The Human Experience- Is This How You Link The Human Experience?

[Coolmate]

Hello Everyone!

I am just wondering whether I am on the right track with how I am linking the human experience into my analysis with relevance to the quote and technique. I was wondering whether someone would be able to analyse two of my quotes and analysis to see if I am correctly analysing my quotes?

“While other kids kangaroo-hopped their mums’ Datsuns and dad’s farm utes up the main street, I’d be trundling in something that looked like a slow-combustion stove” (Pg. 87) A direct pronoun explores the dramatic effect on one's family type to one’s identity. Though experiences of different family types may be diverse, they nonetheless have a profound effect on identity. Categorised by Winton, we see that he envied other families cars, allowing us to determine the human nature of jealousy, and does this through a direct pronoun.

and this one too please :

“where there is no wildness humans will create it.” (VI) An archetype initiates a recurring motif to represent universal patterns of human nature. Winton introduces the thematic use of the archetype to acknowledge the fact of our universal patterns of human nature. From this, the reader is given the opportunity to become more aware of themselves and our shared human experiences. Evidently, Winton grasps the use of an archetype to convey the extensive scope of universal patterns of human nature, through noting, "where there is no wildness humans will create it".

Thanks in advance!

Coolmate

[InnererSchweinehund]

“While other kids kangaroo-hopped their mums’ Datsuns and dad’s farm utes up the main street, I’d be trundling in something that looked like a slow-combustion stove” (Pg. 87) A direct pronoun explores the dramatic effect on one's family type to one’s identity. Though experiences of different family types may be diverse, they nonetheless have a profound effect on identity. Categorised by Winton, we see that he envied other families cars, allowing us to determine the human nature of jealousy, and does this through a direct pronoun.

and this one too please :

“where there is no wildness humans will create it.” (VI) An archetype initiates a recurring motif to represent universal patterns of human nature. Winton introduces the thematic use of the archetype to acknowledge the fact of our universal patterns of human nature. From this, the reader is given the opportunity to become more aware of themselves and our shared human experiences. Evidently, Winton grasps the use of an archetype to convey the extensive scope of universal patterns of human nature, through noting, "where there is no wildness humans will create it".

Hi there!

These look like pretty good paragraphs! I have copied the paragraphs below and made a couple of comments on what I think you could do to improve on them.

Hope this helps 

“While other kids kangaroo-hopped their mums’ Datsuns and dad’s farm utes up the main street, I’d be trundling in something that looked like a slow-combustion stove” (Pg. 87) Though experiences of different family types may be diverse A the direct pronoun (insert example of pronoun) explores the dramatic effect on ofone's family type to onone’s identity by demonstrating how Winton's family experience of _________ caused him to envy other family's cars. , they nonetheless have a profound effect on identity. Categorised by Winton, we see that he envied other families cars, This allows us to determine the human nature of jealousy, and does this through a direct pronoun. link back to question

- Sorry I don't know this text or the question you are responding to so I can't provide more specific examples

“where there is no wildness humans will create it.” (VI) An archetype initiates a recurring motif to represent universal patterns of human nature. I think you need to explain this more and provide more context as to how this links to your question and textWinton introduces the thematic use of the archetype to acknowledge the fact of our universal patterns of human nature. love this sentence From this, the reader is given the opportunity to become more aware of themselves and our shared human experiences by... (explain HOW this does what you say it does) . Evidently, Winton grasps the use of an archetype to convey the extensive scope of universal patterns of human nature, through noting, "where there is no wildness humans will create it". (it's not 100% necessary to repeat the quote)

[Coolmate]

Hi there!

These looks like pretty good paragraphs! I have copied the paragraphs below and made a couple of comments on what I think you could do to improve on them.

Hope this helps 

“While other kids kangaroo-hopped their mums’ Datsuns and dad’s farm utes up the main street, I’d be trundling in something that looked like a slow-combustion stove” (Pg. 87) Though experiences of different family types may be diverse A the direct pronoun (insert example of pronoun) explores the dramatic effect on ofone's family type to onone’s identity by demonstrating how Winton's family experience of _________ caused him to envy other family's cars. , they nonetheless have a profound effect on identity. Categorised by Winton, we see that he envied other families cars, This allows us to determine the human nature of jealousy, and does this through a direct pronoun. link back to question

- Sorry I don't know this text or the question you are responding too so I can't provide more specific examples

“where there is no wildness humans will create it.” (VI) An archetype initiates a recurring motif to represent universal patterns of human nature. I think you need to explain this more and provide more context as to how this links to your question and textWinton introduces the thematic use of the archetype to acknowledge the fact of our universal patterns of human nature. love this sentence From this, the reader is given the opportunity to become more aware of themselves and our shared human experiences by... (explain HOW this does what you say it does) . Evidently, Winton grasps the use of an archetype to convey the extensive scope of universal patterns of human nature, through noting, "where there is no wildness humans will create it". (it's not 100% necessary to repeat the quote)

Thankyou so much InnererSchweinehund, this is great!😁😁 I can see how it flows much better than what I wrote😀.

I do have a couple more questions though:

● If you were to mark the response I wrote (without the question and just looking at the way I write), where do you think I would be sitting at? (Band 5 or 6?)

And

●Am I correctly encorporating the Human Experience within my writing? (Eg. Writing to much or less about it?)

Thanks again InnererSchweinehund, I really appreciate it!😀

Coolmate😎

[InnererSchweinehund]

● If you were to mark the response I wrote (without the question and just looking at the way I write), where do you think I would be sitting at? (Band 5 or 6?)

And

●Am I correctly encorporating the Human Experience within my writing? (Eg. Writing to much or less about it?)

Hi Coolmate!

I think you are doing a good job of incorporating the human experience aspect into your writing. How much you include really depends on the question but I think as long as it makes sense and it's not 'waffling', the more the better. I would always try and incorporate something about the human experience into my explanation part of the quote, just as a way of showing the marker why the quote is relevant to my argument.

I'm not 100% sure how the bands and the marking work but if you keep working on the little things it will definitely help your writing!!