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Author Topic: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies  (Read 3644 times)  Share 

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cranberry

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[English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« on: April 30, 2011, 07:58:19 pm »
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SAC is on monday! This is my first attempt, which my teacher gave 27/30  :coolsmiley: didnt think it was that good at all. twas weird
Can anyone give really harsh feedback/comment, not only on the text, but structure and stuff?

ty

'Lahiri's stories make us aware of the loneliness people experience as they go about their ordinary lives.'
Discuss.

Loneliness is a common theme portrayed extensively throughout all of Lahiri's short stories. Through tales such as 'A Real Durwan' and 'The Treatment of Bibi Haldar', Lahiri exposes the extreme loneliness and isolation experienced by the main characters, presenting them as outsiders who are perceived by others as being, diseased. The characters encounter severe alienation due to a lack of personal possession, value and success. The bare and blatant truth of the Indian caste system as well as the power of materialism is strongly shown in these two stories as a main motive of loneliness. To a lesser extent, in the stories 'Mrs. Sen's' and 'When Mr. Pirzada Came to Dine', loneliness of a different kind is what emotionally isolates the main characters. The theme of displacement significantly portrays Lahiri's prose toward interpreting Indian-American customs and traditions, such as food, clothing, language and history. Whilst it unites the characters in a different world (America), it serves as a reminder to what is lost and has been left behind, and therefore, creates loneliness. From an observer narration, whether it be from the eyes of a ten year old girl, Lilia, or a third-person view of durwan, Boori Ma, Lahiri does not easily reveal the thoughts and feelings of the excluded characters, but rather, compares their day-to-day experiences and circumstances to the ordinary lives of others. This engages the reader to "interpret" what Lahiri's stories are attempting to illustrate, making us aware of the loneliness people experience as they go about their ordinary lives.

'When Mr. Pirzada Came to Dine' is a significant story regarding the displacement of culture, family, lifestyle, customs and traditions. Mr Pirzada's displacement, through the eyes of 10 year old girl, Lilia, is very mysterious and hard for the reader to interpret, as his thoughts and feelings are kept private. It is evident that Lilia perceives Mr Pirzada as feeling emotionally separated from his past life, "Our meals, our actions, were only a shadow...a lagging ghost of where Mr Pirzada really belonged." Lahiri makes use of this sense of belonging to convey to readers that even though Mr Pirzada seems grateful for his opportunity to study botany and work in America, he is "lost" and alienated from his origins. Lilia slowly recognises Mr Pirzada's loneliness and, in turn, becomes accustomed to her own "lost" culture. Furthermore, Lilia suddenly learns of her own sense of loss and displacement, due to her American upbringing and education, "We learned American history...That year, and, every year...". She becomes inquisitive toward Mr Pirzada and toward the issue of partition between India and East Pakistan, secretly searching the school library for information. Lilia realises what it means to miss someone so close when Mr Pirzada returns to Dacca. She understands the agony of loneliness he felt toward his lost family. Lahiri's use of a young narrator is significantly important in portraying the relationship between the characters, as well as looking at Indian culture from the perspective of a child, seen in 'Mrs Sen's'.

"Boori Ma, sweeper of the stairwell". The lifestyle of Boori Ma, in 'A Real Durwan', is of very poor condition. Lahiri conveys most of Boori Ma's hardships in the first few paragraphs, such as her inability to sleep, her appearance, her age (64 yrs-old), but mainly her past; her deportation to Calcutta. This conveys the impression of loss and how it can inevitably lead to loneliness. The theme of loss is emphasized throughout the story, through the words "believe me, don't believe me", spoken by Boori Ma, reconciling her supposed-past lifestyle's luxuries to others. Lahiri uses the other characters to reiterate the perception toward someone such as Boori Ma. Moreover, whilst the characters think that Boori Ma tells lies, "Boori Ma's mouth is full of ashes, but she is a victim of changing times", they leave her be and accept her as a "superb entertainer", which is more or less an insulting, sign of disrespect, leading back to Boori Ma's loneliness . With this in mind, Boori Ma's lack of wealth and stature is a strong reason as to why she is secretly condescended by others, as social standing is of such a significance in India. It is evident that most residents of the apartment feel this, but by Boori Ma's daily duties of sweeping and standing "guard between them and the outside world", she gains the title "real durwan", which she seems very appreciative of. Lahiri's use of "others" and their viewpoint is significant in creating a sense of isolation. Furthermore, this is true as to why Boori Ma was thrown out. Her only real relationship with the Dalal couple was momentarily non-existent; she was alone. Additionally, the strong culture of materialism in poor Indian communities (slums, such as Mr Chaterjee's apartment) also led to Boori Ma's ejection, as the swift increase in possessions during the Dalals holiday, meant that suddenly Boori Ma's duties as a Real Durwan were of significant importance (were more or less of no need previously). The impact of others' actions toward the isolation and loneliness of the main characters is also evident in the story 'The Treatment of Bibi Haldar'.

Lahiri's compilation of short stories, 'Interpreter of Maladies', makes readers aware of the importance of culture, customs and traditions to Indian people. The characters experience a loss of identity in their lives, leading to a sense of lonelinessm, displacement and isolation. Lahiri's own knowledge of Indian history and nature is of great significance in regard to the stories. Lahiri strongly and effectively conveys the loneliness Indian people encounter in their ordinary lives.
Master of Civil Engineering and Bachelor of Science at the University of Melbourne

VCE:
2010: Revolutions [36]
2011: English 45, Legal Studies 38, Physics 37, Chemistry 34, Methods 36

94.85

werdna

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2011, 08:10:41 pm »
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I'll get to this either later or tomorrow. It's good to see an IOM essay from outside my school for once! :P

cranberry

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2011, 08:29:59 pm »
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ye, urs is the only other one ive seen ..hehe ty
Master of Civil Engineering and Bachelor of Science at the University of Melbourne

VCE:
2010: Revolutions [36]
2011: English 45, Legal Studies 38, Physics 37, Chemistry 34, Methods 36

94.85

werdna

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2011, 11:33:05 am »
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Loneliness is a common theme portrayed extensively throughout all of Lahiri's short stories You haven't introduced either the text or the author. . Through tales such as 'A Real Durwan' and 'The Treatment of Bibi Haldar', Lahiri exposes the extreme loneliness and isolation experienced by the main characters, presenting them as outsiders who are perceived by others as being, diseased Not sure about the last part of this sentence. . The characters encounter severe alienation due to a lack of personal possession, value and success. The bare and blatant truth of the Indian caste system as well as the power of materialism Good use of historical context. is strongly shown in these two stories as a main motive of loneliness. To a lesser extent, in the stories 'Mrs. Sen's' and 'When Mr. Pirzada Came to Dine', loneliness of a different kind is what emotionally isolates the main characters. The theme of displacement significantly portrays Lahiri's prose toward interpreting Indian-American customs and traditions, such as food, clothing, language and history. Whilst it unites the characters in a different world (America), it serves as a reminder to what is lost and has been left behind, and therefore, creates loneliness. From an observer narration, whether it be from the eyes of a ten year old girl, Lilia, or a third-person view of durwan, Boori Ma, Lahiri does not easily reveal the thoughts and feelings of the excluded characters, but rather, compares their day-to-day experiences and circumstances to the ordinary lives of others. This engages the reader to "interpret" what Lahiri's stories are attempting to illustrate, making us aware of the loneliness people experience as they go about their ordinary lives You've only really touched briefly on 'ordinary lives' towards the end of the introduction. It is a key aspect and it needs to be mentioned and discussed earlier on in the introduction. Having said that, this introduction is way too long! .

'When Mr. Pirzada Came to Dine' is a significant story regarding the displacement of culture, family, lifestyle, customs and traditions. Mr Pirzada's displacement, through the eyes of 10 year old girl, Lilia, is very mysterious and hard for the reader to interpret, as his thoughts and feelings are kept private. It is evident that Lilia perceives Mr Pirzada as feeling emotionally separated from his past life, "Our meals, our actions, were only a shadow...a lagging ghost of where Mr Pirzada really belonged." Your quoting isn't very effective, you seem to only tag a quote at the end of a sentence, without actually weaving it into your analysis and discussing it further. Lahiri makes use of this sense of belonging to convey to readers that even though Mr Pirzada seems grateful for his opportunity to study botany and work in America, he is "lost" and alienated from his origins This is good. . Lilia slowly recognises Mr Pirzada's loneliness and, in turn, becomes accustomed to her own "lost" culture. Furthermore, Lilia suddenly learns of her own sense of loss and displacement, due to her American upbringing and education, "We learned American history...That year, and, every year...". She becomes inquisitive toward Mr Pirzada and toward the issue of partition between India and East Pakistan, secretly searching the school library for information This is starting to become a plot summary. Have more interpretive, insightful statements rather than recounts of the plot. . Lilia realises what it means to miss someone so close when Mr Pirzada returns to Dacca. She understands the agony of loneliness he felt toward his lost family. Lahiri's use of a young narrator is significantly important in portraying the relationship between the characters, as well as looking at Indian culture from the perspective of a child, seen in 'Mrs Sen's' Personally I don't like linking the last sentence of a paragraph to the next paragraph, it just seems a bit disjointed and doesn't help the piece to flow as well as it could. But I guess this is a matter of personal choice. Also, this essay hasn't really touched on the 'ordinary lives' aspect of the topic. You've touched on a few things that relate to ordinariness, now you just need to make it obvious to the marker that you've discussed it - so actually use the word 'ordinary' throughout the essay. .

"Boori Ma, sweeper of the stairwell" Don't start a paragraph with a quote! . The lifestyle of Boori Ma, in 'A Real Durwan', is of very poor condition. Lahiri conveys most of Boori Ma's hardships in the first few paragraphs, such as her inability to sleep, her appearance, her age (64 yrs-old), but mainly her past; her deportation to Calcutta. This conveys the impression of loss and how it can inevitably lead to loneliness. The theme of loss is emphasized throughout the story, through the words "believe me, don't believe me", spoken by Boori Ma, reconciling her supposed-past lifestyle's luxuries to others. Lahiri uses the other characters to reiterate the perception toward someone such as Boori Ma. Moreover, whilst the characters think that Boori Ma tells lies, "Boori Ma's mouth is full of ashes, but she is a victim of changing times" Again, work on your quoting technique because your quotes aren't weaving into the essay, they form their own clause which isn't a good thing! , they leave her be and accept her as a "superb entertainer", which is more or less an insulting, sign of disrespect, leading back to Boori Ma's loneliness . With this in mind, Boori Ma's lack of wealth and stature is a strong reason as to why she is secretly condescended by others, as social standing is of such a significance in India. It is evident that most residents of the apartment feel this, but by Boori Ma's daily duties of sweeping and standing "guard between them and the outside world", she gains the title "real durwan", which she seems very appreciative of. Lahiri's use of "others" and their viewpoint is significant in creating a sense of isolation. Furthermore, this is true as to why Boori Ma was thrown out This sentence is unclear. . Her only real relationship with the Dalal couple was momentarily non-existent; she was alone. Additionally, the strong culture of materialism in poor Indian communities (slums, such as Mr Chaterjee's apartment) also led to Boori Ma's ejection, as the swift increase in possessions during the Dalals holiday, meant that suddenly Boori Ma's duties as a Real Durwan were of significant importance This is tautological, as the word 'importance' already implies/means significant. (were more or less of no need previously). The impact of others' actions toward the isolation and loneliness of the main characters is also evident in the story 'The Treatment of Bibi Haldar'. Again, as with the other paragraph, it doesn't hurt to go into further depth with the 'ordinary lives' aspect. You've touched on it here; things like social status, jobs and so on. You just need to actually mention the words 'ordinary lives' - make it explicit. It's a 'tick the boxes' kind of thing.

Lahiri's compilation of short stories, 'Interpreter of Maladies' Underline the title of the text, and put the titles of the stories in apostrophes. , makes readers aware of the importance of culture, customs and traditions to Indian people. The characters experience a loss of identity in their lives, leading to a sense of lonelinessm, displacement and isolation This is good. . Lahiri's own knowledge of Indian history and nature is of great significance in regard to the stories. Lahiri strongly and effectively conveys the loneliness Indian people encounter in their ordinary lives. This last sentence is a bit redundant, it's merely a rewording of the essay topic.

Having studied the text, I think this is a good essay. You've got some minor problems with the structuring of the piece. The introduction is way too long - it is as long as your body paragraphs! You're also missing a 3rd body paragraph - your essay is incomplete. You should also work on your quoting technique, as you have failed to embed your quotes into your essay. If you get this right, your piece will flow much better. Also in some instances you were waffling on and rambling, sounding like you were merely providing a plot summary in some instances. You can prevent this from happening by making sure that you refer back to ALL parts of the essay topic at all times. Make sure that every single sentence you put down has some relevance to the prompt and helps to build your case. Also it might be a good thing to write the essay topic at the top of each page of writing, just as a reminder to you as you keep writing. If this essay was complete, the score would have been higher.

Final score: 24/30.

cranberry

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2011, 03:27:43 pm »
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cool... thx werdna! a bit more helpful and down-to-earth compared to my eng teacher who just double ticks everything and writes "excellent" lol...
Yeh the 3rd paragraph would have been on Mrs Sens, but it was getting late and i wanted some feedback bfore monday, so thanks...and with the quoting, how do u use them?? i dont quite get how u say to structure it....is it like putting a historians view in Revs and them discussing it heaps (like focusing a majority of a paragraph on one or two quotes?)
Quote
Your quoting isn't very effective, you seem to only tag a quote at the end of a sentence, without actually weaving it into your analysis and discussing it further.
?

ty heaps
Master of Civil Engineering and Bachelor of Science at the University of Melbourne

VCE:
2010: Revolutions [36]
2011: English 45, Legal Studies 38, Physics 37, Chemistry 34, Methods 36

94.85

BigFunt

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2011, 03:30:07 pm »
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hey guys check out my piece on intepreter of maladies too!

as for this piece, ill add my two cents worth, although werdna has most of it downpat!

things that stood out, were the integration of quoting which needs some work, and also the topic sentences especaiilly as Werdna pointed out in the second body, furthermore really try to hone back onto the topic

sorry i coudln't be of more help, werdna had it all.

werdna

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Re: [English] Text responses - Interpreter of Maladies
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2011, 05:01:16 pm »
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Have a look at one of my IOM essays cranberry and see how I've weaved the quotes into the actual essay. So, when you read the sentences, the tenses/voices/etc match up and it reads perfectly fine even if you take out the quotation marks.

Let me know if you still need help after reading them!