English Extension 2 Question Thread

[bholenath125]

The thing is, his failed transformation is not as explicit as I would like him to be and that is because his initial characterisation isn't done well enough. I was thinking Maybe i tie in his depression with the dot com bubble in seattle which ultimately lead to him losing his job and company and now he is an actuary.

I'm not sure. Still working it out. But my teachers have told me I'm underselling the atmosphere of Seattle which is also a very common feedback response from the marking centre and like any other person doing their HSC i wanna do the best I can. So i was just wondering if you could give me some tips as to how to improve the characterisation of a place e.g. seattle and how to clearly show that Guy is sad, stoic and alone.

[elysepopplewell]

The thing is, his failed transformation is not as explicit as I would like him to be and that is because his initial characterisation isn't done well enough. I was thinking Maybe i tie in his depression with the dot com bubble in seattle which ultimately lead to him losing his job and company and now he is an actuary.

I'm not sure. Still working it out. But my teachers have told me I'm underselling the atmosphere of Seattle which is also a very common feedback response from the marking centre and like any other person doing their HSC i wanna do the best I can. So i was just wondering if you could give me some tips as to how to improve the characterisation of a place e.g. seattle and how to clearly show that Guy is sad, stoic and alone.

I think perhaps you could work on his physical appearance mirroring his state a little more. Unshaven, perhaps. Is he wearing a cotton shirt or a button up shirt that's untucked at one side with the tie loose? Is his hair scruffy? Maybe also the way he walks, even when he's panicked and running into the hospital, he's still dragging his feet, struggling to put one in front of the other? What do you think about using appearance as a segway?

[bholenath125]

YES!!!
I want to do that. But descriptive appearance as such doesn't come to me naturally so I was hoping you could refer me to some texts that I could use as points of inspiration??

[elysepopplewell]

YES!!!
I want to do that. But descriptive appearance as such doesn't come to me naturally so I was hoping you could refer me to some texts that I could use as points of inspiration??

I wish there was a text that jumps to mind but I can hardly think of a text where I've seen a character like this. When I looked on Goodreads, these are the texts that are suggested around depression, so you're likely to find some helpful descriptions in there. Otherwise, I seem to be thinking of texts from around the industrial revolution...I don't know why, but this very depressed male figure rings in to me from the class experience in England at the revolution (or there abouts). Try, Charles Dickens Great Expectations, or other characters around this period. Often the male characters in texts around this time (in my experience of reading) have a shabby stoic presence to them.

[bholenath125]

Thanks a tonne Elyse,

And i was wondering would it be a good idea to make the narratorial voice something like this:


SO you know how in the prologue there's the medical terms. When the chapter starts, do you think the narrator can go like The textbook would call this stage the rejection of transplant post-treatment, I like to call it down shit creek? Something along those lines...because my teacher suggested it and i do like the idea however I also do find it to be a little cliche and mainstream??

[elysepopplewell]

Thanks a tonne Elyse,

And i was wondering would it be a good idea to make the narratorial voice something like this:


SO you know how in the prologue there's the medical terms. When the chapter starts, do you think the narrator can go like The textbook would call this stage the rejection of transplant post-treatment, I like to call it down shit creek? Something along those lines...because my teacher suggested it and i do like the idea however I also do find it to be a little cliche and mainstream??

Hi, I hope this isn't too late. I think that although I see your perspective on it being mainstream, I think it also brings a nice realness, brinkness, to the character. It just sounds very...real, human, colloquial, and I think that can help with making the character's experience draw more empathy.

[Mary_a]

Hi,

I started the Extension 2 course last year (term 4), I was just wondering if you had any tips on writing a successful, well-received report? I have completed ample amounts of research and am 3000 words though my critical analysis (although I will need to carefully rewrite and develop my thesis a lot more than it is... so that is definitely a first draft), I was just going you had some advice on the structure of a report and what you recommend putting into this assessment.

Thank you so much,

Mary x

[elysepopplewell]

Hi,

I started the Extension 2 course last year (term 4), I was just wondering if you had any tips on writing a successful, well-received report? I have completed ample amounts of research and am 3000 words though my critical analysis (although I will need to carefully rewrite and develop my thesis a lot more than it is... so that is definitely a first draft), I was just going you had some advice on the structure of a report and what you recommend putting into this assessment.

Thank you so much,

Mary x

Hey Mary! Glad to have a fellow Ext2er around!

I have a few suggestions for this, some you may have already undertaken:
-Have a look at the marking guidelines for the Reflection Statement. You can see that here. The report is essentially a mini reflection statement in a lot of ways, the report is a way of preparing you for the reflection statement that's yet to come. See it as a polished draft, if you will! So looking at the guidelines for the reflection statement's marking will be useful for understanding the standard they expect.
-Also, have a look at the requirements of the reflection statement as this has a little checklist in there. It shouldn't really raise anything new, but I found it comforting to look at when I created my report so that I knew I had covered everything.
-If you're not sure about the language you're using, the structure...the ideas even, have a look at the State Library's collection of exemplar Reflection Statements here. Admittedly, when I first looked at these I felt like anything I had produced was ridiculously inadequate. Know that there are many ways of expressing things, but you might find some inspiration about what marker's respond well to by checking this out!
-Remember to recognise that the process of research and writing is flawed. You won't seem disorganised if you admit to changing your concept, or anything like that. The raw process of researching and writing is calculated, organic, stressful, creative, and disciplined all at once. You don't just have to draw on organised research, you can admit to organic evolution of your concepts if that is appropriate to your work.
-Don't be afraid to quote sections of your work to show exactly where your ideas have manifested in your major work!

Good luck...drop back any time

[Mary_a]

Hey Mary! Glad to have a fellow Ext2er around!

I have a few suggestions for this, some you may have already undertaken:
-Have a look at the marking guidelines for the Reflection Statement. You can see that here. The report is essentially a mini reflection statement in a lot of ways, the report is a way of preparing you for the reflection statement that's yet to come. See it as a polished draft, if you will! So looking at the guidelines for the reflection statement's marking will be useful for understanding the standard they expect.
-Also, have a look at the requirements of the reflection statement as this has a little checklist in there. It shouldn't really raise anything new, but I found it comforting to look at when I created my report so that I knew I had covered everything.
-If you're not sure about the language you're using, the structure...the ideas even, have a look at the State Library's collection of exemplar Reflection Statements here. Admittedly, when I first looked at these I felt like anything I had produced was ridiculously inadequate. Know that there are many ways of expressing things, but you might find some inspiration about what marker's respond well to by checking this out!
-Remember to recognise that the process of research and writing is flawed. You won't seem disorganised if you admit to changing your concept, or anything like that. The raw process of researching and writing is calculated, organic, stressful, creative, and disciplined all at once. You don't just have to draw on organised research, you can admit to organic evolution of your concepts if that is appropriate to your work.
-Don't be afraid to quote sections of your work to show exactly where your ideas have manifested in your major work!

Good luck...drop back any time

Hi Elyse,

Thank you so much, I've had a look at the reflection statements and the criteria and it already makes so much more sense! I really appreciate your help

Mary

ps. Yes, it's nice to find fellow ext2ers there aren't many!

[elysepopplewell]

Hi Elyse,

Thank you so much, I've had a look at the reflection statements and the criteria and it already makes so much more sense! I really appreciate your help

Mary

ps. Yes, it's nice to find fellow ext2ers there aren't many!

Great, no worries! I'm glad it's helped. Ext 2 involves a loooot of reading. I printed out those documents and put them in my Journal for reference later.

All the best!

[bananna]

hi!
i am to write a section in my major work in the perspective of a sort of cynic/pessimistic/work-orientated man
but i'm quite used to writing in idyllic/very flowery perspectives.
but i really want there to be a tonal shift in my writing because its in a different perspective
he's a bureaucrat who is really tough and his life revolves around his work
this is what I've written so far

Government Official

“Pick. Up. After. Yourselves!” I had to yell everyday. I worked with animals. The rancid odour of off chicken curry mixed with possibly fermenting milk was enough to make me gag. I couldn’t even open the microwave anymore—the grimy specks always stared at me. I seized my coffee and darted out. Dirty looks were passed my way. I didn’t care. I shoved past the employees and glanced at the clock—on time. THUD. I slam the door behind me, and exhale sharply. With 4 swift strides I’m behind my mahogany desk and sat on leather. Six dark folders are perched on the edge of the table, awaiting my approval. I pump out the sanitizer and furiously rub my hands. With my elbows rested on the desktop, I run both hands through my hair. I open the top folder, slowly slide out the contents and read the header:

Application for an Offshore Humanitarian visa[/b]
Refugee and Humanitarian (Class XB) visa

I skim over the form, locating the small asterisks beside some of the queries, noting the minor issues in my lined book. The next few folders—case file #43657 and #43892 were the same forms. A weak knock came from the door—“Come in”.
“Hi Sir, just reminding you that John wanted Biyu Lin’s file fixed by 10:00 to send off to biological screening.” I purse my lips and furrow my brows –trying to place the name.
“Oh, case #35423” the lady smiled.
“Right—I know…thanks.” I mumble, looking down.
“I’m early today, Mr. Perkins!” The same voice perked.
I looked up, then down again, shaking my head. “There is no such thing as early; you’re either on time or late.” I scoff, imagining the defeated look on her face. 
“Oh, by the way,” I started “read this out loud to the team in the cubicles.” I hand her a note and she scurries off.

*

A muffled commotion caused me to sit up straight. I turned the files over and reached for a paperweight. As I lifted myself off my chair, the sounds became clearer. Through my closed door came raised voices, voices that rose above the sacred silence of the office. I took a deep breath—and opened the door in one swing. I couldn’t believe it. Animals in black and white, all at each other’s throats like savage dogs fighting for dominance. The shouting was almost tangible, strangling the life from the room. From whatever stray words I could pick up on, they were bitter, full of resentment…”You’ve been here 6 months!”
“You’re the office idiot!”
“You can’t even prin—“
“SHUT UP!” The words stumbled out of me before I even thought about it. Silence. It was like the room turned off. It was deafening.
“Is this about the letter from head office?” I raised my voice again. Eyes widened and bodies tensed. “I take that as a yes” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
“If none of you clowns can sort it out, I’ll do it.” I said, matter-of-factly. I ambled to my room in victory. I knew this would happen. It was glorious. “Everyone back to work…I don’t want to hear a sound.” my words reminded me of something I say on a regular basis to my nieces.

I send an email to the law firm:

Mr. Jacobs,

After careful consideration of the circumstances, it has been decided that I will be accompanying your lawyer to Nauru Regional Processing Centre on 01/02/17.
Please send any remaining information regarding the inmate and any details pertaining to the issue to this email address.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Perkins
(Manager)

I fist-pump, thinking of the future references and job opportunities that could arise as a result of this trip. This inmate fight is the best thing that could ever happen to me.

**

The tall barbed wire fence towered over me as I stepped through a gap into the grounds of the establishment. I looked around—I’m in uncharted territory. Red dust covered my Rockports as I stepped onto the bare land and grassy patches. I finally reached the doors with three guards placed like bowling pins in front of it. I flashed my ID and enter the institution. 
   
Conversing with the lawyer and guard, I tried keeping my gaze off the filthy walls and blackened floor. I repeated to myself: “get in and get out”. I shuddered at the rows and rows of bunk beds we passed. I thought, “no wonder a fight broke out…there’s no privacy…no where to hide…” I scanned the inmates, all shuffling from one end of the penitentiary to the other. Most looked like walking corpses. I denied myself any emotional attachment to them. “They’re human”, I thought…”just like me”. I realised there’s no difference between us. Just that my family and myself were smarter with our money and migration. They made mistakes. I can’t waste time feeling bad for them—I’ve a job to get done.


my mentor pointed out to me that my style of writing (short sentences, sentence structure) is similar for all 4 perspectives, so  how do you think I could improve that?

thanks!!!!

[Mary_a]

Hi Elyse,

I'm so sorry to bother you again about the report. I honestly am completely overthinking this and I'm just not sure what to do. Do you perhaps have any examples I could possibly look at, or a structure you can suggest?

Thank you so much,

Mary x

[Mary_a]

Hi Elyse,

I'm so sorry to bother you again about the report. I honestly am completely overthinking this and I'm just not sure what to do. Do you perhaps have any examples I could possibly look at, or a structure you can suggest?

Thank you so much,

Mary x

Hi Elyse,

I sat down today and rewrote my entire report (my teacher didn't really like it, and I can completely understand why having completed this new report).

Is it possible that I can send you my report to have a look at?

I'm currently coming second in the course but I really want to hit that top rank, or at least ensure I get above 90% in this assessment (this is actually my goal for every assessment in every subject and so far I've been hitting that goal)!

Thank you for everything and the work that you guys put in here at AtarNotes,

Mary x

[Mary_a]

Hi Elyse,

I understand if I am way out of line in asking you to have a look at my Report, but I am really nervous that this just isn't in the top band. The teacher which usually handles the extension 2 course has gone on Year 7 camp and there are only a few of us actually taking Extension 2 in our cohort.

I would really, really appreciate it if you could have a look at my report and give me some feedback on how to get that 14-15/15?

Thank you so, so much!

Mary x


My major work examines Shakespeare’s characters Cleopatra from Antony and Cleopatra and Cordelia from King Lear through the lens of Romantic individuals Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I arrived at this area of study through my readings of Joseph Ortiz’s Shakespeare and The Culture of Romanticism and Jonathan Bate’s The Romantics on Shakespeare, this allowed me to create an informed understanding of what Romantic critique consisted of and how it was applied to Shakespeare’s work. The focus on Shakespeare’s female characters has been quite neglected in history, however the new wave of feminism in the 21st century has brought Shakespeare’s female characters back to the forefront, but with a focus only on contemporary and 20th century critique. Within Romantic critique there was a concentration on Shakespeare’s women which was quite revolutionary for the era and it is imperative that this focus is revived in contemporary society. Focusing on Romantic criticism offers something rich in the understanding of Shakespeare’s characters, the era’s evaluations have become quite forgotten and concentrating on this lens provides a view that informs character criticisms. The examination of the development of Romantic criticisms through different periods in the era provides various informed scopes for the evaluation of the characters. This analysis, using Romantic precepts attempts to grant validity to the female experience and representation of human characters. The journal the Shakespeare Quarterly is a peer reviewed journal, renowned for its publication of essays at the forefront of Shakespearean studies. Its concentration on scholarly essays investigating new perspectives on Shakespeare’s work provides an audience for my major work, which evaluates his characters using the Romantic lens.

My initial research focussed upon the form of character criticism that the Romantics delighted in. Reading essays upon Romantic criticism such as George Mosse’s The Culture of Western Europe and Arthur Kirch’s Shakespeare’s Humanism reaffirmed a clear understanding of why the Romantics revered Shakespeare, highlighting that the Romantics centred their attention upon the internal condition of individuals and the analysis of the individual’s emotions. Prior to commencing my major work, I had an understanding of Romantic philosophies and precepts, however my research made me aware of its potential relevance and application to the critique of literature. My interest in Romantic critique grew as I researched essays written in the Romantic era, such as John Keats’ The Poetical Character and Samuel Johnson’s Dedication to Shakespeare which directly interacts with Shakespeare’s characters and Romantic perspectives upon them, Johnson remarking that “Shakespeare’s excellence was not the fiction of a tale, but the representation of life; and his reputation is therefore safe till human nature shall be changed.” I also came across peer reviews of Romantic essays written by Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge, such as Karen Gervitz’s Elizabeth Inchbald; Shakespeare Criticism, Francesca Saggini’s The Art of Fine Drama: Inchbald’s Remarks for The British Theatre and the Aesthetic Experience of the Late Eighteenth Century Theatre-Goer, Jonathan Bate’s William Hazlitt “On Siddons, Kemble and Kean” and James Engell’s Coleridge, Johnson and Shakespeare. This piqued my interest into the development of Romantic criticism on Shakespeare, Inchbald providing a bridge between Neoclassic Criticism and Romantic understanding, Hazlitt capturing Humanist and Romantic perspectives, whilst Coleridge forming the epitome of 19th century Romantic critique. This interest caused me to explore their own essays in order to garner knowledge on their precepts and preoccupations of Shakespeare’s characters. Elizabeth Inchbald’s remarks on Shakespeare’s characters in The British Theatre provided an understanding of her observations which grant validity to the female experience within the Romantic era. Hazlitt’s Characters of Shakespeare’s Plays also focussed upon Shakespeare’s female characters as capturing women with internal machinations. Coleridge’s criticism within his letter On Shakespeare’s Characters prefigured psycho-analytical readings of literature. This research shaped my major work, creating a discussion of Shakespeare’s characters through the development of Inchbald, Hazlitt and Coleridge’s critique-which reflects different periods of Romanticism.

Having attained this foundational understanding I began searching for potential characters in Shakespeare’s texts. Through my readings of Inchbald, Hazlitt and Coleridge I discovered their fascination with Cleopatra from Antony and Cleopatra. Each individual had a unique lens upon Cleopatra as they represented the different periods within Romanticism. In Inchbald’s Preface to Antony and Cleopatra she focuses upon Cleopatra’s emotion and insecurities as rendering her with human qualities-a culmination of Neo-classist and Romantic critique. Hazlitt’s notion of Cleopatra’s character revolving around the dichotomy of the political, powerful queen and yet the seductive woman driven by emotion transcends Inchbald’s evaluations to provide Humanist and Romantic critique. Coleridge's note which was made for a lecture in 1818 on Antony and Cleopatra revealed his opinion that “perhaps of Shakespeare’s plays, the most wonderful is Antony and Cleopatra.” Coleridge’s evaluation of Cleopatra represents the height of Romantic critique remarking that “the sense of criminality in her passion” reveals the Romantic preoccupation that “depth and energy” within emotion renders an authentic human experience. The development of criticism on Cleopatra within the Romantic era significantly shaped my major work as it allowed me to analyse Cleopatra through a development of Romantic readings and the differing perspectives on the representation of her humanity. This formed a structure of my analysis, to focus on Cleopatra in light of each individual and create a sustained Romantic evaluation.

My knowledge of Hermione from The Winter’s Tale greatly assisted in my choice to contrast Cleopatra with Hermione, still using the Romantic individual’s criticisms. Hermione and Cleopatra were both queens and had similar roles within their respective monarchs, however there was a stark contrast in personality, Hermione being quite reserved and Cleopatra a vivacious, vibrant character. Phyllis Rackin’s Shakespeare and Women and Juliet Dusinberre’s Shakespeare and The Nature of Women provided significant insight into the analysis of Hermione. However, despite my extensive research, I came to a realisation that Hermione did not represent a character which embodied Romantic fascination and that Romanticism instead focused on the character of Cordelia form King Lear. This realisation led to a change of route in my major work as I chose a different character in order to render an authentic Romantic reading of Shakespeare’s female characters. Unfortunately, this decision was made very late in the term and impacted upon my ability to extensively research Cordelia. I am aware, however, that King Lear was an incredibly popular play and has sustained its popularity into the 21st century. My knowledge that the Romantics revered Cordelia was supported by the alteration of King Lear’s ending in the 19th century, the Romantics deciding that Cordelia should not die because they believed such a wonderful and moral character did not deserve that ending. Therefore, the direction of my major work changed, however this ensures that it does reflect Romantic evaluations and criticisms of Shakespeare’s characters in order to create an authentic major work.

I chose to write a critical response as the form of my major work because this was the most effective instrument for the analysis which I desired to undertake. Despite having initially explored writing essays in the style of Elizabeth Inchbald, my final decision to utilise a traditional, objective, formal tone was determined by the strongly academic context of my response, particularly in my application of Romantic criticism. I was influenced in my decision of this structure by Joseph Addison’s On the Essay Form and Richard Amacher’s The Essay, which highlighted that a complex subject matter mandated an academic approach. Furthermore, because the intended purpose of my response was investigative, I chose to write in third person. As my investigation progressed, I decided to structure my essay into sections to encapsulate the various criticisms of the Romantic individuals and their representations of the different periods of Romanticism for each female character. This structure not only provides different analyses per section of the humanity in each character but also allows a clear progression of Romantic critique and ideas.

My intended purpose, that is, the examination of Shakespeare’s female characters Cleopatra and Cordelia through the lens of Romantic critique from the individuals of Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge has been clearly shaped by the aforementioned area of investigation in Romantic criticisms of literature, particularly Shakespeare’s work. Autonomous investigation has played an integral role in the major work progress and has furthered my conceptual development in numerous areas as well as inspiring the form and nature of my essay.

Thank you so much, Mary x

[elysepopplewell]

hi!
i am to write a section in my major work in the perspective of a sort of cynic/pessimistic/work-orientated man
but i'm quite used to writing in idyllic/very flowery perspectives.
but i really want there to be a tonal shift in my writing because its in a different perspective
he's a bureaucrat who is really tough and his life revolves around his work
this is what I've written so far
my mentor pointed out to me that my style of writing (short sentences, sentence structure) is similar for all 4 perspectives, so  how do you think I could improve that?

thanks!!!!

Hey bananna, apologies for the delay! Before talking about the structure, I just want to give you three thoughts...
I think you've got American spelling on for sanitizer when you likely mean sanitiser. No doubt this would come clear in the editing process anyway! Also, "of off chicken" just reads a little funny to me although it isn't incorrect, but for some reason I just fixated on it for too long. It's not incorrect, but "of off" does sound odd. And lastly, is the inmate fight the best thing that could ever happen to "me" or to "my career." I don't know where the story is going, but this could be an important distinction to make - is it important to the man personally, or just for the purpose of his career?

I think you've captured the voice really well! I think he sound stern but still human and not robotic. Sentence structure can be powerful in creating voices - but if you have to change any persona's sentence structure to no longer be short, it wouldn't be this character's. The short sentence structure contributes to the sternness of this man, which you need! Is it possible that you could work on varying the other persona's sentences, and leave this one?