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Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.
Fullmethyl Alchemist:
I've written for the Lit Exam 2014 on Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf... Is it too much trouble if someone could look at an excerpt?
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Edward Albee:
... George is quickly distracted by the implications of Martha revealing their secret. He speaks, "more or less to himself"and to an absent Martha, "as if she were in the room", "... you goddamn destructive..." In his distraction, his affable facade drops; when Honey says, "Oh, it's so late..." implicitly asking to leave, George responds, "nastily" and obliquely brings up the fact that Nick and Honey should have, but do not have children. This is one of the ways that Albee shows the artifice inherent in his character's behaviours. By having George preoccupied, his true opinion of the guests is shown and contrasted with his displayed attitude of being a gracious host. This is a statement on the artificial society that people build in their face-to-face interactions, of civility and pleasantries, and how no one is exempt from the dishonesty; in fact, everyone is expected to participate in the dishonesty, because a world of perpetual truth is regarded as distasteful and chaotic.
...
Nick is shown attempting to apologise, saying, "Honey... baby... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to...", a display that George observes "with some disgust". When confronted by Nick, he says, "I hate hypocrisy", which is a comment on the fundamental defining aspect of Nick's character, beyond his worldly success- Nick is a hypocrite. Nick is someone who will do or say anything to get ahead- evidence in his forced apology to Honey, which he doesn't mean, as illustrated with his outburst at George- ".... DAMAGING! TO ME!!" in response to George's flippant, "she'll recover." He regrets the injury to his relationship with his wife, not that his wife is hurt- and by repeatedly emphasising Nick's success and George's failure, the play conflates success with lies and hypocrisy. To effectively reach the "American Dream" of the 1950s is to renounce the truth.
Maz:
Hey...can someone please mark my essay- it's going to be an in-class essay so it might not turn up exactly like this...i just did this for practice
it's an essay on belonging by Tim Winton...it doesn't have a conclusion yet...we were given the text and told that we had to do a close reading on it...so here is something i through together to make it a bit easier to do when we get the actual question tomorrow- we get 50 mins to write it if that helps in any way...i feel like there is something wrong with it- maybe the way it flows? anyway i'd appreciate any help :)
Tim Winton’s collection of short stories, The Turning, highlight the proposition that in every person’s life, there are moments of pivotal importance that will ultimately shape where that person will go and who they will become. These ‘turnings’ and epiphany’s are catalyzed by events in one’s life, relating to moments, people, places and time. Winton introduces his collection with ‘Big World’. A story, that even in it’s title remains true to this concept. The story opens with the end of highschool for an unnamed narrator and his best friend, Biggie. The story then follows the pair as they leave their town, escaping the disappointment of their exam results. At the heart of this story lies perhaps the most central and oldest feeling one experiences; belonging. Winton cleverly covers all aspects of belonging, highlighting the importance of one understanding themselves, explaining the fragility of relationships and their effect, and, in-turn utiliseing this to acceptance to form meaningful friendships.
Big World by Tim Winton shows that an individual’s understanding about themselves provides them with a sense of belonging. Belonging is shown to be a desire for social bonds that provide an individual with a sense of safety and comfort, a theme prevalent in Big World. Upon the completion of high-school, the narrator reflects on the days proceeding the exam-period, expressing his disappointment in his results and the unhappy situation he finds himself in. At the outset, the persona establishes a negative connotation in the tedious routine of work , which is conveyed in the use of short sentences, “The job mostly consists of hosing blood off the floors” and further accentuated by, ‘Some days I can see biggie and me out there on old codgers, anchored to the friggin place, stuck forever…’ These sentence alone expresses the persona’s unhappiness and sense of detachment from the situation he finds himself in. In the third paragraph, high modality is used in “That I dream of escaping, of pissing off north to find some blue sky” to accentuate that the persona has a deep sense of understanding about himself and the place he will belong to. He supports this by further exclaiming, in reference to his friend, ‘Unlike him, I’m not really from here’. A change to positive atmosphere is achieved when he visits Perth in the visual imagery “the air was soupy, salty” and oral imagery “birds in the mint scented scrub all round”. The simile in “nervous and giggly like a pair of tipsy travellers” stresses that he belongs to Perth and it gives him a sense of personality. However, even this sense of connection is short lived as the fire metaphorically burns this idea and audiences are forwarded to a time of bleakness. The persona proceeds to relate the effect of the fire with his view of the world, “The sky goes all acid blue and there’s just this huge silence. It’s like the world’s stop”. The lines that proceed then describe a bleak future of alienation. In this way, Big World’, illustrates a vital aspect o belonging; an understanding about themselves and the world around them to belong.
Big World also shows that relationships are essential to belonging. This is expressed in the persona’s friendship with Biggie, which provides him with a sense of security and means of overcoming obstacles in life. This is expressed in the bullying the persona encountered by Tony Macoli and that Biggie saved him from it. Winton highlights that healthy relationships do not only provide companionship but also safety, security and satisfaction. The juxtaposition of Biggie and Tony Macoli in “Biggie became my mate, my constant companion, and Tony Macoli was suddenly landscape” explains that to belong, a healthy relationship is needed. The persona explains that Biggie helped him overcome the news of his horrid exam results as “the ache is still there inside me but this is the best I’ve felt since the news about the exams”. Thus, a healthy relationship is essential to belonging and provides individuals with a sense of security and satisfaction.
Paralleling a complementary notion, Tim Winton highlights on his theme of belonging, by acknowledging the very heart of it; a strong sense of mateship. Through the repetition of the phrase, “Biggie and me”, Winton focuses on the strong bond between the two protagonists and emphasizes on the theme of mateship, which lurks in the story. The positive connotation is evident in the way the persona describes Biggie, Biggie’s not the brightest crayon in the box but he’s the most loyal person I know’, displaying the respect and love the persona has for his best friend. However, although there is a strong sense of mateship, the fragile nature of friendship is also embedded within the story, as shown through the informal phrase, “To be honest, he’s not my sort of bloke at all, but somehow he’s my best mate”. This goes to reveal that although the persona and Biggie are friends, their friendship is based on the persona “feeling somehow senior and secure in himself”, openly admitting that he enjoys, ‘being brighter, being a step ahead’. These quotes point out the contradiction of friendship and how even the closest form of friendship has a fragility and a price; further supported by the statement ‘Friendship comes at a price…’ and explaining that ‘there have been girl’s I’ve disqualified myself from because of Biggie’. Through these opposing aspects of friendship and belonging, Winton portrays the idea of belonging in a new light by presenting that an aspect of belonging will also encompass a knowledge of how fragile the relationships that make one feel safe and secure are.
The Raven:
Tim Winton’s collection of short stories, The Turning, highlight the proposition that in every person’s life, there are moments of pivotal importance that will ultimately shape where that person will go and who they will become. These ‘turnings’ and epiphany’s are catalyzed by events in one’s life, relating to moments, people, places and time. Winton introduces his collection with ‘Big World’. A story, that even in it’s title remains true to this concept. The story opens with the end of highschool for an unnamed narrator and his best friend, Biggie. The story then follows the pair as they leave their town, escaping the disappointment of their exam results. You want to avoid story telling in Literature at all costs. This adds nothing to your analysis and only shows that you know what the plot is. At the heart of this story lies perhaps the most central and oldest feeling one experiences; belonging. Winton cleverly covers all aspects of belonging, highlighting the importance of one understanding themselves, explaining the fragility of relationships and their effect, and, in-turn utiliseing this to acceptance to form meaningful friendships. It would be nice if you could utilise some embedded quotes from the text to support this section as it shows you are working with the language of the text rather than listing themes
For your introduction I would also consider adding in some comments on views and values: this is something about what Winton himself values in relation to the ideas that you have brought up, or something about the context of the era in which the short stories are set / context of Tim Winton's Australian society
Big World by Tim Winton shows that an individual’s understanding about themselves provides them with a sense of belonging. Belonging is shown to be a desire for social bonds that provide an individual with a sense of safety and comfort, a theme prevalent in Big World. No need for a definition of belonging, also try to avoid reducing the text to themes. Rather than talking about the vague idea of 'belonging', you might want to introduce the ideas as being 'the social pressure to conform' or the 'search for a meaningful identity in a conformist, routine world' Upon the completion of high-school, the narrator reflects on the days proceeding the exam-period, expressing his disappointment in his results and the unhappy situation he finds himself in. Try to remove storytelling, notice how you can just delete this whole sentence and start with your next sentence without losing any analysis AtFrom the outset, the persona establishes a negative connotation in the tedious routine of work This could be phrased better as it doesn't flow too well. Also rather than 'the persona' it might be more accurate to say that 'Winton establishes etcetc', which is conveyed in through the use of short sentences, “The job mostly consists of hosing blood off the floors” and further accentuated by, ‘Some days I can see biggie and me out there on old codgers, anchored to the friggin place, stuck forever…’ These sentence alone expresses the persona’s unhappiness and sense of detachment from the situation he finds himself in. In the third paragraph, high modality is used in “That I dream of escaping, of pissing off north to find some blue sky” to accentuate that the persona has a deep sense of understanding about himself and the place he will belong to. He supports this by further exclaiming, in reference to his friend, ‘Unlike him, I’m not really from here’. Here it seems you are talking about the theme of 'belonging' but you are not really giving any broader analysis of your idea. You want to discuss how this dissatisfaction is relevant to society or the context of these short stories or to Winton himself A change to positive atmosphere is achieved when he visits Perth in the visual imagery “the air was soupy, salty” Perfect opportunity to discuss the minutae of language here: notice the alliteration of soupy and salty. Depending on the rest of the quote, you can also discuss maybe how the short phrases give the writing an ethereal quality, perhaps contrasting against the drudgery of his mundane worldand oral imagery “birds in the mint scented scrub all round”. The simile in “nervous and giggly like a pair of tipsy travellers” Once again you want to discuss the specifics of the language, the alliteration of the 't' sound in tipsy travellers, the lighthearted affect of the repeated 'g' sound and 't' sound and how that accentuates what is being conveyed in the similestresses that he belongs to Perth and it gives him a sense of personality. However, even this sense of connection is short lived as the fire metaphorically burns this idea and audiences are forwarded to a time of bleakness. The persona proceeds to relate the effect of the fire with his view of the world Cut out storytelling. Instead use a short clause such as: The persona's recollection etcetc, “The sky goes all acid blue and there’s just this huge silence. It’s like the world’s stop”. The lines that proceed then describe a bleak future of alienation. Try and support with quotes: even inserting one word quotes into a sentence can add more weight to your assertion In this way, Big World’, illustrates a vital aspect of belonging; an understanding about themselves and the world around them to belong.Have you really shown this though. It seems like the start and end of your paragraph are meant to be connected, but you haven't given enough discussion of your evidence to fully support your wider idea.
Big World also shows that relationships are essential to belonging. This is expressed in the persona’s friendship with Biggie, which provides him with a sense of security and means of overcoming obstacles in life. This is expressed Avoid using the same phrase so close together as it makes your writing less fluent in the bullying the persona encountered by Tony Macoli and that Biggie saved him from itYou need quotes otherwise this is basically just storytelling. Winton highlights that healthy relationships do not only provide companionship but also safety, security and satisfaction. Quotes / Evidence? The juxtaposition of Biggie and Tony Macoli in “Biggie became my mate, my constant companion, and Tony Macoli was suddenly landscape” explains that to belong, a healthy relationship is needed. The persona explains that Biggie helped him overcome the news of his horrid exam results as “the ache is still there inside me but this is the best I’ve felt since the news about the exams”. Thus, a healthy relationship is essential to belonging and provides individuals with a sense of security and satisfaction. The analysis here seems a little superficial and I would like to see some closer analysis of the language
Paralleling a complementary notion, Tim Winton highlights on his theme of belonging, by acknowledging the very heart of it; a strong sense of mateship. Through the repetition of the phrase, “Biggie and me”, Winton focuses Good: close analysis of the writing techniques and the intent of the authoron the strong bond between the two protagonists and emphasizes on the theme of mateship, which lurks in the story Try to avoid just talking about 'mateship' as a broad theme but focus on some more specific idea around mateship . The positive connotation is evident in the way the persona describes Biggie, Biggie’s not the brightest crayon in the box but he’s the most loyal person I know’, displaying the respect and love the persona has for his best friend Some extra analysis: maybe how the light insult 'not the brightest...' actually demonstrates that these two characters are close friends. However, although there is a strong sense of mateship, the fragile nature of friendship is also embedded within the story, as shown through the informal phrase, “To be honest, he’s not my sort of bloke at all, but somehow he’s my best mate”. This goes to reveal that although the persona and Biggie are friends, their friendship is based on the persona “feeling somehow senior and secure in himself”, openly admitting that he enjoys, ‘being brighter, being a step ahead’. These quotes point out the contradiction of friendship and how even the closest form of friendship has a fragility and a price; further supported by the statement ‘Friendship comes at a price…’ You can probably just integrate this quote in your previous sentence like this: the closest form of friendship has a fragility and 'comes at a price'. and explaining that ‘there have been girl’s I’ve disqualified myself from because of Biggie’. What does this revelation mean, when you give these kinds of quotes, you have to analyse them Through these opposing aspects of friendship and belonging, Winton portrays the idea of belonging in a new light by presenting that an aspect of belonging will also encompass a knowledge of how fragile the relationships that make one feel safe and secure are.
Overall, you have very solid ideas and its obvious you understand your text quite well. The analysis especially at the end uses more quotes and has a specific idea in mind (the fragility of friendships that we value) which is what you should be striving for.There are a couple of things that you should be focusing on:
* More close analysis of the language: This is what separates Lit from English. You need to always be identifying how the rhythm, rhyming, alliteration etc contribute towards the meaning of the text. It is not enough to just state that these techniques exist, you need to analyse their effect and why the author chooses to use them
* More acknowledgement of Winton as the author of the text: how is the text influenced by Winton's values and society. Maybe about how this story is distinctly Australian
* Less focus on broad themes such as 'belonging', especially in the topic sentences. I notice that you narrow down in your body paragraphs, but you want to be immediately starting with the a specific idea rather than a broad theme.
* Cut out storytelling, this adds little to the analysis and anyone who has read the book (your teacher and examiners) will find storytelling redundant
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Sorry if this sounded a bit harsh since I'm being quite nitpicky in some areas.
Maz:
--- Quote from: The Raven on February 14, 2016, 08:35:44 pm ---Tim Winton’s collection of short stories, The Turning, highlight the proposition that in every person’s life, there are moments of pivotal importance that will ultimately shape where that person will go and who they will become. These ‘turnings’ and epiphany’s are catalyzed by events in one’s life, relating to moments, people, places and time. Winton introduces his collection with ‘Big World’. A story, that even in it’s title remains true to this concept. The story opens with the end of highschool for an unnamed narrator and his best friend, Biggie. The story then follows the pair as they leave their town, escaping the disappointment of their exam results. You want to avoid story telling in Literature at all costs. This adds nothing to your analysis and only shows that you know what the plot is. At the heart of this story lies perhaps the most central and oldest feeling one experiences; belonging. Winton cleverly covers all aspects of belonging, highlighting the importance of one understanding themselves, explaining the fragility of relationships and their effect, and, in-turn utiliseing this to acceptance to form meaningful friendships. It would be nice if you could utilise some embedded quotes from the text to support this section as it shows you are working with the language of the text rather than listing themes
For your introduction I would also consider adding in some comments on views and values: this is something about what Winton himself values in relation to the ideas that you have brought up, or something about the context of the era in which the short stories are set / context of Tim Winton's Australian society
Big World by Tim Winton shows that an individual’s understanding about themselves provides them with a sense of belonging. Belonging is shown to be a desire for social bonds that provide an individual with a sense of safety and comfort, a theme prevalent in Big World. No need for a definition of belonging, also try to avoid reducing the text to themes. Rather than talking about the vague idea of 'belonging', you might want to introduce the ideas as being 'the social pressure to conform' or the 'search for a meaningful identity in a conformist, routine world' Upon the completion of high-school, the narrator reflects on the days proceeding the exam-period, expressing his disappointment in his results and the unhappy situation he finds himself in. Try to remove storytelling, notice how you can just delete this whole sentence and start with your next sentence without losing any analysis AtFrom the outset, the persona establishes a negative connotation in the tedious routine of work This could be phrased better as it doesn't flow too well. Also rather than 'the persona' it might be more accurate to say that 'Winton establishes etcetc', which is conveyed in through the use of short sentences, “The job mostly consists of hosing blood off the floors” and further accentuated by, ‘Some days I can see biggie and me out there on old codgers, anchored to the friggin place, stuck forever…’ These sentence alone expresses the persona’s unhappiness and sense of detachment from the situation he finds himself in. In the third paragraph, high modality is used in “That I dream of escaping, of pissing off north to find some blue sky” to accentuate that the persona has a deep sense of understanding about himself and the place he will belong to. He supports this by further exclaiming, in reference to his friend, ‘Unlike him, I’m not really from here’. Here it seems you are talking about the theme of 'belonging' but you are not really giving any broader analysis of your idea. You want to discuss how this dissatisfaction is relevant to society or the context of these short stories or to Winton himself A change to positive atmosphere is achieved when he visits Perth in the visual imagery “the air was soupy, salty” Perfect opportunity to discuss the minutae of language here: notice the alliteration of soupy and salty. Depending on the rest of the quote, you can also discuss maybe how the short phrases give the writing an ethereal quality, perhaps contrasting against the drudgery of his mundane worldand oral imagery “birds in the mint scented scrub all round”. The simile in “nervous and giggly like a pair of tipsy travellers” Once again you want to discuss the specifics of the language, the alliteration of the 't' sound in tipsy travellers, the lighthearted affect of the repeated 'g' sound and 't' sound and how that accentuates what is being conveyed in the similestresses that he belongs to Perth and it gives him a sense of personality. However, even this sense of connection is short lived as the fire metaphorically burns this idea and audiences are forwarded to a time of bleakness. The persona proceeds to relate the effect of the fire with his view of the world Cut out storytelling. Instead use a short clause such as: The persona's recollection etcetc, “The sky goes all acid blue and there’s just this huge silence. It’s like the world’s stop”. The lines that proceed then describe a bleak future of alienation. Try and support with quotes: even inserting one word quotes into a sentence can add more weight to your assertion In this way, Big World’, illustrates a vital aspect of belonging; an understanding about themselves and the world around them to belong.Have you really shown this though. It seems like the start and end of your paragraph are meant to be connected, but you haven't given enough discussion of your evidence to fully support your wider idea.
Big World also shows that relationships are essential to belonging. This is expressed in the persona’s friendship with Biggie, which provides him with a sense of security and means of overcoming obstacles in life. This is expressed Avoid using the same phrase so close together as it makes your writing less fluent in the bullying the persona encountered by Tony Macoli and that Biggie saved him from itYou need quotes otherwise this is basically just storytelling. Winton highlights that healthy relationships do not only provide companionship but also safety, security and satisfaction. Quotes / Evidence? The juxtaposition of Biggie and Tony Macoli in “Biggie became my mate, my constant companion, and Tony Macoli was suddenly landscape” explains that to belong, a healthy relationship is needed. The persona explains that Biggie helped him overcome the news of his horrid exam results as “the ache is still there inside me but this is the best I’ve felt since the news about the exams”. Thus, a healthy relationship is essential to belonging and provides individuals with a sense of security and satisfaction. The analysis here seems a little superficial and I would like to see some closer analysis of the language
Paralleling a complementary notion, Tim Winton highlights on his theme of belonging, by acknowledging the very heart of it; a strong sense of mateship. Through the repetition of the phrase, “Biggie and me”, Winton focuses Good: close analysis of the writing techniques and the intent of the authoron the strong bond between the two protagonists and emphasizes on the theme of mateship, which lurks in the story Try to avoid just talking about 'mateship' as a broad theme but focus on some more specific idea around mateship . The positive connotation is evident in the way the persona describes Biggie, Biggie’s not the brightest crayon in the box but he’s the most loyal person I know’, displaying the respect and love the persona has for his best friend Some extra analysis: maybe how the light insult 'not the brightest...' actually demonstrates that these two characters are close friends. However, although there is a strong sense of mateship, the fragile nature of friendship is also embedded within the story, as shown through the informal phrase, “To be honest, he’s not my sort of bloke at all, but somehow he’s my best mate”. This goes to reveal that although the persona and Biggie are friends, their friendship is based on the persona “feeling somehow senior and secure in himself”, openly admitting that he enjoys, ‘being brighter, being a step ahead’. These quotes point out the contradiction of friendship and how even the closest form of friendship has a fragility and a price; further supported by the statement ‘Friendship comes at a price…’ You can probably just integrate this quote in your previous sentence like this: the closest form of friendship has a fragility and 'comes at a price'. and explaining that ‘there have been girl’s I’ve disqualified myself from because of Biggie’. What does this revelation mean, when you give these kinds of quotes, you have to analyse them Through these opposing aspects of friendship and belonging, Winton portrays the idea of belonging in a new light by presenting that an aspect of belonging will also encompass a knowledge of how fragile the relationships that make one feel safe and secure are.
Overall, you have very solid ideas and its obvious you understand your text quite well. The analysis especially at the end uses more quotes and has a specific idea in mind (the fragility of friendships that we value) which is what you should be striving for.There are a couple of things that you should be focusing on:
* More close analysis of the language: This is what separates Lit from English. You need to always be identifying how the rhythm, rhyming, alliteration etc contribute towards the meaning of the text. It is not enough to just state that these techniques exist, you need to analyse their effect and why the author chooses to use them
* More acknowledgement of Winton as the author of the text: how is the text influenced by Winton's values and society. Maybe about how this story is distinctly Australian
* Less focus on broad themes such as 'belonging', especially in the topic sentences. I notice that you narrow down in your body paragraphs, but you want to be immediately starting with the a specific idea rather than a broad theme.
* Cut out storytelling, this adds little to the analysis and anyone who has read the book (your teacher and examiners) will find storytelling redundant
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Sorry if this sounded a bit harsh since I'm being quite nitpicky in some areas.
--- End quote ---
hey
thankyou soooo much for all this editing! just a question as i'm reading through it...i still doing quite understand what to do with the introduction...The story is set in Albany, WA however the whole story is about a friendship and the narrator leaving albany. it is known that Tim Winton always thought of albany as his home town and he loved it...however the narrator is completely the opposite in the sense that he wants to leave.
Iv'e never used quotes before in an introduction- i was wandering how to do it without making it sound like the 'body paragraphs with less evidence'
The Raven:
--- Quote from: mq123 on February 14, 2016, 09:26:24 pm ---hey
thankyou soooo much for all this editing! just a question as i'm reading through it...i still doing quite understand what to do with the introduction...The story is set in Albany, WA however the whole story is about a friendship and the narrator leaving albany. it is known that Tim Winton always thought of albany as his home town and he loved it...however the narrator is completely the opposite in the sense that he wants to leave.
Iv'e never used quotes before in an introduction- i was wandering how to do it without making it sound like the 'body paragraphs with less evidence'
--- End quote ---
Your views and values statement doesn't necessarily have to be about the place itself, but maybe about wider Australian youth and society, or youth dissatisfaction. It can also be about what Winton himself values in life expressed through his writing.
As for the quotes part I'm going to use one of my Introductions as an example
--- Quote ---Defined by absence - ‘shade without form’, ‘shade without colour’ - the ‘hollow men’ of Eliot’s modern 20th century world are dislocated from historical knowledge and unable to attain surety in the present. Oscillating between the banal rituals of ‘a game of chess’ and a paralytic interiority, these isolated poetic subjects have found their voices increasingly ‘quiet’, futile in a physically depraved world where poetic and social communication has ‘withered’ away. Only in the third passage do these fractured voices coalesce, forced to acknowledge a collective despair that characterises the poet at his most pessimistic and bleak.
--- End quote ---
Here the quotes are less about analysis, but they are embedded in my sentences.
For example: "where poetic and social communication has ‘withered’ away"
Notice how instead of withered I could have used many other words such as faded or worn or any other synonym. However, the word withered actually appears in Eliot's poem, so I can use it as a quote. I don't actually analyse this quote as this is an introduction, however it shows a close knowledge of the text and that I'm following the language and ideas of the text itself.
The views and values part can be seen in these phrases:
'Eliot’s modern 20th century world'
'that characterises the poet at his most pessimistic and bleak'
Just some acknowledgement of the context / values will make your essay more sophisticated. It also shows you acknowledging the text as not a standalone text but a product of an author, time period and location.
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