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English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

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caitlinlddouglas:

--- Quote from: jamonwindeyer on September 21, 2017, 11:56:01 am ---Hey! Sure thing, obviously can't do comments throughout so I'll pop my thoughts in dot points below:

- First sentence is probably a taaad long, maybe break it up a little, pop a full stop after "environments" perhaps?
- Good introduction of texts in the intro, links them to their importance to context/values well

- I really like how you approach the macro-structure, the first paragraph on how personal connection is achieved is excellent. Nice change from the typical 'conceptual' structure, and I think it works well for the question. However, doing one paragraph on both texts, then separate paragraphs for them following that, does feel a tad awkward.
- Watch the length of your quotes - You'll obviously have less time than you used in the exam so you'll need to really cherry pick the important bits, make your quotes no more than a line wherever possible.
- The Atwood paragraph on politics isn't as good as the previous, it needs more techniques/analysis and less broad explanation - There's only one technique I can see. Good recognition of her personal and historical context, however!

Oh woops I think I'm missing a page on Lessing maybe! Could you check over the images and I'll finish the feedback when I get what is missing?



--- End quote ---
Hey thanks so much! I only just saw this, i posted the other photos on page 84 (it wouldn't let me post all of them at once) if you still wouldn't mind having a look at it? Thanks again :)

jamonwindeyer:

--- Quote from: lilivincent on October 03, 2017, 08:38:49 am ---Hey guys I really need some feedback on my MOD C Essay

--- End quote ---

Hey!! You'll need 50 posts on the forums to qualify for an essay marked, you can read the details here :)


--- Quote from: caitlinlddouglas on October 04, 2017, 06:30:21 pm ---Hey thanks so much! I only just saw this, i posted the other photos on page 84 (it wouldn't let me post all of them at once) if you still wouldn't mind having a look at it? Thanks again :)

--- End quote ---

Yep I saw those, but your first picture in the second set is a duplicate of the last picture in the first! :)

caitlinlddouglas:
hey so sorry about that jamon, don't want to waste your time!
here is the missing photo,
Thanks heaps!  :)

jamonwindeyer:

--- Quote from: caitlinlddouglas on October 04, 2017, 09:06:39 pm ---hey so sorry about that jamon, don't want to waste your time!
here is the missing photo,
Thanks heaps!  :)

--- End quote ---

All good, no worries at all! So comments on this last body paragraph:

- I like that you are combining multiple techniques into one analytical statement: Definitely elevates your response considerably!
- Be careful to actually link the technique to the effect on the audience, not just mention them in the process. What is the purpose of the juxtaposition? Why did the composer choose to include direct dialogue rather than just discuss the issue directly? What does the technique add?

Overall, your concepts are really really strong, but your analysis is slipping a tad as the essay goes on. Remember to constantly link techniques to their effect on the audience, and make sure to avoid more generic discussion of the speeches context/conceptual focus - It all needs to be based around those techniques ;D

It's a great response though Caitlin, and to a tough question - Good work ;D

jamonwindeyer:

--- Quote from: Wales on October 01, 2017, 12:29:20 am ---I've taken a completely fresh and new approach to my Yeats essay and got it marked by my teacher and received a 15/20. Was wondering if anyone here could provide some quick feedback in time for Paper 2 :)

--- End quote ---

Sure can! :)

SpoilerTo what extent is this sort of imagery integral to the view of life that Yeats presents in his poetry?

Through extensive critical study of Yeats’ poetry, it becomes clearly evident that part of its ability to continually engage with the reader is drawn from his use of natural imagery to express the value of life, a question universal to the human experience. Nice Thesis! Covers a lot in a really succinct way. I assume the start of the question was about natural imagery? Yeats’ treatment of natural and descriptive imagery within The Wild Swans at Coole and Easter 1916 allows for the universal appeal to a modernist audience while maintaining the structural integrity of romantic poetry. Easter 1916 contrasts sacrifice against the worth of life.  Likewise, The Wild Swans at Coole engages the reader through a confronting presentation of the ageing process, mortality and life’s purpose. How do these concepts relate to this idea of 'natural imagery?' Both poems are a testament to the holistic nature of his works, illustrating the integral nature of his masterful use of imagery in constructing his view of life. Really solid introduction overall!

It is historically evident that all human beings are subjected to the life cycle of growth and decay. It feels a bit strange to say 'historically evident' here without then presenting that evidence. Not that you'd need to, it's just a wording thing - Seems a bit of a false start for the marker. Yeats while acknowledging of the natural process attempts to explore life’s purpose as he reconciles the ageing process with his natural imagery. Need some commas to break that sentence up. Yeats begins The Wild Swans at Coole with the natural metaphor “ the trees are in their autumn beauty” which establishes a tone of regret in response to aging. He expresses his sense of regret and unease with the natural imagery “the nineteenth autumn has come upon me” which reiterates the tension he holds between life and the afterlife through the romantic imagery of autumn. This isn't the best example of imagery; you would need more descriptive language to substantiate that. You could perhaps include symbolism or perhaps even pathetic fallacy as an alternative? Furthermore, Yeats draws upon his experience as a mystic by juxtaposing the mythical allusion to the swans in “upon their clamorous wings” with the aging process in the motif of “autumn” where the “wings” symbolise Yeats’ jealousy towards the swans as they seem to be immortal. Again, need commas there to steer the audience through the various stages of that thought process. Yeats effectively uses natural imagery to communicate his cyclic view of life and further emphasises his sense of regret and unease towards the ageing process. Solid concept, good analysis - You've got fairly repetitive techniques here though (even with the necessary focus on imagery), good to have variety!

The cyclic nature of the soul is reflected throughout The Wild Swans at Coole and effectively contributes to helping the audience understand Yeats’ view of life. Slight issue with wording there, the cyclic nature of the soul isn't helping us understand Yeats view, the poem is! When Yeats is “hearing at twilight” he reflects upon his age and the aging process and feels that his “heart is sore” reinforcing his struggle to reconcile his acceptance of death. Techniques here? Yeats’ portrayal of the collective swans at Coole is a reminder of the vitality and youth he once experienced which he acknowledges by saying how he “trod with a lighter tread” which reiterates his struggling conflict with the natural aging process. Commas needed there - And techiques!The stark natural contrast of “but now they drift on the still water, mysterious, beautiful” is a reflective statement from Yeats as he envies the swans’ vitality and seeming immortality in comparison to his age and mortal existence. Good. Yeats’ fear of age and above all death, is envisioned in the closing stanza through his questioning “ to find they have flown away?” which alludes to the cyclic nature of the world again and emphasising that how the previously immortal swans may also one day disappear. Better analysis appearing in the second half of the paragraph. Throughout the composition of The Wild Swans At Coole, Yeats has attempted to reconcile his theories surrounding mortality and only accepts the possibility of death in the concluding line. Which is? You should quote it here. Yeats’ numerous attempts to understand and accept the cyclic nature of life engages a wide viewership to the modern day as the integral nature of his imagery allows him to continually explore his perspective of life. The analysis in this paragraph got better as it went on, the concept isn't quite as strong as the previous paragraph.

In direct contrast to The Wild Swans at Coole, Easter 1916 differs from the trend of solely using natural imagery and instead uses a mixture of both natural and descriptive imagery as well as violent language to assist in his attempts to reconcile the value of sacrifice. Natural/descriptive imagery need not be mutually exclusive - Natural is a subject, descriptive is - Well, any imagery really. Concept isn't quite right here. Yeats acknowledges that the sacrifice made by the rebels was one that prompted change through the anadiplosis of “All changed, changed utterly” which represents Yeats’ renewed perspective by praising for the rebels for their participation in the rebellion. Expression not quite right here, and a very text-focused analysis. Yeats further acknowledges that the rebellion was positive for Ireland holistically through the central paradox “ A terrible beauty is born” which illustrates Yeats’ conflicted view on the sacrifice. Still focusing on the subject matter rather than the concept! Yeats views it as a sacrifice that achieves an outcome of “beauty” however the process in attaining the beauty is “terrible” clearly alluding to the violent nature of the rebellion. Yeats continues to reconcile his tension between life and sacrifice through the natural metaphor “enchanted to a stone” which alludes to how Yeats believes that the legacy of the rebels is one they will take to their “stone” or grave. The stone reinforces the importance of the sacrifice as it represents the longevity of the marty’s actions and alludes to the idea of it being “set in stone” and a part of history that cannot be removed. Slightly more general here, but it still feels very rooted in the specific sacrifices made in the poem rather than sacrifice as a broader concept. Yeats’ consistent use of both natural and descriptive imagery allows him to effectively communicate his view on the value of human life and assists him in reconciling his tensions between sacrifice and life. Definitely not as strong as your prior paragraphs - The concept doesn't quite work, and you've got very text-focused analysis rather than conceptual.

Yeats continues to reconcile the value of sacrifice when describing and acknowledging each of the participants in the rebellion. The eulogistic nature emphasises his indecisiveness on sacrifice of human life and is epitomised in his ambiguous description of Markievicz’ time spent as “ in ignorant good will”  which presents Yeats’ interpretations of the rebellion, one of ignorance with the intent of doing good. Very long sentence there, you'll probably need more commas at the start or perhaps to split in two. Yeats’ questions the value of Markievicz’ sacrifice again with the rhetorical question “ when, young and beautiful, she rode to harriers?” where the sentimental imagery evokes a heightened emotional response from the reader as a result of the innocent image constructed by Yeats. Good acknowledgement of audience impact. Similarly, Yeats’ symbolic clouds in “a shadow of cloud on the stream changes minute by minute” asserts the notion that change in Ireland was inevitable and prompts Yeats to question the value of  the sacrifice of the marty’s and whether the change would have been possible without sacrifice. Still slightly text focused here.Yeats further emphasises the passion solidified within the martyr's with the extended natural metaphor “stone of the heart” but juxtaposes it with the rhetorical question “o when may it suffice?” to further emphasise his still uncertain view on the rebellion as a whole. Yeats’ effective usage of both natural and descriptive imagery effectively allows him to convey his view on the value of human life while also reconciling the inherent worth of the sacrifice. Better than the previous, but not as strong as the earlier two.

Yeats’ idiosyncratic portrayal of the political situation in Ireland reveals to the audience the true mutability of the human life. By sustaining ambiguity throughout his works Yeats’ poetry remains relevant regardless of context. Yeats evokes interest in the reader by using a blend of both natural and descriptive imagery, a direct result of his unique poetic style, one that dances between modernism and romanticism. Yeats’ masterful use of language allows him to emphasise the integral nature of imagery which is present throughout all his poetry.

In general, your earlier paragraphs are stronger than your latter. You slip into more textually focused analysis and the concepts don't make as much sense: You've shown what you can do in the first half and then sort of let it down in the second half.

As an easy thing - Commas. Commas. Commas. A few really long sentences that really need to be broken up properly to guide the reader - As soon as the marker needs to invest energy organising your ideas, that's a dent on the strength of your argument. From memory this is something that keeps popping up in your responses, I'd hate for 20/20 analysis to be held back on something like this - It's easy to work on! Just read over a long sentence you've just written, where you mentally pause - Add a comma, add a full stop, get your stuff organised!

In essence:
- Remove plot-focused elements from your pieces and focus on broader conceptual ideas presented to the audience. No settings, no characters - Just concepts presented through techniques.
- Imagery shouldn't be the concept, it is REPRESENTING the concept. The concept should stand alone and be properly developed as stand alone things; the imagery then just comes in as the main technique representing that concept.
- Tidy expression and organisation of ideas ;D

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