Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[Lauradf36]

Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?

Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship.

Mod A Thesis: A comparative study of Sonnets & Gatsby heightens our understanding of the conflict between individual and societal values, as the 1920s manifests the flawed nature of individual ideals the Victorians feared.

Mod B Thesis: Hamlet transcends time as it explores the universal search for meaning in a corrupted world.

Mod C Thesis: Arthur Miller demonstrates the complexity a variety of political perspectives creates for the attainment of morality and truth. OR Arthur Miller represents community disruption and instability as the catalyst for the attainment of power.

[Minnasquire]

Hi guys,

I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?

A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art.

Thanks for your help!

[karyn.mcdonald]

Hello awesome moderators!!

i was just wondering if you could help me with my Module C - Exploring Interactions essay thesis/structure?
i just want to clarify if the following thesis/intro and structure is alright and if it can be adapted to fit any HSC question.

Thesis + Intro:
Whether one is subject to a positive or negative interaction, the undergoing of an interactive process with others will irrefutably result in some development or transformation of one’s existing outlook and beliefs regarding themselves and the world in which they live. Contrastingly, a lack of interactions may or may not shape an individual’s attitudes and beliefs. ‘Romulus, My Father’, an autobiographical memoir written by Raimond Gaita, thoroughly explores these ideas through character relationships and detailed accounts of Gaita’s father Romulus, and his life as an immigrant living in rural Australia. The ideas are further supported by Sylvia Plath’s poem, ‘I Am Vertical’ which demonstrates the impact of interactions and lack of interactions on her persona. Both texts incorporate various techniques to highlight the consequences of these relations and explicitly convey the nature of interaction as precipitating a change in attitudes and beliefs of an individual.

Paragraph 1: Positive interactions - RMF
Topic sentence: Positive relationships assist in the development of one’s values and beliefs, and lead to the formation of affirmative perspectives and identities.

Paragraph Two: Negative interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: Contrastingly, negative interactions often challenge and transform an individual, adversely impacting upon their self-perception and identity.

Paragraph Three: Lack of interactions - RMF + IAV integrated
Topic Sentence: An absence of relationships, positive and negative, often leads to antagonistic circumstances in which the individual and their identity are either unaffected, or consequently shaped by their lack of interaction.

Also just wondering whether i should prepare two related texts in case they ask for two?

Thank you so much ... and sorry to bombard you with questions!!

[elysepopplewell]

Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?

Depending on the question, of course (my best essays tend to be when I make one up on the spot!) but do you think these are complex enough?

Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship. There's just a little something in the syntax here that isn't right. Do you need "personal" in front of potential? I think it doesn't add much greatness to the statement, and at the same time it makes it a little more difficult to swallow. The syntax error is essentially that the front of your sentence is the mirror image of the end. In different words: Difficult times allow individuals to discover their potential to create change in response to difficult times. So the end part of your sentence doesn't add anything to what you've already said in the first half. Do you mean, potential to create change in times that initially appear helpless? This is another way I can see your wording working, although I don't think it is what you actually intend to write. Perhaps, "create change in societies that hold stagnant perspectives." This mightn't be what you're trying to say, in which case I think you need to twist the ending of your sentence to make sense. Otherwise, for the first part of the sentence, it's brilliant! It will work really well with an essay question!

Mod A Thesis: A comparative study of Sonnets & Gatsby heightens our understanding of the conflict between individual and societal values, as the 1920s manifests the flawed nature of individual ideals the Victorians feared. Very to the point without being bland - good job!

Mod B Thesis: Hamlet transcends time as it explores the universal search for meaning in a corrupted world. Also great! Except - I would identify, "Shakespeare's Hamlet..." or something to that effect, to identify exactly that we are talking about the text and not the persona.

Mod C Thesis: Arthur Miller demonstrates the complexity a variety of political perspectives creates for the attainment of morality and truth. OR Arthur Miller represents community disruption and instability as the catalyst for the attainment of power. It was my personal preference to write a Module C essay thesis without the composer identified or the text. I just thought this was better because you do have a related text, and setting out the conceptual foundation for your essay in the thesis statement allows you to explore it in either text later on. If you wanted to do something similar, I'd consider talking about the morality/truth or attainment for power you have above, but universalise it a bit more by saying it is a common experience in the relationship between people and politics, for example.

Hopefully this makes sense! Let me know if you have any questions

[marynguyen18]

Hi, I was wondering if my topic sentences for Discovery were okay. I'm doing The Tempest and This Lime tree bower, my prison

Paragraph 1 (The Tempest) "Uncovering the truth in society shapes the way an individual reflects on who they once were, who they have become and who they should be."

Paragraph 2 (Lime Tree Bower) "Discoveries have transformed our understanding and appreciation of the world around us that allows us to shape the way we perceive the past, present and future."

Paragraph 3 (The Tempest) "the progression of individual growth in new discoveries allow them to gain a new understanding on the way that they perceive the past, present and future."

[Lottie99]

Hey guys,
Just looking for a bit of feedback on my thesis for discovery:
At the heart of the human experience lies a need to understand our past and create a path for a future. Discoveries are the inherent catalysts of this process. Often discoveries are prompted by a disequilibrium that start us on a process of renewing our perceptions and speculating on future possibilities.

Thank you

[MarkThor]

Hey Guys, could you just let me know what you think of thesis/intro in response to this question:
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Discoveries spawned from chaos have consequences that can vary for individuals, but ultimately reveal hidden ideas and knowledge forcing the reconsideration of an individual’s knowledge. Shakespeare’s The Tempest (1611) contains an island with a melange of different characters, which experience differing vehement metamorphosis depending on their separate discoveries generated by Prospero and his chaotic tempest. Similarly, Guernica (1937) is Pablo Picasso’s artwork of the chaos engendered by fascists’ bombing of the titular town, which creates different profound discoveries about the event and of humanity in general depending on the audience’s perspective. Both texts depict the revealing nature of discovery as it forces us to reconsider what we know to be true.

[Lauradf36]

Discovery Thesis: Confronting and provocative experiences allow individuals to discover their personal potential to create change in response to suffering and hardship.

Thanks for the feedback! I'm thinking I could flip it to open with "discoveries of hardship" instead of at the end, and then in the last sentence of the intro, talk about the confronting and provocative.

[massive]

Guys, quick question. Jamon always talks about this, but I don't really understand; what's a conceptual thesis? and do you recommend having a conceptual thesis just for discovery or are there any other modules that would be answered better with a conceptual thesis??

[elysepopplewell]

Guys, quick question. Jamon always talks about this, but I don't really understand; what's a conceptual thesis? and do you recommend having a conceptual thesis just for discovery or are there any other modules that would be answered better with a conceptual thesis??

A conceptual thesis is usually a statement that avoids talking about the texts directly - it just focuses on the ideas (concepts) within the texts and it kind of stands as your overarching statement. For discovery, I think it is the best way to go! For Advanced Module C, I also used a conceptual thesis. Module A and B were less "conceptual" but still had that overarching nature that linked into each paragraph

Thesis statement feedback is coming later today everyone! Sorry for the delay!

[massive]

A conceptual thesis is usually a statement that avoids talking about the texts directly - it just focuses on the ideas (concepts) within the texts and it kind of stands as your overarching statement. For discovery, I think it is the best way to go! For Advanced Module C, I also used a conceptual thesis. Module A and B were less "conceptual" but still had that overarching nature that linked into each paragraph

Thesis statement feedback is coming later today everyone! Sorry for the delay!

Thanks! I get it now. I just have one other question. For discovery i found that playing the devils advocate when answering the question gives your essay a real edge and helps it to stand out. For example if the q was " Discoveries have positive impacts on those involved." playing the devils advocate your thesis would be something like: "How a discovery impacts the people involved relies entirely on what discovery is made." I was just wondering whether you can use this technique for any of the modules. Since you said that mod c is conceptual i'm assuming that playing the devils advocate for that module would be beneficial. Would it work for mod A and B??

[isaacdelatorre]

Hey everyone,
Just wondering if I could get some feedback on my introduction for module C, people and politics.
Specifically, how well does it set up my argument and how adaptable is it to different questions, as well as general expression etc.

Representations of people and politics are often a reflection of political motivations and acts and their ramifications on individuals and society more broadly.  Arthur Miller’s dramatic play The Crucible (1953) utilises characterisation to explore how competing voices are silenced in 1692 Salem, paralleling his contextual political situation of McCarthyism. Similarly, Lee Daniels’ historical feature film The Butler (2013) explores competing political perspectives surrounding the American civil rights movement, revealing the impacts of political attitudes and acts on individuals and broader society. Dissent in the form of political perspectives that oppose the majority’s view are silenced by the majority. The ramifications of their political acts can cause injustice to individuals and broader society. These texts are a testament to the notion that composers often deliberately represent political situations of their own context, commenting on the impacts of political acts that silence competing political perspectives.

Thanks guys

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi everyone!

Could I please get some feedback on my AOS essay thesis and intro, any feedback would be appreciated.

Hey Rikahs! Sorry for delay, I didn't realise that these weren't getting handled!

Individuals who embrace possibilities inevitably become transformed even if they had previously shown a reluctance to accept new ideas and values. Good conceptual start! In the documentary Go Back to Where you Came From (‘GBTWYCF’) we see individuals such as Raye, Raquel and Adam, display perspectives and attitudes stemming from racism and ignorance. Through being confronted by the suffering of refugees, they reluctantly transform into tolerant individuals. Nice quick textual introduction and explanation, good. Similarly, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad is a narrative of self-discovery by the protagonist, who experiences a confronting disillusionment with a previous ideology ultimately resulting in transformation. Again, effective.

I think this is great! But I think it needs one more sentence at the end that ties everything together properly, like, what is the big conclusion that you will draw from this essay?

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello again, I've modified them following your instructions in two ways:
1. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This transformation, stimulated by evocative realisations both deliberately planned and unforeseen, occurs within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism and consequently grants the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.
2. Discoveries often act as catalysts for the cultivation of maturity in an individual’s life. This growth is stimulated by evocative realisations, both deliberately planned and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion, intellect and spiritualism, thus granting the individual the lucidity to challenge and question their past perspectives.

Personally I think the first one is better because it sounds smarter, but using big words =/= logic and sense. Can I get an expert opinion pls?

Hey! Sorry for late reply!! But I actually think the second one is a little clearer, they essentially say the same thing but the second one sounds a little more direct, which I like!! You should always stick with the one that makes the most sense to you; big words don't get marks

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi guys,

I was wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of feedback on my thesis. I was also wondering if you think it might be easily manipulated to suit a question?

Thanks for your help!

Hey Minnasquire! Welcome to the forums!! Sorry for the late reply, but I certainly can:

A confronting and provocative history has the potential to develop attitudes conducive to the process of discovery. Cool concept! But I'm not 100% getting it yet, I think you'll need to elaborate on exactly how/why these attitudes develop! These positive attitudes towards discovery combined with experiences of new worlds allows the reevaluation of perspectives, values and speculations about the future. What do you mean by experiences of 'new worlds?' Through these representations, composers postition the responder to experience transformative discoveries leading to renewed perceptions of human interaction through challenging the relationship between life and art. Great!

I think this works really well and should definitely be quite adaptable!! But a little more clarity would help you develop your ideas further