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Compilation of Language Analysis Feedback

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brenden:
You're welcome :)
Sorry that is fine. I was pretty tired so I probably asked why and didn't realise when you answered it on the next line lol. My bad!

papertowns:
Hi I cannot thank you guys enough for trying to help us all out with giving us feedback. This will be the first piece I've posted and I read your other thread about people saying "I'm shit at English" and I kid you not, I really believe I do, I just don't have the confidence and you will tell from my language analysis haha.. I know I can improve though! So I will hopefully practise a lot during the year and I think I'll need your help in giving feedback :D




March 9th was International Women’s Day, the day to acknowledge the economic, political and social achievements of women. Melinda Tankard Reist spoke out recently specifically targeting those who are ignorant to the topic with an opinion piece published in the Herald Sun entitled ‘Be proud but don’t ignore the violence’. In a highly disappointed and annoyed tone, although hopeful towards the end, the author contends that though this year celebrates the 101st anniversary of the global event, harms and injuries to women and girls have continued and they should not be ignored.

In the first paragraph, Reist expresses her personal feelings towards the celebration, saying ‘but I struggled to get into party mood.’ She is potentially evoking guilt into anyone who overlooked the violence received by women. She goes on to explain why she feels this way and the readers are engaged as they are forced to think when she asks ‘has anything really changed?’ By the use of rhetorical questions, readers are encouraged to consider the issue and accept the author’s implied answer that nothing really has changed.

An anecdote is used in the fourth paragraph, the author explains what she saw when she visited a shelter for women and girls in Hyderabad in India. By using an anecdote, readers will find it easier to relate or be easily influenced with the author’s point of view because it becomes a real life situation and real experience that readers can believe in. Reist also describes the scene she witnessed clearly but concisely putting images in the readers’ minds and letting them have an insight of what she saw. Emotions like sadness and sympathy are evoked again when readers think about the ‘abandoned baby girls’, ‘abandoned pregnant girls and women’ and the ‘discarded widows’.

The next paragraph talks about the tragedy faced by a 15-year-old girl in the Maldives. She was sentenced to 100 lashes because she had pre-marital sex. Reist then writes, ‘Actually she was raped by her stepfather, who killed the resulting baby.’ By revealing the real reason later on in the paragraph, Reist is able to clearly emphasise the injustice towards the girl. Emotions such as anger and hatred are evoked which makes it easier for the Reist to have the readers on her side.

Evidence is used in the seventh paragraph and by having statistics and real figures as part of Reist’s piece, it can add weight to support her argument. She starts with saying ‘The conviction rates in India in 2011 was just 26.4 per cent.’ This is a very low percentage rate and is added to surprise readers. It is followed by a rhetorical question: ‘That seems bad, doesn’t it?’ while most readers will easily agree, Reist shocks the readers again by adding ‘Compare it with 5.7 per cent of convictions in England and Wales.’ Readers are being exposed to the truth of just how bad the situation is.

Reist brings up an example from the Oscars when host Seth MacFarlane sang a song about all the women in the audience whose breasts he had seen on screen. She uses the word breasts as opposed to boobs like MacFarlane has in his song titled We saw your boobs to imply that they are separated in terms of maturity. While some people who have seen the segment think it was funny and entertaining, Reist says disappointedly that once again, ‘the mistreatment of women is routinely used in entertainment’. Those who have seen it and laughed and did not think about that will now look back and agree with Reist, some even feeling guilty. Reist then uses a sarcastic tone to make MacFarlane look ridiculous by saying ‘MacFarlane seemed to miss the rapes and bashings, but at least he got to see naked breasts.’

Reist ends the piece with hope, the change of tone clear when she says ‘But there are signs of hope’. This change of tone helps to bring everyone together to find a solution to the issue. She names a few examples where women around the world have spoken out after an assault or mistreatment, readers are getting the message that we should not ‘shy away from the difficult ugly truths, or be overwhelmed and depressed’ but instead we should ‘name and shame them, harness our anger and be part of the solution.’ The last paragraph unites everyone as Reist uses inclusive language and readers are positioned to feel a part of it all to help find a solution.

In conclusion, Melinda Reist’s use of anecdotes, rhetorical questions, evidence nd inclusive language have helped to emphasise the existent violence and mistreatment towards women in the world today. Emotions are evoked from this article and readers are positioned to agree with the author that although we should be proud of the achievements by women, we cannot ignore the violence towards them that still happen today. Readers are now likely to consider and take this issue seriously.

sin0001:
Here's the article: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/opinion/tunnel-could-take-its-toll/story-e6frfhqo-1226600977408

Analysis:
Recently an upgrade plan of the Eastlink tollway has been heavily debated due to its demanding cost of $5 billion. This has resulted in some people, such as the Eastlink tollway chief Dennis Cliche, suggesting an alternative of investing towards the East-West tunnel, in order to clear traffic. Sharing a similar point of view is the writer of opinion piece, titled 'Tunnel could take its toll' (Herald Sun, 20th March), who contends in a reasoned tone that the East-West tunnel can be relied upon to 'stop the city from choking' and tolling the Eastern Freeway 'would help to recover costs' in upgrading the East-West tunnel.

The writer begins by mentioning Dennis Cliche's proposal and hence adding weight to the alternative solution that is presented. The author includes a rhetorical question, 'how to pay for what everyone agrees is a $5 billion project when the figures fail to stack up?, causing the audience of concerned toll-users to feel as though the Eastlink proposal is financially impractical and to question whether it will even work. The writer states that 'it is attracting that private investment that Mr. Cliche sees as the problem', seeking to further highlight the doomed failure of the Eastlink proposal. Next, the author presents an expert opinion of Eastlink tollway chief, Dennis Cliche, stating that 'he suggests' 'putting the money towards the East-West tunnel', in a bid to strengthen the contention of the piece. Subsequently, the reader is more likely to accept the writer's alternative solution, that improving th East-West tunnel will serve to benefit the large 'traffic volumes' across the roads and tunnels in Melbourne's CBD.



As you can see, stopped halfway of the analysis because I couldn't really understand the overall contention of the rest of the piece or what was the writer tryna say :/
Would appreciate it someone can point me in the right direction and check what I've written so far!

EspoirTron:
Article: ‘Be afraid, very afraid’
Publication date: Friday, the 22nd of March, 2013.
Source: The Age newspaper

With the Internet becoming a larger domain constantly its capabilities have increased astronomically. With this rise: an onslaught of hackings is becoming more prevalent in the cyber-community; and, debate has been sparked over the security issues faced and the very nature of the protection we use to safeguard our private information. One commentator, Memphis Barker, expresses his fears in his feature article for the The Age: ‘Be afraid, very afraid’ (March 22nd, 2013). He uses this opportunity to address fellow Internet users, specifically, those who are ignorant to correct safety precautions on the Internet. His initial admonishing and assertive tone is coupled with a more humorous and satirical tone-when alternatives too Internet passwords are discussed.

Barker makes his fears of Internet security breaches clear through the headline of the piece ‘Be afraid, very afraid’: this loaded language is a classic example of tabloid fear mongering. Insinuating to the audience that they should ‘be afraid’ provokes a sense of fear in reader; furthermore, this causes them to feel a sense of helplessness as all they can do is be ‘very afraid’. Simultaneously, the sub-heading ‘think your internet password is safe?’ uses rhetorical questioning to position fellow Internet users to question themselves; additionally, this provokes a sense of guilt in readers-as they may feel it is their responsibility to ensure their safety within the spectrum of the Internet. 

Immediately following this, Barker, attempts to engage readers through an anecdote. He insists that it was ‘not long ago’ when he used ‘a tin-pot password’ which was ‘eight characters long-without number or symbols’. Baker, seeks to instil the sense of plausibility to his argument through this anecdote, elucidating that even he suffered ‘paranoia’ following the hackings that occurred; this is implemented to position readers to realize that no one is safe. The text sharply refocuses the attention of readers when Barker insists that a ‘radical overhaul’ of ‘online security’ is required. This positions readers to feel that they need to change their Internet security protocols and regime to protect their ‘valuable data’ and defecate any ’14 year old script kiddies’ or ‘state sponsored agents’.  Consistent with this Barker attempts to elicit fear in the readers when he indicates ‘Bill Gates was among the first’ to join ‘a chorus of hundreds’ who have been ‘hacked’. This entices fear in readers as it implies a sense of anarchy from hackers, as these people are heartless and the user has turned on the creator. Subsequently, this provocation of fear in readers is implemented to cause a radical sense of change- implying, that they must go and change their password so that they do not join the ‘chorus of hundreds’ including ‘governments to Google itself’.

Following this, Barker, implements inclusive language to indicate to readers that everyone is faced with this current conundrum, of hackings. This is exemplified when Barker states that there may be new hope in security as ‘the password could be soon usurped’ and consequently ‘the threat lifted off our gullible shoulders’. This inclusive language seeks to coerce readers as it implies that we are all victims of the insidious nature of hackers. Furthermore, it indicates that we are oblivious to our surroundings as we are ‘gullible’ and we are making it too easy for the hackers: this causes readers to feel a sense of disgust as they are simply allowing this transgression without any form of reprehension. In an attempt to bolster his argument Barker uses a credible source: Matthew Gough, an ‘ethical hacker’. Gough, states that the new forms will not be welcomed in an highly satirical and humorous tone stating that: ‘fashion and tech don’t always go together’, ‘a Google ring might feel like an uncomfortably concrete pledge’ and ‘til death do us part’. This text gives prominence to the fact that passwords are a simpler security measure than the ‘completely unique’ techniques. This can draw out a sense of obligation in readers- causing them to believe it is their choice to fabricate a safe password. This notion coupled with the photograph of the computer and keys accentuates the fact that inadequate security measures allows hackers to simply infiltrate the readers privacy; and, the list of passwords that contribute to the composition of the piece seek to exemplify to readers that common passwords are far from ‘safe’. This mockery, seeks to cause readers to understand that they must construct a password in a much more adroit manner, further causing their passwords to become inconspicuous and deterring hackers from attempting to penetrate their privacy.

Consequentially Barker insists in a highly assertive tone; that increasing the strength of our password will cause hacking to become ‘far less appealing’ and cause us to stop worrying about ‘who might be snooping’. As a result this provokes readers to take action and behold the responsibility of ensuring their Internet safety-through passwords with a combination of ‘letters’, ‘symbols’, and ‘characters’ .  In keeping with this, Barker, insists we are the ‘web’s innocent masses’ and that the ‘web is a darker place than most of us realise’. Furthermore, this is coupled with the cropped photograph; the composition of the photograph accentuates the fact that the reader’s personal data is similar to their heart and it is cocooned in a web of protective layering: however, this cocoon is being rapidly segregated as hackers gain access to our very under structure. This provokes a sense of fear in readers and revulsion as their very ‘rights’ are being violated by senseless thugs. Moreover, it causes readers to feel that radical interventions must be implemented to intervene with this anarchy by hackers; and to protect the ‘innocent masses’ from this ‘struggle’ and ‘limbo’.

Memphis Barker, the writer of ‘Be afraid, very afraid’ expresses the importance of a radical change in Internet security measures from readers in his feature article.  He supports this contention through a personal approach: through highlighting his own personal experience with hackers and through credible sources. The article was accompanied with two images which in a ploy were designed to evoke a sense of change in Internet security measures, from the readers; the crux of the argument is sure to continue to spark further debate on the topic of Internet security protocols and measures.



 
I thought I may add one :)

9_7:
First Language Analysis in half a year.. I only wrote one intro, one body para and one conclusion!! I'll need all the feedback :(

Article: "Another bloody business: Live exports, dead sheep" published by "The Punch". I couldn't get the link off google, it would send me off to another page.......

Following the recent animal exportation of Australian sheep to Pakistan and Bahrain, this issue has sparked controversial debate about the unacceptable risks involved in live animal exports. The on line opinion article, "Another bloody business: Live exports, dead sheep" published by "The Punch" and written by Lyn White on the 7th of November 2012, expresses her opinion that live animal exports should not be continued due to the suffocation of animals. She uses an outraged and compassionate tone appealing to the general public, readers of the paper and fellow animal lovers.

The writer in an attempt to convince the audience, makes use of emotive language throughout the entire article. Her choice of words such as "dead sheep", "bloody business" and "suffering" appeals to ones sense of feeling and positions the reader to also feel emotionally upset and angered because of the cruelty and suffocation the Australian sheep went through. She also attempts to capture the audiences attention by her use of statistics. By having an authority figure, Sarah Ferguson indicate that "21,000 Australian sheep found themselves as pawns", this appeals to ones sense of feelings and positions the reader to also feel a sense of sympathy towards the Australian sheep because such a large number of the "indefensible" sheep have been slaughtered for no reason.

The articles strength lies in the repeated emotive imagery that continually reaffirms the writers contention. Whites use of inclusive language and statistics strengthen the article and the referencing to authoritative figures like Sarah Ferguson lends credibility to her arguments and her emotional tone encourages the audience to fully endorse her view points.
(the other techniques i mentioned were for my other paragraphs!!)

Cheers. :)

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