Module C - Imaginative piece

[gracie9864]

Hi, I have always struggled with imaginative pieces and have recently started writing them regularly to improve my writings coherence. I was wondering whether anyone would be able to read over my short story and tell me where I can improve and what band it would receive under the HSC syllabus. If you have any studying tips to help improve creative writing, it would be greatly appreciated.

Title – Water has memory. And remembers everything.

The early night dew began to mask the valley. The last sun's rays reflected off the tranquil lake and kissed the small water pellets, which blanketed the trees, goodnight. As the sun descended, it tinted streaks of reds, oranges and yellows throughout the lakes still canvas, painting stories of its past. The late autumn breeze bit at his nose and sent sweet whistles which bounced off the valley's trees. Shiloh stood at the water's edge, staring out at the lake as if it were glimmering with emotions, memories it longed to retell.

The voices of a young boy and girl bellowed throughout the valley. Shiloh's fixation broke, spinning on his heel and slipping on the pebbles below as he aimlessly searched for the voices. Clouds obstructed the sun's rays, stripping the valley of its glow as the children's voices bullied the trees for concealing their puppy. Shiloh's heart began to ache for the children hearing their voices break as they struggled to fight off tears before joining the wind in a soft howl.

Shiloh's heart lifted, instantaneously neglecting the dying voice for the sound of playful laughs and energised barks. The teen boy's voice broke through the girl's soft, radiant giggles. Colour was reinstalled within the valley, reviving the sun's rays and concealing the teens amongst a glow of light. As the pair splashed the dog along the lake's edge, Shiloh could only remember the feeling of first love; their laughs bringing magic to the valley and only to be met with the whistles of birds. The breeze whispered the girl's name in Shiloh's ear - "Mary Jane" - making the pair appear as though they were merely a figment of his imagination.

The teenagers reappeared out of the sun's glare, only this time appearing older, their voices softened, possibly a little taller, but still with that radiance of youthful magic. Shiloh watched as they admired the lake's colours, unbothered by the large dog draped across the woman's feet. The light backdropped the man as he knelt to the ground and asked for eternity, anxiously hoping she would say yes.

Shiloh stood at the water's edge, staring at the lake as it glimmered with colour. With magic. Shock's travelled through his spine as he was greeted by a woman painting merely a meter away. He became paralysed by the woman, fixated on her beauty. Shiloh fell into her captivating eyes, the breeze softly caressing her porcelain skin and strawberry hair. Her nose scrunched as she stared out over the lake, looking for the memories its water hid. The woman's gaze searched the water's edge only to land on the man proposing. Using the lake's sunset tint, she painted the valley, capturing all the stories it beholds. A sweet smile tweaked on her face as she released a soft, radiant giggle. She was perfect.

Shiloh's heart detached from his mind, senselessly reaching to touch her skin, to feel the warmth radiating from her soul. As he brushed the woman's hand, the sun fell beneath the horizon, ridding the valley of its magical embracive glow. The lake's colouring slowly stripped from its canvas, the oranges and reds bleeding with dirty blues and greens. Shiloh's heart raced as he watched the valleys magic pillage beneath the lake's fading canvas, pulling him from the painting and back to the dusty log cabin.
 
His eyes remained transfixed on the artwork, analysing every precise brush stroke and being drawn into the artist's use of reds, oranges and yellows. His gaze followed the lake's edge, finding a small dark signature at the bottom of the page - "MJ". Shiloh looked at the artwork in remembrance, with the artist capturing each of the memories embedded within the water's memory. Despite the painting's ability to brighten the dark cabin, without her, it no longer gleamed with the same magic as before. As the painting's memories beat at Shiloh's heart, his eyes fell to the ground, only to be met with a large greying dog draped across his feet.

Thank you for reading