the concepts put forward to assist a monarch in running a perfect kingdom. As both texts compare relating identities of morals, the judgment of characters being righteous or dishonourable must be addressed as they are explored in depth.
- Good conceptual start
- A little too much plot/context detail in introducing Shakespeare; try and get it done with less words
- Conceptual links to the Prince aren't overly clear
- Be sure to stress the comparative element of Module A
MOD B:
Dilemmas are problems needing to be explored in various ways to tackle and surpass their boundaries until they are finally exploited. Poems ‘Goblin Market’ (1862) and ‘In an Artist's Studio’ (1896) discretely communicate personal ideology on religious aspects whilst referring to women and femininity in the nineteenth century. Whilst these themes are common in her poetry it is noticeable on how she gives voice to any person inclined to the same values. Rossetti is acclaimed for her poetry opposing social ideals of her context giving voice to women to exceed social prospects.
- First sentence isn't really clicking for me at the moment, perhaps play with expression
- What are these personal ideologies?
- Third sentence, not quite seeing the purpose of that
- This introduction needs more depth; try to include the idea of textual integrity to connect with the Module
MOD C:
Control is seen to be the ultimate goal for people involved in Politics as they strive to isolate and secularise people into believing in their ideas. This idea is shown through the futuristic dystopian novel, ‘Brave New World’ (1932) written by Aldous Huxley, influenced by parts of his personal context whilst connecting those to the ideas of control and isolation. ‘Blade Runner’ (1981) a neo-neir futuristic film directed by Ridley Scott also possessing dystopian qualities proves how control can isolate a human being into thinking morally corrupt actions for an organisation. Both texts highlight satirical techniques which show the powerful and complex relationship between people and politics especially the way each individual effects their political system and hierarchy.
- Good conceptual start
- Good introduction of texts
- Ensure your Thesis is sustained; Control isn't mentioned in the last sentence
- Be sure to link to the idea of representation explicitly to address the Module aims
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 09:21:10 pm
Hey guys,
Just wondering if this line of my thesis makes sense? It sounds kind of wrong to me but i dont really know how to fix it haha any feedback would be appreciated thank you! (:
"The complex process of discovery is often a transformative experience for individuals that can stimulate new notions about one’s self and others."
Welcome to the forums Sue!! ;D let me know if you need a hand finding things :)
I think the word notions is the word that is making this sound a little off, try changing it for the word perspectives, or maybe ideas?
The complex process of discovery is often a transformative experience for individuals that can stimulate new perspectives on the individual and others.
A slight change at the end might help it sound better for you! :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 09:23:40 pm
Hi, could somebody please give me some feedback on my thesis/intro for mod c people and politics, thanks!
Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Composers select the textual form which most effectively conveys their perspectives and ideas. The repercussions of such political agendas and ideologies are evident in the implementation of power and control which may result in corrosion of humanity. WH Auden’s poems “The Unknown Citizen”, “September 1st 1939” respond to the outbreak of war and totalitarian governments respectively whilst Mira Nair’s film ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ provides a non-western perspective post 9/11. Both composers effectively explore these ideas whilst responding to their respective contexts, illustrating the influence of political agendas and events on cultural paradigms and portraying the dehumanising nature of despotic political agendas.
Hey hey! Sure thang:
- Fabulous first sentence, links to module excellently
- Perhaps link form to the historical context (Shakespeare can't make a movie right)?
- The concept feels a little rushed in the middle there, give it a little more time
- Great textual introductions and links
- Perhaps some more specific discussion of representation to properly link to the Module :)
Great stuff!!
Post by: nancy_cc on October 10, 2016, 09:40:53 pm
Welcome to the forums Nancy! Some comments:
- Fantastic first sentence, nicely conceptual, fairly broad too to hit a variety of questions. Nicely done
- Good introduction of texts and subsequent link to the modules
- Excellent links to the idea of 'didactic' texts, warning for audiences, etc
In fact, I have nothing bad to say about this intro. If you add a sentence after your first to specifically respond/add extra detail for the question, then you have a winner! Great stuff ;D
Thanks Jamon for the feedback and for the advice on adapting it to the question! :D
Post by: Sssssrr on October 10, 2016, 09:46:57 pm
Hey hey! Sure thang:
- Fabulous first sentence, links to module excellently
- Perhaps link form to the historical context (Shakespeare can't make a movie right)?
- The concept feels a little rushed in the middle there, give it a little more time
- Great textual introductions and links
- Perhaps some more specific discussion of representation to properly link to the Module :)
Great stuff!!
Thank you so much Jamon, this really gave me a confidence boost!
Post by: marynguyen18 on October 10, 2016, 10:07:00 pm
Discoveries have the ability to shape the way individuals view their impact to who they once were, who they have become and who they should be. Our perceptions are shaped based our own experiences and change who we are as individuals. In “The Tempest” by William Shakespeare, we are taken on a journey of forgiveness and individual growth. Whilst in “This Lime Tree Bower, my Prison” by Samuel Coleridge depicts the appreciation for the world around you.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 10, 2016, 10:13:11 pm
i was wondering if i could get some feedback on my AOS introduction.
Discoveries have the ability to shape the way individuals view their impact to who they once were, who they have become and who they should be. Expression issue in that first phrase, 'view their impact to who they once were' doesn't quite click. Our perceptions are shaped based our own experiences and change who we are as individuals. Excellent. In “The Tempest” by William Shakespeare, we are taken on a journey of forgiveness and individual growth. Whilst in “This Lime Tree Bower, my Prison” by Samuel Coleridge depicts the appreciation for the world around you. How do these two concepts relate? Further, be sure to have a concluding sentence in your introduction (tie everything together) :)
Good conceptual ideas, but a few little expression issues, and texts aren't properly linked to the idea of Discovery (how does appreciation for the world relate to Discovery for example?) :)
Post by: isaacdelatorre on October 10, 2016, 10:18:43 pm
Thanks guys
The process of discovery allows us to uncover that confronting aspects of the universe that were previously unknown. Once these discoveries are reconsidered in light of our previous assumptions, they can enable renewed perceptions of the world around us. Simon Nasht's 2004 documentary Frank Hurley the Man Who Made History depicts this process through recounting Hurley's metamorphic expedition to Antarctic and WWI. Likewise, J.K. Rowling's 2008 Harvard Commencement speech The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination also conveys this process of discovery through Rowling's realisation of the unrecognised importance of failure and imagination as a means of achieving our full potential. Similarly, John Keats' 1816 sonnet On First Looking Into Chapman's Homer describes the far-reaching ramifications on an individual's state of mind through a heightened appreciation for literature. In the evaluated texts, the respective composer undergoes a transformative discovery whilst inviting audiences to vicariously undergo the same process, allowing responders to reconsider previous assumptions and realise new ideas.
Not sure how well it flows, but I know it can be better.
Also I'm not exactly sure how to introduce the texts across all essays besides just stating the text and author and what they discover
Post by: BPunjabi on October 10, 2016, 11:51:27 pm
- First sentence has a tiny bit too much going on at once, perhaps split into two sentences, just to really give clarity to the ideas
- Good linking of texts to the idea of Discovery
- Not really getting a single clear idea/Thesis, really accentuate the hidden abilities and how it relates to Discovery
- Good conceptual start
- A little too much plot/context detail in introducing Shakespeare; try and get it done with less words
- Conceptual links to the Prince aren't overly clear
- Be sure to stress the comparative element of Module A
- First sentence isn't really clicking for me at the moment, perhaps play with expression
- What are these personal ideologies?
- Third sentence, not quite seeing the purpose of that
- This introduction needs more depth; try to include the idea of textual integrity to connect with the Module
- Good conceptual start
- Good introduction of texts
- Ensure your Thesis is sustained; Control isn't mentioned in the last sentence
- Be sure to link to the idea of representation explicitly to address the Module aims
Aha thanks Jamon <3 Didnt even realise this posted because my laptop Died :P Will take your advice onboard. Do you have any tips for remembering whole essays? I just need to remember my Creative and AOS essay for Thursday so I just keep reading and reading. Will I eventually memorise it by doing this?
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 11, 2016, 12:48:48 pm
Was just wondering if you could please help me out here... I'm desperately trying to think of ideas with which I can structure my paragraphs for the AOS Essay. My main argument is that regardless of the nature of discovery, they will only ever be meaningful/significant if they precipitate change within an individual and their outlook. But ideas for topic sentence starters? The only thing I've been able to come up with so far is I could do one paragraph on how 'planned' discoveries evoke change and another on how 'unexpected' discoveries also transform the individual but I need a third idea??? arrrghhh! :-\ + I don't really like the planned/unexpected idea...
This is my thesis/intro if you don't care giving it a look - needs a lot of help!
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. However, the significance of a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life. When exploring different areas of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge. Robert Frost’s poems, ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ and ‘The Tuft of Flowers’, and Eugenia Collier’s short story ‘Marigolds’ thoroughly support these ideas through their composers’ utilization of effective language devices. The texts present to the reader a greater picture of how vital a discovery is in leading to a new understanding of ourselves and our world, regardless of how it is instigated.
Thanks again :)
Post by: aoife98 on October 11, 2016, 12:49:52 pm
Q: Analyse how discoveries have a meaningful impact on a persona’s sense of self.
Thesis: Individuals and their perception of self evolve in the light of their experiences and resulting discoveries, influencing their wider community. This is explored by Shakespeare in the play the The Tempest and by Gus Van Sant in the film Milk through the transformation of characters. In uncovering the truth and realising their power, individuals are depicted as reevaluating their values and thus, sparking other's reevaluations. Individual's beliefs are therefore clearly demonstrated by both composers as being the direct result of their experiences.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 11, 2016, 01:31:21 pm
Aha thanks Jamon <3 Didnt even realise this posted because my laptop Died :P Will take your advice onboard. Do you have any tips for remembering whole essays? I just need to remember my Creative and AOS essay for Thursday so I just keep reading and reading. Will I eventually memorise it by doing this?
I would try writing it out as well mate; just re-reading it over and over isn't as effective as writing it out :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 11, 2016, 01:34:36 pm
Hi, I'm working on my AOS essay and just looking to improve it further - open to all suggestions :)
Thanks guys, not sure how well it flows, but I know it can be better.
Also I'm not exactly sure how to introduce the texts across all essays besides just stating the text and author and what they discover
Hey Isaac!
The process of discovery allows us to uncover
Not much to say here Isaac; yes there are a few little expression issues (I picked up the most glaring one in the first sentence) but overall it is excellent!! Keep playing with the wording until you personally are happy, but I think you are sitting pretty :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 11, 2016, 01:39:46 pm
Hey Jamon!
Was just wondering if you could please help me out here... I'm desperately trying to think of ideas with which I can structure my paragraphs for the AOS Essay. My main argument is that regardless of the nature of discovery, they will only ever be meaningful/significant if they precipitate change within an individual and their outlook. But ideas for topic sentence starters? The only thing I've been able to come up with so far is I could do one paragraph on how 'planned' discoveries evoke change and another on how 'unexpected' discoveries also transform the individual but I need a third idea??? arrrghhh! :-\ + I don't really like the planned/unexpected idea...
Hey Karyn! Feedback on your Thesis:
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. Simple but effective, easily adaptable, nice! However, the significance of a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life. Nice bit of further depth here; very sophisticated conceptual basis. When exploring different areas of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge. Slightly repetitive/self apparent, you could maybe do without? Robert Frost’s poems, ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ and ‘The Tuft of Flowers’, and Eugenia Collier’s short story ‘Marigolds’ thoroughly support these ideas through their composers’ utilization of effective language devices. Perhaps a little more detail on what each offers in terms of Discovery specifically? The texts present to the reader a greater picture of how vital a discovery is in leading to a new understanding of ourselves and our world, regardless of how it is instigated. Excellent.
Very few comments on your Thesis, works well!! On your paragraphs, some ideas:
- Planned and wanted discoveries
- Unplanned but wanted discoveries
- Planned but reluctant discoveries
- Unplanned and unwanted discoveries
All of these involve different levels of intention and will on the part of the individual. Essentially you'd be exploring the role of individual attitudes in shaping the benefits/impacts of self discovery. Or something similar, that's what jumps to my head :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 11, 2016, 01:44:20 pm
I'm struggling with this questions 'sense of self' aspect because my essay focuses on how individuals values are changed by discoveries. How could I better link these?
Q: Analyse how discoveries have a meaningful impact on a persona’s sense of self.
Individuals and their perception of self evolve in the light of their experiences and resulting discoveries, influencing their wider community. This is a good opening sentence, but the "wider community" bit feels a little out of place the way it appears now. This is explored by Shakespeare in the play the The Tempest and by Gus Van Sant in the film Milk through the transformation of characters. A little more detail here? In uncovering the truth and realising their power, individuals are depicted as reevaluating their values and thus, sparking other's reevaluations. Again, not quite clicking with the last part of this idea. Individual's beliefs are therefore clearly demonstrated by both composers as being the direct result of their experiences. How/why are the texts representative of the composers experiences; don't spring this idea on us out of the blue without explaining it properly!
I think you have a really easy link here; individual values are really easily linked to sense of self. After all, our sense of self is arguably defined by our individual values :)
Post by: birdwing341 on October 11, 2016, 01:48:18 pm
Aha thanks Jamon <3 Didnt even realise this posted because my laptop Died :P Will take your advice onboard. Do you have any tips for remembering whole essays? I just need to remember my Creative and AOS essay for Thursday so I just keep reading and reading. Will I eventually memorise it by doing this?
The way I memorise is by saying it out loud and reciting passages (without looking) until I am confident I can recite it completely :) Then I practice by writing it down completely from memory. I find it very effective!
Post by: isaacdelatorre on October 11, 2016, 04:56:22 pm
Can someone please, please, please have a look at my introduction for Module B.
This is my worst one and I'm not sure how to prepare for Hamlet since the questions are so diverse; should I prepare an essay for it?
The success of Shakespeare’s circa 1600 revenge tragedy, Hamlet can be attributed to the dramatically compelling protagonist who deals with key human issues that have universal significance. Through the exploration of universal issues, responders become aware of Hamlet’s alienated outlook of the world, caused by his struggle with verisimilitude amidst the corruption that surrounds him. As well as this, Hamlet is bound by a filial duty to exact revenge, however, his search for a truth to morally justify revenge, reveals his reluctance and humanist desire to defy his pre-determined destiny. Even though many of Shakespeare’s authorial decisions are guided by contemporary Elizabethan values, his treatment of universal issues that transcend time enhances the texts value, allowing it to resonate with audiences across different contexts. Shakespeare reveals these universal issues, primarily through Hamlet’s soliloquies as well as a range of other dramatic techniques, and in doing so achieves textual integrity.
I'm not sure how I would adapt this introduction to different questions; any help is appreciated!!
Thank you again :D :D
Post by: karyn.mcdonald on October 11, 2016, 04:58:31 pm
The only thing i'm worried about is Paragraph Three - do you know 'The Door' poem by Miroslav Holub? I don't think it really fits the idea of that paragraph... unless u think so? I could find another related text of otherwise just scrap that para and add more to the others?
Thesis/Intro:
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. However, the significance of a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life. Robert Frost’s poems, ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ and ‘The Tuft of Flowers’, support these ideas through the exploration of both planned and unexpected discoveries. The short story ‘Marigolds’ by Eugenia Collier, and ‘The Door’, a poem written by Miroslav Holub, also successfully portray the different natures of discovery and their effects. All four texts utilize effective language devices to present to the reader a greater picture of how vital a discovery is in leading to a new understanding of an individual and their world, regardless of how it is instigated.
Paragraph One – Planned Discovery with unpredicted results – Stopping by W
Topic Sentence: Pre-planned discoveries can often lead to unforeseen realisations which consequently challenge one’s previous beliefs and hence shape one’s perceptions.
Paragraph Two – Unplanned discovery with unpredicted results - Marigolds
Topic Sentence: Similarly, unanticipated discoveries may also result in a sudden and unexpected transformation of an individual’s views.
Paragraph Three – Planned discovery with predicted results – The Door
Topic Sentence: On the contrary, a premeditated discovery can bring about formally anticipated results which embrace renewed awareness.
Paragraph Four – Unplanned discovery with wanted/predicted results – Tuft of Flowers
Topic Sentence: Correspondingly, unexpected discoveries may lead to previously sought after results involving fresh and needed perceptions of an individual and their world.
Conclusion:
A discovery must represent a catalyst for change in the perception of an individual and their world for it to render any significance in their life. Frost’s poems ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ and ‘The Tuft of Flowers’, along with Holub’s ‘The Door’ and Collier’s short story ‘Marigolds’, successfully support this interpretation of discovery through the employment of several engaging language techniques. It is evident that irrespective of its nature, planned or unexpected, the effect on changing one’s perception of themselves and their world is the most significant aspect of discovery.
Thanks so so much for solving all my endless problems. I don't what i'd do without these forums!! :o :D
Post by: vincentso69 on October 11, 2016, 05:11:40 pm
is that ok? i sometimes put in some high modality words like "certain" "no doubt"
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 11, 2016, 07:26:09 pm
Hey guys,
Can someone please, please, please have a look at my introduction for Module B.
This is my worst one and I'm not sure how to prepare for Hamlet since the questions are so diverse; should I prepare an essay for it?
I'm not sure how I would adapt this introduction to different questions; any help is appreciated!!
Thank you again :D :D
I don't think that planning an essay is the best approach - but just knowing your textual evidence well enough to adapt - that's the way it was for me with Mod B!
The success of Shakespeare’s
That's amazing! I could not stress about this for a second, you've done an excellent job and literally ticked every single Mod B box - if that's your worst than you're in for a good time!
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 11, 2016, 07:36:23 pm
Usually for my thesis, i just kind of reword the question so im sure im asnwering it?I personally avoided those really high modality words because my approach was usually discussion like in its nature, so I opted for low modality a lot of the time.
is that ok? i sometimes put in some high modality words like "certain" "no doubt"
I think if you're stuck and you just want to reword the question to ensure that you're answering it, I suggest you team it with something original. So regurgitate the question if that's what you do, but always tag it with something unique that ensures you're bringing something to the table :)
Post by: nancy_cc on October 11, 2016, 10:41:37 pm
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 11, 2016, 11:34:45 pm
Hi, this is my module C introduction any feedback would be greatly appreciated about whether it makes sense or suggestions anything to include/change. (I always struggle with this module!)
Hey Nancy! I definitely can! ;D
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. This is cool! A tad simple, but that makes this easily adaptable to questions, so nicely done there. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. Very cool! I've not seen this style of argument presented here much; very unique! This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). Be sure to properly explain the idea of how real remembered and imagined landscapes actually links to your ideas and texts. The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes. Excellent concluding sentence!
I think this works well nancy! Definitely makes sense, I'd like some extra details where I've indicated, but on the whole I really like this! Great work ;D
Post by: nancy_cc on October 11, 2016, 11:50:53 pm
Hey Nancy! I definitely can! ;D
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. This is cool! A tad simple, but that makes this easily adaptable to questions, so nicely done there. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. Very cool! I've not seen this style of argument presented here much; very unique! This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). Be sure to properly explain the idea of how real remembered and imagined landscapes actually links to your ideas and texts. The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes. Excellent concluding sentence!
I think this works well nancy! Definitely makes sense, I'd like some extra details where I've indicated, but on the whole I really like this! Great work ;D
Thanks Jamon! I'll defintely make sure to work on integrating the connection to real remembered and imagined landscapes! Do you happen to have any suggestions on how to do this without making the introduction too long?
Thanks! :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 12, 2016, 12:23:03 am
Thanks Jamon! I'll defintely make sure to work on integrating the connection to real remembered and imagined landscapes! Do you happen to have any suggestions on how to do this without making the introduction too long?
Thanks! :)
Unfortunately I didn't study People and Landscapes, so my suggestions are limited, but you'd only need a sentence explaining WHY you are using those terms. They sort of appear out of nowhere. Perhaps discuss how the progression of mankind makes most relationships with nature 'remembered landscape relationships?' Not 100% sure ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on October 12, 2016, 12:25:29 am
Hey that was an awesoooome idea Jamon! ;D thnx.. I just changed the unwanted/wanted idea to suit my texts. See what you think... hopefully it works ::)
The only thing i'm worried about is Paragraph Three - do you know 'The Door' poem by Miroslav Holub? I don't think it really fits the idea of that paragraph... unless u think so? I could find another related text of otherwise just scrap that para and add more to the others?
Thanks so so much for solving all my endless problems. I don't what i'd do without these forums!! :o :D
Without an idea on your poem issue, I think this is fantastic stuff!! Definitely all set to go, great work Karyn! ;D so happy the forums have helped you out! :)
Post by: nancy_cc on October 12, 2016, 08:32:57 am
Unfortunately I didn't study People and Landscapes, so my suggestions are limited, but you'd only need a sentence explaining WHY you are using those terms. They sort of appear out of nowhere. Perhaps discuss how the progression of mankind makes most relationships with nature 'remembered landscape relationships?' Not 100% sure ;D
Oh okay that still helps! Thank you! :)
Post by: studybuddy7777 on October 12, 2016, 12:08:29 pm
Hi, this is my module C introduction any feedback would be greatly appreciated about whether it makes sense or suggestions anything to include/change. (I always struggle with this module!)
The connection of humanity with the natural world is inevitable, thus the ramifications of this relationship can be mutually beneficial or ensue destructive habits. Whilst humans can display inherent desire to ensure nature's sacred presence in their lives, human progression has deemed mankind's interactions with environments to be destructive. This contrasting behaviour toward real, remembered and imagined landscapes are examined skillfully within Judith Wright's poems, 'Train Journey," "Brothers and Sisters" and "Flame Tree In A Quarry," and David Scharf's short film, "The Forrest' (2008). The aforementioned texts reveal natures ability to renew itself and prevail in harsh conditions, enabling responders to realise humans strong dependence on their landscapes.
Hey nancy!
As a HSC student doing People and Landscapes (doing non fiction, not poetry but still) I think this is awesome!
I love that final sentence in particular. That is the nuts and bolts of Module C and you have it expertly nailed it down to a T.
I also am a big fan of how you have contrasted the destructive power of humanity vs te restorative power of nature. This is a really nice connection you have made to the module.
Keep it up, this is awesome!! Best of luck for tomorrow and friday, and with theses (thesises?) like these
Post by: nancy_cc on October 12, 2016, 12:21:52 pm
Hey nancy!
As a HSC student doing People and Landscapes (doing non fiction, not poetry but still) I think this is awesome!
I love that final sentence in particular. That is the nuts and bolts of Module C and you have it expertly nailed it down to a T.
I also am a big fan of how you have contrasted the destructive power of humanity vs te restorative power of nature. This is a really nice connection you have made to the module.
Keep it up, this is awesome!! Best of luck for tomorrow and friday, and with theses (thesises?) like thesewho needs anemones ;DI'm sure youll completely ace the exams.
Hey, thank you for that feedback I really appreciate it! Goodluck with your english exams also (and all your other exams), hope you smash it! :)
Post by: studybuddy7777 on October 12, 2016, 12:40:26 pm
Hey, thank you for that feedback I really appreciate it! Goodluck with your english exams also (and all your other exams), hope you smash it! :)Thats completely okay and thanks for that :D
Be sure to send me a pm if there is anything I have said you are unsure of or if you just need someone to talk to/shoulder to cry on ;D
Haha but seriously, good luck for all your exams and thanks :)
Post by: Hua Fei on October 12, 2016, 04:31:18 pm
I was wondering, does my thesis in my intro/conclusion below work? And does it make sense? :o And how could I mould the question into it? :-\
Being confronted by others around us and challenged by our actions, makes us reflect on our past, allowing us to reconsider our prior knowledge and changing our actions, thoughts and perceptions of our previously held beliefs and assumptions, as evident in Shakespeare’s 1611 play The Tempest. On the other hand, Plath’s 1965 poem Ariel shows that being confronted by the impermanence of human life makes us reflect on our life and the reasons for why we want to live. In this way, confronting discoveries broadens and deepens our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, stimulating change and progress.
Thank you in advance!
Post by: BPunjabi on October 12, 2016, 05:07:32 pm
Hi there!
I was wondering, does my thesis in my intro/conclusion below work? And does it make sense? :o And how could I mould the question into it? :-\
Being confronted by others around us and challenged by our actions, makes us reflect on our past, allowing us to reconsider our prior knowledge and changing our actions, thoughts and perceptions of our previously held beliefs and assumptions, as evident in Shakespeare’s 1611 play The Tempest. On the other hand, Plath’s 1965 poem Ariel shows that being confronted by the impermanence of human life makes us reflect on our life and the reasons for why we want to live. In this way, confronting discoveries broadens and deepens our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, stimulating change and progress.
Thank you in advance!
Bro its heaps good but isnt the first sentence a tad long?
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 12, 2016, 09:20:57 pm
Hi there!
I was wondering, does my thesis in my intro/conclusion below work? And does it make sense? :o And how could I mould the question into it? :-\
Thank you in advance!
Hey!
Being confronted by others around us and challenged by our actions, makes us reflect on our past, Full stop - new sentence. allowing us to reconsider our prior knowledge and changing our actions, thoughts and perceptions of our previously held beliefs and assumptions, as evident in Shakespeare’s 1611 play The Tempest.
There needs to be a mention of discovery explicitly in your initial sentence (unless you're going to slide the essay question in there). Make sure that both of your texts are linked to some idea about discovery in your introduction.
So:
Introductory sentence: concept statement (or two)
Introduce text one: What does it explore in discovery?
Introduce text two: What does it explore in discovery?
Last sentence: reiterate ideas about discovery.
At the moment, your introduction is text based, when it should be concept based, and text supported :)
Post by: Peunda on December 04, 2016, 11:41:49 am
Spoiler
Q. The process of discovery involves a willingness to abandon established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks
One may say that through the relinquishment of societal norms it can result in the most profound revelations that can be both unforeseen and wonderful, generating a heightened level of awareness with an increased judgement on their outlook of life. However, opposing views challenge that planned discoveries may likewise prompt the stimulation of new ideas and understandings. Robert Frost’s (1920) ‘Fire and Ice’ poem as well as (1922) ‘Stopping by woods on a snowy evening’ convey these notions of discovery demonstrate how texts can challenge assumptions of discovery to form a deepened understanding and renewed perception.
One may say that through the relinquishment of societal norms it can result in the most profound revelations that can be both unforeseen and wonderful, generating a heightened level of awareness with an increased judgement on their outlook of life. However, opposing views challenge that planned discoveries may likewise prompt the stimulation of new ideas and understandings. Robert Frost’s (1920) ‘Fire and Ice’ poem as well as (1922) ‘Stopping by woods on a snowy evening’ convey these notions of discovery demonstrate how texts can challenge assumptions of discovery to form a deepened understanding and renewed perception.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on December 04, 2016, 11:27:57 pm
Currently have an essay due soon, tell me what you think ;)
Hey Peunda! Welcome to the forums! ;D i'd be happy to give you some feedback on your Thesis, I've attached it below with some comments!
Spoiler
Q. The process of discovery involves a willingness to abandon established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks
One may say that through the relinquishment of societal norms it can result in the most profound revelations that can be both unforeseen and wonderful, generating a heightened level of awareness with an increased judgement on their outlook of life. That first phrase, 'one may say,' is a very low modality statement (you don't sound sure of yourself). Be confident in the first sentence especially! Relinquishment isn't a word (I don't think, it's a very awkward sounding word if it is), it is worth reconsidering that word choice. Also, awarenesss of what? However, opposing views challenge that planned discoveries may likewise prompt the stimulation of new ideas and understandings. A little expression issue there too, read that sentence aloud. It doesn't quite flow smoothly and as a result it isn't quite clear what you are trying to say. Robert Frost’s (1920) ‘Fire and Ice’ poem as well as (1922) ‘Stopping by woods on a snowy evening’ convey these notions of discovery demonstrate how texts can challenge assumptions of discovery to form a deepened understanding and renewed perception. Add a conjunction after the word 'discovery' to keep the sentence flowing. Be sure to be specific about what you are developing a renewed perception of, right now this seems a little vague.
One may say that through the relinquishment of societal norms it can result in the most profound revelations that can be both unforeseen and wonderful, generating a heightened level of awareness with an increased judgement on their outlook of life. That first phrase, 'one may say,' is a very low modality statement (you don't sound sure of yourself). Be confident in the first sentence especially! Relinquishment isn't a word (I don't think, it's a very awkward sounding word if it is), it is worth reconsidering that word choice. Also, awarenesss of what? However, opposing views challenge that planned discoveries may likewise prompt the stimulation of new ideas and understandings. A little expression issue there too, read that sentence aloud. It doesn't quite flow smoothly and as a result it isn't quite clear what you are trying to say. Robert Frost’s (1920) ‘Fire and Ice’ poem as well as (1922) ‘Stopping by woods on a snowy evening’ convey these notions of discovery demonstrate how texts can challenge assumptions of discovery to form a deepened understanding and renewed perception. Add a conjunction after the word 'discovery' to keep the sentence flowing. Be sure to be specific about what you are developing a renewed perception of, right now this seems a little vague.
Overall, I think your ideas are solid, but some expression/clarity issues are getting in the way of me engaging with them properly. I've made some suggestions above, but your best bet is to read the paragraph aloud to a friend! Have them identify any places where they don't really know what you mean by something, and work to improve that. Your Thesis should be clear enough that any fellow English student should be able to understand it without any hard work of their own :) also be sure to keep things explicit (a few vague statements which I identified), and you will probably want a little more detail on your texts as well! A bit more on how they relate to Discovery, specifically ;D thanks for posting!
Post by: sophieanderson on January 25, 2017, 02:29:57 pm
My thesis in response to this is: Experiencing Discoveries through texts can be confronting for the responder therefore promoting a shift from our widely-held assumptions or attitudes towards a greater understanding.
Thank you!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 26, 2017, 03:05:35 pm
Hi, just wondering if I could get some feedback on this thesis for my AOS essay on Go back to where you came from and Barn owl. The essay question/statement is: "Experiencing discoveries through text can be confronting, yet ultimately transformative for the responder."
My thesis in response to this is: Experiencing Discoveries through texts can be confronting for the responder therefore promoting a shift from our widely-held assumptions or attitudes towards a greater understanding.
Thank you!
Hey Sophie! Welcome to the forums!
I like this Thesis (watch the end - "attitudes towards a greater understanding" is a little vague)! What I would comment is that it is sort of a restatement of the question - It isn't adding too much of your own spin on it. That's not a bad thing - What I'd suggest though is that you build on this (either by restructuring or adding a sentence) to include a bit more depth, a unique take on the question. Some questions to prompt some ideas:
- Are discoveries in texts more/less powerful than real world experiences?
- Why are discoveries in texts confronting?
- Does the confronting nature of the Discovery impact on the person experiencing it positively/negatively and how does the text influence this?
- What sort of transformation does the responder experience. Is it immediate or drawn out?
Not all are necessary of course - Just questions to get your mind working on a way to add some flair to the Thesis. It works already! But you could spice it up ;D
Post by: Neilab on January 26, 2017, 03:44:44 pm
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 26, 2017, 04:08:56 pm
Was just wondering what some good practise essay questions are?
Check out this site for all the practice questions/exams you could ever need!
Post by: nubiamendes on January 26, 2017, 06:14:05 pm
Composers, through the utilisation of techniques, have the capability to incorporate a variety of themes and concepts such as discovery to enrich the audience’s understanding of their texts.
Although confronting and at times unexpected, the process of discovery may result in transformative experiences that enable renewed perceptions of our worlds and ourselves. Whether they are positive or negative outcomes they can evoke various emotional and intellectual responses for certain individuals. William Shakespeare in his play the tempest explores this process by conveying the differing ramifications Prospero and the other characters discoveries based on their values as well factors that catalyse their discoveries. Gwen Harwood exposes similar themes in her poetry couplet Father & Child where the child journeys through discoveries influenced by her father.
Post by: elysepopplewell on January 26, 2017, 08:51:00 pm
Hi all, I'm new to atar notes so I'm not really sure how this works but I was hoping to get some feedback on my thesis/introduction for my AOS essay (The Tempest and Father & Child) :-)
Hey there! You've done everything right and you're in the right place :)
My thoughts are in bold font throughout:
Composers, through the utilisation of techniques, have the capability to incorporate a variety of themes and concepts such as discovery to enrich the audience’s understanding of their texts. I'm hesitant to give this a huge thumbs up because of the way it puts discovery as an after thought, like a later thing. "Such as discovery" diminishes the importance of discovery in the area of study and I think that your idea of the composers is great, but it could be better if you bring discovery forward rather than leaving it on the back burner. I do really love the way you have discussed the composer though, so I'd hold onto that - even if not in your first sentence!
Although confronting and at times unexpected, the process of discovery may result in transformative experiences that enable renewed perceptions of our worlds and ourselves. When you use "our" you bring in the audience - talking about the discoveries that the readers make. Is this your intention? If you don't wish to talk about the reader's discoveries, then perhaps replace "our" with "one's". Whether they are "They" - what is they? positive or negative outcomes they can evoke various emotional and intellectual responses for certain individuals. I think this last sentence is a little clunky and can be refined. Perhaps you intend to say something like, "Discoveries may evoke various emotional and intellectual responses in individuals that may have positive or negative ramifications." William Shakespeare in his play the tempest Remember capital letters for the name of a text :) explores this process by conveying the differing ramifications Prospero and the other characters discoveries based on their values as well factors that catalyse their discoveries. Gwen Harwood exposes similar themes in her poetry couplet Father & Child where the child journeys through discoveries influenced by her father. We talk about similar themes here, but you haven't identified the themes. I'd potentially switch up the order of your paragraph and bring down the sentence about emotional and intellectual responses to the end sentence, so that you sandwich the texts in there rather than having them as an end-thought that doesn't really show a testament to much.
I think you've got the right idea here and are definitely on the way to a great thesis statement/paragraph. The first thing to adjust is your first sentence, currently it presents a few issues about clarity. Then I think we should address the way the texts are introduced, we need to couple the texts with a facet of discovery that they exemplfiy. We don't need to talk about the texts having techniques or anything like that, we might say something like (this is hypothetical): "The dramatic representation of discovery in The Tempest reveals the meaningful ways that one's perception can change with circumstances." This way, we are identifying the text seamlessly, we talk about discovery as meaningful, we talk about perceptions, and the fact that they can change as a result of discovery. Do you see what I mean by tagging the text with a facet of discovery?
Let me know what you think :)
Post by: Iminschool on January 30, 2017, 09:47:13 pm
For an assignment, my class was assigned to write an essay on 'how 'Away' by Michael Gow and your related text explore the concept of discovery', and i have chosen the picture book 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' by Shaun Tan as my related text. Post analysis, i find my self in a difficult situation to construct a cohesive yet effective thesis based off of both texts. Both texts are set in suburban Australia where in 'Away' we look into the differing families, their individual problems and contrasting socio economic class. On the other hand, 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' consists of 15 tales (all of different suburban houses/families) which explores the lack of individuality or social indifferences and the absurdity of society. Haha, sorry that i ahve to explain XD
Anyways, i am looking to make a thesis based off of starting a starting statement such as:
'Without self control, even the greatest minds will find difficulty in making a discovery'
Or something in general which discusses the importance of self discovery and a sense of individuality or purpose.
Thanks for your time in advance and i appreciate all feedback :)
Cheers
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 31, 2017, 01:00:15 am
Ok so here's my situation.
For an assignment, my class was assigned to write an essay on 'how 'Away' by Michael Gow and your related text explore the concept of discovery', and i have chosen the picture book 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' by Shaun Tan as my related text. Post analysis, i find my self in a difficult situation to construct a cohesive yet effective thesis based off of both texts. Both texts are set in suburban Australia where in 'Away' we look into the differing families, their individual problems and contrasting socio economic class. On the other hand, 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' consists of 15 tales (all of different suburban houses/families) which explores the lack of individuality or social indifferences and the absurdity of society. Haha, sorry that i ahve to explain XD
Anyways, i am looking to make a thesis based off of starting a starting statement such as:
'Without self control, even the greatest minds will find difficulty in making a discovery'
Or something in general which discusses the importance of self discovery and a sense of individuality or purpose.
Thanks for your time in advance and i appreciate all feedback :)
Cheers
I think it will be beneficial for you to step away from trying to come up with a Thesis statement, since it sounds like you are still a little unsure about what your actual idea will be. Like, a Thesis is a single sentence statement of your idea. The idea needs to be clear first. Right now it sounds like you've got ideas on self control, societal class, individuality/conformity, purpose... I'm not sensing a clear direction yet. Which of course is part of the issue you are having, but I think you will make it easier for yourself by stepping away from actually writing the essay for a bit. Forget the Thesis!
Try just grabbing a friend (even us, though typing is harder than talking) and just saying, "Yo, this is what I want to talk about." Record yourself doing it, literally ramble about it for 5 minutes into a recorder. Then listen back and try and grab snippets - Key words and phrases - See if they help you piece together exactly what your idea will be. It might be an idea that takes you 5 sentences to explain, but you need that version of your Thesis first. Idea before Thesis :)
Does this help at all? I do want to help you construct a nicely cohesive and effective Thesis. But you've got a lot of ideas floating around up there - I think you need to filter them a little ;D
Post by: Iminschool on January 31, 2017, 09:50:12 pm
I think it will be beneficial for you to step away from trying to come up with a Thesis statement, since it sounds like you are still a little unsure about what your actual idea will be. Like, a Thesis is a single sentence statement of your idea. The idea needs to be clear first. Right now it sounds like you've got ideas on self control, societal class, individuality/conformity, purpose... I'm not sensing a clear direction yet. Which of course is part of the issue you are having, but I think you will make it easier for yourself by stepping away from actually writing the essay for a bit. Forget the Thesis!
Try just grabbing a friend (even us, though typing is harder than talking) and just saying, "Yo, this is what I want to talk about." Record yourself doing it, literally ramble about it for 5 minutes into a recorder. Then listen back and try and grab snippets - Key words and phrases - See if they help you piece together exactly what your idea will be. It might be an idea that takes you 5 sentences to explain, but you need that version of your Thesis first. Idea before Thesis :)
Does this help at all? I do want to help you construct a nicely cohesive and effective Thesis. But you've got a lot of ideas floating around up there - I think you need to filter them a little ;D
Thanks for your feedback, you definetely had some good points. In response to your statement about how i need to filter my ideas, i wish to construct a thesis on ONE of them, and they are the options i have that my thesis will revolve around.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 31, 2017, 11:01:50 pm
Thanks for your feedback, you definetely had some good points. In response to your statement about how i need to filter my ideas, i wish to construct a thesis on ONE of them, and they are the options i have that my thesis will revolve around.
Cool! Well, having not studied 'Away,' or your ORT, I can't really make a suggestion about which one of them will work best. Your question for your task is super broad, you can discuss pretty much anything. So in terms of picking one/a combination of those ideas, you are fairly unrestricted! It becomes purely about (in your view) what works the best with text(s) in front of you. Based on your quick description I reckon it will have something, even loosely, to do with the role of society! It seems like social class is at the forefront of both texts. But you have gone down the road of 'self control,' - Is this something you can easily analyse and interpret within your texts?
In making a decision, you should think about how well the concept works for past HSC questions. For 2016, for example, the question asked about emotional and intellectual discoveries. If you did 'self control,' for example, how would you personally link it to that question? This should help you narrow your focus a little and choose a Thesis (if you are gunning for something you can reuse at least).
You might want to give this article a read! It was written by Elyse and contains a bit of a guide on creating a good Thesis and introduction to an AoS essay :)
Post by: asd987 on February 11, 2017, 05:02:50 pm
Post by: sudodds on February 11, 2017, 05:14:34 pm
Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go BackI'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).
Post by: elysepopplewell on February 13, 2017, 12:42:32 am
I'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).
Actuality footage definitely works here :)
Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go Back
Actuality footage works wonderfully, but don't forget that at any given time in Go Back, there's a million things at play. In the Malaysian Night Raids scene, there's cinema verite, handheld camera, militaristic music, and so on. So when you talk about actuality footage, you can double it by talking about the tone of the dialogue within that, if you like :)
Post by: strawberriesarekewl on February 22, 2017, 09:56:40 am
Post by: bowiemily on February 22, 2017, 10:10:46 am
I get quite confused with thesis statements and topic sentences. Say the essay Question was "curiosity is a catalyst for discovery". Is basically a thesis statement, "why" curiosity is a catalyst for discovery and is a topic sentence basically the consequences of curiosity as a catalyst for discovery? Im sort of confused....
Yes, thats it! I would then specify the 'consequences' with other dot points from the discovery rubric. This way, you are always appealing to the module focus.
Post by: strawberriesarekewl on February 22, 2017, 03:06:58 pm
Yes, thats it! I would then specify the 'consequences' with other dot points from the discovery rubric. This way, you are always appealing to the module focus.
Thanks
Is it the exact same for Module A, B and C
Post by: jamonwindeyer on February 22, 2017, 03:20:29 pm
Thanks
Is it the exact same for Module A, B and C
Pretty much! Establish your idea then address the module focus (For Advanced Module A - That's differences in context, for example) :)
Post by: strawberriesarekewl on February 22, 2017, 04:08:37 pm
Pretty much! Establish your idea then address the module focus (For Advanced Module A - That's differences in context, for example) :)
Thank you again, I really appreciate all this help
how do i make a thesis if the essay question is a question such as How do the texts you have studied represent the ways the experience of
discovery often reveals hidden or concealed aspects of self-identity? or a "to what extent question" such as "The context of individuals significantly shapes their process of discovery and the discoveries themselves.’ To what extent does your prescribed text and at least ONE text of your own choosing support this view?"
I cant really really say "why" this is the case since they are questions which are open to interpretation so...
Post by: jamonwindeyer on February 22, 2017, 11:41:45 pm
Thank you again, I really appreciate all this help
how do i make a thesis if the essay question is a question such as How do the texts you have studied represent the ways the experience of
discovery often reveals hidden or concealed aspects of self-identity? or a "to what extent question" such as "The context of individuals significantly shapes their process of discovery and the discoveries themselves.’ To what extent does your prescribed text and at least ONE text of your own choosing support this view?"
I cant really really say "why" this is the case since they are questions which are open to interpretation so...
Despite the slightly trickier wording of those sorts of questions, they are in essence the same, with little twists. "How do the texts" just demands techniques - Which you would use anyway. "To what extent" demands evaluation - A judgement on your part. But the core ideas you will present will be unaffected by those sorts of little twists ;D
Post by: SSSS on February 24, 2017, 09:17:37 pm
Post by: elysepopplewell on February 26, 2017, 05:58:43 pm
Hey guys! For 'moral depravity', i was told in my essay that that would be considered too extreme to describe the chaarcters moral. What should I write instead to show this but in a lighter way? Thanks :)
Hey there! Moral depravity doesn't actually make perfect sense in itself, because depravity means moral corruption. So "moral depravity" is somewhat tautologous because it says "moral moral depravity" - not to fear!
Here are some words I suggest instead of depravity: moral corruption, moral perversion, immorality. Do you think these would work for your character? "Turner's immorality...Turner's moral perversion...Turner's moral corruption..."
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 12, 2017, 11:56:08 pm
Hi!
I've made a thesis statemtn and adapted it to a few questions. Could you please check them? Thanksss :)
Hey Shreya! Absolutely, I'll let you know what I think ;D
For Question 1, I like the second wording of your Thesis a lot better. That said, I also think it is just a little bit vague - HOW and WHY are discoveries affected by cultural perspectives. What sort of values are reconsidered? The Thesis leaves a few too many blanks for my liking, and part of that is that you are trying to talk about so many different things. I'd simplify it a little - My Thesis for this question would simply be that seemingly identical experiences can yield completely different transformations in different people not because of the experience itself, but because of the way the experience is perceived. This is affected by personal and cultural perspectives. Something like that - Puts more focus on the idea of the question :)
Question 2, again, how is transformation affected by rediscovery. It just seems like a very shaky link that doesn't quite make sense, or is otherwise not quite clarified correctly.
And Question 3 is the same, a little vague. What do you mean by "degree of revelation?" Why are Discoveries empowering?
Ultimately, you are going to have these issues if you try and copy/paste a Thesis to respond to very different questions and only change a few words. You are trying to connect this idea of challenging and confronting experiences, and this can be done! For Question 1 you could link the embracing/rejection of these challenges to the perspectives of the person. You could link rediscovery to a reshaping of perspectives of Q2. And Q3 is a natural fit - Confronting. You just need to explain the links more carefully and more fully, and this will definitely mean changing the way you word your ideas for each question ;D
Post by: stephjones on March 13, 2017, 01:12:55 am
1. The most significant discoveries have the potential to change our understanding of ourselves and our perception of the world.
Discuss this statement making reference to your prescribed text and ONE related text of your own choosing.
OR
2. Discoveries can be intensely meaningful in ways that may be emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual.
How accurately does this statement reflect the experiences of individuals in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
THESIS STATEMENT:
Discoveries have the potential to alter an individual’s perspective of themselves, others and the world around them through their emotional, intellectual and spiritual impacts. It is these impacts which make them intensely meaningful and significant to the individual.
and then my topic sentences are
Discoveries may impact an individual intellectually in their acceleration of ideas regarding new worlds. They also have the potential to effect one’s emotions, and hence alter their perspective of others in their lives. Unexpected or confronting discoveries have the potential to catalyse a negative shift in one’s perception of the world. Conversely, discoveries may catalyse positive personal growth and a renewed worldview.
Thank you for your feedback!! :) :)
Post by: ajajaj on March 13, 2017, 09:03:05 am
I've written this assumption:
"How the confrontation of death results in discovery that is transformative in nature."
Would it then be suitable to say later in the paragraph that the protagonist has undergone "profound emotional discovery" or is that not enough to link to the transformative nature of discovery mentioned in my assumption? How could I modify this?
Thanks!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 13, 2017, 11:42:35 am
Hey guys!
I've written this assumption:
"How the confrontation of death results in discovery that is transformative in nature."
Would it then be suitable to say later in the paragraph that the protagonist has undergone "profound emotional discovery" or is that not enough to link to the transformative nature of discovery mentioned in my assumption? How could I modify this?
Thanks!
Hey aj! So I'd say that it's not quite enough - You need to look at HOW the individual has transformed. What perspectives have been altered and how? Because if you are saying that Discovery is transformative, you can't just say "emotional discovery" and have that encapsulate the transformation you are considering. So you need to consider WAYS the protagonist is transformed. Hope that is helpful? ☺
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 13, 2017, 11:45:27 am
Hey guys! I have an examtomorrowtoday and we were given two potential questions. I didn't want to waste my time preparing full essay responses for both, so originally I was just going to map out an essay plan for each one, but I think I might have found a way to create a thesis statement that covers both, and I was hoping someone would be able to check it for me! :)
Hey Steph! I hope you read this before your exam today/tomorrow, but I think this is great! Your Thesis is saying that the impact of Discoveries can be linked to a change in perspective - I think this covers both quite nicely. Don't be afraid to adapt the wording once you know the question on the day to REALLY hone in on what is being asked! ☺
Post by: ajajaj on March 13, 2017, 12:34:20 pm
Hey aj! So I'd say that it's not quite enough - You need to look at HOW the individual has transformed. What perspectives have been altered and how? Because if you are saying that Discovery is transformative, you can't just say "emotional discovery" and have that encapsulate the transformation you are considering. So you need to consider WAYS the protagonist is transformed. Hope that is helpful? ☺
Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 13, 2017, 01:24:30 pm
Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?
I don' THINK we have that, but it's a great idea!! Elyse might even start something for it!
Post by: stephjones on March 13, 2017, 02:11:13 pm
Hey Steph! I hope you read this before your exam today/tomorrow, but I think this is great! Your Thesis is saying that the impact of Discoveries can be linked to a change in perspective - I think this covers both quite nicely. Don't be afraid to adapt the wording once you know the question on the day to REALLY hone in on what is being asked! ☺
Thank you! I had my exam this morning and I did end up catering more specifically to the question (:
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 13, 2017, 02:19:05 pm
Thank you! I had my exam this morning and I did end up catering more specifically to the question (:
Awesome to hear! Feeling confident? ;D
Post by: stephjones on March 13, 2017, 06:44:17 pm
Awesome to hear! Feeling confident? ;D
I managed to get more down than I was expecting to, so hoping for the best haha
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 13, 2017, 07:01:03 pm
I managed to get more down than I was expecting to, so hoping for the best haha
AWESOME! So great to hear, fingers crossed for you ;D
Post by: elysepopplewell on March 13, 2017, 09:37:14 pm
Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?
As for individual words you can use for discovery - perhaps epiphany, uncovering, revelation, revealing, realisation... You need to be sure you're using each of these in the correct context seeing as they have slightly different connotations.
Post by: hanaacdr on March 18, 2017, 08:40:09 pm
just a quick question,
for our half yearlies, we have been given 3 possible questions they might ask us
do you recommend writing up a thesis statement for all three of them and memorise the body?
or just memorise body and write up thesis statements during the exam?
or even topic sentences for each paragraph,
or do you recommend any other good strategies
sorry one more question,
do you recommend writing out paragraphs according to themes or text?
ie. intro text1 text 2 text1 text 2 conc
or intro theme 1 theme 2 conc
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 18, 2017, 11:55:25 pm
hi
just a quick question,
for our half yearlies, we have been given 3 possible questions they might ask us
do you recommend writing up a thesis statement for all three of them and memorise the body?
or just memorise body and write up thesis statements during the exam?
or even topic sentences for each paragraph,
or do you recommend any other good strategies
sorry one more question,
do you recommend writing out paragraphs according to themes or text?
ie. intro text1 text 2 text1 text 2 conc
or intro theme 1 theme 2 conc
Hey Hanaacdr! Very much a personal strategy there - Since you've been given three questions, it would be good to have at least a rough idea of how you'd respond to all of them. So at a bare minimum, perhaps memorise an essay plan for each question. That would be a Thesis, topic sentences, and what quotes go in which paragraph (or something similar to that). Basically, just a map of what your response will be, without actually writing it. That seems like the most efficient way to do it in my opinion ;D of course you might want to memorise more than that, and that is cool, you might want to give this article a read, Elyse's tips on memorising essays!
On your second question - Writing "Text by Text" is called a non-integrated response. Writing by theme is an integrated response. In general, either works and it depends on your preference, but I personally prefer integrated responses, and I do notice a slight tendency for integrated responses to be more effective than their non integrated counterparts :)
Post by: Thebarman on March 19, 2017, 06:51:04 pm
We've been given 3 possible questions for the AOS essay. Each question is more or less two-fold. For example, option 1 states,
"Discovery may emerge from a deliberate course of action or it may be an unexpected outcome, taking the individual by surprise.
To what extent do the texts you have studied support this observation?"
All questions feature two halfs to it like the one above. How would I go about answering this? Apparently I choose one half of the question to discuss, and only focus on that. So what's the best way to tackle this?
Thanks!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 19, 2017, 08:51:05 pm
Hey, my question is somewhat a continuation from the last question.
We've been given 3 possible questions for the AOS essay. Each question is more or less two-fold. For example, option 1 states,
"Discovery may emerge from a deliberate course of action or it may be an unexpected outcome, taking the individual by surprise.
To what extent do the texts you have studied support this observation?"
All questions feature two halfs to it like the one above. How would I go about answering this? Apparently I choose one half of the question to discuss, and only focus on that. So what's the best way to tackle this?
Thanks!
You can definitely just pick one of the two alternatives if you think that works best - Or you can discuss both! It depends on the sort of essay you want to present ;D ultimately, it is probably easier to attack both parts if you are short on quotes/ideas. If you have solid textual knowledge and lots of quotes memorised, you may be able to focus on just one (and this would probably make your essay less messy, more direct, and thus easier to structure)!
It is ultimately a matter of personal preference though ;D
Post by: hanaacdr on March 19, 2017, 10:11:14 pm
Hey Hanaacdr! Very much a personal strategy there - Since you've been given three questions, it would be good to have at least a rough idea of how you'd respond to all of them. So at a bare minimum, perhaps memorise an essay plan for each question. That would be a Thesis, topic sentences, and what quotes go in which paragraph (or something similar to that). Basically, just a map of what your response will be, without actually writing it. That seems like the most efficient way to do it in my opinion ;D of course you might want to memorise more than that, and that is cool, you might want to give this article a read, Elyse's tips on memorising essays!
On your second question - Writing "Text by Text" is called a non-integrated response. Writing by theme is an integrated response. In general, either works and it depends on your preference, but I personally prefer integrated responses, and I do notice a slight tendency for integrated responses to be more effective than their non integrated counterparts :)
thank you so much!
Post by: Thebarman on March 24, 2017, 12:04:13 am
Would I be able to talk about how discovery can lead to the creation of new ideas and perceptions regarding humanity's actions in relation to the environment? From there, I would probably discuss the inconsiderate nature of the human species.
Would I be answering the question, or derailing too far from it?
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 24, 2017, 01:22:05 am
Hey guys, one of the three possible essay questions we'll receive in the half yearly AOS exam is "discovery can transform the individual by stimulating new ideas..."
Would I be able to talk about how discovery can lead to the creation of new ideas and perceptions regarding humanity's actions in relation to the environment? From there, I would probably discuss the inconsiderate nature of the human species.
Would I be answering the question, or derailing too far from it?
I think considering the nature of the human species could be derailing a little, because it no longer directly concerns Discovery if you know what I mean? If you could think of a way to make Discovery directly relevant, it could definitely work, but otherwise I'd try and keep it focused on the more conceptually relevant material (as much as that can be really tough at times) :)
Post by: Thebarman on March 25, 2017, 11:43:35 am
One of our other essay options is about future possibilities, so this could potentially work for either question.
Thanks again!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on March 25, 2017, 01:55:24 pm
Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! In that case, I'll try and focus on how discovery stimulates new ideas of the future (i.e. what happens next) in relation to present actions. Would that be more relevant to discovery?
One of our other essay options is about future possibilities, so this could potentially work for either question.
Thanks again!
That definitely works!! Not a problem at all my friend
Post by: Snew on March 26, 2017, 11:21:15 am
The impact of discovery is generally associated with feelings of excitement or pleasure.
To what extent does this statement reflect the impact of discovery in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing?
The impact of discovery can be met with feelings of pleasure and excitement, but can be met with equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. In either experience, the impact of discovery has the ability to be meaningful and transformative, the extent to which is ultimately determined by the willingness of an individual to embrace this process. Both William Shakespeare’s The Tempest and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad explore the impact of discovery as a result of the physical discovery of new worlds, the way in which individuals embrace their discovery and subsequent inconsequential or meaningful transformation is made.
Discoveries provoke new ideas and enable individuals to speculate about future possibilities.
How is this view presented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries have the potential to fertilise new ideas and conceive previously unconsidered possibilities for an individual through their experience of new worlds, both of excitement and pleasure or equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. The extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by the willingness of individuals to embrace this process, and their inclined desire for this process to be transformative. The individuals in both The Tempest by William Shakespeare and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad display varying extents of new ideas and further speculation as a result of their discoveries, and alternating subversions of previously dominant ideals.
Post by: elysepopplewell on March 29, 2017, 01:15:55 am
Hey guys! Would love to get your input on my intro for these potential half yearly questions!! ;D I'm trying to make them adaptable as possible so any feedback is welcomed. Cheers :)
Hey Snew, I've just come back online after a weekend off, I hope this isn't too late!
Spoiler
The impact of discovery is generally associated with feelings of excitement or pleasure.
To what extent does this statement reflect the impact of discovery in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing?
The impact of discovery can be met with feelings of pleasure and excitement, but can be met with equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. Absolutely love this... Very balanced. Opens you up to a lot of conversation. In either experience, the impact of discovery has the ability to be meaningful and transformative, the extent to which is ultimately determined by the willingness of an individual to embrace this process. Both William Shakespeare’s The Tempest and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad explore the impact of discovery as a result of the physical discovery of new worlds, the way in which individuals embrace their discovery and subsequent inconsequential or meaningful transformation is made. Great!
Discoveries provoke new ideas and enable individuals to speculate about future possibilities.
How is this view presented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries have the potential to fertilise new ideas and conceive previously unconsidered possibilities for an individual through their experience of new worlds, both of excitement and pleasure or equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. This one is a little too long and I started to get lost around "conceive previously unconsidered possibilities." I read that bit twice just to make sure it was correct, which is fine, but the sentence continues and it gets a little lost. Perhaps end the sentence there, and start the next sentence with something like, "experiences of new worlds...indifference may trigger such speculations." This way you're using the variation of speculate, as the question suggests? Of course you can find your own wording, but I think the first sentence is too long, but it contains great ideas. The extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by the willingness of individuals to embrace this process, and their inclined desire for this process to be transformative. I like that this is coming through in both of your essays, I'd expect to see it as a nice argument in the body paragraphs! The individuals in both The Tempest by William Shakespeare and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad display varying extents of new ideas and further speculation as a result of their discoveries, and alternating subversions of previously dominant ideals.
To what extent does this statement reflect the impact of discovery in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing?
The impact of discovery can be met with feelings of pleasure and excitement, but can be met with equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. Absolutely love this... Very balanced. Opens you up to a lot of conversation. In either experience, the impact of discovery has the ability to be meaningful and transformative, the extent to which is ultimately determined by the willingness of an individual to embrace this process. Both William Shakespeare’s The Tempest and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad explore the impact of discovery as a result of the physical discovery of new worlds, the way in which individuals embrace their discovery and subsequent inconsequential or meaningful transformation is made. Great!
Discoveries provoke new ideas and enable individuals to speculate about future possibilities.
How is this view presented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Discoveries have the potential to fertilise new ideas and conceive previously unconsidered possibilities for an individual through their experience of new worlds, both of excitement and pleasure or equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. This one is a little too long and I started to get lost around "conceive previously unconsidered possibilities." I read that bit twice just to make sure it was correct, which is fine, but the sentence continues and it gets a little lost. Perhaps end the sentence there, and start the next sentence with something like, "experiences of new worlds...indifference may trigger such speculations." This way you're using the variation of speculate, as the question suggests? Of course you can find your own wording, but I think the first sentence is too long, but it contains great ideas. The extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by the willingness of individuals to embrace this process, and their inclined desire for this process to be transformative. I like that this is coming through in both of your essays, I'd expect to see it as a nice argument in the body paragraphs! The individuals in both The Tempest by William Shakespeare and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad display varying extents of new ideas and further speculation as a result of their discoveries, and alternating subversions of previously dominant ideals.
Love both of these, you've definitely got this sailing down the right route. Beware of long sentences that detract from the ideas. If your sentence is more complicated than your ideas, then it isn't worth it!
Keep up the great work... :)
Post by: Snew on March 29, 2017, 11:05:56 am
Quote
Hey Snew, I've just come back online after a weekend off, I hope this isn't too late!
How can we blame you?! ;) I hope your having an amazing time in Venice, I did a student exchange to Colorado for six months which was amazing but man.... Europe, so jealous :P
Quote
Love both of these, you've definitely got this sailing down the right route. Beware of long sentences that detract from the ideas. If your sentence is more complicated than your ideas, then it isn't worth it!
Thankyou! Your input with english is so appreciated, I have a teacher who refuses to mark any essays so even just knowing I'm on the right track helps me to chill :) so thankful for ATAR Notes!!!
Mod Edit: Added quote marks ;D
Post by: elysepopplewell on March 30, 2017, 12:08:09 am
How can we blame you?! ;) I hope your having an amazing time in Venice, I did a student exchange to Colorado for six months which was amazing but man.... Europe, so jealous :P
Thankyou! Your input with english is so appreciated, I have a teacher who refuses to mark any essays so even just knowing I'm on the right track helps me to chill :) so thankful for ATAR Notes!!!
Mod Edit: Added quote marks ;D
Colorado? That's amazing! I'd love to know more about that.
I'm sorry your teacher doesn't mark essays, but I'm glad we can bridge that gap! Always happy to help snew :)
Post by: bellerina on June 12, 2017, 04:59:10 pm
Having slight trouble writing the creative for discovery... i had written one previously, but, i didnt really like it. I'm struggling with trying to get ideas as for another AOS creative! Help :(
Post by: elysepopplewell on June 12, 2017, 07:21:55 pm
Having slight trouble writing the creative for discovery... i had written one previously, but, i didnt really like it. I'm struggling with trying to get ideas as for another AOS creative! Help :(
Hey Ballerina! I've written a guide for creative writing here which you might find helpful. It's also the thread where you should direct your creative writing questions :) Have a read through and if you're still in a rut just post back on that thread with any ideas you have and I'll happily tease them out with you :)
Post by: DalvinT on June 15, 2017, 07:37:51 pm
"To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering."
Refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing
[/i]Refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing
[/i]
So what I think the question is asking us to response to is how effective our texts show this emotional (explorations of emotions??) and intellectual (gaining/renewing new knowledge and perceptions) response due to discovering. Is that right?
I tried to write a thesis statement for it as well:
Discoveries can be an unexcepted and challenging experience, yet an exciting one that can lead to an intense and meaningful emotional and intellectual response. Through these responses evoked by a planned or unplanned discovery, it may allow one to venture into new worlds and stimulate new ideas that offer new understandings and perception of the self and world.
Thanks in advance!! :)
Post by: adelaidecruz on July 04, 2017, 10:31:25 am
"To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering?"
The process of discovery involves an inclination to repress established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks. Its extent and ability in confronting intrinsic values and beliefs is determined by the willingness to embrace the process and the connections made with places and people. This growth is stimulated by evocative disclosures, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion and intellect.
THANK YOU!
Post by: SuperSymmetry on July 04, 2017, 05:10:58 pm
The process and consequences of discovery are complex and challenging; especially when they are contingent on the mindset of the individual.’
Thank you.
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 04, 2017, 07:32:59 pm
Hello, can someone please tell me what this question is asking ?
The process and consequences of discovery are complex and challenging; especially when they are contingent on the mindset of the individual.’
Thank you.
Hey! The question is basically saying: discoveries are complex, challenging, and dependent on the mindset of the individual. It also highlights that you need to focus on the process and consequences specifically.
So, your thesis statement might be about the extent of discovery being dependent on exactly how willing the individual is to receive the discovery, or how their mindset can hinder or encourage a discovery. This is where the bulk of your thesis will probably come from, and you'll address the complex and challenging aspect in your arguments and textual evidence :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 04, 2017, 07:58:40 pm
Hey guys, would anyone be willing to check my thesis statement for this question?
"To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering?"
THANK YOU!
Hello :) I'll check it for you!
The process of discovery involves an inclination to repress Not sure about the word repress. Of course it could be the exact word you ned for your texts, but based on my experiences of discovery texts, perhaps, "reassess" or "reconsider" or "abandon" works better than "repress" - but this could be perfectly true of your texts in which case there's no need to adjust!established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks. Its extent and ability in confronting intrinsic values and beliefs is determined by the willingness to embrace the process and the connections made with places and people. This growth is stimulated by evocative disclosures, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion and intellect. Great! Don't forget to connect some ideas with your texts too. So in your intro, when you introduce your two texts, it might be a good idea to pair a unique idea about discovery with each rather than saying, "Text A and Text B both display this nature of discovery." It might be better to say, "Text A emphasises the ways emotions can trigger and be a result of discovery, yet Text B is a testament to the intellectual nature of discovery." Something like this! But what you have is stellar! :)
Post by: Crabstickz on July 11, 2017, 09:49:34 am
Post by: studybuddy7777 on July 11, 2017, 09:58:10 am
I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)
I'm certainly not Elyse, but my teacher (who had state ranking students) lived by a 14 word thesis. Obviously take it with a grain of salt, 15 words is okay but a thesis 40 words long? That may require some tweaking :)
Hope this helps and best of luck :D
Post by: Crabstickz on July 11, 2017, 10:09:02 am
I'm certainly not Elyse, but my teacher (who had state ranking students) lived by a 14 word thesis. Obviously take it with a grain of salt, 15 words is okay but a thesis 40 words long? That may require some tweaking :)
Hope this helps and best of luck :D
ooh okay so roughly around that word mark.
Thank you!
Post by: Snew on July 14, 2017, 02:34:17 pm
The process of discovery can be a complex one and can lead to significant change. Discuss this statement with reference to your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing.
The multifaceted nature of discovery holds the power to challenge and confront perspectives, often resulting in significant and meaningful change for individuals. However, the extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by an individual willingness to embrace the process, allowing for it to become a transformative experience. William Shakespeare’s romantic comedy The Tempest explores the physical discovery of the island, its subsequent influence on Prospero’s initial desires for revenge and how this is reshaped into his true desire of forgiveness. Similarly in Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy’s interactions and critiques of one another subsequently reveal their own faults, prompting self-reflection as well as renewed perspective of one another.
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 14, 2017, 03:25:21 pm
I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)
Just adding another perspective to Studybuddy's - not to discount his at all, though!
Sometimes it takes a few sentence for an entire concept to be revealed. Sometimes people do this in the first two sentences and go from there, and sometimes people will use their first sentence to begin the thesis, an the rest of the thesis will be revealed within the context of introducing the two texts later in the introduction. So you have a bit of flexibility in terms of structure! :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 14, 2017, 04:24:12 pm
Hii!! When you guys have a free minute (lectures were awesome!!!) looking at my intro for a discovery question would be very much appreciated :) thankyou!
The process of discovery can be a complex one and can lead to significant change. Discuss this statement with reference to your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing.
Hey Snew! So glad you could come to our lectures, I wish I got to meet you!
Here's some feedback on your intro in bold font:
The multifaceted nature of discovery holds the power to challenge and confront perspectives, often resulting in significant and meaningful change for individuals. However, the extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by an individual willingness to embrace the process, allowing for it to become a transformative experience. I like this - you've carved yourself a little niche that comes from the bigger scheme of the question. Really well done. William Shakespeare’s romantic comedy The Tempest explores the physical discovery of the island, its subsequent influence on Prospero’s initial desires for revenge and how this is reshaped into his true desire of forgiveness. Similarly in Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy’s interactions and critiques of one another subsequently reveal their own faults, prompting self-reflection as well as renewed perspective of one another. I'd put one more sentence here looking more specifically at the "complex" nature of discovery. Something perhaps about, "The nature of discovery is evidently experienced in complex and diverse ways..." (this is just a basic example) - something like this rounds off your intro, but also directly responds to the "complex" wording in the question. Hope this helps! :)
Post by: Crabstickz on July 16, 2017, 01:52:11 am
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities.
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 16, 2017, 04:41:55 pm
Hi! could I grab some feedback for my thesis:
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities.
Sure! :)
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them You haven't identified who the "them" are by this stage and need to for it to make sense, but you also need a comma at this part here to complete the comma splice :) can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities. Great! My only criticism is of that first part there, which reads awkwardly without the comma splice but also "forced upon them" is unclear because we have yet to identify the "them." But, you've incorporated a lot of the rubric here which is really great for when it comes to expanding throughout your essay!
(Not AOS)
Hi Sorry but can anyone give me feedback on my Mod A and Mod C Theses hehe thank you!
Many thanks!
Absolutely :)
Mod A: Virginia Woolf’s modernist novel Mrs Dalloway (1925) in conjunction with Stephen Daldry’s post-modern film The Hours (2002) reveals the paradoxical but enduring isolation and commonality of the human experience, whilst also exploring the repercussions on identity and pressure within life Not that there's anything that stands out as wrong in this, I just want to suggest something for fluency. With the "enduring isolation and commonality" it's like I want to put something there other than the "and" to bridge the paradox. Perhaps, "reveals the paradoxical but enduring experience of both isolation and commonality in the human experience." To me this just bridges it a little more smoothly, but it's only word play here, your ideas are great!
Mod C:
Composers construct texts to encourage their readers to reconsider the dominant narrative which surrounds contentious issues, and instead inspire them proactively engage with the political issue. This is unlike any other thesis I've read for this module before. It's really seamless, easy to read. I'm impressed! But, there will need to be more fleshing in the rest of the introduction to nail the "relationship" and "representation" part of the question. Nonetheless, a great thesis!
Post by: _____ on July 17, 2017, 02:42:01 pm
2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances."
2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances."
Is there the potential for this method to screw me up for some types of questions? I haven't looked at that many yet. Anything else I could improve regarding the theses?
After the thesis I'd probably introduce the two texts in different sentences and maybe have a shortish sentence after that.
Thanks!
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 17, 2017, 07:28:53 pm
For my Discovery texts I decided that the best link I could draw between them would be a sort of discovery process of investigation. The person in both texts essentially starts off in the "unknown", progresses into the realm of discovery and then the impact of the discovery is elucidated. I thought I'd carry this into the exams so I tried adopting a two-sentence thesis to the 2015 and 2016 questions.
Is there the potential for this method to screw me up for some types of questions? I haven't looked at that many yet. Anything else I could improve regarding the theses?
After the thesis I'd probably introduce the two texts in different sentences and maybe have a shortish sentence after that.
Thanks!
Hey there :) I followed this same kind of path in terms of essay structure when I did my exam! It worked just fine for me, so no criticism there :)
2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I rarely see thesis statements that use the inclusive first person - "we" - I think it works but I'll be interested to know that your teacher agrees just to confirm. It's definitely not a common thing I notice in thesis statements, but I don't see any reason to reject it! Beautifully written thesis statement otherwise.
2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I think you limit yourself in determining the "end" of a discovery experience - only because you've mentioned the speculation of future activities, which I think it's best to keep as indeterminable in terms of it's length. Otherwise, I think you've again crafted a very eloquent statement here!
Post by: _____ on July 17, 2017, 09:52:27 pm
Hey there :) I followed this same kind of path in terms of essay structure when I did my exam! It worked just fine for me, so no criticism there :)
2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I rarely see thesis statements that use the inclusive first person - "we" - I think it works but I'll be interested to know that your teacher agrees just to confirm. It's definitely not a common thing I notice in thesis statements, but I don't see any reason to reject it! Beautifully written thesis statement otherwise.
2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I think you limit yourself in determining the "end" of a discovery experience - only because you've mentioned the speculation of future activities, which I think it's best to keep as indeterminable in terms of it's length. Otherwise, I think you've again crafted a very eloquent statement here!
Thanks for the feedback. Did you tend to use "one" rather than "we"? I don't know where I picked that up to be honest so I'll have to check.
As for the future activities part, I included it because I can link it to the impact of discovery in both related texts. Do you mean that it might be limiting if I were to discuss discoveries that were significant for some other reason like a broader impact on society? Is it an OK idea if I'm sure I can craft a final paragraph with just that as a focus?
Post by: DonQ on July 18, 2017, 08:49:34 pm
Could I have some feedback on my thesis?
My writing is poor and I often lack expression issues :/
This is for Mod A: Richard III
"Through the intertextual connections that explore the enduring relevance of Richard, an insight into the change of societal values and attitudes as a result of context arises."
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 18, 2017, 08:51:09 pm
Thanks for the feedback. Did you tend to use "one" rather than "we"? I don't know where I picked that up to be honest so I'll have to check.
As for the future activities part, I included it because I can link it to the impact of discovery in both related texts. Do you mean that it might be limiting if I were to discuss discoveries that were significant for some other reason like a broader impact on society? Is it an OK idea if I'm sure I can craft a final paragraph with just that as a focus?
No worries! I did take on "one" more than "we" when writing my own thesis statements. But like I said, best to check because I've never seen anything against it, but I've never seen it before in general, either!
No, the part i think is limiting is where you say, "by the end of our discovery experience." Not the parts that come after, I love the part about the future activities. I think it would work if you just said, "During the discovery process, OR, as a result of the experience of discovery, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." This way you're not defining an "end" to the entire thing, but you're still talking about future speculation as an outcome of discovery! :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 18, 2017, 08:55:05 pm
Hi Elyse,
Could I have some feedback on my thesis?
My writing is poor and I often lack expression issues :/
Hey Don Q!
"Through the intertextual connections that explore the enduring relevance of Richard, an insight into the change of societal values and attitudes as a result of context arises."
First thing I notice when reading this is that you say the connections are what explores. Not quite true - the connections allow US as readers to explore! So just a little wording thing, but it does set a tone for your essay. I'd also flip the syntax of your sentence, just to privilege the main thesis and put the texts second. So,
"An insight to the change of societal values and attitudes as a result of context is gained through the intertextual connections between text A and B." Also, you need to identify Richard III or King Richard III - at the moment he's just any old Richard ;) You could even leave out the text/protagonist from this, and approach it as, "through texts that are recreated for a new context" or something to this extent. Play with this wording and see how you feel about it, and I'm happy to give more feedback once it's been adjusted :)
Post by: georgiia on July 19, 2017, 08:28:51 pm
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
The discovery of things that have been lost or concealed has a profound impact on the individuals understanding of self. It is the process of discovering through the intercession of others which positively and meaningfully compels the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations and interpersonal connections. William Shakespeare's play 'The Tempest' examines the power of forgiveness in enabling individuals to uncover the possibility for freedom; not only for others, but for themselves. Wes Anderson's film 'Moonrise Kingdom' fathers this exploration of discovery as a transformational process, through the protagonists discovery of authentic human connections. The discovery of a concealed capacity to have human relationships leaves individuals with transformed perceptions of 'self' and a renewed identity. Where the Tempest asserts reconsideration to be what uncovers freedom, Moonrise Kingdom proposes freedom as the incisive for revealing fresh understandings of self and world.
If you can't mark the whole intro, I more than appreciate feedback on just the thesis.
Thanks!!
Post by: Thebarman on July 22, 2017, 11:54:30 am
An individual’s reality is a product of their experiences and exposure to society. It is through such factors, therefore, that one’s reality is vastly complex and everchanging. Notably, the experiences of choice and an individual’s mortality influence the overall complexity of their reality. One’s exposure to societal views surrounding such issues further influences their lives.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 22, 2017, 01:10:45 pm
Could I please have some feedback for an intro I wrote to the 2015 question?
If you can't mark the whole intro, I more than appreciate feedback on just the thesis.
Thanks!!
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
The discovery of things that have been lost or concealed has a profound impact on the individuals understanding of self. It is the process of discovering through the intercession of others which positively and meaningfully compels the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations and interpersonal connections. I like these first two sentences in isolation. However, I'm not sure how they are linked? They seem very stand alone and I'm not sure how they are related to each other? William Shakespeare's play 'The Tempest' examines the power of forgiveness in enabling individuals to uncover the possibility for freedom; not only for others, but for themselves. Wes Anderson's film 'Moonrise Kingdom' fathers this exploration of discovery as a transformational process, through the protagonists discovery of authentic human connections. Excellent introduction of the texts with links to the themes - This works well. Perhaps "discovery as a transformational process" is a tad vague? The discovery of a concealed capacity to have human relationships leaves individuals with transformed perceptions of 'self' and a renewed identity. Where the Tempest asserts reconsideration to be what uncovers freedom, Moonrise Kingdom proposes freedom as the incisive for revealing fresh understandings of self and world. The first part of that sentence (on the Tempest) doesn't quite make sense.
I like this introduction! A few minor comments throughout but I think it works well ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 22, 2017, 01:13:15 pm
Hey, could I please get some feedback on this thesis/beginning of my intro? It's in response to a question asking how the prescribed texts influence your understanding of the complexity of reality. Thanks!
An individual’s reality is a product of their experiences and exposure to society. I'm a little unsure how these two differ, perhaps extrapolate just a tad on these factors? It is through such factors, therefore, that one’s reality is vastly complex and everchanging. Good idea - Some extra detail to bring out the idea more would be beneficial. Notably, the experiences of choice and an individual’s mortality influence the overall complexity of their reality. Not quite sure what you mean by 'experiences of choice,' perhaps even just saying difficult decisions would give more clarity if that is what you mean? One’s exposure to societal views surrounding such issues further influences their lives. I'd conclude with a sentence more closely reflecting the question, purely to hammer home that you've responded to the question :)
Post by: georgiia on July 22, 2017, 01:31:32 pm
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
The discovery of things that have been lost or concealed has a profound impact on the individuals understanding of self. It is the process of discovering through the intercession of others which positively and meaningfully compels the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations and interpersonal connections. I like these first two sentences in isolation. However, I'm not sure how they are linked? They seem very stand alone and I'm not sure how they are related to each other? William Shakespeare's play 'The Tempest' examines the power of forgiveness in enabling individuals to uncover the possibility for freedom; not only for others, but for themselves. Wes Anderson's film 'Moonrise Kingdom' fathers this exploration of discovery as a transformational process, through the protagonists discovery of authentic human connections. Excellent introduction of the texts with links to the themes - This works well. Perhaps "discovery as a transformational process" is a tad vague? The discovery of a concealed capacity to have human relationships leaves individuals with transformed perceptions of 'self' and a renewed identity. Where the Tempest asserts reconsideration to be what uncovers freedom, Moonrise Kingdom proposes freedom as the incisive for revealing fresh understandings of self and world. The first part of that sentence (on the Tempest) doesn't quite make sense.
I like this introduction! A few minor comments throughout but I think it works well ;D
Thanks Jamon, what I was trying to say with my two thesesus (thesi?) was this:
The intercession of some other person = DISCOVERY of something concealed or forgotten = allows the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations & relationships = DISCOVERY of an understanding of self.
Im just not sure how to make that clear and concise. Also Im not sure how to re-word the last part as what I am trying to say is that Prospero discovers freedom, but THROUGH freedom, the protagonist in MK discovers. Basically in one freedom is the outcome and in the other freedom is the vehicle.
Would this sort of thesis work for most questions If I tweak it like I did with the concealed/lost thing?
Thank you!!
Post by: winstondarmawan on July 23, 2017, 10:14:51 am
AOS: Discovery is the ability to be curious about simple things and to see with new eyes. To what extent is this view of discovery represented in prescribed texts? (Rosemary Dobson and Isaac Lidsky's What Reality Are You Creating for Yourself)
Thesis: The most transformative and far-reaching discoveries involve an individual's ability to be curious, questioning and accepting self-discoveries which allow for transformative impacts, and thus allowing them to see with new eyes. Yet, they can also be evoked our of sheer necessity, but this ultimately rests upon the individual to embrace the discovery.
T1 (Young Girl + Related): Reluctance and apprehension can stump curiosity, preventing individuals from engaging in transformative experiences which allows them to see with new eyes.
T2 (Painter of Antwerp + Related): Creative and intellectual discoveries evoked by curiosity become more meaningful if individuals can draw upon the experiences and discoveries of others to renew their personal perspectives on the purpose of life.
A: What insights have you gained from comparative study of texts despite differences in form and features? Explore this question by referring to KRIII and LFR.
Thesis: An examination of the intertextual connections between texts illuminates an understanding of the composers values and context, the latter eliciting the importance of suitable use of form features in conveying these values to a specific audience.
T1 (Integrity): Changes in context illuminate varying perspectives concerning the value of integrity, however through an exploration of the form and feature within texts, it is clear that integrity is necessary in maintaining a sense of humanity.
T2 (Humility): A comparative study allows for new insights of the perception of humility across time, this epitomised through form and feature technique.
B: How has analysis of the prescribed text developed your appreciation of it's reception and value? (Speeches: Keating, Sadat)
Thesis: An understanding of the power of a speech from the viewpoint of rhetoric and audience reception deepens my appreciation of the orator's resonating message, as a multitude of modern events exemplify the urgency of the values of the speaker.
T1 (Unity): Analysis of speeches reveal their reliance on the evoking of empathy, altering the mindsets of the audience and imparting a desire for a harmonious future build upon a vision of social unity.
T2 (Reconciliation): When reception of the audience of amicable, the orator is able to hone into the value and purpose of their speech, projecting the importance of reconciliation in mitigating past injustice.
C (People and Landscapes): Evaluate how a composer's acts of representation shape meaning and influence responses.
Thesis: A composers representation of the experiences of people within landscape heighten the notion that it is the attitude and response of the individual to the landscape which shapes identity, the landscape acting as a catalyst. Thus, audiences are positioned to adopt open-minded attitudes when it comes to engaging in the landscape.
T1: The representation of the conflict between urban and natural realms acts as the embodiment of the inner struggle within an individual to decide the landscapes they desire.
T2: The unequivocal power of nature, brought into fruition through composer representation, to reform the landscapes around us catalyses an understanding of themselves, but this ultimately rests upon the willingness of the individual to embrace these understandings.
I know this is a lot, but can someone please tell me if I'm on the right track or if there are any glaring flaws about my approaches. TIA
Post by: Crabstickz on July 26, 2017, 12:14:18 pm
Could someone provide me with some feedback for my Second Coming (Yeats) theses for Mod B
(I'm really struggling with Mod B on the whole so feedback would be greatly appreciated)
In WB Yeats’s The Second Coming, Yeats’ finds himself unable to comprehend and express his concern and resignation with politically tumultuous horrors of the era and uses language to establish this ambiguity of horror.
The historical relationship between creation and destruction is explored as Yeats alludes to his belief in gyres and cyclicality to describe the pagan birth which follows the obliteration of societal order.
thanks!
Post by: Thebarman on July 27, 2017, 10:58:46 pm
An individual’s reality is a product of their experiences and exposure to society. I'm a little unsure how these two differ, perhaps extrapolate just a tad on these factors? It is through such factors, therefore, that one’s reality is vastly complex and everchanging. Good idea - Some extra detail to bring out the idea more would be beneficial. Notably, the experiences of choice and an individual’s mortality influence the overall complexity of their reality. Not quite sure what you mean by 'experiences of choice,' perhaps even just saying difficult decisions would give more clarity if that is what you mean? One’s exposure to societal views surrounding such issues further influences their lives. I'd conclude with a sentence more closely reflecting the question, purely to hammer home that you've responded to the question :)
Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! I'll repost my new thesis when I've finished fixing it, but in the meantime, do you mind looking over this one too? Again, I would use this as a topic sentence for one of my discovery paragraphs.
The process of discovery can lead to the realisation of fundamental societal flaws resulting from humanity’s materialistic nature. Consequently, an individual may question the overall impact of such factors on the future of humanity and its occupied environment, or they may instead turn away from materialism and seek the confines of nature to remedy their soul.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 27, 2017, 11:07:16 pm
Thanks Jamon, what I was trying to say with my two thesesus (thesi?) was this:
The intercession of some other person = DISCOVERY of something concealed or forgotten = allows the individual to reassess their understanding of personal motivations & relationships = DISCOVERY of an understanding of self.
Im just not sure how to make that clear and concise. Also Im not sure how to re-word the last part as what I am trying to say is that Prospero discovers freedom, but THROUGH freedom, the protagonist in MK discovers. Basically in one freedom is the outcome and in the other freedom is the vehicle.
Would this sort of thesis work for most questions If I tweak it like I did with the concealed/lost thing?
Thank you!!
Ahh okay, I understand it a little better now! Yes, I think it definitely works well - If you can tweak the wording to make it a little clearer to the reader I think it will work nicely for you! ;D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 27, 2017, 11:29:04 pm
Hello! I tried writing thesis and topic sentences for AOS and the Modules using random questions. Can I please have some feedback?
Sure! :) some comments:
Discovery: I think the Thesis might suffer from trying to do too much? The second sentence especially makes things a little unclear. I'd simplify a tad - Good work linking to the question however. Topic sentences work well - The latter is super specific, are you sure you can argue it well?
Module A: Thesis works really well and links nicely to the requirements of the module. Perhaps the wording could be adjusted, "illuminating an understanding" is a bit off. Topic sentences also suffer slightly from expression issues - Besides this they work quite well! Linking in humanity at the end of the first one feels a bit awkward though.
Module B: Avoid the use of personal pronoun - You can present your perspective while maintaining the proper academic style. The idea of being able to appreciate the speech more in a new context is a good idea for a Thesis, and again, your ideas work well. It's still just the expression that is getting you, a little bit unclear in the Thesis and topic sentences.
Module C: While your Thesis links to the question, you've not hit the verb of evaluate - You need to make sure you are judging. How effective is the representation in accomplishing the goals of the composer? This judgement should resonate through your topic sentences as well :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 27, 2017, 11:43:06 pm
(Not AOS sorry!)
Could someone provide me with some feedback for my Second Coming (Yeats) theses for Mod B
(I'm really struggling with Mod B on the whole so feedback would be greatly appreciated)
In WB Yeats’s The Second Coming, Yeats’ finds himself unable to comprehend and express his concern and resignation with politically tumultuous horrors of the era and uses language to establish this ambiguity of horror.
- This feels a little bit like you are tip-toeing around the point you want to make. Why not just say Yeats uses language to express his thoughts on the political events of the era? In Module B, the emphasis is on judgement, so maybe you examine how effectively Yeats expresses these thoughts and communicates them using techniques?
The historical relationship between creation and destruction is explored as Yeats alludes to his belief in gyres and cyclicality to describe the pagan birth which follows the obliteration of societal order.
- This is very speficic Theis, almost works better as a topic sentence? Feels like it should fall underneath a larger umbrella :)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 28, 2017, 12:00:38 am
Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! I'll repost my new thesis when I've finished fixing it, but in the meantime, do you mind looking over this one too? Again, I would use this as a topic sentence for one of my discovery paragraphs.
The process of discovery can lead to the realisation of fundamental societal flaws resulting from humanity’s materialistic nature. Consequently, an individual may question the overall impact of such factors on the future of humanity and its occupied environment, or they may instead turn away from materialism and seek the confines of nature to remedy their soul.
I think this works! Very specific, but if you can argue it effectively it should do nicely ;D
Post by: _____ on July 29, 2017, 11:14:27 pm
For example, say the thing I carried in was discovery as an investigative quest with a series of steps, and the question I got was the following:
“Whether discovering something for the first time, or rediscovering something, it is our attitude towards the process of discovery that is most important.”
Demonstrate how your prescribed text and ONE related text of your own choosing represent this interpretation of discovery.
This is my thesis + amplification:
"Discovery is ultimately a process of specific stages whereby our attitudes towards the pursuit and philosophical implementation of new knowledge determine the extent to which such insights lead to renewed perspectives of ourselves and others. Therein, whether we discover something for the first time during this process of rediscover a hidden truth, how we react in applying our new understanding to our personal circumstances determines whether the discovery is to have any bearing on our future endeavours."
Does the idea work? Is it good in that it develops a personal understanding of discovery? Or should I focus entirely on the question?
Post by: Daniyahasan on July 31, 2017, 01:56:31 pm
last minute help needed
this is my thesis for my transitiosn essay, how it does it sound?
As individuals progess through life, they often need to successfully navigate their way from one challenge to another. this progression not only develops the individual but also pushes individuals towards reconsideration of themselves and others, which leads into growth of the individual
BTW I SMASHED THE CREATIVE AND ESSAY TODAY THANK YOU ELYSE AND JAMON
AND elsye your not gonna believe how close the stimulus was to my creative
thanks guys
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 31, 2017, 08:37:12 pm
Hey guys
last minute help needed
this is my thesis for my transitiosn essay, how it does it sound?
As individuals progess through life, they often need to successfully navigate their way from one challenge to another. this progression not only develops the individual but also pushes individuals towards reconsideration of themselves and others, which leads into growth of the individual
BTW I SMASHED THE CREATIVE AND ESSAY TODAY THANK YOU ELYSE AND JAMON
AND elsye your not gonna believe how close the stimulus was to my creative
thanks guys
That's a great thesis! Very clear - and gives you a lot to unpack later. I'm so glad you smashed it...really, really, makes me happy :)
Post by: pikachu975 on July 31, 2017, 08:51:37 pm
Hey guys
last minute help needed
this is my thesis for my transitiosn essay, how it does it sound?
As individuals progess through life, they often need to successfully navigate their way from one challenge to another. this progression not only develops the individual but also pushes individuals towards reconsideration of themselves and others, which leads into growth of the individual
BTW I SMASHED THE CREATIVE AND ESSAY TODAY THANK YOU ELYSE AND JAMON
AND elsye your not gonna believe how close the stimulus was to my creative
thanks guys
I'd probably cut down on the word 'individual'.
Post by: elysepopplewell on July 31, 2017, 09:00:29 pm
I'd probably cut down on the word 'individual'.
In hindsight - the last individual is just one too many for me!
Post by: damecj on August 02, 2017, 11:46:23 am
The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984 propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures, and the catalytic role of totalitarian bodies in the degradation of one’s individuality and expression. Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression v projected state of humanity’s moral values and hence critically evaluate themselves and their social environment.
Thanks heaps
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 02, 2017, 12:19:24 pm
Hey guys, just wondering if you could look at this thesis statement for Module A- 1984 & Metroplis.
Thanks heaps
Hey there! Definitely can have a look at this :)
The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984 another comma needed here propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures, and the catalytic role of totalitarian bodies in the degradation of one’s individuality and expression. So although the ideas here are really good - I think it's too much in one sentence. I'd actually be looking at reversing the order of this, and putting your ideas about themes and expression first, and introducing the texts secondly. This privileges the most important points, afterall, the elements that make your response unique. Everyone will talk about the texts, so put that second. Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression v projected state Not sure what this means? of humanity’s moral values and hence critically evaluate themselves and their social environment.
I'm fairly certain you've got some excellent ideas here but we need to work a little more to adjust the way these ideas are experienced - so flipping the order at the beginning, but also adjusting the way you express your ideas in the second part there as well. It's easy enough to fix this, just focus on reading it out loud and do what you've already done: ask for an opinion on how it reads. The hard part is done: you've got great ideas! Just the expression now. Feel free to post back once it's been adjusted! :)
Post by: bimberfairy on August 02, 2017, 03:28:40 pm
For example:
Through the key themes that make up a text, the experience of discovery can be impactful upon an individual and can bring about an emotional or intellectual response.
I'm absolutely rubbish at English and am aiming to go for an essay that is simple in language and gives a straightforward answer to the question, since I tend to babble or add completely irrelevant information in my essays haha, so I was hoping to have a simple thesis statement too.
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 02, 2017, 04:08:27 pm
Hi guys! My English Paper 1 trial exam is coming up soon (kill me now please !!!) and I just have a quick question regarding thesis statements. I was wondering if it's okay (or a good idea?) to include in your thesis how themes can act as a vehicle to propel or bring to light a discovery?
For example:
Through the key themes that make up a text, the experience of discovery can be impactful upon an individual and can bring about an emotional or intellectual response.
I'm absolutely rubbish at English and am aiming to go for an essay that is simple in language and gives a straightforward answer to the question, since I tend to babble or add completely irrelevant information in my essays haha, so I was hoping to have a simple thesis statement too.
I like your thinking - and I also like you've identified your weaknesses AND you've made a plan.
I definitely think you can do this, and I in fact really like it. But, unless you are going on to directly identify the key themes next, I think it's better that you identify what they are immediately instead of say "key themes" and risk sounding immediately ambiguous. Does this make sense?
Post by: bimberfairy on August 02, 2017, 04:55:24 pm
I like your thinking - and I also like you've identified your weaknesses AND you've made a plan.
I definitely think you can do this, and I in fact really like it. But, unless you are going on to directly identify the key themes next, I think it's better that you identify what they are immediately instead of say "key themes" and risk sounding immediately ambiguous. Does this make sense?
Thanks Elyse! This is the introduction I wrote in response to the 2016 Paper 1 question before I received your reply:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. Composers use the key themes of a text as a vehicle to reveal these responses that are provoked by discovery. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson’s poems Young Girl At A Window and Cock Crow, as well as Tim Winton’s novel That Eye, The Sky, where the authors, through the manipulation of language and use of key themes to the text, are able to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
I took your advice into account and changed my introduction to this instead, immediately addressing the key themes:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson's poems Young Girl At a Window, through the theme of growth, and Cock Crow, through the theme of facing reality. Furthermore, Tim Winton's novel That Eye, The Sky also explores this idea using the themes of grief and maturity. These authors use the manipulation of language and key themes to the text to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
Would this be enough to not make my introduction sound too ambiguous or loose?
Thanks!
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 02, 2017, 05:58:55 pm
Thanks Elyse! This is the introduction I wrote in response to the 2016 Paper 1 question before I received your reply:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. Composers use the key themes of a text as a vehicle to reveal these responses that are provoked by discovery. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson’s poems Young Girl At A Window and Cock Crow, as well as Tim Winton’s novel That Eye, The Sky, where the authors, through the manipulation of language and use of key themes to the text, are able to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
I took your advice into account and changed my introduction to this instead, immediately addressing the key themes:
Through the key themes of a text, composers have the ability to reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering. To a great extent, this idea has been conveyed in Rosemary Dobson's poems Young Girl At a Window, through the theme of growth, and Cock Crow, through the theme of facing reality. Furthermore, Tim Winton's novel That Eye, The Sky also explores this idea using the themes of grief and maturity. These authors use the manipulation of language and key themes to the text to reveal the emotional and intellectual responses that can be provoked by the experience of discovering.
Would this be enough to not make my introduction sound too ambiguous or loose?
Thanks!
Hey again :)
I definitely prefer the second intro to the first. The first one is more ambiguous than the second, and the second definitely works to be far more of a stand out - it's unique! I'm inclined to point out that you've only introduced two ideas from the rubric: emotional and intellectual responses to discoveries. Typically I'd say this isn't enough and there needs to be more fleshed out, but in saying that, I've never before seen an introduction that focuses on themes in discovery before. But, the CSSA paper this year for discovery, although it didn't focus on themes, it shifted the question to make the essay more text-based than concept-based, so I think your essay could be going in the direction that perhaps the markers want to see more of. So I think full speed ahead!
Post by: damecj on August 02, 2017, 06:50:10 pm
Hey there! Definitely can have a look at this :)
The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984 another comma needed here propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures, and the catalytic role of totalitarian bodies in the degradation of one’s individuality and expression. So although the ideas here are really good - I think it's too much in one sentence. I'd actually be looking at reversing the order of this, and putting your ideas about themes and expression first, and introducing the texts secondly. This privileges the most important points, afterall, the elements that make your response unique. Everyone will talk about the texts, so put that second. Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression v projected state Not sure what this means? of humanity’s moral values and hence critically evaluate themselves and their social environment.
I'm fairly certain you've got some excellent ideas here but we need to work a little more to adjust the way these ideas are experienced - so flipping the order at the beginning, but also adjusting the way you express your ideas in the second part there as well. It's easy enough to fix this, just focus on reading it out loud and do what you've already done: ask for an opinion on how it reads. The hard part is done: you've got great ideas! Just the expression now. Feel free to post back once it's been adjusted! :)
Thank you very much for your feedback! Very useful... I have taken on your advice and would be very appreiciative if you could take a look at the changes.
Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression and projected state of humanity’s moral values. Thus being able to critically evaluate themselves and their social environment. The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984, propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures. While also exploring how oppressive capitalist plutocracies can abuse and dictate individual freedoms.
Again, thanks heaps!
Post by: bimberfairy on August 02, 2017, 06:57:05 pm
Hey again :)
I definitely prefer the second intro to the first. The first one is more ambiguous than the second, and the second definitely works to be far more of a stand out - it's unique! I'm inclined to point out that you've only introduced two ideas from the rubric: emotional and intellectual responses to discoveries. Typically I'd say this isn't enough and there needs to be more fleshed out, but in saying that, I've never before seen an introduction that focuses on themes in discovery before. But, the CSSA paper this year for discovery, although it didn't focus on themes, it shifted the question to make the essay more text-based than concept-based, so I think your essay could be going in the direction that perhaps the markers want to see more of. So I think full speed ahead!
Thank you Elyse!! Gosh I appreciate all you guys so much for helping us out !! I could cry tears of joy to be honest (: Regarding the ideas from the rubric, the 2016 question was: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? So I just pulled out the section of the rubric that was already in the question! (:
Should I also be adding another section from the rubric into my essay to expand upon the question, or would what the question provided be good enough? Thank you so much again!
Post by: Never.Give.Up on August 03, 2017, 06:10:31 pm
Just wondering if this thesis statement makes sense in answer to the question:
"at the heart of representation are acts of deliberate selection and emphasis"
thesis- the intentional choice of particular events and the significant form in which they are stressed, are ultimately political actions that constitute the core of representation. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and it's significance on the broader society.
thx for your help! sorry just realised this was AOS and i'm talking about mod c (people and politics) :-[ :-\ is there somewhere else I can get mod c thesis statements checked??
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 03, 2017, 11:51:22 pm
Thank you very much for your feedback! Very useful... I have taken on your advice and would be very appreiciative if you could take a look at the changes.
Again, thanks heaps!
Hey there!
Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression and projected state of humanity’s moral values. Thus being able to critically evaluate themselves and their social environment. The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984, propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures. While also exploring how oppressive capitalist plutocracies can abuse and dictate individual freedoms.
Firstly, I'd suggest changing "in both the present and the future" to "audiences from the time of the texts creation, and audiences beyond, are able.." or something that changes "present and future" because it sounds simple, but it also ignores the time before the present where the texts were received. Secondly, I'll suggest nominalisation for the "to be educated." You might already know so please excuse me if I'm repeating something, but nominalisation is basically changing the verb to the noun form. So I'd say, "are able to gain education about.." so "educated" becomes 'education" which sounds more sophisticated. Lastly, "Thus, audiences are able to..." sounds better :)
So your ideas are there, just expression things :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 03, 2017, 11:58:22 pm
Thank you Elyse!! Gosh I appreciate all you guys so much for helping us out !! I could cry tears of joy to be honest (: Regarding the ideas from the rubric, the 2016 question was: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? So I just pulled out the section of the rubric that was already in the question! (:
Should I also be adding another section from the rubric into my essay to expand upon the question, or would what the question provided be good enough? Thank you so much again!
I've read what you've said a few times over because I'm really happy, it's so sweet :)
I figured you'd taken that from 2016. So, if that was the question: you'd need more discovery, I suggest! Just so you can discuss different angles...and more stages of discovery than just the outcomes! But, if this is not your essay question, then you're already combining emotional and intellectual with whatever else they ask from you...if that makes sense? So you'll already be prepared :)
Hey!!
Just wondering if this thesis statement makes sense in answer to the question:
"at the heart of representation are acts of deliberate selection and emphasis"
thesis- the intentional choice of particular events and the significant form in which they are stressed, are ultimately political actions that constitute the core of representation. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and it's significance on the broader society.
thx for your help! sorry just realised this was AOS and i'm talking about mod c (people and politics) :-[ :-\ is there somewhere else I can get mod c thesis statements checked??
Totally fine for you to put this here! :)
The ideas in your statement here are perfect - very clear and sophisticated. but, by the end of your first sentence I'm struggling to grasp everything. I noticed I was slowly down my reading and really focusing on each word because as much as I wanted to grasp it all, there's a lot. It's a bit wordy, but also the defining "core of representation" sits at the very end, which is one of the most important things you say, but I'm a bit lost by the time I get to it. You might need to work on culling some words or re-arranging the sentence a bit! :)
Post by: Never.Give.Up on August 04, 2017, 10:28:15 am
Totally fine for you to put this here! :)
The ideas in your statement here are perfect - very clear and sophisticated. but, by the end of your first sentence I'm struggling to grasp everything. I noticed I was slowly down my reading and really focusing on each word because as much as I wanted to grasp it all, there's a lot. It's a bit wordy, but also the defining "core of representation" sits at the very end, which is one of the most important things you say, but I'm a bit lost by the time I get to it. You might need to work on culling some words or re-arranging the sentence a bit! :)
Thanks so much Elyse! Really appreciate your help ;D
is this a little clearer??? The core of representation is constituted by the intentional choice of information and the form in which they are stressed. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and its significance in broader society.
I'm just a bit stuck on what sort of topic sentences I can get from this??Any ideas? ;D
thx again :)
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 04, 2017, 11:49:58 am
Thanks so much Elyse! Really appreciate your help ;D
is this a little clearer??? The core of representation is constituted by the intentional choice of information and the form in which they are stressed. It is evidently the manner in which a situation is represented that determines the impact on individuals and its significance in broader society.
I'm just a bit stuck on what sort of topic sentences I can get from this??Any ideas? ;D
thx again :)
SO much better! Love this!
It really depends where you want to go in terms of topic sentences. Some people will talk about the reciprocal nature of politics between people in power and the powerless. Some people will talk about the yearn and quest for power, and some people will explore the way the attainment of power is viewed differently by different people.
Post by: Never.Give.Up on August 05, 2017, 03:45:27 pm
SO much better! Love this!Thanks soooo much Elyse! ;D
It really depends where you want to go in terms of topic sentences. Some people will talk about the reciprocal nature of politics between people in power and the powerless. Some people will talk about the yearn and quest for power, and some people will explore the way the attainment of power is viewed differently by different people.
Really, really helpful- hopefully I can use some of the ideas from those topic sentences :D
Post by: elysepopplewell on August 05, 2017, 03:54:29 pm
Thanks soooo much Elyse! ;D
Really, really helpful- hopefully I can use some of the ideas from those topic sentences :D
So glad! You might also benefit from checking out the Advanced essay marking thread to find some other Module C essays for inspiration :)
Post by: Never.Give.Up on August 05, 2017, 04:38:17 pm
So glad! You might also benefit from checking out the Advanced essay marking thread to find some other Module C essays for inspiration :)
Ok thanks ;D
Post by: damecj on August 05, 2017, 09:47:27 pm
Hey there!
Through the didactic nature of both composers’ texts, audiences in both the present and the future are able to be educated of the progression and projected state of humanity’s moral values. Thus being able to critically evaluate themselves and their social environment. The distinctions and alignments across Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis and George Orwell’s satirical novel, 1984, propose questions of the varying results of resistance against societal pressures. While also exploring how oppressive capitalist plutocracies can abuse and dictate individual freedoms.
Firstly, I'd suggest changing "in both the present and the future" to "audiences from the time of the texts creation, and audiences beyond, are able.." or something that changes "present and future" because it sounds simple, but it also ignores the time before the present where the texts were received. Secondly, I'll suggest nominalisation for the "to be educated." You might already know so please excuse me if I'm repeating something, but nominalisation is basically changing the verb to the noun form. So I'd say, "are able to gain education about.." so "educated" becomes 'education" which sounds more sophisticated. Lastly, "Thus, audiences are able to..." sounds better :)
So your ideas are there, just expression things :)
Thanks heaps,
Was running very low on enegry and the brain power wasn't working very well ahha. Appreiciate the help
Post by: JeffChiang on August 07, 2017, 10:45:45 pm
Question from AN Trial: Different discoveries may have similarities, but the ramifications will always vary. To what extent is this statement true in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: Many discoveries will be vastly different, being achieved through various means, but their consequences always leave a considerable impact on an individual's psyche.
Usually, I don't go against the question but for this instance, it works better with the textual evidence I have.
Thank you very much!!!
Post by: Opengangs on September 04, 2017, 02:40:48 pm
Thesis: The powerful nature of discovery establishes a profound change and reassessment of values within the individual. Moreover, the values they possess are not static, but rather transformed through new perspectives and ideas.
Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Post by: epherbertson on September 06, 2017, 08:25:38 am
I have been struggling to construct some really strong ideas for discovery and would like any more input as possible. For reference, I am using the Life of Pi as my prescribed text and Ozymandias as my related. Here is what i have so far:
1. The evolution of human identity is determined by the individual response to an environment in which provokes unfamiliar experiences.
- needs to be a willingness
2. The reinterpretation of a discovery confronts initial perspectives allowing the construction of a new truth for the receptive individual.
- power of story-telling, re-shape identity through narrative
3. There is a requirement of a discovery in order to develop human insight.
Thank you so much
Emily
Post by: georgiia on September 08, 2017, 08:48:47 am
Thanks!!
QUESTION:
‘Discoveries inevitably lead to new perceptions of the world, new values and new understandings of ourselves and others.'
To what extent os this view represented by your prescribed text and ONE related text?
THESIS:
The nature of discovery is inevitably transformative, challenging the individual to adopt new perceptions of the world and renewed insights into themselves and others.
REST OF INTRO:
To a very large extent, Shakespeare’s play ‘The Tempest’ and Wes Anderson’s 2012 film ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ align with the view that discoveries are inevitably transformative. They engage with this view through representations of re-discovered meaning and spiritually and emotionally significant discoveries. However, the transformative power of discovery is only inevitable to the extent that the individual tests conflicting values and confronting perceptions of the world against their own understandings. Only then is transformation an inevitable outcome of discovery.
Post by: elysepopplewell on September 08, 2017, 12:50:40 pm
Hi, Can I please get some feedback on my thesis?Hey there! LOVE that you're using the AN trial :)
Question from AN Trial: Different discoveries may have similarities, but the ramifications will always vary. To what extent is this statement true in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thesis: Many discoveries will be vastly different, being achieved through various means, but their consequences always leave a considerable impact on an individual's psyche.
Usually, I don't go against the question but for this instance, it works better with the textual evidence I have.
Thank you very much!!!
Thesis: Many discoveries will be vastly different, being achieved through various means, but their consequences always leave a considerable impact on an individual's psyche.
I like the way you've incorporated the individual's psyche - it's interesting, it's unique, and it's specific. So it shows me that right from the start, you have an interesting agenda and I'm intrigued to see where it goes. The thing that sticks out to me is the wording of the first part, and it's not even a total disaster, I just think it could be more fluid. Perhaps, "The means of achieving/recognising/experiencing discoveries is varied, but the consequences always leave a considerable impact on an individual's psyche." I've basically just squishes together your first two points about discovery (the result and the means) as one, so the sentence isn't as disjointed at the beginning and the key points flow. What do you think? Great attempt at adapting the question to your plan!
Question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal the way that discoveries can lead us to reassess values and see the world in new ways?
Thesis: The powerful nature of discovery establishes a profound change and reassessment of values within the individual. Moreover, the values they possess are not static, but rather transformed through new perspectives and ideas.
Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Hey there!
Thesis: The powerful nature of discovery establishes a profound change and reassessment of values within the individual. Moreover, the values they possess are not static, but rather transformed through new perspectives and ideas.
The part that sticks out to me as a space for improvement is "moreover, the values they possess are not static..." You're essentially making the same point in both sentences, but you've added the static idea in the second. I think you'd be better off leaving the first sentence as is, and then potentially using the idea that values are not static when you're introducing the texts. So, "In GBTWYCF, O'Mahoney details the way values esteemed as static and righteous, are challenged..." If this makes sense? So instead of essentially replaying the same thing twice (same same but different) in the first two sentences, I'd save that snippet to use later, and tease out discovery in another way in the second sentence.
Hey
I have been struggling to construct some really strong ideas for discovery and would like any more input as possible. For reference, I am using the Life of Pi as my prescribed text and Ozymandias as my related. Here is what i have so far:
Thank you so much
Emily
Hey there!
1. The evolution of human identity is determined by the individual response to an environment in which provokes unfamiliar experiences.
- needs to be a willingness
So with this one here, it's all great until we get to "in which" which is a funny little thing students use (I'm guilty as charged) when in reality we could just write "which' or "that" I'm not sure how you're hoping to incorporate the willingness part at the end, this could be a statement on its own?
2. The reinterpretation of a discovery confronts initial perspectives allowing the construction of a new truth for the receptive individual.
- power of story-telling, re-shape identity through narrative
I reallllly like the idea of constructing a new truth. That's great!
3. There is a requirement of a discovery in order to develop human insight.
The modality in this is high, which is fine of course, but it's also a short sentence. So it's a very powerful sentence and doesn't have a lot of immediate scope. So you'd need to be following this up with a sentence to tease it out and lead into how this is expressed in your texts, and probably here you'll lower the modality to allow a contrasting discussion about each of your texts. These are great ideas!
I'd really really appreciate feedback for my thesis statement and if possible, the rest of my intro.
Thanks!!
QUESTION:
‘Discoveries inevitably lead to new perceptions of the world, new values and new understandings of ourselves and others.'
To what extent is this view represented by your prescribed text and ONE related text?
THESIS:
The nature of discovery is inevitably transformative, challenging the individual to adopt new perceptions of the world and renewed insights into themselves and others. Nice! Long, but nice. Any longer and it would be a problem, but this is just enough I think.
REST OF INTRO:
To a very large extent, Shakespeare’s play ‘The Tempest’ and Wes Anderson’s 2012 film ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ align with the view that discoveries are inevitably transformative. They engage with this view through representations of re-discovered meaning and spiritually and emotionally significant discoveries. However, the transformative power of discovery is only inevitable to the extent that the individual tests conflicting values and confronting perceptions of the world against their own understandings. Only then is transformation an inevitable outcome of discovery.
"To a very large extent" doesn't sit well with me, and it's the use of large. To a GREAT extent is probably a better measurement of size. Great has connotations of significance, and large has connotations of physical size. I'd also not say "inevitably transformative" again when introducing the texts after it's in your thesis, just because I think you can be more creative with wording and flesh out new terms to explore in the essay. As I continue reading, we use "inevitable" twice more and it becomes extremely prominent. Perhaps inexorable, inescapable, undeniable, irrevocable...these words might be useful to change it up. Otherwise, great intro!
Post by: georgiia on September 08, 2017, 10:28:04 pm
"To a very large extent" doesn't sit well with me, and it's the use of large. To a GREAT extent is probably a better measurement of size. Great has connotations of significance, and large has connotations of physical size. I'd also not say "inevitably transformative" again when introducing the texts after it's in your thesis, just because I think you can be more creative with wording and flesh out new terms to explore in the essay. As I continue reading, we use "inevitable" twice more and it becomes extremely prominent. Perhaps inexorable, inescapable, undeniable, irrevocable...these words might be useful to change it up. Otherwise, great intro!
Thanks!!
Post by: Lachlan Morley on September 09, 2017, 07:08:37 pm
Im having trouble coming up with two diffrent sub thesis statments for my discovery essay
Im studying the tempest for discovery and previosuly i would do a sub thesis along the lines of " An individuals preconceptions and personal context places them into Discovery" and " Discvoereys can be signginfacnlty impactufull on ones identity'' but i felt like i was only half of my essay would really be answering any essay question for example " to what extent do discoveires allow for new values" where only my second thesis would be really releventt to the question.
does anyone have any ideas or examples on two diffrent sub thesis that i can use that both answer a question like the one above but still talk about diffrenet elements of the text without overlap
Thanks for your help
Post by: epherbertson on September 15, 2017, 09:42:57 am
Hey there!
1. The evolution of human identity is determined by the individual response to an environment in which provokes unfamiliar experiences.
- needs to be a willingness
So with this one here, it's all great until we get to "in which" which is a funny little thing students use (I'm guilty as charged) when in reality we could just write "which' or "that" I'm not sure how you're hoping to incorporate the willingness part at the end, this could be a statement on its own?
2. The reinterpretation of a discovery confronts initial perspectives allowing the construction of a new truth for the receptive individual.
- power of story-telling, re-shape identity through narrative
I reallllly like the idea of constructing a new truth. That's great!
3. There is a requirement of a discovery in order to develop human insight.
The modality in this is high, which is fine of course, but it's also a short sentence. So it's a very powerful sentence and doesn't have a lot of immediate scope. So you'd need to be following this up with a sentence to tease it out and lead into how this is expressed in your texts, and probably here you'll lower the modality to allow a contrasting discussion about each of your texts. These are great ideas!
Thank you heaps!!! Really appreciate it.
Post by: beau77bro on September 17, 2017, 06:00:39 pm
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 18, 2017, 10:03:53 am
i got a really shit feedback for that essay saying that my thesis was really bad
help!!!!
Post by: elysepopplewell on September 18, 2017, 11:45:08 am
OMG THIS IS AMAZING WHEN DID THIS GET HERE
Hahahaha, welcome!!!!
Hi All,
Im having trouble coming up with two diffrent sub thesis statments for my discovery essay
Im studying the tempest for discovery and previosuly i would do a sub thesis along the lines of " An individuals preconceptions and personal context places them into Discovery" and " Discvoereys can be signginfacnlty impactufull on ones identity'' but i felt like i was only half of my essay would really be answering any essay question for example " to what extent do discoveires allow for new values" where only my second thesis would be really releventt to the question.
does anyone have any ideas or examples on two diffrent sub thesis that i can use that both answer a question like the one above but still talk about diffrenet elements of the text without overlap
Thanks for your help
Hey Lachlan! I think your existing thesis statements work well with the question you've presented. For example, the question is about new values, and your thesis is about preconceptions and personal context. It is one's personal context that shapes preconceptions, so I think it works really well that a person's preconceptions will be challenged, and therefore leading to new values!
does anyone have any ideas for a thesis statement for mod b - curious incident of the dog in the night time?
i got a really shit feedback for that essay saying that my thesis was really bad
help!!!!
What's your existing thesis? I might be able to work on that with you!
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 19, 2017, 10:31:06 pm
Quote
What's your existing thesis? I might be able to work on that with you!
My current thesis isnt even a proper thesis tbh, i was rushing and i couldnt think of anything so i just used a quote to open my intro
it was " “Every important text challenges the reader with complex ideas and uses appropriate language to express them.”
i knew it was a mistake but i still did it, learnt the hard way i guess:(
Mod Edit: Fixed quote :)
Post by: angelahchan on September 20, 2017, 09:45:14 am
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 20, 2017, 09:25:27 pm
Hiive heard that the thesis should always be short and sharp, this does seem a bit too long tbh
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.
Post by: elysepopplewell on September 20, 2017, 10:04:23 pm
My current thesis isnt even a proper thesis tbh, i was rushing and i couldnt think of anything so i just used a quote to open my intro
it was " “Every important text challenges the reader with complex ideas and uses appropriate language to express them.”
i knew it was a mistake but i still did it, learnt the hard way i guess:(
Mod Edit: Fixed quote :)
We should create a thesis that is inspired by the rubric and also relates to your texts (prescribed and related) so that we can engage with them from early on. Have a look at this guide to get you started and inspired. When you're putting words together I'll happily help out with the wording and structure :)
Hi
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.
Your first sentence is very long. I'd also swap the syntax so that you are privileging the themes of the maturity and struggle, because at the moment it sits at the end as a bit of an "after thought" at the end of a very long sentence so we don't really digest it the way I'd love to. I wouldn't say your entire thing is a thesis though, it seems like a full introduction. Are you adding more to this to make it an introduction or leaving it as is? :)
Post by: angelahchan on September 20, 2017, 10:16:22 pm
We should create a thesis that is inspired by the rubric and also relates to your texts (prescribed and related) so that we can engage with them from early on. Have a look at this guide to get you started and inspired. When you're putting words together I'll happily help out with the wording and structure :)whoops, I somehow equated thesis to intro. but yeah, that's pretty much my intro, do you think I have to add anything more to that? thanks for the advice!
Your first sentence is very long. I'd also swap the syntax so that you are privileging the themes of the maturity and struggle, because at the moment it sits at the end as a bit of an "after thought" at the end of a very long sentence so we don't really digest it the way I'd love to. I wouldn't say your entire thing is a thesis though, it seems like a full introduction. Are you adding more to this to make it an introduction or leaving it as is? :)
Post by: bellerina on September 21, 2017, 03:45:40 pm
Since it is recommended to have at least two creative writing stories, i am slightly struggling because i have one for self-discovery which i have perfected but i cannot think of one for a society discovery without making it complicated. My original idea was around a dystopian society but my teacher recommended to do something simple so it can be written within the time frame. What do you think i should do?
Post by: angelahchan on September 22, 2017, 04:59:11 pm
Hey guys,
Since it is recommended to have at least two creative writing stories
Just wondering, but who recommended you to have 2 creatives? Is it so that you can cover as much of the syllabus as you can? (just writing 1 took me ages, if it's recommended to write 2 I'm screwed)
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 23, 2017, 10:33:50 am
Just wondering, but who recommended you to have 2 creatives? Is it so that you can cover as much of the syllabus as you can? (just writing 1 took me ages, if it's recommended to write 2 I'm screwed)im pretty sure they mean to have 2 creatives so you can choose the one that is more compatible with the stimulus, because ik theres no way they would ask us to write 2 in 40 minutes
Post by: jamonwindeyer on September 23, 2017, 10:38:24 am
Post by: Lachlan Morley on September 23, 2017, 04:41:54 pm
For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of
"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"
And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :
The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered
and
Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self
Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original
My prescribed text is " The Tempest"
Thanks for your help it is much appriciated
Post by: _____ on September 23, 2017, 10:31:09 pm
For example:
Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
OR
Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?
Thanks!
Post by: justwannawish on September 24, 2017, 09:36:21 pm
Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?
For example:
Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
OR
Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?
Thanks!
Tbh, both of them sound good. I know some markers don't like you being very definite like that though-my teacher has marked AOS and prefers us to use terms like "often" to not make it seem like the be all or end all. So in that case, the first one is probably better. However, I think the second one does have a nice tone to it :)
Post by: _____ on September 24, 2017, 10:15:48 pm
Tbh, both of them sound good. I know some markers don't like you being very definite like that though-my teacher has marked AOS and prefers us to use terms like "often" to not make it seem like the be all or end all. So in that case, the first one is probably better. However, I think the second one does have a nice tone to it :)
Thanks!
Think I'll use the second one, "ultimately" sounds definite/confidence while lowering the modality just a touch from like "Discovery is an analytical or investigative..."
Post by: Tech9 on September 24, 2017, 10:33:43 pm
Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?
For example:
Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
OR
Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.
The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?
Thanks!
In my opinion a thesis should be your assertion/idea that you are trying to communicate to the marker, so in relation to your post either one is fine as long your topic sentences in your body paragraphs and your concluding sentences of the paragraph align with your theses. One thing I would watch out for is making the thesis statement too broad or too narrow, which limits flexibility and thus you may get carried away on your own tangent. However, with that being said, if your evidence and content answers the question and reinforces your thesis, by all means go ahead.
Hope this helps :)
Post by: justwannawish on September 27, 2017, 07:27:29 am
Thanks!
Think I'll use the second one, "ultimately" sounds definite/confidence while lowering the modality just a touch from like "Discovery is an analytical or investigative..."
It does, but make sure in the exam, you don't be too broad and answer the question which I'm sure you'll do :)
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 27, 2017, 08:53:01 am
It does, but make sure in the exam, you don't be too broad and answer the question which I'm sure you'll do :)does anyone do Curious Incident of the Dog in the night-time for mod b, if yes please give me ideas for a thesis, im struggling
my thesis was so bad for the trials that my essay got such a shit mark:(
Post by: HSCNewcastle2017 on September 27, 2017, 02:45:08 pm
does anyone do Curious Incident of the Dog in the night-time for mod b, if yes please give me ideas for a thesis, im struggling
my thesis was so bad for the trials that my essay got such a shit mark:(
This primarily depends on what the question asks you to do.
For my trial I practiced two different papers. The first question asked something about exploring the ideas about difference in the world. The second question asked something about the importance of truth in relationships.
E.g. (Q1) Novelists reveal the truth, adversities and experiences of those considered different in society.
(Q2) Dishonesty creates conflict within relationships because it undermines trust.
I think this should also be in the Standard course thread not AOS.
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 27, 2017, 02:52:54 pm
I think this should also be in the Standard course thread not AOS.
my bad i thought that cos its thesis statement feedback and discussion thread that you could post module thesis thingys here too lol
Post by: HSCNewcastle2017 on September 27, 2017, 02:56:21 pm
my bad i thought that cos its thesis statement feedback and discussion thread that you could post module thesis thingys here too lol
No worries however I did help you out with the thesis' (see above) in case you overlooked it.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on September 27, 2017, 03:00:41 pm
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 27, 2017, 03:02:16 pm
This primarily depends on what the question asks you to do.ohhhhh yeah i think im getting the idea as to what i have to do, before i was like where do i even start ahha thanks :)
For my trial I practiced two different papers. The first question asked something about exploring the ideas about difference in the world. The second question asked something about the importance of truth in relationships.
E.g. (Q1) Novelists reveal the truth, adversities and experiences of those considered different in society.
(Q2) Dishonesty creates conflict within relationships because it undermines trust.
I think this should also be in the Standard course thread not AOS.
Post by: georgiia on September 27, 2017, 03:32:43 pm
At its core, discovery is the transformative journey concerning the acquisition of greater knowledge which shapes a new perspective. Discoveries can affirm or confront, but ultimately, all discoveries are concerned with the individuals’ relationship with one’s self and their role within wider society.
Post by: pikachu975 on September 27, 2017, 03:44:47 pm
‘An individual’s discovery shapes the way they understand themselves and the world around them.’ How is this view represented in your prescribed text, and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
At its core, discovery is the transformative journey concerning the acquisition of greater knowledge which shapes a new perspective. Discoveries can affirm or confront, but ultimately, all discoveries are concerned with the individuals’ relationship with one’s self and their role within wider society.
Just some small comments:
- "affirm or confront" what do discoveries affirm or confront? Beliefs? Perspectives? etc
- maybe instead of saying "greater knowledge" you can say different perspectives or something similar because it might not be better knowledge they gain but they can see new perspectives etec
- Instead of "all discoveries are concerned" I think it's recommended to use "discoveries may be concerned" because it's slightly incorrect to say ALL discoveries do something
Post by: georgiia on September 27, 2017, 04:02:19 pm
Just some small comments:
- "affirm or confront" what do discoveries affirm or confront? Beliefs? Perspectives? etc
- maybe instead of saying "greater knowledge" you can say different perspectives or something similar because it might not be better knowledge they gain but they can see new perspectives etec
- Instead of "all discoveries are concerned" I think it's recommended to use "discoveries may be concerned" because it's slightly incorrect to say ALL discoveries do something
Thanks!! I completely agree with your first and last points, but I said 'greater knowledge" because that's what my core and related deal with or at leas what i'm saying happens in them ahah
Post by: justwannawish on September 27, 2017, 07:06:42 pm
How does this quote represent your own understanding of discovery?
Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, discoveries are ultimately the results of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
Post by: pikachu975 on September 27, 2017, 07:43:10 pm
“Discoveries affirm or challenge society’s assumptions and beliefs about aspects of human experience.”
How does this quote represent your own understanding of discovery?
Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, discoveries are ultimately the results of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
Seems good but you haven't addressed the part about affirming or challenging society's assumptions and human experience so probably include a second sentence addressing the question.
From Emily's lecture I recommend the first sentence to answer the question then second sentence to include your own insights.
Post by: justwannawish on September 27, 2017, 09:44:56 pm
Seems good but you haven't addressed the part about affirming or challenging society's assumptions and human experience so probably include a second sentence addressing the question.
From Emily's lecture I recommend the first sentence to answer the question then second sentence to include your own insights.
So if I did it a generic statement first and then answered the question in the second sentence it would be considered bad?
How about this:
Developed by a subversion of societal norms, the transformative process of discovery often challenges existing perspectives and stimulates fresh beliefs of human existence. Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, they are ultimately the result of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
Post by: pikachu975 on September 28, 2017, 01:22:22 am
So if I did it a generic statement first and then answered the question in the second sentence it would be considered bad?
How about this:
Developed by a subversion of societal norms, the transformative process of discovery often challenges existing perspectives and stimulates fresh beliefs of human existence. Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, they are ultimately the result of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world.
It wouldn't be bad but the advice from 1st in the state was the one I said. Also that thesis looks much better!
Post by: justwannawish on September 28, 2017, 07:07:02 am
It wouldn't be bad but the advice from 1st in the state was the one I said. Also that thesis looks much better!
Will keep it in mind thank you!
Post by: klauren on September 29, 2017, 11:19:35 am
Post by: Daniyahasan on September 29, 2017, 11:22:36 am
hey does anyone have any predictions for the 2017 area of study essay question?? ;)
does anyone know a good question for mod b curious incident of the dog in the night time, a question that can have a solid thesis which can easily be adapted to any other questions
i feel like what i just said made no sense at all, but if any of you understood what i mean pls help!
Post by: katie,rinos on September 30, 2017, 01:10:14 pm
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.
To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! :D
Post by: dancing phalanges on September 30, 2017, 01:22:11 pm
Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.
To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! :D
Hey, I love the last one about enlightenment because the stimulation of new ideas, values and perspectives is taking stuff from the rubric which essentially means to be enlightened anyway so great job with that one :)
There is nothing wrong with the 1st one either :) I don't know the texts you are using but obviously you would need to emphasise throughout your essay how their context (social and historical) impact upon perceptions and perspectives of the characters.
The second one - Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals - I am not too sure about just because firstly since I do not know your texts, I don't know whether they have an emphasis on unique responses to discoveries. Also, I personally don't see much of a link between how discoveries can challenge widely held beliefs and how this is due to the unique responses of individuals. With these sort of questions I personally prefer to use the rubric point on the confronting nature of discoveries and how that challenges widely assumed point of views because provocative discoveries by nature often force us to reconsider our assumptions and reflect upon new ideas that while confronting, may be significant to the individual.
I hope that helps you :)
Post by: katie,rinos on September 30, 2017, 01:36:56 pm
Hey, I love the last one about enlightenment because the stimulation of new ideas, values and perspectives is taking stuff from the rubric which essentially means to be enlightened anyway so great job with that one :)Thanks so much dancing phalanges! Definitely helpful! :D
There is nothing wrong with the 1st one either :) I don't know the texts you are using but obviously you would need to emphasise throughout your essay how their context (social and historical) impact upon perceptions and perspectives of the characters.
The second one - Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals - I am not too sure about just because firstly since I do not know your texts, I don't know whether they have an emphasis on unique responses to discoveries. Also, I personally don't see much of a link between how discoveries can challenge widely held beliefs and how this is due to the unique responses of individuals. With these sort of questions I personally prefer to use the rubric point on the confronting nature of discoveries and how that challenges widely assumed point of views because provocative discoveries by nature often force us to reconsider our assumptions and reflect upon new ideas that while confronting, may be significant to the individual.
I hope that helps you :)
I can see how the second one isn't as strong as all of the others.
Post by: winstondarmawan on October 02, 2017, 04:22:09 pm
Does anyone mind giving me brief feedback for my introductions on the following questions. One is for AOS, others are for the 3 modules.
AOS:
The value of texts is that they enrich the responder’s understanding of discovery.
Discuss this view with detailed reference to prescribed and related text.
Through engaging in creative and intellectual discoveries presented in texts, responders enrich their understanding of the ability of such discoveries to transform perspectives about themselves and the world around them. Such is true of the suite of poetry Rosemary Dobson: Collected and Isaac Lidsky’s TEDTalk What Reality Are You Creating For Yourself?, both of which address the dynamic nature of these discoveries as well as the transformative and far-reaching implications to one’s worldview when these discoveries are engaged in.
A:
When drawing comparisons between texts, it is the enduring values that are of the greatest importance.
To what extent is this true of the prescribed texts?
An examination of the intertextual connections allows for a deepened understanding of enduring values, which are often represented differently due to the dynamic nature of context. This epitomises the extent of the importance of these values. In particular focus, the representation of integrity and humility in William Shakespeare’s King Richard III and Al Pacino’s Looking For Richard, reveals the contextual influences of religion and secularism on the representation of themes such as the pursuit for power and duplicity, yet despite these influences the importance of the aforementioned values remains enduring.
B:
All speeches have a use-by date.
Discuss this statement with reference to ‘Spotty-Handed Villainesses’ and one other speech.
The enduring value of a speech lies in its ability to procure the necessity of societal values, such as the importance of education and equality – particularly when these issues transcend the test of time and remain relevant to future audiences. Thus, it is evident that the ‘due date’ of speeches such as Margaret Atwood’s Spotty Handed Villainesses and Doris Lessing’s On Not Winning the Nobel Prize lie in the date of the true achievement of such profound shared values, yet this date is far from reach even today.
C:
To what extent has textual form shaped your understanding of people and landscapes?
A composer’s choice of textual form plays a significant role in their polished representation of the experiences of individuals within landscapes, such form significantly heightening audience understanding of the importance of individual attitudes towards the landscape - particularly the natural. Such is true of Melissa Harrison’s urban-pastoral Clay and Andrew Grace’s interactive documentary After the Storm, where their respective mediums are utilised effectively to represent the everlasting relevance of the nature in an urban landscape consumed by technology.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.
Post by: winstondarmawan on October 02, 2017, 04:39:54 pm
Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.
To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! :D
I'm not good at English in any way, so please take my advice with a grain of salt.
For the first question, I suggest more focus on HOW these discoveries prompt new perspectives. For example, CONFRONTING discoveries that challenge previously held notions, and thus prompt new perspectives.
For the second question, I agree with phalanges. However, you can make it more explicit. For example:
Enlightenment encompasses the stimulation of new ideas and perspectives about oneself and the world - all of these being key aspects of discovery.
Hope this helps. :)
Post by: Lachlan Morley on October 02, 2017, 04:52:51 pm
For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of
"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"
And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :
The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered
and
Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self triggering growth
Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original
My prescribed text is " The Tempest"
Thanks for your help it is much appriciated
Post by: Thebarman on October 04, 2017, 11:06:22 am
The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioning such impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul.
Post by: Checkmate123 on October 05, 2017, 02:23:41 pm
'Political motivations may be ambiguous, but control is the ultimate goal.'
Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Often, these texts present an unambiguous political motivation, where control in the form of influencing audiences into adopting the composer’s perspective is the primary focus. Revisionist Historian Henry Reynolds’ memoir Why Weren’t We Told is one such text, which negatively portrays Australian society’s attitudes towards race relations to highlight the systemic expurgation of Aboriginal perspectives in Australian history. Similarly, Kirkpatrick’s documentary Mary Meets Mohammed (2013) challenges the contemporary culture of misinformation and cross-cultural barriers in Australian society with regards to asylum seekers. The respective composers select specific textual forms and associated techniques to present their ideas, enforcing obvious political agendas which ultimately aim to garner control of audience’s perspectives on a given issue.
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 05, 2017, 09:28:52 pm
Hello!
Does anyone mind giving me brief feedback for my introductions on the following questions. One is for AOS, others are for the 3 modules.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.
Hey there!
AOS:
The value of texts is that they enrich the responder’s understanding of discovery.
Discuss this view with detailed reference to prescribed and related text.
Through engaging in I'd nominalise this so it becomes "through engagement with" - nominalisation isn't always appropriate, but when it is it boosts the sophistication. creative and intellectual discoveries present
A:
When drawing comparisons between texts, it is the enduring values that are of the greatest importance.
To what extent is this true of the prescribed texts?
An examination of
B:
All speeches have a use-by date. Interesting!
Discuss this statement with reference to ‘Spotty-Handed Villainesses’ and one other speech.
The enduring value of a speech lies in its ability to procure the necessity of societal values, such as the importance of education and equality – particularly when these issues transcend the test of time and remain relevant to future audiences. I personally really love the beginning of this sentence! It offers a lot and sounds very sophisticated. However, I would take out the "such as...." and continue with "particularly" Thus, it is evident that the ‘due date’ of speeches such as Margaret Atwood’s Spotty Handed Villainesses and Doris Lessing’s On Not Winning the Nobel Prize lie in the date of the true achievement of such profound shared values, yet this date is far from reach even today.
C:
To what extent has textual form shaped your understanding of people and landscapes?
A composer’s choice of textual form plays a significant role in
Great work - and great initiative to post all of these. You've done an excellent job, tiny expression things to work on but overall this is great!
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 05, 2017, 09:52:36 pm
Hi All,
For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of
Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original
My prescribed text is " The Tempest"
Thanks for your help it is much appriciated
"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"
Love the word "marred! Great vocab. However, it's got the connotation of inhibiting something, like in a bad way. So it's not just "impacted" but marred means "impacted in a bad way" or "spoiler" by discoveries. Is this your intention?
And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :
The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered
and
Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self triggering growth
enable* and reevaluation* and I'd put a comma after "self" - then these two little sub theses are great! :)
Hey guys, can I get some feedback on this topic sentence?
The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioning
Post by: davidss on October 05, 2017, 10:17:05 pm
The impact of discovery is subject to the passage of time, either diluting the consequences of permanently transforming the individual’s perceptions of the world. Explore this statement.
The impacts of discoveries facilitate a more complex understanding of individual’s perception of the world that bear both permanent enriching and debilitating impacts, contingent upon individuals’ choice to accept or reject the insights offered by discoveries through time.
Our interest in the parallels between Metropolis and 1984 is further enhanced by consideration of their marked differences in textual form
The comparative study of Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis (1927) and George Orwell’s dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four [hereafter 1984] (1948) film Metropolis fosters responders’ interest in the power of literature to offer insights into parallel concerns of the search for humanity and technological manipulation. Such interest is further enhanced by the text’s marked difference in form, which captures composer’s reinterpretation of enduring concerns according to their distinct contexts.
Explore how time and place are used in ts eliots poetry to shape the audience’s understanding of identity.
Through the physical and dramatic use of a fragmented sense of time and place skillfully interwoven in his poetry, Eliot emphasises humanity’s ontological quandaries of alienation and internal chaos in eliciting responder’s shared understanding of the struggles and existential disillusionment in finding one’s sense of identity.
The perspective that prevails at a given time is a function of power rather than truth. Discuss this view.
Through composers’ representations of political entities and events, composers have great literary power in revealing the complexity of individuals’ struggle to maintain autonomy amid an overwhelming powerful political institution, culminating in a loss of truthful perspectives during particular time periods.
Post by: Thebarman on October 06, 2017, 10:58:09 am
The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioningsuchThe link here isn't clear. Students use "such" often and it is quite a jarring word. I'm also not sure what you're referring to - embracing materialism leads to questioning embracing materialism, is what you're saying at the moment by using "such" when I think you mean, "can result in questioning the future of humanity and it's occupied environment." impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul. Nice twist of materialism and discovery together!
Thanks for the feedback! Could you also look at this idea too?
The reconsideration of one’s past can allow for the development of a greater understanding of individuals within their life and of their own self. This thereby allows the individual to gain a deeper appreciation of others, or to instead reject their influence within their life.
Post by: allmyfranzaredead on October 06, 2017, 09:55:01 pm
‘Experiences of landscape may be diverse, but the influence on identity is always profound.’ Evaluate this statement with detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Experiences of landscapes may differ in accordance to the individual’s values and personal context, however, they will always instigate a profound impact upon their identity.
Thanks :D
Post by: elysepopplewell on October 07, 2017, 09:47:27 am
Hi everyone. If anyone could comment on my introduction for Module C, it will be a big help. Thanks in advance.
'Political motivations may be ambiguous, but control is the ultimate goal.'
Hey there! Welcome to the forums - so stoked to have you here!! \
Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Nice! Often, these texts present an unambiguous political motivation, where control in the form of influencing audiences into adopting the composer’s perspective is the primary focus. Revisionist Historian Henry Reynolds’ memoir Why Weren’t We Told is one such text, no need for the comma which negatively portrays Australian society’s attitudes towards race relations to highlight the systemic expurgation of Aboriginal perspectives in Australian history. Similarly, Kirkpatrick’s documentary Mary Meets Mohammed (2013) challenges the contemporary culture of misinformation and cross-cultural barriers in Australian society with regards to asylum seekers. this part needs to relate more directly to the question - about politics, ambiguity, and goals. Instead, you've spoken about the subject matter. The respective composers select specific textual forms and associated techniques to present their ideas, enforcing obvious political agendas which ultimately aim to garner control of audience’s perspectives on a given issue. Nice ending! Just that second text's sentence you need to adjust :)
Post by: Henry Kocatekin on October 07, 2017, 11:09:10 am
"Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with the absolute truth.” Simone de Beauvoir. To what extent is this notion evident in the texts you have studied. Your response must refer to your prescribed text and at least ONE other text of your own choosing.
Political systems are not intrinsically good or bad, but rather open to interpretation and representation. Composers represent the world and particular political values, dependent on their own personal values, in order to invite critique towards how those ideologies impact people and societies. They leave the ultimate decision up to the audience, rather than definitively sharing what they believe is absolute truth.
Post by: Checkmate123 on October 07, 2017, 04:40:17 pm
For example, in the candidates should improve in section, it says:
"avoiding a thematic study of the two texts. Comparative study must not simply be seen as thematic study. Textual form and purpose must be integrated"
What does is mean by integrating textual form and purpose? While purpose of the texts may have been shaped due to context, surely they are not expecting a comparative study of two textual forms.
I'm doing 1984 and Metropolis, so if anyone has specific pointers, it would be fantastic.
Post by: Daniyahasan on October 08, 2017, 03:21:54 pm
Post by: blasonduo on October 08, 2017, 03:55:55 pm
does anyone have any thesis ideas for mod b curious incident if the dog in the night time essays
For this study, you need to understand what the author is trying to portray. For the curious-incident, it was all about differing perspectives and uniqueness, shown through the character of christopher (and other characters!), and the structure of the book. Also, thesis ideas come from the question, so having a set thesis, especially from this book is difficult, but normally discussing this unique world, you are able to talk about any question.
For example, CSSA was about independence, and my half-yearly was about the difficult nature of life.
Post by: justwannawish on October 08, 2017, 10:09:11 pm
I am having difficulties understanding some parts of the Notes from markers. This is Mod A by the way.
For example, in the candidates should improve in section, it says:
"avoiding a thematic study of the two texts. Comparative study must not simply be seen as thematic study. Textual form and purpose must be integrated"
What does is mean by integrating textual form and purpose? While purpose of the texts may have been shaped due to context, surely they are not expecting a comparative study of two textual forms.
I'm doing 1984 and Metropolis, so if anyone has specific pointers, it would be fantastic.
I think they mean that the textual form has been changed to suit the audience. Most people nowadays are more interested in a movie than a Shakespeare play, and you need to use textual features in your answer. eg for poem use poetic techniques and focus on how it makes the original more accessible for the audience
Post by: Potatohater on October 08, 2017, 11:36:39 pm
AOS: the acceptance of discovery leads to growth in individuals and allows them to change their circumstances, while a lack of discovery leads to stagnant characters in a static situation
Mod A: despite differing forms and contexts, the various perspectives portrayed by texts offer a snapshot of humanity that is essentially the same
Post by: winstondarmawan on October 14, 2017, 10:20:22 am
Q: Composers reinforce the significance of having a voice as part of the human experience in their speeches. To what extent does your interpretation of speeches support this view?
Thesis: Impassioned orators effectively vocally assert the importance of literature in giving the impoverished a voice. This is central to the shared human experience, as it provides a pathway for these individuals to escape situations of inequality and lead a promising lifestyle - an aspect of humanity all should be entitled to.
Q: Analyse how the representation of people and landscapes leads to a greater awareness of the complexity of human attitudes and behaviours.
Thesis: Attitudes and behaviour vary across individuals, as as such a composer's representation of these attitudes within landscapes epitomises the audiences awareness of the importance of maintaining open-minded attitudes in response to the natural landscape - testament to it's complexity.
Post by: SSSS on October 14, 2017, 04:31:53 pm
Post by: Potatohater on October 14, 2017, 07:36:22 pm
Hey what do you guys think will be the question for the discovery essay? I should be fine but worried if they try to trick us this year with relationships or something ...My friend thought she found a pattern and predicted that it will be confronting and provocative discoveries but the pattern doesn't actually work so who knows
Post by: justwannawish on October 14, 2017, 09:30:41 pm
Hey what do you guys think will be the question for the discovery essay? I should be fine but worried if they try to trick us this year with relationships or something ...
Not relationships!!! There's only one poem of Gray that actually fits with it
Post by: Kirri Rule on October 15, 2017, 11:11:29 am
Post by: angelahchan on October 15, 2017, 07:12:34 pm
Post by: Opengangs on October 15, 2017, 07:27:18 pm
Hi, how do we talk about "ramifications may differ for individuals and their worlds" if there aren't other characters involved in the discovery besides an individual?You can discuss how the experience of discovering may differ between their personal, spiritual, and emotional. You can also connect ideas of transformation between past experiences and their intentional act of discovering, in order to emphasise the significance of discovery. It can be anything from a transient moment of (re)discovery to something that affects the individual later down the road, and facilitates individuals to explore new possibilities of discovery.
Post by: jamlessjimin on November 17, 2017, 10:52:59 pm
Thanks!
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 20, 2017, 02:40:17 pm
Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but does anyone have any tips for a listening task that we have for discovery tomorrow? We get to listen to the text twice, then we have to answer short answer questions, then write an essay on that area of discovery...
Any tips as to how to study for it would be vvv muchly so appreciated :P :)
Thanks once again!!
Post by: prickles on November 20, 2017, 03:11:03 pm
Hellop!!The advanced/standard English Question thread would have probably been a better place to post it, but you'll still get a response here :)
Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but does anyone have any tips for a listening task that we have for discovery tomorrow? We get to listen to the text twice, then we have to answer short answer questions, then write an essay on that area of discovery...
Any tips as to how to study for it would be vvv muchly so appreciated :P :)
Thanks once again!!
Basically, the first time you listen to it, try to pull out key themes, ideas, and types of discoveries from the rubric. Do you get the questions before you hear the listening? If so, that could give you an indication of what discoveries to listen out for!
The second time you should basically be writing down as much of the text word for word as possible - you will need a few good quotes for your responses and your essay. Don't try analyse them too much while the text is being played, you might hear another quote while you are writing. So just try to get as much of the text written down as possible.
For the essay, you may be able to look the text up, as you will know its content. This could provide more accurate quotes/context etc.
Studying is hard, as you don't know the exact content, so basically look over your rubric, know your different types of discoveries, have a bank of techniques you can use, practice off past papers if you have them?
Hope this helps, and good luck!
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 20, 2017, 04:51:54 pm
Ok, I'll do that. Nope we have to listen to the text once without writing any notes, then listen again and we can write notes, then we have to answer the questions after that...
Ok, thats a really good idea. I'll have to remember to do that...
Yes well I thought with the essay, if I get a quote word for word I should be able to look the text up...
Ok great thanks soo so much...
Post by: prickles on November 20, 2017, 05:22:59 pm
Aw yep dur me ::)....Yep ok sure. The first time, just listen out for the main ideas in the text; is the discovery positive, negative, thrust upon the character, did they seek it, was it spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, emotional etc, as you won't be able to remember too many quotes word for word if you can't write at the same time. Another thing to keep in mind, is that you are the only person seeing your actual NOTES (not the essay) so when writing things donw, feel free to replace 'you' with 'u' etc, so you can get as much of the quote written down as possible (just don't do this in your essay obviously ::))
Ok, I'll do that. Nope we have to listen to the text once without writing any notes, then listen again and we can write notes, then we have to answer the questions after that...
Ok, thats a really good idea. I'll have to remember to do that...
Yes well I thought with the essay, if I get a quote word for word I should be able to look the text up...
Ok great thanks soo so much...
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 20, 2017, 07:25:17 pm
I should've mentioned this before, but we do know roughly what the discovery is; it is about renewed perceptions...
So should I be studying up on renewed perceptions? I have started to write out a bit on what they are etc. but what do you think I should add to my notes??
Thanks soo so much... I would be lost without your help!!
Post by: prickles on November 20, 2017, 08:09:18 pm
Ok yup I will do that... Very good ideas.If you have been given information that the task is about renewed perceptions, then hopefully the text will give you lots of information about that for you to talk about anyway. If you feel the need to study up about them, then by all means do, but just remember that too much will likely leave you stressed, like you haven't got enough time to study it all. Know what I mean? You should focus on the aspects of discovery that jump out at you for your short answer, when is your essay due? Because once you have your essay question, you can then research/study/look at the rubric regarding what aspects of renewed perceptions they want in the essay.
I should've mentioned this before, but we do know roughly what the discovery is; it is about renewed perceptions...
So should I be studying up on renewed perceptions? I have started to write out a bit on what they are etc. but what do you think I should add to my notes??
Thanks soo so much... I would be lost without your help!!
But yeah, don't do too much study, or you will overload your brain the night before the task. You probably already have a lot of the information stored in your brain that you have gathered during classes that will come to life once a question is asked.
No problem ;D
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 20, 2017, 08:32:38 pm
Yup I definitely know what you mean!!!
Ok, yep I will do that...
Um our essay is due this friday... I have a draft on just the frost part that I handed in, and I have a good teacher who gave a lot of feedback, but now I have to change it, then after tomorrows task, I can add in the source analysis part.... If that makes sense...
Yeh I definitely know what u mean...
Thanks :D
Post by: prickles on November 20, 2017, 08:48:33 pm
Yep ok, that makes sense...Yep ok awesome, because often the hardest part is starting! So that's good. If you have enough posts, feel free to post it on here for someone to have a look at if you can't get anymore feedback in time - it should get done quickly because the hsc is over and markers aren't so busy!
Yup I definitely know what you mean!!!
Ok, yep I will do that...
Um our essay is due this friday... I have a draft on just the frost part that I handed in, and I have a good teacher who gave a lot of feedback, but now I have to change it, then after tomorrows task, I can add in the source analysis part.... If that makes sense...
Yeh I definitely know what u mean...
Thanks :D
Just one note, with your prepared essay, make sure you don't just slap the other text and its analysis into it, be sure to integrate and draw comparisons :)
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 21, 2017, 04:16:35 pm
Thanks heaps for your help!!
Now I just have to add in the parts of the stimulus.. And I will have to remember what you said about not just slapping it in!!
I probably will put it on the marking section cause it would be great to have it checked out...
Post by: prickles on November 21, 2017, 09:01:40 pm
Ahhh its over ;D ;DNo problem! Happy to help! Can you find your text online? If you need help analysing/marking, there are lots of people on here to help you ;)
Thanks heaps for your help!!
Now I just have to add in the parts of the stimulus.. And I will have to remember what you said about not just slapping it in!!
I probably will put it on the marking section cause it would be great to have it checked out...
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 21, 2017, 09:27:31 pm
Yup I will definitely put it up on the marking part if I get time!
Post by: prickles on November 22, 2017, 09:12:07 am
Yes I can- Its 'Neighbours' by Tim Winton... I found that it was a recommended text for discovery on this site!! Which is good- means that other people have done it before...Wow I'm amazed they gave you a text so well known!
Yup I will definitely put it up on the marking part if I get time!
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 22, 2017, 03:06:26 pm
I have started to write my thesis properly with this text inserted, would someone mind checking it out??
Edit: Oh hang on- I should put the essay question up here!!
Through the process of discovering, individuals are able to renew their perceptions of the world and others.
Discuss this statement with reference to both the stimulus text and AT LEAST ONE Frost prescribed poem of your own choosing.
The confronting and provocative process of discovery often evolves over time as an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them is renewed. The extent of the renewal is heavily dependent on the individual’s acceptance of the discovery. The process of discovery and how one’s perceptions change over time is demonstrated in Robert Frost’s poem ‘The Tuft of Flowers’ and Tim Winton’s short story ‘Neighbours’. Frost skilfully uses metaphoric language to demonstrate that we are never alone on our individual journeys, whereas Winton plays with emotional language to convey the young couple’s discovery of the fact that we are all humans, no matter what cultural background we own.
Please just pull it apart- and maybe I need a better technique for Tim Wintons story- if anyone has any ideas please LMK!!!
Thanks heaps....
Post by: tina1395 on November 22, 2017, 04:46:27 pm
1)The ramifications of discoveries will differ for each individual, as the significance of discoveries is very dependent on one’s values, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one’s perception of themselves and their worlds.
2) The process of discoveries can reinforce one's values, and because each individual has different values, the ramifications will differ.
thanks :)
Post by: prickles on November 22, 2017, 05:05:47 pm
Yes I know- unfortunately I hadn't looked into prior to the exam!!Is this a thesis or an intro?
I have started to write my thesis properly with this text inserted, would someone mind checking it out??
Edit: Oh hang on- I should put the essay question up here!!
Through the process of discovering, individuals are able to renew their perceptions of the world and others.
Discuss this statement with reference to both the stimulus text and AT LEAST ONE Frost prescribed poem of your own choosing.
The confronting and provocative process of discovery often evolves over time as an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them is renewed. The extent of the renewal is heavily dependent on the individual’s acceptance of the discovery. The process of discovery and how one’s perceptions change over time is demonstrated in Robert Frost’s poem ‘The Tuft of Flowers’ and Tim Winton’s short story ‘Neighbours’. Frost skilfully uses metaphoric language to demonstrate that we are never alone on our individual journeys, whereas Winton plays with emotional language to convey the young couple’s discovery of the fact that we are all humans, no matter what cultural background we own.
Please just pull it apart- and maybe I need a better technique for Tim Wintons story- if anyone has any ideas please LMK!!!
Thanks heaps....
Personally, I don't love putting techniques in an intro, I would prefer you to give a very strong overview of what you are going to talk about throughout the rest of your essay. Use the rubric to pull points out, and really 'show off'. Sure you can introduce your texts, and you have incorporated that well, but in your intro/thesis, you really need to amalgamate your main ideas from your paragraphs in one punchy sentence, that instantly tells the reader/marker you know what you're talking about, and can integrate sophisticated language
Post by: prickles on November 22, 2017, 05:37:27 pm
hi, i need some feedback on my thesis, it's for a speech and the scope is "Ramifications of discovery may differ for individuals and their worlds". i'm saying that they will differ. I have 2 but im not sure which is better.Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
1)The ramifications of discoveries will differ for each individual, as the significance of discoveries is very dependent on one’s values, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one’s perception of themselves and their worlds.
2) The process of discoveries can reinforce one's values, and because each individual has different values, the ramifications will differ.
thanks :)
An individual's personal values inflict a distinct impact upon the significance of the ramifications of their discoveries, which ultimately impinges upon their perception of themselves and their worlds.
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 22, 2017, 07:27:34 pm
Is this a thesis or an intro?Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...
Personally, I don't love putting techniques in an intro, I would prefer you to give a very strong overview of what you are going to talk about throughout the rest of your essay. Use the rubric to pull points out, and really 'show off'. Sure you can introduce your texts, and you have incorporated that well, but in your intro/thesis, you really need to amalgamate your main ideas from your paragraphs in one punchy sentence, that instantly tells the reader/marker you know what you're talking about, and can integrate sophisticated language
Ok- I will change it around a bit and whack it up here again... \
Thanks heaps once again!!!
Post by: prickles on November 22, 2017, 07:53:59 pm
Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...No that's fine about your intro ;) you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.
Ok- I will change it around a bit and whack it up here again... \
Thanks heaps once again!!!
Hope this helps :D
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 22, 2017, 08:18:36 pm
No that's fine about your intro ;) you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.Yup ok- I definitely will then...
Hope this helps :D
Wow ok that does sound very good. I will work on it now, and post it up here. Thanks again...so kind!
Post by: gilliesb18 on November 22, 2017, 09:17:35 pm
The confronting and provocative process of discovery often evolves over time as an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them is renewed. The extent of the renewal is heavily dependent on the individual’s acceptance of the discovery. The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and the stimulus text, with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background. Both texts explore the idea of how one may feel so isolated, but discover through curiosity that people are so reliant on each other in life, whatever cultural background we accept to be our own.
I have used your phrase word for word so lmk if u think I should change it around a bit!! I just really liked how it linked so well to what I will talk about... Should I be adding anything else to this? Its not very long buut maybe its not necessary?!?!?
Thanks ;D :D
Post by: tina1395 on November 23, 2017, 03:25:23 pm
Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
An individual's personal values inflict a distinct impact upon the significance of the ramifications of their discoveries, which ultimately impinges upon their perception of themselves and their worlds.
thanks so much!
Post by: nin.jas17 on November 24, 2017, 12:46:20 am
To what extent are intensely meaningful discoveries evoked by curiosity?
In your response make detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Intro : The unpredictable nature of discoveries, evoked by curiosity, spark a reflection of current values, resulting in renewed judgments. Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning for the individual emotionally or spiritually. William Shakespeare’s The Tempest exhibits the transformative nature of discovery through the new worlds and values stimulated by human ambition and the dynamics of human relationships. Similarly, discoveries in Kate Chopin’s The Story of an Hour evoke liberation and fascination towards future possibilities as the protagonist and audience undergo emotional and spiritual enlightenment, thus showcasing the relativity and impact of truth. Both text demonstrate an individual’s curiosity, as well as their desire and wonder as prominent catalysts of discoveries. Thus, the extent in which curiosity evokes intensely meaningful discoveries is limited, through it can still result in fresh and insightful understanding of themselves and others.
Any feedback would be great, thanks!
Post by: elysepopplewell on November 24, 2017, 12:19:46 pm
Hi! I'm currently in the process of preparing for a discovery in class essay and I've started an introduction for the following practice essay question :
To what extent are intensely meaningful discoveries evoked by curiosity?
In your response make detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Any feedback would be great, thanks!
Hey there! Great work on getting a start on your introduction :) I think this is a great question to answer as well...
Intro : The unpredictable nature of discoveries, evoked by curiosity, spark a reflection of current values, resulting in renewed judgments. Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning for the individual emotionally or spiritually. I like and agree with all of this except one little part - "Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning..."
The bit about "based on its catalyst" is a little bit of an odd phrasing. Perhaps you mean, the significance of discovery is not determined by the catalyst,
or best characterised by the catalyst, but rather... I hope this makes sense! William Shakespeare’s The Tempest exhibits the transformative nature of discovery through the new worlds and values stimulated by human ambition and the dynamics of human relationships. Similarly, discoveries in Kate Chopin’s The Story of an Hour evoke liberation and fascination towards future possibilities as the protagonist and audience undergo emotional and spiritual enlightenment, thus showcasing the relativity and impact of truth. I love the way you've brought in truth here, it's really relevant but unique.
It's not something many people will explore. Both text demonstrate an individual’s curiosity, as well as their desire and wonder as prominent catalysts of discoveries. Thus, the extent in which curiosity evokes intensely meaningful discoveries is limited, through it can still result in fresh and insightful understanding of themselves and others.
Great introduction! I only really have one area for improvement that I mentioned. I think this is a really awesome introduction and it definitely sounds like the strong basis for the beginning of an essay!
Post by: NowYouTseMe on January 12, 2018, 03:57:30 pm
Hi can someone help me with forming a thesis on this q please
"Unexpected Discoveries may emerge from a process of planning"
explore this statement in terms of your set text (Dobson) and a text of your choice.
idk if they're talking about a discovery being planned and an unexpected discovery emerging from that, or something else. pl help.
I was thinking of something along the lines of planned discoveries resulting in more unexpected discoveries, compared to an unplanned one, as the individual kinda psychologically immerses themselves to actively discover and seek-- and hence are more likely to make unexpected discoveries.
If you think of discovery as a process (catalyst ->journey/events ->discovery itself ->ramifications), I'd say that this question's asking you to talk about the unexpected discoveries that occur in within the process of a planned discovery in that during the process of a planned discovery, the discoverer discovers something unexpected. I'm not 100% on that though, so take it with a grain of salt haha
Post by: as111 on January 12, 2018, 04:58:11 pm
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 12, 2018, 05:05:24 pm
but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?
I'd say the 'may' allows you to interpret. Maybe they do, maybe they don't - You could argue one side or both. Your call ;D
And yep, focusing on unexpected discoveries revealing hidden aspects of ones personality definitely answers the question :)
Post by: Mada438 on January 12, 2018, 09:24:00 pm
but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?Jamons pretty much said it!
The "may" allows you to argue either way, it means you can interpret how you please, gives you freedom. If they only wanted you to argue a specific way with the question, it'd be worded differently
Still not sure? Perhaps this guide might help
Either way, good luck!
Post by: gilliesb18 on January 15, 2018, 02:27:59 pm
Just wondering if someone could look over my intro and see if it makes any sense...
The confronting and provocative process of a discovery has the potential to transform one’s perception towards human nature and society. The transformative nature of discovery is one that many people fear, and this is demonstrated in the short story by Kate Chopin, ‘The Story of an Hour’, and Robert Frost’s poem, ‘Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening’. Both texts explore the personas initial reaction to the discovery, how our relationships change throughout the discovery, and in reflecting back, the contrast of freedom and confinement.
I don't know if it sounds like i'm repeating myself over and over or if it actually makes a bit of sense!
Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Thanks...
Post by: kaustubh.patel on January 17, 2018, 07:56:33 pm
Post by: jamonwindeyer on January 17, 2018, 09:59:36 pm
Hey!
Just wondering if someone could look over my intro and see if it makes any sense...
The confronting and provocative process of a discovery has the potential to transform one’s perception towards human nature and society. The transformative nature of discovery is one that many people fear, and this is demonstrated in the short story by Kate Chopin, ‘The Story of an Hour’, and Robert Frost’s poem, ‘Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening’. Both texts explore the personas initial reaction to the discovery, how our relationships change throughout the discovery, and in reflecting back, the contrast of freedom and confinement.
I don't know if it sounds like i'm repeating myself over and over or if it actually makes a bit of sense!
Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Thanks...
I think the ideas you've raised in isolation are really great! But I'm not seeing a real consistent train of thought, so like, how does the transformation of perception towards human nature relate to the contrast of freedom and confinement, for example? Essentially, I feel it's too much stuff - Try and hone in a bit on a single idea or group of ideas ;D
Post by: jswimj on January 22, 2018, 09:02:46 pm
This is my thesis for Stopping by the woods, Tuft of flowers and Witness.
The confronting and provoking nature of discoveries explore multiplicitous ramifications within the individual, causing transformation and change.
Any thoughts of how it can become awesome and mind-blowing would be greatly appreciated :D
(Special thanks to Opengangs for the help and suggestions)
Thank you!
Post by: as111 on January 22, 2018, 10:12:52 pm
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp
Post by: theyam on January 26, 2018, 09:11:20 pm
I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL
And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.
My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?
For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments? :)
Thank you~~
Post by: Mada438 on January 26, 2018, 09:23:33 pm
Hi,Hey!
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp
Try to talk about all 3 parts:"need, wonder and curiosity" it is essential to answer the full scope of the question in order to achieve the highest marks.
I'd take a semi integrated approach, talking about all 3 of those ideas for both of my texts using different techniques and critical analysis.
Apologies if that doesn't make much sense, or isn't what you're asking
but i hope it helps! :)
Hi~I think what your teacher means is that it sounds very vague, very general. To me it sounds like a general thesis you'd develop before seeing a question and THEN slot the question into said thesis, but thats just how it looks to me.
I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL
And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.
My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?
For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments? :)
Thank you~~
It seems to be a bit short too, it seems to be missing a sentence or two.
The first line especially sounds very vague and disjointed, and abit long too (like it could be split into two) "The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth" doesn't seem to make much sense in my head.
My apologies for the vague and bad advice, its all i can give. I'm not the best with actually marking english thesis' and responses, and i don't want to lead down the wrong track with bad advice, so thats the most i can give.
I know other people will definitely be of more help than me. Good luck with it though, all the best!
Again, really sorry! :-[ :-[
Post by: dancing phalanges on January 26, 2018, 10:40:00 pm
Hey everyone!
This is my thesis for Stopping by the woods, Tuft of flowers and Witness.
The confronting and provoking nature of discoveries explore multiplicitous ramifications within the individual, causing transformation and change.
Any thoughts of how it can become awesome and mind-blowing would be greatly appreciated :D
(Special thanks to Opengangs for the help and suggestions)
Thank you!
Hey! I don't know any of the texts but the only suggestion I have is that I don't personally think 'explore' is the right word. The composers themselves explore the ramifications while the discoveries 'cause' or 'lead to' ramifications within the individual. Hope you understand :) Otherwise it's effective and simple!
Hi~
I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL
And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.
My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?
For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments? :)
Thank you~~
Hey The Yam! I would say that your thesis is, as Mada438 pointed out, a bit wordy. I think it is the same for the second sentence. I don't think it should be more specific as you should be introducing your texts and how they relate after. I would suggest rewording your thesis simply to something like: The confronting discovery of the truth about the world and humanity is important as it prompts individuals to reconsider their perspectives on global issues.
So, I effectively just summed up what you were trying to say into one sentence :) Hope that helps you!
Hi,
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp
Hey! I did this question for my HSC! I had 3 texts (2 poems as related texts and 1 ORT) and did one text for wonder, one for curiosity and one for need. Thus, in my intro I said the statement was highly accurate (you must make a judgement to show you are answering the question, implying it is too risky!)
You need to address the question as to how your texts display how discoveries can come from wonder, necessity etc. and then the parts you were saying eg. values/ideas can be discussed but are the result of these discoveries. So, for example, when I discussed Robert Gray's Late Ferry, I expressed how the narrator was captivated by the allure (wonder) of the city to discover it and then discussed the ideas/values discovered as a result. Hope that helped :)
Post by: theyam on January 27, 2018, 06:49:15 pm
@Mada438
Thank you very much for your advice!
From theyam~
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 06:34:10 pm
I'm analysing The Little Prince as my related text for discovery and I'm trying to find what technique is in this quote, but I can't for the life of me! I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated!
The quote is:
"But it cast a spell over that whole house. My home was hiding a secet in the depths of its heart"
Thank you so much! :) :)
Post by: Opengangs on February 05, 2018, 06:51:27 pm
Hello!Hey there,
I'm analysing The Little Prince as my related text for discovery and I'm trying to find what technique is in this quote, but I can't for the life of me! I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated!
The quote is:
"But it cast a spell over that whole house. My home was hiding a secet in the depths of its heart"
Thank you so much! :) :)
I'm not sure what your analysis is going to be based around, but here is one from the top of my head:
Personification - "My home was hiding a secret"
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 07:12:51 pm
Hey there,
I'm not sure what your analysis is going to be based around, but here is one from the top of my head:
Personification - "My home was hiding a secret"
Thank you! that was the one I was looking for! :)
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 10:49:14 pm
I'm trying to analyse my related text The Little Prince, and I want to talk about the little prince's first time discovery of true friendship. I found these two quotes which I think encapsulate this idea, but I can't really find any techniques or anything to analyse:
"You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye"
"One only ever understands what one tames. If you want a friend, tame me!"
If any one is able to help it would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much :) :)
Post by: Opengangs on February 05, 2018, 11:06:28 pm
Hi again!Hey there,
I'm trying to analyse my related text The Little Prince, and I want to talk about the little prince's first time discovery of true friendship. I found these two quotes which I think encapsulate this idea, but I can't really find any techniques or anything to analyse:
"You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye"
"One only ever understands what one tames. If you want a friend, tame me!"
If any one is able to help it would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much :) :)
For the first quote, I think you could definitely discuss the metonymic technique.
For the second quote, you could definitely discuss diction as a stylistic device used by the composer.
Hopefully, these help with your analysis.
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 11:16:07 pm
Hey there,
For the first quote, I think you could definitely discuss the metonymic technique.
For the second quote, you could definitely discuss diction as a stylistic device used by the composer.
Hopefully, these help with your analysis.
Thanks again! :)
Can I just ask what a metonymic technique is? :)
Post by: Opengangs on February 05, 2018, 11:26:39 pm
Thanks again! :)Hey,
Can I just ask what a metonymic technique is? :)
No problem! A metonymy is a figure of speech that essentially replaces the name of an object with something that is closely related. It's typically used in close with symbolism, giving a more profound comparison and meaning to otherwise common objects in everyday life. It draws the reader's attention by giving the text a deeper meaning, and it often improves clarity.
To give you an example, consider this excerpt from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears."
Instead of directly asking Mark Anthony's people to listen to him, Shakespeare cleverly employs metonymy of the ears to represent the idea of attentive listening.
There are many different examples of metonymy you can find in everyday language.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
"Let me give you a hand"
If you have any more questions, feel free to reply. I'd be more than happy to address them :)
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 11:31:46 pm
Hey,
No problem! A metonymy is a figure of speech that essentially replaces the name of an object with something that is closely related. It's typically used in close with symbolism, giving a more profound comparison and meaning to otherwise common objects in everyday life. It draws the reader's attention by giving the text a deeper meaning, and it often improves clarity.
To give you an example, consider this excerpt from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears."
Instead of directly asking Mark Anthony's people to listen to him, Shakespeare cleverly employs metonymy of the ears to represent the idea of attentive listening.
There are many different examples of metonymy you can find in everyday language.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
"Let me give you a hand"
If you have any more questions, feel free to reply. I'd be more than happy to address them :)
Thank you, you made that really clear and easy to understand! :)
I was also wondering what effect the diction has as a stylistic device? Is that the plosive of the 't' or something else?
Thank you :)
Post by: Opengangs on February 05, 2018, 11:40:11 pm
Thank you, you made that really clear and easy to understand! :)Hey there,
I was also wondering what effect the diction has as a stylistic device? Is that the plosive of the 't' or something else?
Thank you :)
Close! Diction covers everything!! It's the composer's choice of words, and we use diction everywhere. How we communicate ideas and how we convey information are all examples of diction. In this instance, we can discuss the diction as the composer's stylistic device, and how that conveys meaning in the second quote. It creates a very philosophical tone, and much like the first example, it gives a more profound meaning to the text. How you interpret this analysis will entirely depend on your own representation of the meaning behind the quote.
Because we see diction everywhere, it's often hard to pinpoint the function of diction on literature. It plays a part in highlighting the composer's tone, mood, and atmosphere to the reader, allowing them to immerse themselves into the world constructed by the composer.
Post by: ghewitt on February 05, 2018, 11:44:15 pm
Hey there,
Close! Diction covers everything!! It's the composer's choice of words, and we use diction everywhere. How we communicate ideas and how we convey information are all examples of diction. In this instance, we can discuss the diction as the composer's stylistic device, and how that conveys meaning in the second quote. It creates a very philosophical tone, and much like the first example, it gives a more profound meaning to the text. How you interpret this analysis will entirely depend on your own representation of the meaning behind the quote.
Because we see diction everywhere, it's often hard to pinpoint the function of diction on literature. It plays a part in highlighting the composer's tone, mood, and atmosphere to the reader, allowing them to immerse themselves into the world constructed by the composer.
Thank you so much!! You are awesome :) :)
Post by: dcesaona on March 31, 2018, 08:51:50 pm
1. What is the point of a thesis statement if you're going to end up changing it anyway? I don't really understand its purpose.
2. This is a ridiculous question, but why are some people talking about 3 texts in their essays? I thought we were only supposed to talk about 2 texts (your prescribed and your related)
3. I'm starting to doubt my essay writing skills now so is this a good structure (1 paragraph on prescribed, 1 paragraph on related, 1 on prescribed, then one on related)
4. Where is the place where I can get one of my discovery essays marked? Because now I don't think I actually know how to answer an english response anymore :-[
Post by: owidjaja on March 31, 2018, 09:08:35 pm
Hey there,
1. What is the point of a thesis statement if you're going to end up changing it anyway? I don't really understand its purpose.
2. This is a ridiculous question, but why are some people talking about 3 texts in their essays? I thought we were only supposed to talk about 2 texts (your prescribed and your related)
3. I'm starting to doubt my essay writing skills now so is this a good structure (1 paragraph on prescribed, 1 paragraph on related, 1 on prescribed, then one on related)
4. Where is the place where I can get one of my discovery essays marked? Because now I don't think I actually know how to answer an english response anymore :-[
1. Your thesis statement is essentially your stance on the question. You need to relate your thesis to the question and the text, and this is sustained throughout your essay. It's not that you change your thesis, you just twist your thesis to fit it with the question.
2. People are preparing two related texts just in case NESA wants to throw us under the bus since we're the last year group to use the old syllabus (technically they can ask you two related texts). You don't have to worry too much about it because you can always used one the stimuli in the short answer section.
3. There are two ways in structuring an essay: integrated and non-integrated. Personally, I prefer integrated because I can place the two texts under a topic sentence and to some teachers, they prefer integrated essays. That being said, it's not impossible to do well in essays following a non-integrated structure as long as you show a clear link between the question, the thesis and your texts.
4. You can post your essays in the Marking Thread.
Hope this helps!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on April 01, 2018, 09:39:30 am
1. What is the point of a thesis statement if you're going to end up changing it anyway? I don't really understand its purpose.
This guide could be worth a read, just to add to owidjaja's awesome answer above! ;D
Post by: Conkerclub1 on July 08, 2018, 12:30:27 pm
I was wondering how adaptable you should make your thesis statement be, and whether I should write multiple statements to take into the exam (specifically trials :P) Also, how adaptable would this thesis statement/intro would be, and if there is some way to improve it or make it easier for the markers to understand.
The question was something along the lines of "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Discuss the extent to which discovery is transformative in nature.
One sets sail on the voyage of discovery to undergo a reconsideration of self and to obtain new eyes in which to see the world. William Shakespeare’s rural comedy The Tempest creates a flawed Prospero who is fueled to gain magical power to seek revenge. He is challenged by Ariel to forgive his enemies and so leads to a transformative discovery and renewal of character. A Rage For Curiosity by Philip Adams is a feature article in which Adams discusses the flaws of society and himself. He engages the audience by challenging them to experience and enjoy the discovery of this planet, and so leads to a new ideal in which to view the world. Therefore, both texts portray the process of discovery to be catalyzed by flaws, engaged by a challenge and resulting in a transformative discovery of self.
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 09, 2018, 12:55:30 am
Hey guys,
I was wondering how adaptable you should make your thesis statement be, and whether I should write multiple statements to take into the exam (specifically trials :P) Also, how adaptable would this thesis statement/intro would be, and if there is some way to improve it or make it easier for the markers to understand.
The question was something along the lines of "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Discuss the extent to which discovery is transformative in nature.
One sets sail on the voyage of discovery to undergo a reconsideration of self and to obtain new eyes in which to see the world. William Shakespeare’s rural comedy The Tempest creates a flawed Prospero who is fueled to gain magical power to seek revenge. He is challenged by Ariel to forgive his enemies and so leads to a transformative discovery and renewal of character. A Rage For Curiosity by Philip Adams is a feature article in which Adams discusses the flaws of society and himself. He engages the audience by challenging them to experience and enjoy the discovery of this planet, and so leads to a new ideal in which to view the world. Therefore, both texts portray the process of discovery to be catalyzed by flaws, engaged by a challenge and resulting in a transformative discovery of self.
Welcome to the forums ;D
I think the Thesis is a really important aspect of an essay response - The most important, probably. So it's vital it is done correctly and responds well to the question. I think having a single adaptable Thesis makes it too easy to miss the mark on the question - You are better off having a collection of statements you can pull on and morph on the fly. The more material you can draw from the better, in my opinion.
As for your Thesis paragraph, your first sentence is essentially establishing a Thesis of self evaluation and new perspectives. This matches the rest of the paragraph, except the phrases catalysed by flaws, engaged by a challenge. Not sure how that fits with the rest of the paragraph - But this is good, this is something you could incorporate to adapt it. It would just need to be woven through the paragraph, not quite so sudden at the end :)
Post by: moq418 on July 15, 2018, 03:12:57 pm
can i start off by saying: Discovery is defined as... or The process of discovery is...
Thanks everyone.
Post by: NowYouTseMe on July 15, 2018, 11:47:28 pm
For the discovery essay I am doing motorcycle diaries and my related text felks skrzynecki (poem) by Peter Skrzyneck. should i use that for my related text or choose another. please tell me ASAP becuase im currently preparing my essay for paper 1 trail exam. Also how do i write a thesis for example this question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?I noticed you double-posted this so i'm just going to copy my answer to this here...
can i start off by saying: Discovery is defined as... or The process of discovery is...
Thanks everyone.
Hey there,
Upon a first reading of the poem, it definitely explores a complex process of rediscovery so it should be a suitable related text. However, it also happened to be on the 2009-2012 English syllabus as an AOS Belonging text. You can still use it, but I personally wouldn't as my school tends to frown upon reusing old prescribed texts as related material because it looks like a copout from a student who couldn't be bothered finding a unique related text and independently analysing it. I'm not too sure how your school or the HSC Marking Centre would receive it though...
In relation to thesis(theses? thesis's?), I like to approach them as conceptual statements which answer the question in light of one's study of discovery as a concept through their texts. Specifically in relation to your practice question; The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing? , I would probably do something similar to these:
- Catalysed by uncovering hidden truths, the process of discovery provokes unique emotional responses, which can lead to a reconsideration of what is known.
- Discovery is a provocative and intensely meaningful process through which an individual's emotional response to an uncovering of hidden truths can facilitate a reconsideration of what is known about themselves and their world.
Note how these don't mention the texts at all, implicitly or explicitly. This is because your topic sentences should also be conceptual sub-arguments that construct your overall argument, which is your thesis.
(take this with a grain of salt as im also in y12, but my school did our trials early so my pain is over. good luck and you can do it!!!)
Post by: moq418 on July 16, 2018, 06:46:28 pm
I have now chosen to do invcitus by William Ernest Henley as a related text for motorcycle diaries. but i dont really know how they relate can someone tell me how they relate each other through self discovery. Also for the thesis how would i start this thank you.
Post by: NowYouTseMe on July 16, 2018, 10:08:57 pm
Thanks.
I have now chosen to do invcitus by William Ernest Henley as a related text for motorcycle diaries. but i dont really know how they relate can someone tell me how they relate each other through self discovery. Also for the thesis how would i start this thank you.
Think about what each of your texts say about discovery and group them into common aspects of discovery - either the catalyst, experience and ramifications of discovery if you're willing to try integrated paragraphs or two other statements from the rubric. Once you've figured that out, form a conceptual argument about the notion of discovery that is a natural conclusion of your insights on discovery that you've gained from your study of the texts. That argument is your thesis.
Post by: Fergus6748 on August 07, 2018, 08:39:44 pm
Post by: beatroot on August 07, 2018, 08:47:22 pm
Hey guys, I had a quick q about form in a creative piece. Personally I'm not much into creative writing and generally opt for the short story jsut because it's familiar. I'm looking to try writing a speech for my creative, any tips on how I could approach that?
Hey there! You can check out this guide that Elyse wrote :)
Post by: Jemima w on August 08, 2018, 09:56:53 pm
While motivations may vary, discoveries stimulate new ideas and renewed perceptions. Thus, the process of discovery enables a transformation of perspective which is integral to the cultivation of a rich understanding of ourselves and the world.
Discoveries stimulate new ideas and renewed perceptions, thus enabling a transformation of perspective which is integral to a rich understanding of ourselves and the world. However, the extent of this transformation is reliant upon receptive motivations such as need, wonder or curiosity.
Thanku!!!!:)
Post by: jamonwindeyer on August 08, 2018, 10:02:38 pm
Hey!! if i were to answer the 2017 paper 1 question, "Whether motivated by need, wonder or curiosity, discovery has the power to be transformative", would these thesis statements be appropriate/ which of the two is strongest?
Welcome to the forums Jemima! ;D
Both work, but I personally think the second is stronger because it proposes more of its own idea as well. Like, your Thesis incorporates the question, but it doesn't totally rely on it - You've spun it to make it yours. So I think it works better for that reason ;D
Post by: Jemima w on August 08, 2018, 10:07:55 pm
Post by: jamonwindeyer on August 08, 2018, 10:10:18 pm
what the hell that was so quick thankyou
You happened to catch me just as I was sitting down with a cup of coffee ;) I'm sure your future questions will be answered almost as quickly, ahaha
Post by: Fergus6748 on August 11, 2018, 01:44:10 pm
I'm writing a eulogy to Steven Hawking (famous cosmologist that passed away recently) from the perspective of his university friend, don't know if anyone has seen Theory of Everything. Basically the idea is that I will talk about how Hawking's perseverance over his theories and illness kinda transformed the friends' perspective on Hawking himself and life in general. With overarching concept of "every day is precious" kinda thing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Cheers
Post by: jamonwindeyer on August 11, 2018, 02:18:56 pm
Hey guys, what do you think of this creative idea:
I'm writing a eulogy to Steven Hawking (famous cosmologist that passed away recently) from the perspective of his university friend, don't know if anyone has seen Theory of Everything. Basically the idea is that I will talk about how Hawking's perseverance over his theories and illness kinda transformed the friends' perspective on Hawking himself and life in general. With overarching concept of "every day is precious" kinda thing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Cheers
I think this is a super unique idea, I like it! Definitely see where the concepts could come into it, and something other than a narrative will grab the markers interest for sure! I'd give it a crack and see what you can do with a draft ;D
Post by: Fergus6748 on August 11, 2018, 02:23:42 pm
I think this is a super unique idea, I like it! Definitely see where the concepts could come into it, and something other than a narrative will grab the markers interest for sure! I'd give it a crack and see what you can do with a draft ;DThanks Jamon, I'll give it a go then and see how it turns out.
Post by: jazcstuart on August 12, 2018, 12:28:42 pm
Question: Evaluate how the composers’ use of form allows for differing perspectives of people and politics to emerge.
Political motivations ultimately stem from a desire for power, achieved through manipulation and oppression, however this inevitably creates conflict between the perspectives of people and their political leaders. Through their chosen form, composers allow these differing perspectives to emerge, forcing us as the audience to consider new perspectives in order to either challenge or reaffirm our own views. This is achieved in WH Auden’s modernist oeuvre, which uses a variety of poetic forms to explore the powerlessness of individuals under oppressive governments. His ballad “O What is That Sound Which So Thrills The Ear” represents the conflicting perspectives during war under a fascist regime, reflecting the rise of fascism across Europe, while his satirical elegy “The Unknown Citizen” positions us to assess the persona’s life from the perspective of the government, through which Auden criticises State control. Similarly, George Orwell’s dystopian novel “1984” represents the desire of totalitarian regimes to control not only the actions but the thoughts of their citizens, influenced by the contextual rise of dictators such as Stalin and Hitler. Composers use engaging forms of literature to represent competing political perspectives, challenging our perspectives of the nature of power.
Is it be ok to use "us" instead of "the audience" considering it is a speech? Also its too long, should I cut out some of the context or explanation of the texts?
Thanks so much, I really appreciate any feedback!
Post by: jamonwindeyer on August 12, 2018, 03:53:41 pm
Hi, this is my introduction for a speech I have to do for module C, people and politics.
Is it be ok to use "us" instead of "the audience" considering it is a speech? Also its too long, should I cut out some of the context or explanation of the texts?
Thanks so much, I really appreciate any feedback!
Hey hey! Great intro! ;D using 'us' is definitely okay, even in an essay it is usually fine when used as a collective referral to the audience! I think you should, if anything, trim the explanation of Auden's texts down to just a single sentence like you did with 1984 :)
Post by: Fergus6748 on August 12, 2018, 04:36:05 pm
All I wanted to do was take my friend to the pub. A drink. That's all I wanted. So when my friend told me he only had two years to live, I shrugged it off. I was just trying to get him to leave the dormitory. A bit of fresh air. That would have done him good. I didn't understand what he was telling me. I was a 22 year old physics major at the most prestigious university in the world. Enjoying the benefits of youth that I was entitled to and put no thought into ideas of death. So, I was a bit taken back when he told me but I moved past the fact faster than I should have. Despite this I managed to get him to come out to the pub with me.
That's it. I'm a bit stuck on where to go on from here honestly. Quick rundown of the story; a eulogy about Steven Hawking written from the perspective of a long time university friend (fictional of course) which is Brian from the movie The Theory of Everything (just to clarify, Brian was a fictional/composite character). Thanks, any thoughts appreciated!!
Post by: jazcstuart on August 12, 2018, 05:35:13 pm
Hey hey! Great intro! ;D using 'us' is definitely okay, even in an essay it is usually fine when used as a collective referral to the audience! I think you should, if anything, trim the explanation of Auden's texts down to just a single sentence like you did with 1984 :)Thankyou! That's something interesting to think about for my essays. Will do, thanks again for the feedback :)
Post by: chloemercina on August 12, 2018, 09:21:08 pm
I am doing go Back to where you came from for discovery. Does anyone have a techniques table or anything???
For my related text, I am doing Distant Lands, would anyone also happen to have any techniques stuff???
If you can help me that would be amazing x
Post by: katie,rinos on August 12, 2018, 09:30:22 pm
Hi,Hey,
I am doing go Back to where you came from for discovery. Does anyone have a techniques table or anything???
For my related text, I am doing Distant Lands, would anyone also happen to have any techniques stuff???
If you can help me that would be amazing x
There's some notes/essays for Go back to where you came from here and Distant Lands here.
Hope this helps!! :D
Post by: jamonwindeyer on August 12, 2018, 10:58:48 pm
Hey guys, continuing on from above. I've got my intro to the piece. I was told by my teacher to turn use the idea as a short story rather than a eulogy using flashbacks and memories. So without further ado:
That's it. I'm a bit stuck on where to go on from here honestly. Quick rundown of the story; a eulogy about Steven Hawking written from the perspective of a long time university friend (fictional of course) which is Brian from the movie The Theory of Everything (just to clarify, Brian was a fictional/composite character). Thanks, any thoughts appreciated!!
I like the style of the piece so far! Nice work! ;D
I think you need to start with the concept(s) you want to emphasise! That's always the starting point for the strong creatives, you need to start with what you want to say before you start thinking of how you want to say it :) you'll hopefully be able to come up with some plot points from there! :)