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Literature Close Analysis Essay Submission Feedback Thread.

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denimaenema:
Here's one for Heaney's poetry,
(If anyone could provide feedback, please do)

Throughout Opened Ground, the celebrated poetry of Seamus Heaney commentates on life, death, and the state of the Irish culture. His poems, “Follower” and “Requiem for the Croppies”, reflect on his own regrets and remorse, as well as the power to change and abide to the societal norms that had been built for him. His own takes and liberties on Irish history as well as his own personal history make these poems shattering in its emotional complexity.

In the poem “Follower”, Heaney states that children grow up, they seek to follow the footsteps of their parents and as a result, they end up inheriting many values and characteristics from their parents. Heaney seems to have been so close and admiring to the father. In fact he says "His shoulders globed like a full sail string”. This is an indication of how detailed the boy's admiration was to the father. Heaney further reveals the moments that he stumbled behind the father as he ploughed and he says "I was a nuisance, tripping, falling”, dramatizing the transformation that took place from childhood to manhood. In the poem “Requiem for the Croppies”, Heaney recollects on the war “…On Vinegar Hill…”, as Irish rebels lost their lives in the battle against British military. The poem both opens and closes with the image of “barley”. This is the small amount that the fighters have gathered and that they devote their pockets to. It is closely related to them, an image of their native environment, and their reason for fighting. The opening two lines of the poem indicate the nomadic and yet, natural lifestyle of the rebels, who must carry food, in the form of barley, in their coats and who have “no kitchens on the run” and few if any possibilities of setting up permanent camps show that the rebels were disorganized and hurried. Here, Heaney is stripping heroism down to its essentials, an idea and an action.

Heaney's “Follower” depicts the image of his own father. The poem has been related to a setting of the boy in his childhood reflecting on the relationship that he had with the father. Furthermore, the boy describes the different things that the father did on the farm of which it is evident that he describes them with admiration. The father's work in the farm has been described as one that was done with precision and accuracy. This is strengthened by the word that begins the second stanza of the poem; "An Expert" which is then followed by a full stop to show that the father's work was done carefully and accurately. So to speak, it was actually a perfect work. He also describes how the father's eye narrowed and angled at the ground along with an aspect of mapping the furrow exactly. The image of priests and war in “Requiem” is also a sign of the significance that God and the priesthood played in Heaney’s youth. As “the priest [laid] behind ditches”, this shows even Catholic priests must hide from the English. Heaney shows that their uprising is communal and shared by including the “priest” and the “tramp”, contrasting the faithless with the faithful. It shows the opposing views that have plagued Heaney his entire life, the father in his life that he aspired to be and ended up left to be behind, with the mythical idea of God, plaguing the young Heaney in it’s ambiguity. This is emphasised through “the scythes at cannon”, as the death and reality that plunges into the heart of Heaney.

The last three verses of “Follower” reflect on the present happenings whereby the boy says that in the present time the roles have reversed. Moreover, he says that the father is presently stumbling owing to the dictates of time. As a matter of fact he says "It is my father who keeps stumbling behind me, and will not go away". From this perspective, it seems that the father is the one who is currently relying on the boy and seeking for the boy's protection since he can no longer support himself due to the weaknesses that come along with age.The last 2 lines of “Requiem” brings the work full-circle, explaining how the barley seeds carried by the Irish eventually blossomed, out of the Irish graves, into new-born barley plants. Thus, in the closing line (the “barley grew up out of the grave”) the symbol of the countryside and the image of their struggle is left behind them. This symbolizes the determined “we’ll be back” nature of the Irish, who do not give in easily. There is no death or burial here, but growth in the summer sun. 

lilyrosee:

--- Quote from: denimaenema on October 23, 2017, 06:58:49 pm ---Here's one for Heaney's poetry,
(If anyone could provide feedback, please do)

Throughout Opened Ground, the celebrated poetry of Seamus Heaney commentates on life, death, and the state of the Irish culture. His poems, “Follower” and “Requiem for the Croppies”, reflect on his own regrets and remorse, as well as the power to change and abide to the societal norms that had been built for him. His own takes and liberties on Irish history as well as his own personal history make these poems shattering in its emotional complexity.

In the poem “Follower”, Heaney states that children grow up, they seek to follow the footsteps of their parents and as a result, they end up inheriting many values and characteristics from their parents. Heaney seems to have been so close and admiring to the father. In fact he says "His shoulders globed like a full sail string”. This is an indication of how detailed the boy's admiration was to the father. Heaney further reveals the moments that he stumbled behind the father as he ploughed and he says "I was a nuisance, tripping, falling”, dramatizing the transformation that took place from childhood to manhood. In the poem “Requiem for the Croppies”, Heaney recollects on the war “…On Vinegar Hill…”, as Irish rebels lost their lives in the battle against British military. The poem both opens and closes with the image of “barley”. This is the small amount that the fighters have gathered and that they devote their pockets to. It is closely related to them, an image of their native environment, and their reason for fighting. The opening two lines of the poem indicate the nomadic and yet, natural lifestyle of the rebels, who must carry food, in the form of barley, in their coats and who have “no kitchens on the run” and few if any possibilities of setting up permanent camps show that the rebels were disorganized and hurried. Here, Heaney is stripping heroism down to its essentials, an idea and an action.

Heaney's “Follower” depicts the image of his own father. The poem has been related to a setting of the boy in his childhood reflecting on the relationship that he had with the father. Furthermore, the boy describes the different things that the father did on the farm of which it is evident that he describes them with admiration. The father's work in the farm has been described as one that was done with precision and accuracy. This is strengthened by the word that begins the second stanza of the poem; "An Expert" which is then followed by a full stop to show that the father's work was done carefully and accurately. So to speak, it was actually a perfect work. He also describes how the father's eye narrowed and angled at the ground along with an aspect of mapping the furrow exactly. The image of priests and war in “Requiem” is also a sign of the significance that God and the priesthood played in Heaney’s youth. As “the priest [laid] behind ditches”, this shows even Catholic priests must hide from the English. Heaney shows that their uprising is communal and shared by including the “priest” and the “tramp”, contrasting the faithless with the faithful. It shows the opposing views that have plagued Heaney his entire life, the father in his life that he aspired to be and ended up left to be behind, with the mythical idea of God, plaguing the young Heaney in it’s ambiguity. This is emphasised through “the scythes at cannon”, as the death and reality that plunges into the heart of Heaney.

The last three verses of “Follower” reflect on the present happenings whereby the boy says that in the present time the roles have reversed. Moreover, he says that the father is presently stumbling owing to the dictates of time. As a matter of fact he says "It is my father who keeps stumbling behind me, and will not go away". From this perspective, it seems that the father is the one who is currently relying on the boy and seeking for the boy's protection since he can no longer support himself due to the weaknesses that come along with age.The last 2 lines of “Requiem” brings the work full-circle, explaining how the barley seeds carried by the Irish eventually blossomed, out of the Irish graves, into new-born barley plants. Thus, in the closing line (the “barley grew up out of the grave”) the symbol of the countryside and the image of their struggle is left behind them. This symbolizes the determined “we’ll be back” nature of the Irish, who do not give in easily. There is no death or burial here, but growth in the summer sun. 

--- End quote ---

Throughout Opened Ground, the celebrated poetry of Seamus Heaney commentates on life, death, and the state of the Irish culture. (try opening with something with a little more impact to show assessor that you have an idiosyncratic interpretation, definitely check out the VCAA past examination reports for some sophisticated opening lines) His poems, “Follower” and “Requiem for the Croppies”, (I know this is not a hard and fast rule but I would try and aim to discuss all three passages even if you just make a reference to the third, it would also make your analysis longer which would be good) reflect on his own regrets and remorse, as well as the power to change and abide to the societal norms that had been built for him. (this sentence is a little bit wordy - trying being a bit more sophisticated and succient) His own takes and liberties on Irish history as well as his own personal history make these poems shattering in its emotional complexity. (I know some people like to have introductions but if you are being too general then assessor will not be happy, try in your next essay to delve immediately into the analysis or just have one broad opening sentence and see if you think you need a full introduction)

In the poem “Follower”, Heaney states that children grow up, they seek to follow the footsteps of their parents and as a result, they end up inheriting many values and characteristics from their parents. (Be careful of over-using commas) Heaney seems to have been so close and admiring to the father. (This sentence seems a bit too opinion based, try something like ‘The boy describes his father as “an expert” at ploughing, illustrating his admiration for him and the potential for the boy to follow in his father’s “hobnailed wake” and take up his farming position as a man’) In fact he says "His shoulders globed like a full sail string”. (I would add analysis on to the end of the sentence otherwise it just looks like you are using evidence for the sake of it) This is an indication of how detailed the boy's admiration was to the father. (This is a bit vague, try being more specific) Heaney further reveals the moments that he stumbled behind the father as he ploughed and he says "I was a nuisance, tripping, falling”, dramatizing the transformation that took place from childhood to manhood. (Remember to discuss views and values, what is Heaney trying to say about the transition from childhood to adulthood?) In the poem “Requiem for the Croppies”, (It would be nice here to link Follower with Requiem by either referencing a similarity or difference between the two, this also allows your analyse to progress fluidly) Heaney recollects (?) on the war “…On Vinegar Hill…”, (This quotation is a bit pointless, as the assessor is aware of the social/political context of the poem, use quotes that offer insight and develop your contention) as Irish rebels lost their lives in the battle against British military. (This seems like retell, try to include more analysis) The poem both opens and closes with the image of “barley”. (add something like ‘to convey…’, you need to offer more insight into why Heaney has opened and closed with the image of the barley) This is the small amount that the fighters have gathered and that they devote their pockets to. It is closely related to them, an image of their native environment, and (thus,) their reason for fighting. The opening two lines of the poem indicate the nomadic and yet, natural lifestyle of the rebels, who must carry food, in the form of barley, in their coats and who have “no kitchens on the run” and few if any possibilities of setting up permanent camps show that the rebels were disorganized and hurried. (Again, watch the frequent use of commas) Here, Heaney is stripping heroism down to its essentials, an idea and an action. (Too vague, why is Heaney stripping their heroism and discussing them as a collective?)

Heaney's “Follower” depicts the image of his own father.The poem has been related to a setting of the boy in his childhood reflecting on the relationship that he had with the father. (You have already established this in the previous paragraph, offer something new) Furthermore, the boy describes the different things that the father did on the farm of which it is evident that he describes them with admiration. (Again, this has already been stated - avoid repeating ideas) The father's work in the farm has been described as one that was done with precision and accuracy. (add quotation to end of sentence to demonstrate this) This is strengthened by the word that begins the second stanza of the poem; "An Expert" which is then followed by a full stop to show that the father's work was done carefully and accurately. So to speak, it was actually a perfect work. (This sentence seems redundant) He also describes how the father's eye narrowed and angled at the ground along with an aspect of mapping the furrow exactly. (Interesting interpretation) The image of priests and war in “Requiem” is also a sign of the significance that God and the priesthood played in Heaney’s youth. (Again, by jumping so quickly from one poem to the other your analysis feels disjointed and cut off) As “the priest [laid] behind ditches”, this shows even Catholic priests must hide from the English. Heaney shows that their uprising is communal and shared by including the “priest” and the “tramp”, contrasting the faithless with the faithful. (I have lost your overall contention) It shows the opposing views that have plagued Heaney his entire life, the father in his life that he aspired to be and ended up left to be behind, with the mythical idea (I feel like this is an assumption some of the assessors may not take kindly to, remember your audience) of God, plaguing the young Heaney in it’s ambiguity. (Be more specific) This is emphasised through “the scythes at cannon”, as the death and reality that plunges into the heart of Heaney. (Nice point)

The last three verses of “Follower” reflect on the present happenings whereby the boy says that in the present time the roles (between father and son) have reversed. Moreover, he says that the father is presently stumbling owing to the dictates of time. (?) As a matter of fact (avoid colloquial phrases like this - try to get straight to the point) he says "It is my father who keeps stumbling behind me, and will not go away". From this perspective (be bold, you overuse the word ‘seems’), it seems that the father is the one who is currently relying on the boy and seeking for the boy's protection since he can no longer support himself due to the weaknesses that come along with age.The last 2 lines of “Requiem” brings the work full-circle, explaining how the barley seeds carried by the Irish eventually blossomed, out of the Irish graves, into new-born barley plants. Thus, in the closing line (the “barley grew up out of the grave”) the symbol of the countryside and the image of their struggle is left behind them. This symbolizes the determined “we’ll be back” nature of the Irish, who do not give in easily. There is no death or burial here, but growth in the summer sun. (finish with Heaney’s message and refer back to your overall contention)

chantelle.salisbury:
Wow.. this thread is awesome.. and thankyou to all those on here
would love some feedback on the NEAP 2017 exam section C regarding Vice Chancellor at Cara College. it was done with the school under exam conditions
be harsh! :)

Cara College welcomes the ‘potential students’ to their college and university by the Vice Chancellor’s speech giving them an insight to the atmosphere and values of the school which holds their potential future. Yet, the vice Chancellor uses this as an opportunity to raise a prominent issue of freedom of speech and the groups which are categorise and or labelled within society, and seeks to link this to the audience of potential graduates sitting in front of him by demonstrating and implying that their college have ensured a fat greater degree of ‘social and civil cohesiveness’. Using a formal register to promote his ‘elite’ position and gain respect for his speech (and position), the speaker connects with his audience, by directly addressing them in statements, questions and holding or presenting them in a future with this major regional university. Whilst there are elements of professionalism, the language choices are not too sophisticated or complex, allowing the audience to be persuaded in understanding the points which the speak presents, regarding the segregation and ostracization in society and their attempt to maintain a happy constructive atmosphere.

The speaker begins by contextualising the speech and ‘welcoming’ the (audience) to the college. Suing three brief sentences to sum up the advantages, using positive connotations to the words ‘special’ ‘welcoming’ and ‘safe’ the speech creates a platform for the listener to be enthused and hold in high esteem the college and its values being an ‘inclusive’ – yet another positive word – ‘community’. The opening slide of the speaker’s presentation also gives a visual communication to the audience backing the positivity and enthusiasm of the spoken words. The silhouettes are happy, inclusive and can be seen by the different shapes, styles of hair and heights the diversity which the university brings together to form are happy and (part of) a friendly environment. Further he quotes and the famous world-renowned leader ‘Martin Luther King, Jr’ acts as a reinforcement and or endorsement to the ideas of freedom, livery and inclusiveness, ultimately causing the audience to have respect and open ears foot the issue and argument in which the vice chancellor presents to them in his or her speech. Yet, the speaker quickly moves on from this using this brief introduction, welcome and slide to contextualise and create a platform for the young adults to be influenced and respected by their later arguments.

It is the bulk of the speech where the Vice Chancellor focusses on the broader and wider issue of the ‘political correctness’ and its labelling of ‘one of the elites’ against ‘the disadvantaged’. He or she seeks to eliminate and doubts within anyone of the audiences’ mind when saying ‘there is not question’ position them to immediately be persuades into the statement which is presented as only one sided and without any falter or hesitation in which the statement, ‘that there is a fine line between freedom of speech and political correctness’, is absolutely correct. It is from here where the vice chancellor furthers his stance in acknowledging – in an attempt to be fair and level headed- a counter argument for people to debate social, politics and cultural issues. Similarly, he or she goes onto quote a senior politician and his acceptance of ‘entrenched intolerance’ which is counteracted and interrogated by the question following, upmost mocking in presenting and sound arguments against the politicians and his ‘elitist’ views. Further, the vice chancellor uses this as an opportunity to present his or her own values to have a ‘favour of our responsibility to be decent human beings’, and therefore gaining respect from the audience due to his approach on treating every individual equally irrespective of their education and or differences. Moving on the speaker seeks to define ‘free speech’ – and is saying ‘or should not mean’ acknowledges his awareness to the issues of society and that is does happen- by listing negatively weighted, degrading verbs ‘insult, deride or undermine’. The speaker further lists the groups of which individuals may be compartmentalised into ‘family, nationality, gender race or realisation’ to clearly communicate during his speech to the audience his definition of freedom of speech and the importance it holds.

In the culmination of the arguments the Vice Chancellor seeks to individually address every individual in the crowd and place an appeal to responsibility and urgency to help influence and help prevent their ‘wedges’ in society, and thus ultimately implying this is the college or university for students to strive to closing the gaps in society. the speech becomes more heated as emphasis could be seen by the capitalisation of the letter and including the audience to feel responsible for the divides within society. the speaker seeks to demonstrate to the audience that it is those themselves who are ‘elitists’ which cause groups within society. he seeks to appeal to the students and their potential future, and the opportunities and choices in which they take. In the last two paragraphs the last sentences are direct to each individual to appeal them to help the Cara College to make the difference and ensure a ‘social and civil cohesiveness’. In closing, the speaker leaves with a direct sentence eliminating doubts and finishing on a note of positivity, ‘I am confident you all know the difference’.

The vice Chancellor sees the opening speech to potential students as an opportunity to address the issue within the wider community to highlight the strengths, values and focuses of Cara College. It is with that of professionalism and authority the speaker appeals to the audience to feel the responsibility in making the world a more cohesive place. In expressing the issues of division within society, the speaker seeks to highlight the inclusive nature and atmosphere of the college, positioning the audience to hold the university in high esteem.

lilyrosee:

--- Quote from: chantelle.salisbury on October 24, 2017, 05:54:22 pm ---Wow.. this thread is awesome.. and thankyou to all those on here
would love some feedback on the NEAP 2017 exam section C regarding Vice Chancellor at Cara College. it was done with the school under exam conditions
be harsh! :)

Cara College welcomes the ‘potential students’ to their college and university by the Vice Chancellor’s speech giving them an insight to the atmosphere and values of the school which holds their potential future. Yet, the vice Chancellor uses this as an opportunity to raise a prominent issue of freedom of speech and the groups which are categorise and or labelled within society, and seeks to link this to the audience of potential graduates sitting in front of him by demonstrating and implying that their college have ensured a fat greater degree of ‘social and civil cohesiveness’. Using a formal register to promote his ‘elite’ position and gain respect for his speech (and position), the speaker connects with his audience, by directly addressing them in statements, questions and holding or presenting them in a future with this major regional university. Whilst there are elements of professionalism, the language choices are not too sophisticated or complex, allowing the audience to be persuaded in understanding the points which the speak presents, regarding the segregation and ostracization in society and their attempt to maintain a happy constructive atmosphere.

The speaker begins by contextualising the speech and ‘welcoming’ the (audience) to the college. Suing three brief sentences to sum up the advantages, using positive connotations to the words ‘special’ ‘welcoming’ and ‘safe’ the speech creates a platform for the listener to be enthused and hold in high esteem the college and its values being an ‘inclusive’ – yet another positive word – ‘community’. The opening slide of the speaker’s presentation also gives a visual communication to the audience backing the positivity and enthusiasm of the spoken words. The silhouettes are happy, inclusive and can be seen by the different shapes, styles of hair and heights the diversity which the university brings together to form are happy and (part of) a friendly environment. Further he quotes and the famous world-renowned leader ‘Martin Luther King, Jr’ acts as a reinforcement and or endorsement to the ideas of freedom, livery and inclusiveness, ultimately causing the audience to have respect and open ears foot the issue and argument in which the vice chancellor presents to them in his or her speech. Yet, the speaker quickly moves on from this using this brief introduction, welcome and slide to contextualise and create a platform for the young adults to be influenced and respected by their later arguments.

It is the bulk of the speech where the Vice Chancellor focusses on the broader and wider issue of the ‘political correctness’ and its labelling of ‘one of the elites’ against ‘the disadvantaged’. He or she seeks to eliminate and doubts within anyone of the audiences’ mind when saying ‘there is not question’ position them to immediately be persuades into the statement which is presented as only one sided and without any falter or hesitation in which the statement, ‘that there is a fine line between freedom of speech and political correctness’, is absolutely correct. It is from here where the vice chancellor furthers his stance in acknowledging – in an attempt to be fair and level headed- a counter argument for people to debate social, politics and cultural issues. Similarly, he or she goes onto quote a senior politician and his acceptance of ‘entrenched intolerance’ which is counteracted and interrogated by the question following, upmost mocking in presenting and sound arguments against the politicians and his ‘elitist’ views. Further, the vice chancellor uses this as an opportunity to present his or her own values to have a ‘favour of our responsibility to be decent human beings’, and therefore gaining respect from the audience due to his approach on treating every individual equally irrespective of their education and or differences. Moving on the speaker seeks to define ‘free speech’ – and is saying ‘or should not mean’ acknowledges his awareness to the issues of society and that is does happen- by listing negatively weighted, degrading verbs ‘insult, deride or undermine’. The speaker further lists the groups of which individuals may be compartmentalised into ‘family, nationality, gender race or realisation’ to clearly communicate during his speech to the audience his definition of freedom of speech and the importance it holds.

In the culmination of the arguments the Vice Chancellor seeks to individually address every individual in the crowd and place an appeal to responsibility and urgency to help influence and help prevent their ‘wedges’ in society, and thus ultimately implying this is the college or university for students to strive to closing the gaps in society. the speech becomes more heated as emphasis could be seen by the capitalisation of the letter and including the audience to feel responsible for the divides within society. the speaker seeks to demonstrate to the audience that it is those themselves who are ‘elitists’ which cause groups within society. he seeks to appeal to the students and their potential future, and the opportunities and choices in which they take. In the last two paragraphs the last sentences are direct to each individual to appeal them to help the Cara College to make the difference and ensure a ‘social and civil cohesiveness’. In closing, the speaker leaves with a direct sentence eliminating doubts and finishing on a note of positivity, ‘I am confident you all know the difference’.

The vice Chancellor sees the opening speech to potential students as an opportunity to address the issue within the wider community to highlight the strengths, values and focuses of Cara College. It is with that of professionalism and authority the speaker appeals to the audience to feel the responsibility in making the world a more cohesive place. In expressing the issues of division within society, the speaker seeks to highlight the inclusive nature and atmosphere of the college, positioning the audience to hold the university in high esteem.


--- End quote ---

Hello,
Just letting you know that this is a 'Literature' essay submission thread, you can check out the English work submission board here https://atarnotes.com/forum/index.php?board=406.0 to submit an English essay for marking :)

chantelle.salisbury:

--- Quote from: lilyrosee on October 24, 2017, 07:11:31 pm ---Hello,
Just letting you know that this is a 'Literature' essay submission thread, you can check out the English work submission board here https://atarnotes.com/forum/index.php?board=406.0 to submit an English essay for marking :)

--- End quote ---

oppps.... sorry... thanks for letting me know...
i can never get my head around where to post comments and etc.
:)

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