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March 28, 2024, 10:06:33 pm

Author Topic: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)  (Read 8774 times)  Share 

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hegihugo

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Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« on: August 21, 2017, 08:50:38 pm »
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Hey guys starting a new topic just asking whether people could mark my essays and stories, other people are definitely welcome to submit their essays!

For Children from age the age of when they started school to when they have ended it home-work is a controversial topic. Children dislike home work for many reasons, but probably the main reason for disliking home-work would be because it brings school to their home. Although home-work may be boring it is an extremely important task to do.

Teachers set home-work, because they know that children sometimes forget new material; so home-work gives the student the opportunity to "cement" that specific piece of material. Studies have been conducted that prove that home-work is a beneficial part to cementing one's newly acquired knowledge.

Home-work also gives the child the opportunity to become interested in the subject and extend their knowledge to a point where the teacher no longer can. If done correctly home-work can be essential to one's interest in the subject, and if some one is interested they will want to learn more.

Home-work is also a way of identifying whether the child is ahead or behind the set task. This is very important for the teacher and parent, so that they can provide for the child in a better way. Meaning the the child can have work set for them at their level, instead of keeping the them behind the class or curriculum.

Therefore; despite the opposition of the child, home-work is essential for the child's learning. This is because it: gives them another opportunity to practice the newly learnt material; as well as cementing it so that the child doesn't forget it; it also allows the child to become more interested in the subject and extend their knowledge. Lastly home-work can set a bench mark for whether the child is doing well in class or whether they need help. It is clear that the positives of homework greatly out weigh the negatives. So next time you see a child complaining about home-work just ignore them!


Thanks for marking it! Could you please give me advice for what I should do next time!


Hugo

GalacticProcess

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2017, 09:46:41 pm »
+15
For Children from age the age of when they started school to when they have ended it home-work is a controversial topic.I feel that you could possibly change up this sentence, so that you can convey your point of view, and make it sound more free-flowing. An example is: For students, homework is an activity that can sometimes be dreaded, but is very beneficial to their education. Children dislike home work for many reasons, but probably the main reason for disliking home-work would be because it brings school to their home.Personally, this sentence isn't really needed. Instead of talking about the opposing arguments, it would be better if you talked about what you will be talking about in your essay. This will introduce the reader to your writing and will inform them about what you'll talk about. Although home-work may be boring it is an extremely important task to do.That's a nice sentence to end off the conclusion. :)

Teachers set home-work, because they know that children sometimes forget new material; so home-work gives the student the opportunity to "cement" that specific piece of material.To be more concise, you could write "that knowledge", instead of "specific piece of material". Studies have been conducted that prove that home-work is a beneficial part to cementing one's newly acquired knowledge.Pretty good sentence, but if can remember a statistic, include that. It will be really beneficial in conveying your message. Also, it would be great if you could add an extra sentence at the end, linking back to the topic. I feel that you could write a bit more for this paragraph. I know the time is very limited to write these pieces, but with time you will become better at this. You could talk more about how cementing knowledge would be beneficial for the student, and how it would help at school. You could also talk about the consequences of not knowing content, and expand a bit on that. Overall it was a solid paragraph, but improvements will definitely come with practice.

Home-work also gives the child the opportunity to become interested in the subject and extend their knowledge to a point where the teacher no longer can.Pretty good sentence, but could be rephrased to make it sound more free flowing and not clunky. Maybe: Homework gives students the opportunity to extend their knowledge, and develop their interests. It is more concise, and sounds better to read. Even the example I gave isn't the best,
and it could be bettered.
If done correctly home-work can be essential to one's interest in the subject, and if some one is interested they will want to learn more. I feel that the first part of this sentence is repeating the first one. You should try and expand this paragraph and talk about what the positives of becoming interested in a topic are, and how it can be beneficial to a student. Once again, try to add a sentence that links back to the topic.

Home-work is also a way of identifying whether the child is ahead or behind the set task. This is very important for the teacher and parent, so that they can provide for the child in a better way. You can join these two sentences with a comma, and make it nicer to read. Meaning the the child can have work set for them at their level, instead of keeping the them behind the class or curriculum. I feel that the last parts of the sentence sound a bit clunky. An alternative could be: This would allow students to learn at their pace, and make the most of the school environment. Tbh, my example didn't sound too good, but you get what I'm trying to say right? Again, just expand on the argument a bit, and also add a linking sentence. :)

Therefore; despite the opposition of the child I don't really think that's needed here. :), home-work is essential for the child's learning. This is because it: gives them another opportunity to practice the newly learnt material; as well as cementing it so that the child doesn't forget it; it also allows the child to become more interested in the subject and extend their knowledge. I don't really think that colons and semi-colons are necessary here, and it would be better if you used commas. Something along the lines of: "This is because it gives them another opportunity to practice the newly learned content, as well as cementing it so that the child can remember it. It also allows the child to develop their interests in the subject and extend their knowledge. Lastly home-work can set a bench mark for whether the child is doing well in class or whether they need help.I think you could rephrase this. Maybe: Lastly, homework allows teacher to understand the level a child is at, and they can provide for them in a more suitable way. It is clear that the positives of homework greatly out weigh the negatives. So next time you see a child complaining about home-work just ignore them! Idk if it's just me, but the last sentence seems a bit informal. I understand that it is supposed to be a great way of conveying your message, but it doesn't really sound fitting to this piece of writing.


Thanks for marking it! Could you please give me advice for what I should do next time!


Hugo
Overall it was a pretty solid piece of writing. Just remember that improvement will take time, so don't expect it to happen overnight. I'm sure some other people will be able to help you out even further, so what I've said is not the only things you should take into account. Just a note, can you please just add in your post what the prompt was, so that whoever is correcting your writing can comment based on the prompt. :)

EDIT: Oh my god I've just realised how much red I've used. I am so sorry for that, but don't at all think that it's because it was a bad essay!

Shadestache

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2017, 10:02:40 pm »
+4
Overall it was a pretty solid piece of writing. Just remember that improvement will take time, so don't expect it to happen overnight. I'm sure some other people will be able to help you out even further, so what I've said is not the only things you should take into account. Just a note, can you please just add in your post what the prompt was, so that whoever is correcting your writing can comment based on the prompt. :)

EDIT: Oh my god I've just realised how much red I've used. I am so sorry for that, but don't at all think that it's because it was a bad essay!

(Irrelevant to the topic) I just wanted to say how tear-jerking it is for Galactic to mark essays for students doing the selective tests. You used to be in the same position as them and usually zhen marked your essays. So it's an awesome gesture for you to pay it forward :')
Respects.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2017, 10:06:32 pm by Shadestache »
When faced with a problem, you either find a way or an excuse.

GalacticProcess

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2017, 10:07:31 pm »
+3
(Irrelevant to the topic) I just wanted to say how tear-shedding it is for Galactic to mark essays for students doing the selective tests. You used to be in the same position as them and usually zhen marked your essays. So it's an awesome gesture for you to pay it forward :')
Respects.
Haha tear-shedding! Thanks Shadestache. I'm trying to give back to the community who helped me out so much, and I'm sure it will continue to do so. Yeah zhen was awesome in that he was never getting anything out of marking people's essays, yet he went out of his way to do it. On top of that he marked writing pieces while SAC week was looming so it was great that he was so selfless. :)

Shadestache

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2017, 10:12:49 pm »
+1
Haha tear-shedding! Thanks Shadestache. I'm trying to give back to the community who helped me out so much, and I'm sure it will continue to do so. Yeah zhen was awesome in that he was never getting anything out of marking people's essays, yet he went out of his way to do it. On top of that he marked writing pieces while SAC week was looming so it was great that he was so selfless. :)

I changed it to tear-jerking because tear-shedding isn't right (dumb me ahah).
Anyways, good job Galactic and good luck to people trying out for selective schools. I'm sure your hard work will pay off!
When faced with a problem, you either find a way or an excuse.

jz27

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2017, 10:17:46 pm »
+1
I'll probably start correcting next year because right now my writing isnt up to standard



PS. I feel like the thing below me takes up more space than my posts do
2020: Chinese SLA [34-> ~43]
2021 (raw): English [42] Spesh [43] Methods [45] Chem [40] Physics [41]

ATAR: 99.30
UCAT: 3240 (99th)
Studying Medicine at Monash University

Currently taking students for 2023 selective school entry exam, email [email protected] for more details

Running a free selective schools information session on the 17th of July. Email for more details!

hegihugo

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2017, 07:40:23 am »
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Overall it was a pretty solid piece of writing. Just remember that improvement will take time, so don't expect it to happen overnight. I'm sure some other people will be able to help you out even further, so what I've said is not the only things you should take into account. Just a note, can you please just add in your post what the prompt was, so that whoever is correcting your writing can comment based on the prompt. :)

EDIT: Oh my god I've just realised how much red I've used. I am so sorry for that, but don't at all think that it's because it was a bad essay!

Thanks so much galactic! So I think a big problem may be adding sentences that aren't really needed and making the writing price flow better. Would that be right?

GalacticProcess

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2017, 07:43:46 am »
+1
Thanks so much galactic! So I think a big problem may be adding sentences that aren't really needed and making the writing price flow better. Would that be right?
That's exactly right! Removing those sentences will make the piece concise and straight to the point. Flow is something I had problems with a while ago but the more you write, it will get better.

hegihugo

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2017, 10:05:08 pm »
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I sat the year 10 entrance for mhs and got an interview. In order to be considered a place you need to make sure you have lots of co curricular and accademic achievments. Such as music, debating and icas awards etc for the test take close attention to reading and writing the reading had long passangers and is much harder then the yr 9 entrance and if you get a interview be confident interact with your group and be attentive and answer the questions properly and highlight yourself. Make sure you keep up on the news as they will ask you current affair related questions.

Right now, I'm participating in debating (for school), basketball (for school) and soccer (for school)... I was house captain for primary school (not sure if that is important or not; but that is the only leadership credential I have. Rest assured; I am planning on doing door knocking for the red cross or some organization like that, to boost the credentials on the application. I think that goes under leadership and helping the outer community.

hegihugo

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2017, 08:40:11 pm »
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Doing community services will definitely help make sure you have lots of accademic achievements and a good report

I have a good report, my standout subject would probably be maths, but I'm doing well in science, English, languages, music (I play the guitar, and am currently practicing for the second last exam (AMEB)), although I'm am not doing well in technology; which is like working with wood and designing websites, that won't hurt my chances will it?

jz27

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2017, 06:04:05 pm »
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I have a good report, my standout subject would probably be maths, but I'm doing well in science, English, languages, music (I play the guitar, and am currently practicing for the second last exam (AMEB)), although I'm am not doing well in technology; which is like working with wood and designing websites, that won't hurt my chances will it?
Wow, you sound like the perfect asian
2020: Chinese SLA [34-> ~43]
2021 (raw): English [42] Spesh [43] Methods [45] Chem [40] Physics [41]

ATAR: 99.30
UCAT: 3240 (99th)
Studying Medicine at Monash University

Currently taking students for 2023 selective school entry exam, email [email protected] for more details

Running a free selective schools information session on the 17th of July. Email for more details!

hegihugo

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2017, 03:45:05 pm »
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Ik right? Just have to work hard to getting into the school... I having problems getting into the groove of studying... Any tips

Phoenix11

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2017, 04:03:07 pm »
+1
Quote
I having problems getting into the groove of studying...Any tips

Well, to be 'in the moment', you should have study in a comfortable environment where you don't have any distractions so you have your full focus on what you are learning. This makes it much easier to take in the information and understand it much better.
Also, you need to make sure that you're not studying for like 6 hours straight as that would be a content overload where your brain's not taking anything in. If you studied in blocks and then have a small break, your brain would function better.

For understanding the information, you can look over previous notes so that it's fresh in your mind and then work on the exercises, for example so you know what you are looking at.

Hope this helps!
If you need any more tips, let me know!
 :) :)
Phoenix11-
Work hard in silence and let your success be your noise.
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hegihugo

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2017, 09:25:37 pm »
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Hey Guys, first story I have written... I'm kind of disappointed about it but I know I will improve.




Stimulus: "I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I hear it again."

It had been a long day, Mum and Dad were fighting; as normal and school lived up to its expectations of being the most boring place in the universe. All I wanted to do was just go to sleep, live my life day after day. That was one way I cold seperate myself from reality, and that was by sleeping.

Mum and Dad always said I was good sleeper, sleeping brought me away from reality. I could dream about distant kingdoms and of searching for new treasures. Sleeping was something that came naturally to me. I wasn't good at anything else.

It was a normal session, dreaming about how I was going to leave my home as soon as possible and start a new life, until I heard a topping on the window. "Tap*Tap..." at first I didn't hear it but after a while that same noise was incorporated into my dream. "Tap*Tap..."

I had arisen from my slumber and checked the window, but there was nothing there. I went back to my bed, when I heard it again. This time it was more frequent. I, again walked up to the window, but again I had seen nothing there.

Suddenly I started to feel a sharp pain coming from behind me. A creature which was about 8 feet tall and muscular had appeared, at first I didn't recognise him. The creature was black and white, and had no other particularly interesting features, except for a his smile, a long grin stretching from one cheek to the other.

H looked at me, I felt uncomfortable. He spoke a language that I hadn't heard ever but I had seem to understand it. He had said to me "Prince Lalelf we are in dire need of help, we need a leader, the underworld has been overrun by the heavens king, it has unbalanced this Earth." That person who was speaking to me happened to be my brother.

jz27

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Re: Essay Marking for Year 10 Entry (MHS)
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2017, 08:03:43 am »
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Ik right? Just have to work hard to getting into the school... I having problems getting into the groove of studying... Any tips
Next year I might do some community services too. Plus my grades for german are trash, even though I'm not even that bad at it. I think me and my german teacher have some beef hahaha
2020: Chinese SLA [34-> ~43]
2021 (raw): English [42] Spesh [43] Methods [45] Chem [40] Physics [41]

ATAR: 99.30
UCAT: 3240 (99th)
Studying Medicine at Monash University

Currently taking students for 2023 selective school entry exam, email [email protected] for more details

Running a free selective schools information session on the 17th of July. Email for more details!