ATAR Notes: Forum

VCE Stuff => VCE English Studies => VCE Subjects + Help => VCE English Work Submission and Marking => Topic started by: dommariesolomon on May 17, 2018, 09:49:18 pm

Title: Please mark my english essay for 'The Lieutenant'!
Post by: dommariesolomon on May 17, 2018, 09:49:18 pm

Hey! This is my first ever post yayyy! I was was just wondering if anyone could mark my essay. It's on the novel 'The Lieutenant' and the topic we had to answer was...

Communication not discovery is at the heart of 'The Lieutenant'.

If anyone could read it, that would be amazing!

Thankyou!

Kate Grenville’s literary creation ‘The Lieutenant’ follows the life of Daniel Rooke and his journey as a lieutenant in the First Fleet. It provides Rooke’s perspective of the world and certain revelations he experiences through his encounters in life. The communication between characters in ‘The Lieutenan aids the uncovering of the wider unknown in the novel. At the beginning of the novel, Rooke is depicted to be “quiet, moody, a man of few words.” However, as the story progresses, we see that his journey soon comes to revolve around his discovery of self through communicating with the “natives” and his colleague in the First Fleet. Tagaran’s interaction with Rooke allowed not only herself but the other natives to be discover aspects of the world they were naive to. Whilst Silk uses communication in attempts to become more knowledgeable, his recounts are unreliable as he alters what he finds, thus proving he is not actually uncovering the world for what it is.

Through Rooke’s journey he see him transgress from a timid young man, to somebody who is willing to fight for the wellbeing of others. Rooke develops into such a strong willed character through his interactions in life. When “Rooke turned thirteen” he met Dr Vickery, “the Astronomer Royal” who showed him “the mysteries of the quadrant… telescope” and inspired him to pursue astronomy. Without Vickery, Rooke may not have learnt about fascinating aspects of the world and perhaps would not be part of the expedition to New South Wales, thus not allowing him to develop into a strong-willed individual who worked to free others from the hardships in life. After his first encounter with Tagaran where she teaches him some words in her native tongue, Rooke realises that his path was not to investigate a comet, but “to acquire the native language”. Through several encounters later, with Tagaran and others such as Warungin, as well as observing his Fleet’s negative actions towards the natives, Rooke has a revelation and decides to go back to Antigua where he buys and frees slaves. Rooke was a man of knowledge but he needed to “leave behind everything [he] thought [he] knew” about the world to be enlightened about the injustices many are facing in the world. Rooke communicated with many individuals in his life, who ultimately allowed him to discover his destiny revolving around the fighting for other peoples freedom.

Not only did Rooke learn from his interactions with Tagaran, but Tagaran herself learnt from Rooke. Rooke taught Tagaran english, but she also taught him how to speak her tribes aboriginal tongue. Yet despite this, Tagaran and others became aware of certain objects and features regarding the life of soldiers in the First Fleet. Soon after arriving in Australia, Rooke and his fellow soldiers saw “five native men step out of the bushes.” In response the Fleet offered trinkets (eg. looking glass) to the natives, that the natives observed but eventually “lost interest”. Weymark, a member of the Fleet shot a gun right near the natives. This allowed the natives to believe that the fleet offered bribes, and relied on brute force and threats to appear strong, thus making the natives register that they have to be careful around the new inhabitants of their country. Further, Tagaran becomes intrigued by Rooke’s musket and picks it up, “her finger already on the trigger.” Rooke was very cautious and reluctant to show Tagaran how to use the musket yet he does so anyway. Rooke’s reluctance most likely was due to guns relation to violence and death, but despite this he allows Tagaran to know another aspect of they colonist’s lives and how they survive and assert their dominance. Interactions between the contrasting groups allow them to understand the bigger picture.

Silk too does communicate to become more knowledgeable yet, his discovery proves to be changed for his liking. Silk took to learning the native language for his writing. Further along the story, Silk finds out that Rooke has been interacting with the natives on a intimate level, especially with Tagaran. He interprets Rooke’s story of Tagaran washing herself in a way that suggests they had a sexual relationship as opposed to a platonic, sibling relationship. Silk does not accept Rooke’s objections and pleas to believe otherwise, and rather accepts his false interpretation of the events between his friend and Tagaran. He accepts this by stating “there is no need to explain. We are both men of the world!” The falsity of Silk’s beliefs seem to pose no issues to him, thus his lack of investigating facts does not allow him to understand the wider world.

Grenville’s novel ‘The Lieutenant’ offers the idea that the sharing of certain aspects of an individuals life and their knowledge contributes to the discovery of life as a whole. This is accomplished through Rooke’s interactions with many people throughout his lifespan, and the natives observation of the Fleet who decided to reside in their home. On the contrary, whilst Silk did communicate with natives to increase his knowledge, he alters what he finds, thus he has not depicted the world for how it actually is. Grenville’s work asserts that communication is vital when unmasking the world and its negatives and positives.

Title: Re: Please mark my english essay for 'The Lieutenant'!
Post by: S200 on May 18, 2018, 01:58:18 am

Here you go, please see attached.

Disclaimer for dommariesolomon

Ok, so I just realised that I really focused a lot on lexicon rather than form, but hey, that's what gets me my SAC scores. It's a case of the blind leading the blind when I try to analyse form  :-[  :-\

So, yeah, I hope it's okay.
Hint: Don't regard the font colour change throughout the intro and body 1.. It's just me getting a feel for where you are coming from.

Random Request

So, this is (as the spoiler tag says  ::)) an entirely random request.

Could anyone with spare time and some experience actually mark My marking?
It would help me see where I was going wrong in both writing and marking.  ???

TY in advance... :D
[spoiler[/]

Title: Re: Please mark my english essay for 'The Lieutenant'!
Post by: Dictionnaire de la Marche on May 18, 2018, 10:12:51 am

Hey,
I think that S200 has given you some excellent and extremely relevant feedback, but I would just like to reinforce a few things.

Firstly, you need to develop strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. If you do not directly link to the topic, the reader is confused about what you are trying to convey in regards to the question. The same goes for the last sentence, remember that you must always link back to the topic!!!

Secondly, as S200 has identified, you have used a few words that were either not in context or not the best way of expressing what you actually meant. Don't feel that you have to use language that you would not use naturally. Mostly, when it comes to english, less is more. Simple language used in context is more effective than flowery language used clumsily.

Thirdly, I got the impression that mabey you struggled a bit with the structure of your essay, and consequently, some of your paragraphs are a bit short and do not include all relevant elements. If you are a person that has difficulty with structure, I would suggest that you use the acronym TOES, (topic sentence, opinion, evidence, summary/link to topic), to ensure that you are including all components of your argument in each paragraph. Writing to a structure is not for everyone, but in your case, I feel it might be useful.

Lastly, I would recommend that you be a little more analytical. Bring in Grenville, and explore what she does as an author to convey shifts in the characters attitudes and thinking etc.

Overall, don't be discouraged! This is a fantastic effort, and will be a great essay with just a little tweaking!
Hope my feedback makes sense and proves helpful  :)

Title: Re: Please mark my english essay for 'The Lieutenant'!
Post by: dommariesolomon on May 19, 2018, 05:47:42 pm

Thankyou so much!!! I appreciate it a lot  ;D

Quote from: S200 on May 18, 2018, 01:58:18 am

Here you go, please see attached.

Disclaimer for dommariesolomon

Ok, so I just realised that I really focused a lot on lexicon rather than form, but hey, that's what gets me my SAC scores. It's a case of the blind leading the blind when I try to analyse form  :-[  :-\

So, yeah, I hope it's okay.
Hint: Don't regard the font colour change throughout the intro and body 1.. It's just me getting a feel for where you are coming from.

Random Request

So, this is (as the spoiler tag says  ::)) an entirely random request.

Could anyone with spare time and some experience actually mark My marking?
It would help me see where I was going wrong in both writing and marking.  ???

TY in advance... :D
[spoiler[/]

Title: Re: Please mark my english essay for 'The Lieutenant'!
Post by: dommariesolomon on May 19, 2018, 05:50:20 pm

Thanks for help!  :D

Quote from: Dictionnaire de la Marche on May 18, 2018, 10:12:51 am

Hey,
I think that S200 has given you some excellent and extremely relevant feedback, but I would just like to reinforce a few things.

Firstly, you need to develop strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. If you do not directly link to the topic, the reader is confused about what you are trying to convey in regards to the question. The same goes for the last sentence, remember that you must always link back to the topic!!!

Secondly, as S200 has identified, you have used a few words that were either not in context or not the best way of expressing what you actually meant. Don't feel that you have to use language that you would not use naturally. Mostly, when it comes to english, less is more. Simple language used in context is more effective than flowery language used clumsily.

Thirdly, I got the impression that mabey you struggled a bit with the structure of your essay, and consequently, some of your paragraphs are a bit short and do not include all relevant elements. If you are a person that has difficulty with structure, I would suggest that you use the acronym TOES, (topic sentence, opinion, evidence, summary/link to topic), to ensure that you are including all components of your argument in each paragraph. Writing to a structure is not for everyone, but in your case, I feel it might be useful.

Lastly, I would recommend that you be a little more analytical. Bring in Grenville, and explore what she does as an author to convey shifts in the characters attitudes and thinking etc.

Overall, don't be discouraged! This is a fantastic effort, and will be a great essay with just a little tweaking!
Hope my feedback makes sense and proves helpful  :)