ATAR Notes: Forum
VCE Stuff => VCE English Studies => VCE Subjects + Help => VCE English & EAL => Topic started by: physics on October 16, 2010, 08:46:29 pm
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HI! I have heaps of essays and i aim for around a 7 for my essayys.
The increasing development of digital technology has created widespread debate of the flaws in having gadgets such as mobile phones. Since their introduction into society, mobile phones have gained much media attention as considerable debates arise in questioning the supposed dangers of overusing them. Though there is inconclusive results to prove that mobile phones, Bland’s “Too much information” is a featured article that argues that the overexposure of mobile phones can put Australians at the risk of ‘brain burnout.’ Accompanied by a cartoon, this article appeared in the ‘opinion of the week’ in a daily newspaper which seeks on making Australians more aware of the dangers of mobile phones. Bland uses inclusive language, expert opinion and a cartoon image to persuade his readers to realise the flaws of mobile phones.
The author takes on a confident and serious tone to send a message to his audience about the overexposure of mobile phones, Bland uses inclusive language such as “our”,” we” and “I” to create a sense of community. The author draws the audience attention by saying that “out” obsession with phone calls and text messages is “increasing stress levels” and is “the chief source of mental exhaustion.” The readers are confronted with the believability of the author as a credible source due to his acknowledgement that “The Brain health research…has identified a serious new community health threat.” The author continues by including himself as a victim where he claims “we all use [mobile phones] and find them invaluable in both our personal and business transactions” but makes it clear that he is not going against the use of mobile phones but warns of the affects of overusing it. The public eye are directed to view that Bland isn’t condemning the use of mobile phones but it trying to tell them that they need to be alert that they do not overexpose themselves to excessive use of it.
The Brain health research project aims to make their readers aware of the problems mobile phones can cause. The article written by Bland contains an image of a person’s head and contains the various captions that include “you’ll have to speak up…running late…who’s with you?” These captions are phases that represent the ‘brain burnout’ affect which includes “increased stress levels.” The image shows the side effects of using the mobile phone too much. This is a direct approach to make the audience realise the potential dangers of mobile phones. Viewers are confronted with the reality that mobile phones are harmful and with respect to the article, the audience will therefore be more careful. Dr James Bland is able to persuade his audience to agree with his contention and believe that overexposure to mobile phones will in fact put Australians at risk of a ‘brain burnout.’
The author has a doctorate degree and is hr director of research at a brain institution. This provides the author with authority as he expresses his opinion. His sources are credible and as an expert giving his opinion, Bland convincingly distributes his opinion regarding mental and emotional health related to the brain. The health professional has all the statistics and facts to back up his contention as he argues his point of view throughout his featured article. The audience learn to accept Blands view as they read deeper into his article as he explains the common causes of increased stress levels as being affected by the excessive use of mobile phones which can create mental exhaustion to the brain, overall implementing that a person has the symptoms of ‘brain burnout.’
Mobile phones have become more and more common since their popular surge in designs and features. But modern technology has created just as much problems as it has solved. There has been recent debates relating to the supposed dangers of overusing such electronic tools and some have labelled it as harmful. Dr James Bland, a director of research at the Brain institution has claimed that overexposure to mobile phones can cause a ‘brain burnout’ which include increased stress levels and mental exhaustion and being too attached to the functional property of the phone. The author attempts to persuade the readers of his featured article “Too much information” by using an image, using his expertise to his advantage and using inclusive language. The writer’s most persuasive when he is consistent with his credibility as a professional in his field as it persuades the audience to believe the facts he is providing for them. The use of mobile phones are said to be harmful according to the Bland but there are no conclusive results to prove that they affect the brain.
word count:771 words
“The prime instigator of conflict is fear”
It is the beginning of a new year. The sun is burning and my husband and I are healthy with a baby soon on the way. It would be my third child and we have yet to decide a name for him or maybe her. My husband Joseph Herren Baker is thirty and he still has the body of a stallion, strong and muscular but tanned like a skin of a dirty potato. Luke Baker my eldest son is eighteen and marks a stunning resemblance to his father and Mercy, my daughter is sixteen this year and fair skinned. I have not seen her in awhile as she travelled to Salem only a month ago to assist in delivering a message for the church of Boston. She takes part in the monthly pilgrimage to keep her pure and a proper girl as she likes to say. But soon my life would fall apart.
Mercy returned at dawn only yesterday and she said she was tired, but her eyes were lying to me. I let it pass. It was only a week later when she came to ask me where I use to live before I moved to Boston. I could not lie as Joseph knew I came from Salem. I told her. She became upset. I tried to question her but she told me she had a headache. I was unaware of what was happening to her. At first she would avoid looking into my eye when I tried conversing with her, then she started helping Joseph out with harvesting even though he told her to stay inside the house to help make supper. Even Luke felt it was weird when his sister came out to help with seeding. I began to think she knew the truth.
One night while Joseph and Luke were asleep, I went over to Mercy’s room and woke her.
“What is the matter mother, are you feeling back pains again?” Mercy asked, gazing at my stomach. I shook my head. She looked confused and then bluntly I asked
“What happened in Salem? Since you came back you have been avoiding me.”
There was a beat and then she gazed into my eyes and said “Ma, what you did was wrong and as a Christian girl I cannot let it pass that my mother killed so many innocent people. They were asking to replace my head for yours. They still remember. Ma you have to do something. Don’t you feel bad? Don’t you feel guilty for doing such a horrible thing? At Salem I met an old lady. She gazed as I walked pass and said I was a witch! Then I saw a black woman and she were on the streets asking for food and a little money and I offered her my bread but she rejected my offerings and said “ You witch. You have not aged in the pass twenty years and yet you have the guts to come back to Salem. Abigial Williams is in Salem.” She kept saying that and I was scared.”
The faces of all the men and women I killed flashed before my eyes and before Mercy could say anything else I placed my hand over her mouth.
“What you said should never be bought up again for the rest of your life. Do you understand?” I asked.
She nodded as a streak of tear fell from her eye silently onto her bed sheets. I left her room and went back into my room but I could not sleep for the whole night.
Mercy still chose to avoid me as she spent almost everyday at the paddock to either help Joseph or to milk the cows. From the window of my house I saw what she did and I watched her closely. I did not want my life to fall apart. My life was perfect until Mercy went to Salem. Something must be done. From the corner of my eye I saw Luke walking towards her. Luke jumped onto the cow and the bucket of milk spilt onto the grass. Mercy was angry and kicked the bucket but crouched down and broke down crying. Surely she would not be crying over spilt milk. Luke was puzzled and attempted to apologise but then she cried even more. Then her lips moved. She was saying something. What was she saying? Is she telling Luke about me? Luke’s face became hard and serious. He replied and left her alone with his face stern and angry. I was furious. Why did Mercy have to be such a pure girl that she could not tell a lie or have a hint of evil in her heart like her mother. I was scared that Joseph might leave me. I was afraid of what it would be like to be lonely and have no one to reply on. I was afraid of being how I was before.
That very night I snuck into Mercy’s room yet again and woke her. She almost screamed but I placed the bed sheets over her mouth as she came to her senses.
“You told him didn’t you, you horrible little thing!” I said.
“I didn’t Ma I didn’t, you have to trust me I didn’t,” she cried.
I did not believe her so with the bed sheets I choked her. She shook. She scratched but I would not stop. Suddenly, everything became quiet again. Mercy was dead. I took her body and dragged it into the forest and buried it. Then I placed a note on her bed side forging it to be hers. I wrote “ Sorry Ma and Pap, there is a pilgrimage at Salem and I had to deliver a message.” No one would realise it was fake because it was not the first time she left all of a sudden to travel to Salem with her friends to take part in such events. I was safe for now.
It was almost dawn and I had to do something about Luke. Luke is a strong young man. It wont be easy. How should I do this? I walked into his room and stood there, knife hidden under my garment.
“Ma, why are you in my room!” Luke gasped as he grabbed his bed sheets and covered his chest. It was the middle of Summer and it was often that Luke would sleep without his clothes on.
“ Do you know about it? Do you know about me?” I asked and I took a step forward and placed my hand under my garment.
“ I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Luke cried.
I grasped the wooden handle of the knife and then Luke shouted “ wait, wait, its in the drawer.”
I was confused. Luke walked over and slid the drawer open and there was a book called ‘Seasons of love’. It was the book I had always wanted to read. I was still confused and baffled.
Then Luke said “ Mercy had all her money stolen when she went to Salem and she cried all day when she said she wouldn’t have enough money to get you this book for your birthday ,Ma, and I forgot so I offered to buy the book for you. It was hard looking for this book. Mercy didn’t want to tell you and well I forgot so I’m sorry.”
I was shocked. I did not know what to do. Mercy was a good girl and I murdered my own daughter. She had not told anyone but even if she did I should not have done that to her. I was overwhelmed with fear that I let my actions get the better of me but now it is too late to say “I am sorry.”
word count:1299
The characters in Cosi suggest we are all longing for purpose and intimacy in our lives. Discuss.
Louis Nowra’s Cosi is a play within a play written in the 1970s. It is a Melbourne based drama that was written in the controversial decade when Australia participated in the Vietnam War. Cosi is based on this era and is a semi autobiographical play based on the author. The drama is about a university educated director named Lewis who is seeking further experience in his field of expertise. Lewis helps out a mental institution which seeks to help the mental patients to come out of their shells and to be more social. As Lewis discovers amongst the farce and comedy of working with the patients, he realises that they are all longing for purpose and intimacy in their lives. Cherry, a patient at the asylum openly confesses her love to Lewis and shows her intimacy towards him. Henry, a quiet ex-lawyer who has been admitted to the mental institution is quiet but is searching for his purpose in life. Roy, an over enthusiastic lady killer reckons his purpose in life is to act and to be in a theatre. Throughout the play the characters search for their purpose in life.
Most women long for intimacy for their lives. Cherry, demonstrates her need for intimacy in her life. She is bold about wanting to be with her apparent lover, Lewis.
In her first encounter with Lewis, she feeds him sandwiches which Lewis reluctantly accepts and she intimately watches Lewis work as he attempts to translate the play they will be performing. Cosi Fan Tutte. While she is rehearsing the play she says to Lewis “With someone like you I can be true and faithful.” She openly confesses she is infatuated with Lewis as she even claimed that he asked her to marry him. Nowra’s Cosi challenges the audience to question whether human kind thrives because of their wanting for intimacy. Love and fidelity are ideal themes that are shown in the drama which support the idea that humans in fact want love and intimacy in their life because it is their purpose in life.
Henry, a quiet and conservative lawyer that had been admitted to the mental institution for quiet some time shows Lewis that men and women want intimacy and want love. Henry teaches Lewis that love comes from the intimacy and loyalty and commitment of both sexes. The patient provides an anecdote when he tells Lewis about the death of his father and how when his father died his “mum loved nobody but him” and brought up Henry by herself. This story tells the audience about a person’s purpose in life. Nowra suggests that when two people share their wedding vows, their purpose in life then becomes to share the rest of their life with their other half, even if they pass away, a person remains true to their lover because it is their purpose in life and though Lewis is not able to find his purpose in life yet, Henry shows him that everyone will find their intention in life sometime sooner or later.
Roy, a natural energetic mental patient believes his purpose in life is to pursue acting.
“This is wear I belong, in the theatre!” Throughout the drama Roy is always excited to do the play Cosi Fan Tutte and with a lot of enthusiasm he peruses his acting as he discovers that it is his purpose in his life. Nowra demonstrates that not all people live for the same purpose but for reasons other then just intimacy. His drama reflects the different encounters that occur in the lives of individual.
Cosi captures the world people live in. It captures the ups and downs in life just as if it were our own. It reflects that humans thrive on searching for their soul purpose in life which may or may not involve intimacy. The characters from the novel reflect the attitude Nowra has towards his audience. He views that some human beings long for certain things in life and though some may achieve this, others may not. Cosi is a drama that points out the reality of the world and that is a place of great happiness and great sorrow.
word count:712
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First sentence i read of your Cosi essay is... a little not right
Louis Nowra’s Cosi is a play within a play written in the 1970s
- 'Cosi' is NOT a play within a play... 'Cosi Fan Tutte' is the play within 'Cosi'.
- I would also suggest you pick a tense and stick to it, since you're lapsing from past to present to past to present and so on.
- Also Cosi was NOT written in the 1970s... it was written in 90s, but the storyline is BASED in the 1970s.
The drama is about a university educated director named Lewis who is seeking further experience in his field of expertise.
- Repetition of 'drama'
- 'field of expertise'? which is? too vague honey
Henry, a quiet ex-lawyer who has been admitted to the mental institution is quiet but is searching for his purpose in life
Yeah.. just read that sentence and you'll see what's wrong with it
Most women long for intimacy for their lives.
- Makes no sense
- This sounds like a context essay. Refrain from using broad statements that have no linkage to the text.
- You also used 'intimacy' or 'intimate' about 5 times in that paragraph alone.
Henry, a quiet and conservative lawyer that had been admitted to the mental institution for quiet some time shows Lewis that men and women want intimacy and want love. Henry teaches Lewis that love comes from the intimacy and loyalty and commitment of both sexes. The patient provides an anecdote when he tells Lewis about the death of his father and how when his father died his “mum loved nobody but him” and brought up Henry by herself. This story tells the audience about a person’s purpose in life. Nowra suggests that when two people share their wedding vows, their purpose in life then becomes to share the rest of their life with their other half, even if they pass away, a person remains true to their lover because it is their purpose in life and though Lewis is not able to find his purpose in life yet, Henry shows him that everyone will find their intention in life sometime sooner or later.
- This paragraph says absolutely nothing...
Can i ask... did you proofread this at all? there is just spelling and grammatical errors everywhere. The amount of repetition is mind boggling and it is too short. Most of it is summarising the plot, lack of quotes. And as i mentioned earlier, your background info is wrong.
Overall, i'd say it's a 5 (6 on a good day)
I think it would be better if you stopped writing a tonne of essays and go back to quote-taking and note-making (heh that rhymed).
Good luck :)
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First sentence i read of your Cosi essay is... a little not right
Louis Nowra’s Cosi is a play within a play written in the 1970s
- 'Cosi' is NOT a play within a play... 'Cosi Fan Tutte' is the play within 'Cosi'.
- I would also suggest you pick a tense and stick to it, since you're lapsing from past to present to past to present and so on.
- Also Cosi was NOT written in the 1970s... it was written in 90s, but the storyline is BASED in the 1970s.
The drama is about a university educated director named Lewis who is seeking further experience in his field of expertise.
- Repetition of 'drama'
- 'field of expertise'? which is? too vague honey
Henry, a quiet ex-lawyer who has been admitted to the mental institution is quiet but is searching for his purpose in life
Yeah.. just read that sentence and you'll see what's wrong with it
Most women long for intimacy for their lives.
- Makes no sense
- This sounds like a context essay. Refrain from using broad statements that have no linkage to the text.
- You also used 'intimacy' or 'intimate' about 5 times in that paragraph alone.
Henry, a quiet and conservative lawyer that had been admitted to the mental institution for quiet some time shows Lewis that men and women want intimacy and want love. Henry teaches Lewis that love comes from the intimacy and loyalty and commitment of both sexes. The patient provides an anecdote when he tells Lewis about the death of his father and how when his father died his “mum loved nobody but him” and brought up Henry by herself. This story tells the audience about a person’s purpose in life. Nowra suggests that when two people share their wedding vows, their purpose in life then becomes to share the rest of their life with their other half, even if they pass away, a person remains true to their lover because it is their purpose in life and though Lewis is not able to find his purpose in life yet, Henry shows him that everyone will find their intention in life sometime sooner or later.
- This paragraph says absolutely nothing...
Can i ask... did you proofread this at all? there is just spelling and grammatical errors everywhere. The amount of repetition is mind boggling and it is too short. Most of it is summarising the plot, lack of quotes. And as i mentioned earlier, your background info is wrong.
Overall, i'd say it's a 5 (6 on a good day)
I think it would be better if you stopped writing a tonne of essays and go back to quote-taking and note-making (heh that rhymed).
Good luck :)
GIMME more cosi topics yeh?! i needa practise more :(
i knoow i'm bad at essays
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Didn't i give you like 20? Surely you didn't do all of them... i cbf typing up more for you. Especially after i got lost. Remember?
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Didn't i give you like 20? Surely you didn't do all of them... i cbf typing up more for you. Especially after i got lost. Remember?
I felt bad too you know i'll make it up to u after the exams and you only gave 10! please please please . :( PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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physics.. if you are asking for help, do so kindly and without interrogation. :D
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Just a little tip for the language analysis... Try to use the full name of the author when you first say their name. Then you can go on saying just their surname... i.e. "Dr. James Bland's article ......." Then later " Through the use of inclusive language Bland attempts..."
It just makes the essay seem more formal and it just follows regular conventions.
Hope that little bit helps. I would do more if I had the time :D haha
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In 'Cosi', Nowra demonstrates that the ideals of love and fidelity are valid for any era. Discuss.
There you go physics, try crack that.
Also,
"Mobile phones have become more and more common since their popular surge in designs and features. But modern technology has created just as much problems as it has solved. There has been recent debates relating to the supposed dangers of overusing such electronic tools and some have labelled it as harmful. Dr James Bland, a director of research at the Brain institution has claimed that overexposure to mobile phones can cause a ‘brain burnout’ which include increased stress levels and mental exhaustion and being too attached to the functional property of the phone. The author attempts to persuade the readers of his featured article “Too much information” by using an image, using his expertise to his advantage and using inclusive language. The writer’s most persuasive when he is consistent with his credibility as a professional in his field as it persuades the audience to believe the facts he is providing for them. The use of mobile phones are said to be harmful according to the Bland but there are no conclusive results to prove that they affect the brain."
Is that your conclusion?
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In 'Cosi', Nowra demonstrates that the ideals of love and fidelity are valid for any era. Discuss.
There you go physics, try crack that.
Also,
"Mobile phones have become more and more common since their popular surge in designs and features. But modern technology has created just as much problems as it has solved. There has been recent debates relating to the supposed dangers of overusing such electronic tools and some have labelled it as harmful. Dr James Bland, a director of research at the Brain institution has claimed that overexposure to mobile phones can cause a ‘brain burnout’ which include increased stress levels and mental exhaustion and being too attached to the functional property of the phone. The author attempts to persuade the readers of his featured article “Too much information” by using an image, using his expertise to his advantage and using inclusive language. The writer’s most persuasive when he is consistent with his credibility as a professional in his field as it persuades the audience to believe the facts he is providing for them. The use of mobile phones are said to be harmful according to the Bland but there are no conclusive results to prove that they affect the brain."
Is that your conclusion?
I think i reached the word limit so they cut me off.
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Haha, could you post it so I can give you a comment? :P
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It looks like the end of the conclusion... otherwise the word limit cut it off exactly at the end of the sentence, which is odd. :S
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Haha, could you post it so I can give you a comment? :P
soz i just relaise i hadnt finsihed the essay so here is the last 2 sentences.
The use of mobile phones are said to be harmful according to Bland but there are no conclusive results to prove that they affect the brain. Nevertheless humans will continue to endorse the forward movement of digital technology.
It looks like the end of the conclusion... otherwise the word limit cut it off exactly at the end of the sentence, which is odd. :S
why do i feel like you are bullying me?
maybe cause ur smarter then me :(
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Haha physics I'm not bullying you! :D :D Sorry if you feel that way.
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why do i feel like you are bullying me?
maybe cause ur smarter then me :(
Haha physics I'm not bullying you! :D :D Sorry if you feel that way.
Please... take your flirting elsewhere
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why do i feel like you are bullying me?
maybe cause ur smarter then me :(
Haha physics I'm not bullying you! :D :D Sorry if you feel that way.
Please... take your flirting elsewhere
sorry . i wont take it away until you give me topics :( daw man i'm jsut goana make a topic asking for cosi now.
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ROFL 99.95! :)
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Plan:
Key quotes relating to L.A:
Lucy:” love is the last gasp of bougarious romanticism.”
-she takes love for granted as she finds sexual relationships more important then intimate relationships…includes (love, commitment. loyalty etc)
Lewis: “love is not so important nowadays”
“Without love the world wouldn’t mean much”
-believes in commitment and fidelity and marriage. Realises its importance in the world unlike Lucy
Julie: “imagine the world without love; well I can’t imagine life without junk”
“Love is hallucinating without drugs” “being on the edge”
Julie believes in love as “an emotional indulgence” but doesn’t believe that it is only for the “privileged few”
Love has always existed among man kind. Whether it is between man and woman or woman with woman and man to man, love is an indecisive element that can create both war and peace. Louis Nowra’s Cosi, is a semi-autobiographical play about a non-experienced director, Lewis, who participates in directing an opera, Cosi Fan Tutte, with six mental patients. Based in the 1970s, when Australia took part in the Vietnam War, Lewis is forced to do an opera about love and fidelity to which his girlfriend, Lucy objects. Lucy believes that love is not an important theme while men and women are dying in a foreign country. At first Lewis too believes that war and politics are important but then the mental patients influence and teach him to realise that love will always be an important theme in any circumstances and that it is just not “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.”
During the 1970s, a moratorium was organised by young radicals who aimed to remove Australian soldiers from Vietnam and to bring them home. Lucy, Lewis’s girlfriend took part in organising this event. She strongly objected to the fact that Lewis constantly rejected to take part in helping to establish the moratorium because he found more controversy in doing a play about love and fidelity. Lucy felt that Lewis was drawing away from the idea that “love is the last gasp of bourgarious romanticism.” Because Lucy took advantage of the true meaning of love and placed her political desires before her commitment with Lewis, this resulted in their relationship falling apart. Lucy remarks that “love is an emotional indulgence for the privileged few” and that love is not important when men and women are dying and sacrificing them self to protect their country. Cosi shows audience’s that love is not an emotion that can be controlled or just something that exist among a few privileged people. Nowra’s play tells us that everyone can experience love in their life, no matter which it may be that they love. He teaches the audience to recognise that though soldiers are dying at war, they fight to defend the people they love. Lucy fails to recognise that love exists even in war circumstances and that it is an emotional indulgence that keeps every human thriving.
At the time of the Vietnam war, politics had become the most important issue as the government had full control on whether a young male had to go to war or not. Lewis, a university graduated director decides to gain experience in directing by helping out in a therapy program to assist in the mental patients to “come out of their shells.” Roy, one of the most enthusiastic patients chose to do the play Cosi Fan Tutte. The play by Mozart is based on love and fidelity. Lewis comments that “love is not so important nowadays.” To avoid conflict, Lewis agrees in doing the play, still believing that love is not important. Throughout the play Lewis is influenced by the characters of the drama. Lewis learns that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” Roy teaches Lewis that love does not always have to be between humans and that it could exist between people and their passion for music, theatre and much more. Lewis is influenced to perceive that everyone has a heart to love. Cosi demonstrates that love is not “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few” because everyone has a love and passion for someone or something.
The concept of love is not always straightforward. It has its ups and downs and its rights and wrongs. The mental patients from the drama exhibit a great understanding of love. They condemn the idea that love is something that only fortunate people can have. Julie, a drug dependant patient believes that being in love is about “being on the edge” and “hallucinating without drugs.” Even though Julie can “imagine life without love,” she cannot “imagine life without junk.” Though she may not be in love with someone, she is in love with drugs. The drama shows that love is an “emotional indulgence” for humanity but disagrees to love being available only to the “privileged few.” Cosi condemns the idea that love is only good enough for some people because Nowra believes that everyone has an equal opportunity to love and to be loved but the only flaw is whether you choose to accept it or not.
Love has always created conflict but has the equal ability to solve problems in society. Louis Nowra’s Cosi raises the opinion that love is an emotional indulgence that everyone can experience. He condemns love as being something that only privileged people have the right to experience. The characters in Cosi show that they all have a passion towards someone or something and that they have the free will to be in love. Though Lucy, Lewis’s girlfriend, does not realise that in war circumstances, love is the key idea that keeps soldiers thriving, Lewis learns this and is drawn away from Lucy which leads to the breakdown of their relationship. Other characters from the play, such as Julie and Roy, have influenced Lewis to see that love is important in the world and that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.”
Cosi captures the tragedy and joy of the world to make the audience realise the importance of love.
word count:897 words
This ! i put a lot of thgought into it :(