Good parenting or child abuse?

[Camo]

I'd say tie this in with psychology.

If your looking to displine a child then your most effective way in beginning situation is to find a solution that is non-violent and will teach the child to learn that the behaviour of the child is wrong.

Operant conditioning where a positive (addition of a negative stimulus) or negative punishment (removal of a positive stimulus) is probably the best way to go but letting a child in this kind of situation out in the open and publicaly humilitating them is the wrong way to go about it. Whats not to say that this child may be constantly bullied for the rest of his school life due to this theft. It shouldn't come down to what he stole, but why and how frequently he is stealing. There needs to be alternative methods to this drastic punishment.

[Eriny]

I think hitting is okay sometimes/rarely, like when there is an urgent need to get a message across. I know I haven't had a child (though I am the oldest of three) so I don't really understand the frustration that causes someone to hit a child, but I do think it should be an absolute last resort. I was hardly ever hit as a kid (like, maybe twice in 10 years) and I like to think I turned out okay. I definitely am the sort of person who prefers to resolve conflict with words rather than through physical violence.

^ I completely disagree. Kids don't have to be treated like dogshit in order to learn, if you treat them with no respect as a HUMAN - they'll grow up learning not to respect too. Besides, he's 10 - immature age = immature mind.. what the mother did was extremely immature equally. (forcing him to wear 'ears'? really?)

Not so immature as to not realise that stealing is wrong. When you were 10, did you know it is wrong to take something that isn't yours?

If you treat a child like a delicate petal with no brains, it'll grow up into a spoilt brat with no concept of responsibility. If you treat a child like an adult (to the best of your and their ability), it'll be more likely to grow up into a functioning member of society.

This child was not treated like we would treat an adult. When people steal, we don't march them around on the street, we deal with it discreetly and directly. They might have to pay a fine or they might be banned from going to that particular shop. Even adult criminals tend to be afforded some amount of respect and protected by anonymity.

For some reason, when I think of a child stealing, I think of them taking a Tim Tam out of the cupboard when they didn't ask first, in which case adults tend to deal with that kind of thing through passive-aggression and putting the food in a place where others can't find it or easily get to it. But again, we don't actually know what the child did. Maybe he robbed a bank, in which case he probably got off easy.

It is probably the case that this child's 'crime' was motivated by greed, but if not, as Camo says, it would be a good idea to try to understand why it happened. There are people who steal as a reaction to stress, or because they feel deprived, or because they have an impulse disorder. In which case, punishing someone for stealing is only treating a symptom.

[ninwa]

That's true. By treating them like an adult, I just meant showing them that all their actions have consequences, whether positive or negative. None of this "you're a kid therefore you can do no wrong". Obviously you couldn't really take the kid to court / fine them / give them a community service sentence, that's not what I meant by treating them as an adult.

I guess there's just not enough info. I'd be against it too if it turned out all he did was steal a tim-tam or something.

[Camo]

Who wouldn't steal a tim tam, chocolate

[LOVEPHYSICS]

I think a small smack used as a conditioning tool to tell them what they did was wrong, rude or inappropriate, is fine. But the approving of such physical acts eventually become a problem of proportions, as in how hard is too hard? From my personal point of view, Australian kids seem to have it pretty easy, not that it is a bad thing, compare to kids like me who spent considerable time growing up in Asia. I mean when you get smacked in Asia(and you do get smacked a lot), adults literally go banzai on you. And by banzai, I mean marks and bruises that stay with you for weeks. I really do not think that humiliation is the way to go, not that I have any personal experiences that I can relate to though. What I find sad though is that lots of people think its fine to use violence (more than a lil smack) on kids, but not violence on women. Not saying that violence against female is over hyped or anything, they are really lots of jerks out there...

[JellyDonut]

Btw, personality development is a tad more complex than how you're treated as a kid. Need to also take into account genetic disposition, environment and other unaccounted for experiences. Punishing your kids may or may not have an impact on their later personality. Hard to say.

This child was not treated like we would treat an adult. When people steal, we don't march them around on the street, we deal with it discreetly and directly. They might have to pay a fine or they might be banned from going to that particular shop. Even adult criminals tend to be afforded some amount of respect and protected by anonymity.

With that said, Eriny raised a good point. A stronger case for not treating your kids like shit, would be the ethical and moral reasons behind it. We don't go around (domestically) abusing animals nor do we go around abusing adults so why do we suddenly find physical punishment somewhat more acceptable when applied to children? Kids are sentient beings with a right to their own bodies.
"We may not hold their tomorrows in our hands but we surely hold their todays, and we have the power to make their todays very miserable" - Judith Rich Harris
http://www.teach-kids-attitude-1st.com/expert-parenting-advice.html