Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
My head is a busy, tangled, deep jungle. I've never been good at writing it out; with you holding me accountable, I want to build a habit of writing out some of my yoga-inspired deep thoughts every day!Don't worry heids your making senses and good on you for taking the step into embracing Yoga as your lifestyle from the childhood embed Christian values. This isn't an attack on Christianity, but more on the ideals that people feel obligated to follow because of their childhood.
Opening thoughts: Every day I practice, I'm a bit more convinced that yoga is the life path for me. Not as a hobby or exercise regime or instagram fodder, but a whole life path - involving the philosophy, the morality, the intense daily practice, and the yoga that lives in my everyday movements, thoughts and actions.
Its guidance on how to live shares a lot with my Christian upbringing, but it's different. That was externally imposed, from the outside in; I was taught moral principles and obligations I should follow. So it ends up a bit grudging and guilt-based and not really held deep down.
But I've personally embraced yoga. I genuinely internally want to follow yogic principles, from the inside out, because I discovered them for myself - a new perspective on the same old principles, I guess.
So for instance, I always had this Bible verse drummed into me:
I always felt like I should, but it was an obligation. With yoga - I want to do this. I'm slowly finding myself increasingly focusing on things that help me grow, and away from things that are toxic, not out of guilt or obligation or shoulds, but out of simply wanting to.
I guess it's part of growing up and becoming independent. It's almost necessary that my chosen values come from a different place/system to what I was taught, so I can really own them, if that makes sense?
From yoga study (on the principles of saucha and santosha - cleanliness and peace), I've developed the habit of smiling and mentally wishing "May you have peace, love and wellbeing" (or a relevant variation) to people I pass and at the end of interactions. Just like, sending them the real desire for their good.
It doesn't do anything, but it makes me feel happier and more connected and more expansive and just good. You can't get angry at someone you've just wished love to, and when small annoying things happen in public, I just feel peace with it rather than irritation.
I enjoy interacting with strangers more since I started this, too.
I'm loving this. Keep it up Heids! :)
Since I stretch my hip flexors intensely, the next day my hips are sore and tight, and I have to spend a few minutes during practice gently easing myself into sitting cross-legged, then half-lotus, then lotus (basically, just sitting there).
My brain really revolts against this few minutes of doing seemingly nothing. It tries to come up with some way of multitasking to avoid wasting those minutes: I could exercise my arms, or post on AN, or read, or nut out some complex argument in my head. Surely this isn't the most efficient way to exercise!
Instead, I just sit there with the thoughts.
What am I in such a rush to do? Why the constant need to achieve and do and think more, and faster? What makes time spent mindfully and calmly and consciously a waste of time?
Really makes me question my priorities and behaviours. There's a lot of useless busy time I could spend doing nothing, but being mindfully there.
I've always been told to "breathe deeply" for anxiety, but couldn't manage it. Only through yoga have I figured out how breathing works for me. I'm trying to use it more and more of the time (building in this awareness is quite hard).Heidi, this is really interesting!
I shut my mouth and breathe through my nose, and expand my chest (put your hands on the sides of your ribcage and breathe to push them out), imagining I'm opening up the area round my heart and completely filling out my chest and upper abdomen. Then I completely empty and release.
I time this rhythmically with normal activities. Because it's matched rhythmically with movement, I can breathe deeply and evenly without having to fully focus on breathing as it flows naturally.
--> when walking anywhere, I take four steps to an inhalation and four to an exhalation (or 3 or 6 if I'm walking slowly or quickly)
--> doing any repetitive task at work, I time the movements with breaths (e.g. inhale: stick point into tag and then into seam of clothing, exhale: double click gun, remove point and tear off tag; repeat ad infinitum), making me faster, more focused, and calmer
--> I try to bend and move in time with breath (if I lower myself down or release, I exhale, and if I lift myself up or expand, I inhale)
The more I control my breath like this, the more things seem to flow and I remain calm and mindful. Controlling it seems to help control much harder things to manage - emotions, heartrate, etc. :D
Heidi, this is really interesting!
I’ve had anxiety-related breathing problems since towards the end of Year 7, and it’s like I can never get that deep, satisfying breath, only occasionally. Is this what it’s like for you?
It’s been much worse for me as of late, and I think I’d like to give some breathing exercises a go. Do you have any resources that might help?
I’m really glad to hear its working for you, and I’m enjoying reading your updates! :)
Does anyone else have suggestions?So, for transparency, a lot of the stuff I've learnt was when I played high level soccer, and also through rehab for injuries, etc. so was probably initially meant for a slightly different purpose, but I've found it all super helpful in dealing with anxiety! (when I remember to do it ::))
My lesson for myself today is that it's not all or nothing. I don't have to do either a full 70 minute practice or nothing at all; 15 minutes of sun salutations and some standing poses will be enough.
I still recall the days, when I didn't act in my best interest because I was afraid of doing so and thought deceit was the better option.
I've long believed it's very important to admit mistakes rather than get defensive... so mostly, I freely admit to errors I make, though on the spot I can get defensive if I don't take a second to think.Don't push yourself too hard heidi. Humans always make mistakes, don't punish yourself to hard for these mistakes.
But still some errors or ignorances are very hard to admit for no apparent reason. Yesterday at work I had to do a simple, common task that I've avoided so far because I didn't know how to do it. I had to swallow my pride and ask another worker (who isn't "as good a worker" as me - what an ego I have! - and hasn't been there as long). The simple sentence, "mate, could you show me how to do this?" was stupidly hard to say. Yoga made me ask it.
Gotta try and be more conscious of the things I try to hide, even while I'm very easily open about some things.
Don't push yourself too hard heidi. Humans always make mistakes, don't punish yourself to hard for these mistakes.
I'm sure it won't get to that stage, but be careful not to be too critical of yourself on these mistakes.
It can be just as harmful and even more so then not being conscious of the mistakes you made.
"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living.
“Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget that until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,—‘Wait and hope.’
—Your friend,
"Edmond Dantès, Count of Monte Cristo."
One lesson I got from The Count of Monte Cristo:
"This too shall pass".
The main character spends fourteen years (!) in jail, age 20-34, during which he thinks his life is essentially over. The bulk of the novel shows his life post-prison, building a new life and hugely impacting others; prison becomes a semi-forgotten thing of his past.
It's easy, stuck in the middle of something - be it high school and year 12 exams, a depressive episode, abuse, a breakup - to see it as eternal and life-defining. In reality, it passes and becomes a very minor thing in a life full of many, many experiences. It's important to do your best in each stage of life, but in the long term, all that is right now so hugely important has little impact.
We all know this, but I found Edmond's reminder to "wait and hope" through all things encouraging. Had he killed himself in prison, as he planned to, he would never have got out and had the impact he did; essentially, he would have been in prison forever. By waiting and hoping - for FOURTEEN long years! - and knowing that this too shall pass, it did pass, and he lived a long life full of many other deeds.
Yoga constantly brings me back to this. I'll get through. I need to see that bigger picture rather than get lost in little waves of the ocean as if they're the whole ocean.
"To ask earnestly the question of the ultimate meaning of history takes one's breath away. It transports us into a vacuum which only hope and faith can fill."
Ergo, in studying history, we revisit these parts of ourselves, which give it a worthwhile-ness, a meaning beyond constraints of time, whether or not it would mean anything in 100 year's time...because that doesn't matter. What matters for studying anything whether it is ourselves, the world, or simply history, is that we continue to have hope and faith in what we know now can give rise to more meaningful experiences.
People try to become special by talking about their miseries. If someone sympathises with you and believes in your misery - even in your exaggerated version of it - you feel happy. Misery makes you special. Misery makes you more egoistic.
Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won't).
As we encounter new experiences with a mindful and wise attention, we discover that one of three things will happen to our new experience: it will go away, it will stay the same, or it will get more intense. Whatever happens does not really matter.
This is hard to share.
I feel like there's a widening gap between me and most others, even while I try to find more connection.
I intentionally avoid most media: I dislike the majority of its messages. Instead, I immerse myself in yogic and buddhist philosophy - I want to intentionally choose what goes into my head and what I focus on, rather than working on autopilot and swallowing whatever I'm fed.
The result is... a very, very different perspective on life to most. Some of that comes through in my posts; these aren't just things I'm writing, they're how I actually think most of the time. So when I interact with most people, I'm constantly left feeling off because I just don't see things the same way. The more I get deep into yoga, the "worse" this will be, and I'm not sure how to negotiate it!
I don't want to be a self-righteous holier-than-thou prude. But yet I also don't want to lose my ideals and... move down to the level others are at. This is what I truly feel, even while I struggle with feeling it because it seems so arrogant and I'm-better-than-you. And yet I don't mean it that way. I don't think.
So my mental questions are:
1. How do I maintain my ideals while still interacting and connecting kindly with others who don't share them?
2. Am I going too far with being different from others?
3. Am I arrogant? How can I avoid it? Dafuq do I do when I truly believe some things are right and therefore believe that it's better to try and follow them than to follow other ideas? Sometimes I think I'm the worst human out there, other times I think I'm better than most. I'm so confused.
Making these kind of decisions doesn't make you arrogant, it is a good thing to have a strong focus on living the best life you can.
If this path takes you away from others, know that there are some it will also lead you to and ask if you would rather feel trapped on theirs or explore your own.
You have been focusing on becoming superior to your previous self, so it's normal to wonder if that makes you superior to others that you initially felt were on the same level and haven't been investing into self development (and to then criticise yourself for this, because "I'm such a terrible person for thinking that"). As you've mentioned it isn't mentally healthy, and I don't think it's particularly valid either. We all have such different factors influencing us, different things we invest into, and so much of our development is hidden so comparisons about the relative ranking of people just doesn't work. Be proud that you're taking a healthy path and making progress and remember that your pride doesn't say anything about others' ability to be proud, it doesn't make you arrogant.
I haven't posted in a while. My head has been too busy and messy: the thoughts run away with themselves, incoherent, like a crowd of people pushing and shoving in a riot without quite knowing what's going on. I'm changing the title to make it more general so I can feel I can write whatever I want. I'm pretty confused about everything, to be quite honest. I'm quite okay, just my head is overflowing!
I'm repeating my last post to myself so often.
Deep breaths. I need to take myself less seriously.
I really want to update this thread occasionally, even though it's been long dead and forgotten and I've been long dead and forgotten on AN. But I continue to think, endlessly, and I continue to want a place to write it out.
I might give it a shot. We'll see. Sorry for the pointless post ::) - I'm giving myself a foothold to post if I want to, y'know?
<3