ATAR Notes: Forum

HSC Stuff => HSC Subjects + Help => HSC Marking and Feedback => Topic started by: carl16 on April 10, 2020, 06:36:56 pm

Title: delete
Post by: carl16 on April 10, 2020, 06:36:56 pm

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Title: Re: Extension 1 English Introduction
Post by: carl16 on April 14, 2020, 01:49:34 pm

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Title: Re: Extension 1 English Introduction
Post by: charlieadam on April 14, 2020, 03:37:17 pm

Hi! Would it hurt if I gave you some peer-feedback?

I think you've got a really solid start to an essay- you've definitely got a strong grasp of your thesis and have your arguments ready to go. I can't say much on structuring right now, but I would say that you use a lot of passive verbs that could be replaced in order to give a more decisive authorial voice! e.g. using "different" when introducing your complementary text could be substituted with "disparate", "contradictory", "divergent", "alternate viewpoint", etc., depending on the feeling you're going for.

Your opening statement about superiority towards minority groups could also do with some refining, too. Personally, my takeaway from Frankenstein was that the hubris of "man" (if we're going to be historically accurate lol) creates an egotistical hierarchy within society in which individuals that diverge from a pre-mediated norm are regarded as inherently inferior. I reckon it's not actually JUST a political statement about minority groups, instead Shelley was looking into the psyche that actually enables this thinking


 Hope that helps!