ATAR Notes: Forum
HSC Stuff => HSC Subjects + Help => HSC English Stuff => Topic started by: jessica mo on July 24, 2018, 10:06:24 pm
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Hi everyone!
I have made improvements to my creative and would like you to have a look at it.
Any advice and comments are appreciated.
thanks
CREATIVE: DISCOVERY
Compose a piece of imaginative writing which explores the unexpected impact of discovery. Use one of the images on page 6 of the stimulus booklet as the central element of your writing.
Image: girl removing her face, emotionless
The light faintly illuminated the petals of the perfectly still red roses as she peered through the cracks of the auburn coloured bricks. It was peaceful and quiet as the malevolent shadows loomed and circled her in her darkened room. She longed to see the endless unadulterated sky, the freely spirited animals full of life and beauty, to feel the dirt fall between her fingers and the salty sea waves crashing towards the beach, slowly eroding away through time. She wanted something, anything to make her feel, to break out from her emotionless husk. But there was nothing. She would wait on edge for weeks, between her father’s visits, waiting for even a brief glimpse of the outside world. The glimmer of hope, the opportunity to escape, to live, run and...see Abel, her only reason to live. It had been years since they had seen each other...where they last met…
A spring afternoon, where they were painting the serene landscape, surrounded by the blissful flowers. As she painted Abel’s raven hair and bright green eyes onto a canvas she snickered. She had painted cat ears on top of his head. Seeing what she did, Abel painted whiskers on her face. “Now we are even.” he said, coughing to hide his laugh. As they stared into each other’s eyes they broke out laughing, heartily and collapsed onto the ground, rolling down the mossy green hills. They painted bright colours onto each other until their bodies were covered in paint, their faces feeling weary from the grins etched onto their faces and they were feeling breathless from the laughing. Their colourful hands extended towards each other, admiring the warmth of their touch and contemplating their first encounter, as they gazed up to the endless sky…
There was a faint sobbing beneath the yew trees. The leaves drifted below, blanketing the ground and secluding the young boy underneath it. His tearfilled eyes widened with surprise as she stepped out from shadows of the tree. “It’s going to be alright.” tenderly she whispered to him. He surged forward into her unsuspecting arms, making her gasp with surprise. His body was shaking as he held her with a force, clasping her sides and burrowing his face into her chest. Tears slowly trickled down his face, as he cried soulfully. He cried with such sorrow and rawness like his world had ended and that he would never experience happiness ever again. She pitied him for he had to experience such sadness at a young age. What loss or devastation has caused this young boy to experience such deep sadness and anguish? She thought. Drying his reddened tear-filled eyes he thanked her for her company and support. Those appreciative words of his lasted for an eternity, as they strongly strengthened their friendship over time. They supported and guided each other in life, through thick and thin, through happiness and sorrow. They enjoyed what little time they had together as their parents weren’t too happy with the idea of them being friends.
The thunder illuminated the darkened sky as the rain began to pelt upon them, drenching them and freezing their bodies. The fresh scent of rain filled her nostrils as she was speaking with Abel. Trudging across the sludgy ground her father spoke solemnly, “We have to leave now. It is not safe here.” “No. I cannot leave Abel. He needs me and i need him.” Her father ignored her and grasped her wrist, dragging her away from Abel. The desperation in his eyes was apparent, but there was also a hint of determination. He would find her one day and they would be together again.
The day she had been taken from Abel her heart had frozen over, enclosed in the darkness of a cage, her body. Her veins froze, her senses numbed and cauterized. She could no longer feel emotions. She was unyielding, soulless and a empty shell of what she used to be. The relentless and impatient knocking on the wooden door awoke her from her trance and informed her that her father had arrived at once. She unlocked the wooden door and he released a bag of food to the ground. She stared blankly as a small filament of sunlight pierced through the darkness. She should have been elated to see a figment of the outside world, but she felt nothing. Not waiting for her to respond her father swiftly closed the latch and walked away. She reached for the bag of food and then suddenly heard unfamiliar footsteps coming closer...and closer.
She slowly looked up towards the latch as the footsteps stopped. A thwack sound reverberated in her ear as a axe pierced through the wooden door, showering her with dust and wood shavings. A young man landed into the darkness, graceful and lithe, his bright green eyes peering at her with hope. She stared blankly at him as he strode over towards her and embraced her in his arms. He cried in relief and happiness as he whispered her name and held her tightly, not wanting to let her go. A tremor in her jaw set off the tears sliding down her face as she held his face tracing the contours, realising it was Abel. His face may have matured and his voice may have deepened, but he was still Abel, her precious and irreplaceable friend. He had fulfilled his promise and had found her. Hot tears stained her checks, warming her body, her heart. The blood in her veins started flowing, the darkness shrouding and trapping her heart fading as light pierced through, shattering the cage, setting her heart free. A heartbeat, a shimmer of emotion. She could feel her heart pulsing, beating with life.