Why am i such a failure?

[asianguy22]

I hate life so much. My marks at uni are terrible. This semester i have been trying a lot harder but guess what; I'm repeating a subject i failed last semester and i just got my marks back for my mid semester test.

Last semester i got 16/30, this semester - 14/30. I honestly feel like crying. I am regressing. After a year and a half at uni i still havent worked out the correct study habits and im still doing chit. Not only this but i dont have any friends and have never kissed a girl. I am so lonely at uni i often skip class because i become unmotivated. I see a psychologist regularly. I dont want to kill myself but i dont want to live. I am losing the game called Life.

[ChickenCh0wM1en]

Hey man, I'm really sorry to hear of your experiences with uni so far
To be honest, I think you should do several things:

- start attending your lectures/tutes: meet new people, build up a rapport and boost your self esteem
- once you've made a few friends, maybe look into forming a study group. To be honest, I'm not really the type to study in a group so I generally study by myself but I've seen from other friends how a good study group can pay dividends in the end. (haha it rhymes)
- maybe look at the learning services or your student learning centre for tips to study. Again, it depends on person to person but you might find it works for you.
- look into applying for special consideration: since you're seeing a psychologist, the uni will recognise this and possibly offer you more support and other forms of assessment.

Anyway, hopefully this is of some help for you!

EDIT: Don't be too worried about having no friends and never kissing a girl. LOL as ridiculous as it may sound, many others wouldn't have kissed a girl and for those who judge others based on how many chicks they pick up at the club on the weekend, I don't think they're the right people to hang around.

[neatfeet]

Hey

Sit down and write out the amount of time you spend studying and what you actually do when you study (e.g. making notes, answering questions etc). Then make an appointment to talk to your subject coordinators and tell them what you're struggling with. They will be able to help you and point out things you could change to help you do better.  Academic skills runs workshops that might have some good strategies too.

Seeking help makes things better. Don't be too hard on yourself

[Seacow]

Don't be too worried about having no friends...I don't think they're the right people to hang around.

Having some company is better than no company. Not everyone has the will to exist in isolation for long before they succumb to their existential anxiety and plummet further down the psychosomatic rabbit hole called depression. From then on you'll simply be plagued by fear of loss and memories of hurt, longing and rejection if you try to stick it out by yourself.

If he is someone that used to thrive in a social environment but for some reason has lost that privilege, it is very difficult to recover as you will lose your "social net" which you are able to cast and expand your network of acquaintances and friends.

Don't be too worried about having no friends and never kissing a girl. LOL

Touch comfort is psychologically important to the human being and there are numerous experiments done on our friendly furry relatives the hairy chimp.

Ultimately words of sympathy/empathy over an online community means nothing. Sugar coating your problems and inadequacies will not get you anywhere. Sticking around on an online forum or joining the circle-jerk of complacency of other notable online communities (e.g. reddit.com/r/depression) is akin to giving up as you chew away at yourself while ingraining all the other experiences which make you feel crap. If you're not suicidal (which I'm assume you are not since you came here to seek some form of assurance) and thus I'll take it that you have hope and faith in your existence, there is practical advice which has already been mentioned such as professional help in the form of a trained psychologist (they will most likely teach you meditation in the form of mindfulness which has been proven to help victims of depression and even invoke a physiological change in brain structure) and seeking consideration from the boffins at uni.

Additionally, it will help you to look at your events as a failure and not yourself as one. That way you can treat your past mistakes as a learning experience and begin to be 'better'. How you will rationalise that is up to you.

EDIT: I forgot to mention a book called Make It Stick. If what is dragging you down the most are your marks, then read that book. Studying most effectively happens to be the least intuitive and that book explores that concept and practical applications to your routine as a student. If you're pedantic on proof, that book has more than enough references on previous studies and experiments done on the process of learning.

[Seacow]

I can object to this...

There's a balance relative to the individual. How much do you value quantity and quality? OP didn't provide enough information for anyone to be able to jump to an absolute conclusion (oh no the hypocrisy). I see it as a matter of the lesser evil - having 'meh' friends over no friends. The problem is that we have to define 'meh' relative to OP.

Yes, you are totally right...

Indeed he should try to enlarge his social circle. It was not an attack on you but moreso a warning to OP. Do nothing active and you will get worse. At the very least I'm going to guess he has dysthymia (mild depression) in which is characterised as constantly being in a bad mood (which easily the victim mistakes for simply 'just' a bad mood). To each their own though - I'm a student here like most of those that browse this forum.

Sometimes people can find comfort over expressing their feelings online with an anonymous identity...
I feel that some of the statements you made were rather  absolute. You make it sound like what you say is truth but sometimes the truth in your eyes may not be truth in theirs.

Although it maybe of comfort, is it the best path to treatment? If this was his first attempt to reach out to others online, then there is no harm as he is looking for ways to attack what he is facing. If it isn't, he is only feeding the growing abyss within his mind and at that point the concept of 'help' no longer exists as they think and feel that they are helpless.

Why are my statements absolute? It's not a matter of what is true or what is not. It's a matter of what you rationalise to become true. If he is insecure like many of those afflicted with depression, then he will doubt what we are saying (once again the notion of helplessness). This is why I'm so aggressive in my post to OP (and not to attack you, I'm merely building upon what you said and to a lesser degree what others have said).

This crippling psychosomatic illness is arbitrary at best and a convoluted problem with no apparent fix at worst. There is no right or wrong to getting better. There is only what's best for him in a relative manner. What we say will only be a temporary fix to his problems - like a opiate addict succumbing to herorin again over methadone treatment to alleviate the symptoms of opioid dependance.

I'm not here to argue - I'm here to provide my own dissenting reflection on those long days which I suffered. And without throwing my entire life story of inadequacy, injustice, ignorance and rationalisation alongside the given information that I have from OP, this has what led me to post the content that I typed.

Pick your poison, it's Heaven or it's Las Vegas.

[ChickenCh0wM1en]

There's a balance relative to the individual. How much do you value quantity and quality? OP didn't provide enough information for anyone to be able to jump to an absolute conclusion (oh no the hypocrisy). I see it as a matter of the lesser evil - having 'meh' friends over no friends. The problem is that we have to define 'meh' relative to OP.
Indeed he should try to enlarge his social circle. It was not an attack on you but moreso a warning to OP. Do nothing active and you will get worse. At the very least I'm going to guess he has dysthymia (mild depression) in which is characterised as constantly being in a bad mood (which easily the victim mistakes for simply 'just' a bad mood). To each their own though - I'm a student here like most of those that browse this forum.
Although it maybe of comfort, is it the best path to treatment? If this was his first attempt to reach out to others online, then there is no harm as he is looking for ways to attack what he is facing. If it isn't, he is only feeding the growing abyss within his mind and at that point the concept of 'help' no longer exists as they think and feel that they are helpless.

Why are my statements absolute? It's not a matter of what is true or what is not. It's a matter of what you rationalise to become true. If he is insecure like many of those afflicted with depression, then he will doubt what we are saying (once again the notion of helplessness). This is why I'm so aggressive in my post to OP (and not to attack you, I'm merely building upon what you said and to a lesser degree what others have said).

This crippling psychosomatic illness is arbitrary at best and a convoluted problem with no apparent fix at worst. There is no right or wrong to getting better. There is only what's best for him in a relative manner. What we say will only be a temporary fix to his problems - like a opiate addict succumbing to herorin again over methadone treatment to alleviate the symptoms of opioid dependance.

I'm not here to argue - I'm here to provide my own dissenting reflection on those long days which I suffered. And without throwing my entire life story of inadequacy, injustice, ignorance and rationalisation alongside the given information that I have from OP, this has what led me to post the content that I typed.

Pick your poison, it's Heaven or it's Las Vegas.

Alright, I'm sorry Seacow. I'll delete what I posted.

[Seacow]

The only help I can give is cold solace. Sorry if I offended you ChickenCh0wM1en or anyone else that I may have struck a chord with.

I guess that's the type of person I turned into.

[Special At Specialist]

Just the fact that you made it into the #1 university in Australia makes you successful. A lot of people try so hard to get into the course you're studying, but never make it. Plus, you've almost half completed your degree! Be proud of everything you've accomplished so far.

You failed a subject once, but you still have the chance to redeem yourself. Your mid-semester test score may be slightly lower than it was last semester, but remember that the majority of your mark comes from the exam, so there is still a huge opportunity for you to pass (or even get an H1). Besides, your test score was very close to 50%, so you would only need to do slightly better in your exam to pass.

Study habits are hard to develop... that is something that I am struggling with too. All I can say is keep persisting and try to get into a routine.

To make friends, you just need to put yourself out there. Consider staying back after class and asking how other students are going with their assignments/tests. Consider joining a society/social club (there are heaps of these at Melbourne uni!). Consider finding a job or volunteering (but be wary not to let this impact your grades) and getting to know the people there. Also, consider coming to the next AtarNotes meetup.

To find a girlfriend, you should start by making female friends and gradually getting more intimate with one of them. Don't think that you're destined to be lonely forever, just because you haven't kissed a girl yet. You're still young!

And lastly, I would take ChickenCh0wM1en's advice by applying for special consideration. All you need to do is get documentation from your psychologist and explain how it's impacting your ability to study.

[asterio]

I think I understand exactly how you feel...
I would like to share some of my story , hope that will help you：


I am considered to be popular in first year, because I participated in a lot of club + social + volunteering activities. I had at least made over 100 friends at the time. By friend, I mean a person know you, and you know them. You do talk and hang out with each other, maybe not regularly, but to some extend.
It was very time consuming to keep up the social life, especially when you are a person who cares about how your friends feel.
I never worried about been alone in uni at the time, because I know I can almost call up anyone to accompany me at any given time.
I could stay overnight at many of my female friends places after uni, so that tells you how my relationship are with them.


However, everything changed when few incidents happened to me in a row at start of my second year... I can't tell you exactly what have happened, but I can tell you it was beyond bad...
I saw how bad humanity can be, so bad that made me hate this world, sincerely wish this world could end the next day.
I saw how this ugly society destroyed young lives, destroyed hopes...
I was swallowed by this grief and hatred...
My results started to drop rapidly, and I started to isolate myself from others...


One night I was sitting in a hospital after an incident , looking through my list of contacts, 400+ of them... yet there is no one I can call to share my feelings.
I realized, there is no point telling what have happened to anyone. No one will understand, nor cares to begin with.
It is until this point, I started to realize, I had so much quantity, but what about the quality?


The answer started to become obvious after few things that I tried...
I tried to talk to my most reliable friends about what have happened, I realized it's hard for people to understand without being through it themselves... Soon after, I felt no point telling them anymore...
I tried to ask for some help academically from those people I used to help out a lot, it turns out they often have more important things to busy with. (e.g: play PS3.)
I tried to regain social life by going out with people that I used to invite when I am hosting parties, turns out I have became a foot-stone that they use to approach new female.


Finally , I decided to shut myself away from everyone else.
no message reply, no pick up phone call.
My friends became frustrated.


Despite what have happened, I still have to attend uni and do group report all by myself. Because my group member never bother to do anything, and I am not allowed to change group.
Also because student center decided that I had not enough evidence to apply for a late withdraw nor special consideration.
So it was totally fucked up.


I ended up with few fails and a warning of possible expel if this happens again.


I think my situation is as bad as anyone could ever get when they are in uni.
However, I decided to take a gap and few months later, after endless day and night grieving...
I started to ask myself, what do I want to do with my life, and what are the things that still needs to be done when I am alive.
I realized I still have my parent to take care of, I still have to look after a kid that I found, she was abundant by their parents. I am their hope, and I can't let them down.
While still having the hatred, and hopeless feelings in my heart. I started to push myself.
I started by setting a goal for income, so I planned everything possible in earning money. Started executing them one by one.
With my hard earned money, and tons of studies in my own time on other areas, I brought a car and a big house.


a year later, I got back uni and started taking 2 subjects per semester.
Realizing that all my friends have graduated, and I am totally alone.
Sitting in the lecturers without knowing anyone surely feel awkward, plus knowing you are older than everyone else, that's even worse.
My grades wasn't stable, because I don't have motivation of going to lecturers, plus having no one to help me when I encounter difficulties.

However, I recall how I made friends in first year.
I then started to open up with people like how I once was in first year.
Start asking people questions, try to help people out during tutorials, try to chat with them, discuss with them.

I then made few friends, started forming a small study group.
It is this small study group that helped me in my assignments, it is also this small study group that motivated me again. (Because I don't like to be the dead weight that only ask for help.)

Meanwhile, I was lucky enough to be able to meet few CEOs of some engineering company. I was kindly given days of work experience in their company. The colleague were nice and supportive, told me a lot of things that I will never learn in uni. This has given me an insight of what I want to do in the future.

Lastly, I will quote two sentence from my close friends:
"Friends isn't about quantity, it's about quality. But in a life time, you will only have one or few of these quantity friends. You just simply wouldn't have enough time and effort to maintain more."
"We all say time can fade everything, but I believe a good friend means regardless how long your haven't been talking to each other, your friendship should still last like it was before."

I will also quote few statements my other friends used say about me:
"You are a retard, and you don't have a brain." says the PHD friend who spend entire free time playing games.
"You are a loser, and you are afraid of fighting back." says the accountant friend who decided to take a gang of people into my house and wanting to pick a fight with me.
"You are like a dark cloud, bringing negative feelings to everyone." says the person I cared the most at the time.


In the end, whether you are loser or not, it's about what you think.
It is your decision to whether or not to go out and make friends.
It is your decision to whether or not to push yourself in studies.
It is your decision to whether or not to pursuit your goal.
It is your decision to live however you like with your life.

You will never know what is going to happen next.

Life can be shit, but when shit happens, you should be prepared to clean it up and say: "BRING IT, FUCKERS!!"

[meowww]

Don't call yourself a failure ):

I understand how you feel when it comes to feeling unmotivated to attend lectures because you are lonely.. I feel like this pretty much every time I attend uni.
I have heaps of friends outside of uni, but I've found it quite difficult to make a small group friends I can hang out with regularly at uni.
I'm not really the type of person who usually starts a conversation with people I don't know randomly in my lectures, but I really do love it when other people come and start a conversation with me

Are you enjoying your course/what you are studying?
My marks aren't that great either, especially after last semester.. but I've come to realise that maybe I haven't been doing well, because I am not particularly enjoying what I am learning.. Like I'm only doing it because I don't know what else to do... lol I don't know, maybe something to think about?

But anyways cheer up, try harder for the rest of assesments! Don't let the mark of that midsem drag you down