ATAR Notes: Forum
VCE Stuff => VCE English Studies => VCE Subjects + Help => VCE English Work Submission and Marking => Topic started by: Marmalade on July 19, 2016, 09:16:19 pm
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Hello :D
I am super unsure about how to structure text response and how much you can expand on the prompt until it becomes off topic, because my teacher always says I don't have proper planning D:
So, please help give an indication if this essay is on the right track. It doesn't have to be really thorough, but any feedback would be greatly appreciated <3 Also a mark / 10 if possible
Prompt:
Although death is at the center of Burial Rites, Hannah Kent is still able to show there is value in life. Do you agree?
Hannah Kent’s historical fiction ‘Burial Rites’, is a book that begins with hints of Agnes’ death and ends with the fulfillment of it. However, it also tells of how she is able to see the true value of her life only because of this and the love she has gained as a result, to the point where she begins to cling on desperately to it. Kent also endeavours to provide different perspectives of this same life and death, namely through the eyes of Blondal who uses it to his own advantage, and through Toti who is willing to protect that life regardless of dangers to his own.
Agnes was written from the very beginning of the book as a character ‘knifed to the hilt with fate’ and predestined to die. Burial Rites reinforces this sentiment, not only due to the fact that the book is based on true historical events, but also due to the multitude of official documents included that add a layer of authenticity to it. As such, readers see Agnes as a ‘condemned person’, who was ‘cripple with waiting’ due to an already foregone acceptance of death. This hints towards the woman’s powerlessness to avert her death sentence, with no other choice but to wait, a sense of despair prevalent ever since Agnes was a child, when Inga’s child ‘died in [her] arms’ and she saw it as her own fault. From that point on, compounded with the death of Inga as well, Agnes too ‘wanted to die’, and ‘pronounced it like a prayer’, reflecting how life had become unbearable to endure due to the loss of what little semblance of familial love she had left. Thus to the child Agnes, death was the only way she could see to escape that. As a result, Agnes associates herself with death, which Kent conveys most strongly when the woman rejects touching Roslin’s baby as it ‘ought to live’ - a superstitious thought as if the death that surrounded her was contagious. It is these points which reinforce Agnes’ notion that her life is ‘not worth much’, as she believes herself inexplicably tied to death, having known naught but it and little joy in life ever since she was born.
Subsequently, it is only after Agnes begins to be treated as a part of Margret’s family, and no longer as a ‘murderess’, that she begins to shift this mindset. Previously, the idea of a happy life was nothing but a fanciful delusion to Agnes, suggested by her imaginings of ‘Agnes Jonsdottir’, as if it were impossible for her identity as ‘Agnes Magnusdottir’. These also betray the woman’s true desires for familial love- ‘a husband by her side, and a kip of children’- in order to combat the lack of such that has plagued the woman her whole life.Thus to be accepted by Margret and her family fulfills everything that Agnes has ever wanted, and this is when she finds value in continuing to live. Consequently, Agnes, for fear of losing this love and acceptance of herself, begins to fight for survival; talking about death ‘as though in naming things, you could prevent them from happening’, and considering that ‘perhaps [she] could beg’ for an appeal from Blondal despite knowing its hopelessness. The very fact that Agnes entertains these irrational thoughts, even though she is praised for her intelligence, speaks volumes towards the value that life has attained for her, and the lengths she is willing to go to prolong it in desperation; a far cry from her earlier sentiments towards death which she has held up to this point in life. However, Agnes only realises this scarcely before the day of her execution comes, and this is Kent’s method of truly pulling at the audience’s emotions, reinforcing the impact of this tragic turn of events which only serve to elicit sympathy towards Agnes and anger towards the injustice she has fallen under.
Furthermore, Kent’s Burial Rites displays how characters, such as Blondal and Toti, can see different values of a single life, namely Agnes’. Kent delineates this contrast between the two most clearly during the conversation engaged between them. Blondal places very little importance on Agnes’ life, seeing her as nothing but a murderess, and thus believing ‘she is to die, for good reason’. In fact, the woman may have more worth to him dead than alive. Her execution is nothing but a way ‘to make an example’ of a criminal and fulfill his ‘duty as lawkeeper’ - to give ‘justice in the eyes of their peers’, whether this ‘justice’ is truly correct or not. As seen from this, Blondal is only interested in using Agnes’ death to appeal to the public’s negative opinion of her, all in order to ‘honour the authorities’ who appointed him, and consequently boost his own reputation as a result. It is all for self worth, whereas the man himself in fact has no real interest in seeking the truth. On the other hand, Toti strives to such extremes for Agnes’ life, vowing that he ‘will save her’, to the extent where, despite being dangerously ill, he overlooks dangers to his own. He ignores his father’s warnings that ‘the cold will kill [him]’, and that ‘it is against God’- these two voices which have always played such a big role in Toti’s life. So in this way, Toti, while protecting the value of another’s life, is also able to find value in his own. Rather than being influenced by his father or his belief in God, the man makes decisions based on his own morals, and this is a turning point representing the independence he has gained to live his life freely.
Kent shows in this way how the value of life can differ between individuals, and indeed, how this worth can be changed due to the impact of death. Ultimately, although Agnes’ memory may ‘live’ on forever, due to her legacy immortalized in ‘Burial Rites’, and indeed certainly in the memories of the characters in the book such as Toti and Margret who state that they will ‘always remember’ her, there is no substitute for true life. (??off topic??) Simply Agnes’ words, that she ‘doesn’t wants to be remembered, [she] wants to be here!’ alone, speak volumes to the importance and desperation with which she clings to life, despite the affixation and acceptance of death she has previously held.
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Although death is at the center of Burial Rites, Hannah Kent is still able to show there is value in life. Do you agree?
Hannah Kent’s historical fiction ‘Burial Rites’, is a book that begins with hints of Agnes’ death and ends with the fulfilment of it. This needs something more, to give the intro more meat in a sense. Try including some of the themes, literary devices and symbols which Kent uses to explore 1820s Iceland.However, it also tells of how she is able to see the true value of her life only because of this and the love she has gained as a result, to the point where she begins to cling on desperately to it. Kent also endeavours to provide different perspectives of this same life and death, namely through the eyes of Blondal who uses it to his own advantage, and through Toti who is willing to protect that life regardless of dangers to his own. Don't use characters in the intro or in the topic sentences as they limit your analysis to only those pieces of information.
Agnes was written from the very beginning of the book as a character ‘knifed to the hilt with fate’ and predestined to die.Without a character, "For individuals "knifed to the hilt with fate", death is an inescapable inevitability". Burial Rites reinforces this sentiment, not only due to the fact that the book is based on true historical events, but also due to the multitude of official documents included that add a layer of authenticity to it. As such, readers see Agnes as a ‘condemned person’, who was ‘cripple with waiting’ due to an already foregone acceptance of death. This hints towards the woman’s powerlessness to avert her death sentence, with no other choice but to wait, a sense of despair prevalent ever since Agnes was a child, when Inga’s child ‘died in [her] arms’ and she saw it as her own fault. This needs further explanation of its significanceFrom that point on, compounded with the death of Inga as well, Agnes too ‘wanted to die’, and ‘pronounced it like a prayer’, reflecting how life had become unbearable to endure due to the loss of what little semblance of familial love she had left. Further analysis neededThus to the child Agnes, death was the only way she could see to escape that. As a result, Agnes associates herself with death, which Kent conveys most strongly when the woman rejects touching Roslin’s baby as it ‘ought to live’ - a superstitious thought as if the death that surrounded her was contagious. It is these points which reinforce Agnes’ notion that her life is ‘not worth much’, as she believes herself inexplicably tied to death, having known naught but it and little joy in life ever since she was born. In what way does this prove that Agnes is finding the love that life brings even in the face of adversity?
Subsequently, it is only after Agnes begins to be treated as a part of Margret’s family, and no longer as a ‘murderess’, that she begins to shift this mindset. This feels like an extension of your previous paragraph and not a linked but separate argument. I'm not a fan of signposting in English so I would avoid it. Previously, the idea of a happy life was nothing but a fanciful delusion to Agnes, suggested by her imaginings of ‘Agnes Jonsdottir’, as if it were impossible for her identity as ‘Agnes Magnusdottir’. These also betray the woman’s true desires for familial love- ‘a husband by her side, and a kip of children’- in order to combat the lack of such that has plagued the woman her whole life.This needs further explanation ThusTry not to use thus too often, it doesn't fit in your language to be accepted by Margret and her family fulfils everything that Agnes has ever wanted, and this is when she finds value in continuing to live. Consequently, Agnes, For fear of losing the love and acceptance of herself, Agnes begins to fight for survival; talking about death ‘as though in naming things, you could prevent them from happening’, and considering that ‘perhaps [she] could beg’ for an appeal from Blondal, despite knowing its hopelessness. The very fact that Agnes entertains these irrational thoughts, even though she is praised for her intelligence, speaks volumes towards the value that life has attained for her, and the lengths she is willing to go to prolong it in desperation; a far cry from her earlier sentiments towards death which she has held up to this point in life. However, Agnes only realises this scarcely before the day of her execution comes, and this is Kent’s method of truly pulling at the audience’s emotions, reinforcing the impact of this tragic turn of events which only serve to elicit sympathy towards Agnes and anger towards the injustice she has fallen under.
I wouldn't say this is necessary, another sentence is required but this sounds contradictory.
Furthermore, Kent’s Burial Rites displays how characters, such as Blondal and Toti, can see different values of a single life, namely Agnes’. Kent delineates this contrast between the two most clearly during the conversation engaged between them. Blondal places very little importance on Agnes’ life, seeing her as nothing but a murderess, and thus believing ‘she is to die, for good reason’. In fact, the woman may have has more worth to him dead than alive. Her execution is nothing but a way ‘to make an example’ of a criminal and fulfil his ‘duty as lawkeeper’ - to give ‘justice in the eyes of their peers’, whether this ‘justice’ is truly correct or not. As seen from this, Blondal is only interested in using Agnes’ death to appeal to the public’s negative opinion of her, all in order to ‘honour the authorities’ who appointed him, and consequently boost his own reputation as a result. It is all for self worth, whereas the man himself in fact has no real interest in seeking the truth.He does wish to seek the truth, his truth, however, is written in the eyes of the law and not emotion. Agnes and Fridrik did murder Natan and in the eyes of the law, deserve to be punished. He is exacting his revenge on her intellect and lack of good social standing as well as following legislation. Iceland had local rules in a sense or social expectations which Agnes did not conform to, this could be seen as being unlawful in the culture of 1820s Iceland. On the other hand, Toti strives to such extremes for Agnes’ life, vowing that he ‘will save her’, to the extent where, despite being dangerously ill, he overlooks dangers to his own. He ignores his father’s warnings that ‘the cold will kill [him]’, and that ‘it is against God’- the two voices which have always played such a big role in Toti’s life. So in this way, Toti, while protecting the value of another’s life, is also able to find value in his own. Rather than being influenced by his father or his belief in God, the man makes decisions based on his own morals, and this is a turning point representing the independence he has gained to live his life freely.There has to be a linkage between how Toti and Blondal are different and how that then proves your argument on the topic. I'm not sure what your arguments are as "Kent also endeavours to provide different perspectives of this same life and death" is not really one. "Kent endeavours to show that the value in life can be found through conflicting beliefs of individuals on their interpretations of death." Then in the paragraph, "Each character reacts differently to Agnes' story and subsequent death sentence. Blondal sees her as an opportunity to make an example to the greater community about his position on murder" explanation and "This is different to how Toti views Agnes, going so far as attempting to "save her" and battling a bout of illness. He then ignores the wishes of his father and the expected will of God, the two most important people in Toti's life, until now. By contrasting the two responses to Agnes and her sentence, Kent is able to show that even in a seemingly valueless life, someone is able to find joy for not only the sufferer, but for themselves.
Kent shows in this way how the value of life can differ between individuals, and indeed, how this worth can be changed due to the impact of death. Ultimately, although Agnes’ memory may ‘live’ on forever, due to her legacy immortalized in ‘Burial Rites’, and indeed certainly in the memories of the characters in the book such as Toti and Margret who state that they will ‘always remember’ her, there is no substitute for true life. I actually really like this bit and makes a good comment on the wider impact of the novel. Simply Agnes’ words, that she ‘doesn’t wants to be remembered, [she] wants to be here!’ alone, speak volumes to the importance and desperation with which she clings to life, despite the affixation and acceptance of death she has previously held.
Hello! So after reading this, I have a few general notes for you!
1. Your introduction MUST be stronger and really outline your main arguments. I'm not sure what your arguments were or if they were actual arguments for the topic, rather they sounded like an exploration of the prompt, opposed to an analysis of the book to prove your contention in response to the prompt. Wow that was a long sentence.
2. "Fulfils" only has one "L" at the end.
3. Keep characters out of your introduction and topic sentences, its like giving away the punchline when you're beginning the joke.
4. Linking sentences at the end of each paragraph on how your evidence supports your argument.
5. Further explanation of each quote, don't just "quote drop", if it was worth mentioning, its worth explaining. If its kinda pointless, don't bother writing it, you only have an hour.
6. Conclusion needs something more about the value of life in your perspective (without saying it) such as " The true value of life cannot be ascertained through the words in a novel. Each life is sacred and deserves cultivation and care in every situation, it is the presence of death which allows individuals to appreciate life.
Good luck :)
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Sorry, I didn't read your whole introduction. The essay is certainly on the right track and mostly on topic, but not analysing enough. Imagine you are taking your driving test and the instructor asks you to decide why a U-turn is better than a three-point-turn. He then says, ok why? And then you just give an explanation of what a U-turn is and what it involves. You didn't answer the whole question, you may have given the best explanation of a U-turn ever heard but you didn't do what was asks. Instead, he wanted you to explain and give evidence why a U-turn is better than a three-point-turn.
In relation to the essay, the examiner wants you to decide if Hannah Kent uses death to show the value of life or not. Then once you have chosen, the examiner wants you to give three or four reasons why and use evidence to support those arguments which in turn supports your contention.
Hope than makes sense, I would give this a middle-range score, maybe around a 5.5?
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Thanks for the feedback! It was really comprehensive and I feel like I learnt a lot.
I just threw together an introduction because I had no idea on how to approach it so evidently it needs a lot of work. xD
By the way, your point about not including character names in topic sentences makes a lot of sense, but is it applicable even if the paragraph only talks about one character? Or is it supposed to just give a more general wider values kind of thing?
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The reason I recommend not using the character name in the topic sentence is that is severely limits your analysis. Your topic sentence should outline the main argument that you're about to convince the examiner of, even if you only intend on talking about one character.
Characters are evidence, not arguments so your argument should not be character central unless the prompt specifically identifies them.
This way, even if you intend on using only Toti for your evidence, you can tie in maybe a symbol or a theme with him if it is relevant. So you still have the option to choose where your evidence comes from.