ATAR Notes: Forum
VCE Stuff => VCE English Studies => VCE Subjects + Help => VCE English & EAL => Topic started by: almostatrap on October 27, 2009, 12:37:22 pm
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It would be appreciated. This was from the insight 09 exam. I had high hopes upon reading the piece but got bogged down and confused with so much there to analyze, went over time. Some critique would be nice. thanks :)
The decision of Hightower high school to stop using computers in the classroom has sparked some controversy within the school community, with an outcry from parents against the ban. In the schools newsletter, Principle A. Jones writes to parents, contends that a focus on computers is detrimental to a child's development and learning.
Commencing the letter, Jones acknowledges the “many letters form concerned parents”, and specifically their concern that “their child [is] to be left out”. As such parents are made to feel that their voice is heard, and will view the oncoming letter as an collaborative effort rather than authoritative. A polite “allow me to explain”, reinforced this and leaves readers less guarded and more open.
The benefits of computers are immediately put into doubt with “so-called” and inverted commas on “technological revolution”. Likewise, readers are encouraged to be skeptical of computers. Jones sets up a straw man argument, labeling computers in classrooms as not a mere resource but rather, “computer-centered learning” and “excessive focus on computers”. Readers are positioned to view computer use only in extremes, making the affirmative stance less defensible.
Jones addresses the financial element, and simplifies the issue to choice between computers or teachers - “every dollar spent on computers is a dollar taken away from quality teachers”- asserting that “by short changing our teachers, we rob our children of a future”. This choice is reinforced later as Jones states the internet “is not a suitable mentor for impressionable minds”. Restricted to only these options, readers are pressured to endorse the ban as they see teachers as of primary importance.
Continuing, Jones expands his contention to a lager issue emphasizing human interaction over computers. To add credibility, Jones enlists an expert, “Todd Oppenheimer, a leading social theorist” who states “a computer centred classroom means 'downplaying the importance of conversation, careful listening, and expression oneself in person.'” Jones attempts to alarm parents that their children, “turning into adults who are unable to interact with other people.” Multiple references “social and intellectual skills” and to the 'adult world' and 'real world' paint hint to readers that computer use will leave their child at a disadvantage, parents instinctively wish their children to “flourish”, and will be deterred from computer use. Furthermore, Jones portrays computers as not only damaging socially but also intellectually. Phrases such as “Students brains are becoming deadened” and “compromise the learning abilities” are employed to scare parents who want their children to be academically successful.
Appealing to an older generation, Jones contrasts “attention grabbing visual fireworks “ with “being nourished by traditional texts” Parents may feel comfortable with the latter as it is how they were taught, and wish the same for their children. Jones makes a reference to the internet as containing “unsuitable material”. The word “unsuitable” is understood by readers as a euphemism and invites readers to imagine the worst. Concern over what their children may be exposed to rouses protectiveness and distrust of the use of the internet and computer.
The adjoining photograph is of a classroom scene, with students sitting around a desk with pen an paper, getting help from a teacher. All are face-to-face and the students looking interested, this complements Jones' emphasis on human interaction, and the photograph allows readers to visualize the alternative to “computer-centered learning” as something positive, and something they would want for their own children.
By using the extremes of computer use, Jones is able to highlight the negatives. The reasoned, informative tone may be useful in encouraging a more passive reading of his article, and bringing readers to overlook the flaws and exaggerations. Appealing to parents and a more traditional notion of schooling, while playing on some common issues the older generation has with technology, may be useful in creating support.
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please, just a mark out of ten, off the top of your head. don't even read it, just give me a mark so I'll feel better
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Hey, it's not bad. It lacks a bit of structure though. Here's some advice:
1. the Intro needs to identify the tone of the writer, as well as the contention. E.g: Principle A. Jones uses an authoritative tone bring his point across to the parents. (i know, not very good :P), but you probably need an extra sentence, or work it into the contention.
2. Sometimes your not being clear enough in which particular device you are analysing. E.g: Your first paragraph describes the principle's tone (which should be in intro) but does not say what kind of tone it is.
3. Some paragraphs need to have greater analysis. they should have at least 4 sentences.
Here's how i structure my paragraphs in sentences...
1st Identify device. E.g. rhetorical question.
2nd quote the text to provide an example.
3rd Write about how the device makes the reader feel in general. E.g. Makes the reader feel strongly about the issue.
4th Relate how they feel back to the artical. E.g. After reading this the parents do not want to have computer in their school.
Anyways i hope that helps, you have a good vocabulary and your writing makes sense, so if you can stick to a structure you should do well.
Good Luck. :)