Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[jamonwindeyer]

what the hell that was so quick thankyou

You happened to catch me just as I was sitting down with a cup of coffee I'm sure your future questions will be answered almost as quickly, ahaha

[Fergus6748]

Hey guys, what do you think of this creative idea:

I'm writing a eulogy to Steven Hawking (famous cosmologist that passed away recently) from the perspective of his university friend, don't know if anyone has seen Theory of Everything. Basically the idea is that I will talk about how Hawking's perseverance over his theories and illness kinda transformed the friends' perspective on Hawking himself and life in general. With overarching concept of "every day is precious" kinda thing.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Cheers

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys, what do you think of this creative idea:

I'm writing a eulogy to Steven Hawking (famous cosmologist that passed away recently) from the perspective of his university friend, don't know if anyone has seen Theory of Everything. Basically the idea is that I will talk about how Hawking's perseverance over his theories and illness kinda transformed the friends' perspective on Hawking himself and life in general. With overarching concept of "every day is precious" kinda thing.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Cheers

I think this is a super unique idea, I like it! Definitely see where the concepts could come into it, and something other than a narrative will grab the markers interest for sure! I'd give it a crack and see what you can do with a draft

[Fergus6748]

I think this is a super unique idea, I like it! Definitely see where the concepts could come into it, and something other than a narrative will grab the markers interest for sure! I'd give it a crack and see what you can do with a draft

Thanks Jamon, I'll give it a go then and see how it turns out.

[jazcstuart]

Hi, this is my introduction for a speech I have to do for module C, people and politics.

Question: Evaluate how the composers’ use of form allows for differing perspectives of people and politics to emerge.
Political motivations ultimately stem from a desire for power, achieved through manipulation and oppression, however this inevitably creates conflict between the perspectives of people and their political leaders. Through their chosen form, composers allow these differing perspectives to emerge, forcing us as the audience to consider new perspectives in order to either challenge or reaffirm our own views. This is achieved in WH Auden’s modernist oeuvre, which uses a variety of poetic forms to explore the powerlessness of individuals under oppressive governments. His ballad “O What is That Sound Which So Thrills The Ear” represents the conflicting perspectives during war under a fascist regime, reflecting the rise of fascism across Europe, while his satirical elegy “The Unknown Citizen” positions us to assess the persona’s life from the perspective of the government, through which Auden criticises State control. Similarly, George Orwell’s dystopian novel “1984” represents the desire of totalitarian regimes to control not only the actions but the thoughts of their citizens, influenced by the contextual rise of dictators such as Stalin and Hitler. Composers use engaging forms of literature to represent competing political perspectives, challenging our perspectives of the nature of power.

Is it be ok to use "us" instead of "the audience" considering it is a speech? Also its too long, should I cut out some of the context or explanation of the texts?
Thanks so much, I really appreciate any feedback!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi, this is my introduction for a speech I have to do for module C, people and politics.

Is it be ok to use "us" instead of "the audience" considering it is a speech? Also its too long, should I cut out some of the context or explanation of the texts?
Thanks so much, I really appreciate any feedback!

Hey hey! Great intro! using 'us' is definitely okay, even in an essay it is usually fine when used as a collective referral to the audience! I think you should, if anything, trim the explanation of Auden's texts down to just a single sentence like you did with 1984

[Fergus6748]

Hey guys, continuing on from above. I've got my intro to the piece. I was told by my teacher to turn use the idea as a short story rather than a eulogy using flashbacks and memories. So without further ado:

All I wanted to do was take my friend to the pub. A drink. That's all I wanted. So when my friend told me he only had two years to live, I shrugged it off. I was just trying to get him to leave the dormitory. A bit of fresh air. That would have done him good. I didn't understand what he was telling me. I was a 22 year old physics major at the most prestigious university in the world. Enjoying the benefits of youth that I was entitled to and put no thought into ideas of death. So, I was a bit taken back when he told me but I moved past the fact faster than I should have. Despite this I managed to get him to come out to the pub with me.

That's it. I'm a bit stuck on where to go on from here honestly. Quick rundown of the story; a eulogy about Steven Hawking written from the perspective of a long time university friend (fictional of course) which is Brian from the movie The Theory of Everything (just to clarify, Brian was a fictional/composite character). Thanks, any thoughts appreciated!!

[jazcstuart]

Hey hey! Great intro! using 'us' is definitely okay, even in an essay it is usually fine when used as a collective referral to the audience! I think you should, if anything, trim the explanation of Auden's texts down to just a single sentence like you did with 1984

Thankyou! That's something interesting to think about for my essays. Will do, thanks again for the feedback 

[chloemercina]

Hi,

I am doing go Back to where you came from for discovery. Does anyone have a techniques table or anything???
For my related text, I am doing Distant Lands, would anyone also happen to have any techniques stuff???
If you can help me that would be amazing x

[katie,rinos]

Hi,

I am doing go Back to where you came from for discovery. Does anyone have a techniques table or anything???
For my related text, I am doing Distant Lands, would anyone also happen to have any techniques stuff???
If you can help me that would be amazing x

Hey,
There's some notes/essays for Go back to where you came from here and Distant Lands here.
Hope this helps!! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys, continuing on from above. I've got my intro to the piece. I was told by my teacher to turn use the idea as a short story rather than a eulogy using flashbacks and memories. So without further ado:

That's it. I'm a bit stuck on where to go on from here honestly. Quick rundown of the story; a eulogy about Steven Hawking written from the perspective of a long time university friend (fictional of course) which is Brian from the movie The Theory of Everything (just to clarify, Brian was a fictional/composite character). Thanks, any thoughts appreciated!!

I like the style of the piece so far! Nice work!

I think you need to start with the concept(s) you want to emphasise! That's always the starting point for the strong creatives, you need to start with what you want to say before you start thinking of how you want to say it you'll hopefully be able to come up with some plot points from there!