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jamonwindeyer:

--- Quote from: hannahboardman98 on March 18, 2016, 09:09:41 am ---Hi, this is my English Standard essay on Wilfred Owen's poetry. We have been given our question for the half-yearly exam. The file is attached. I have written comments within my essay on things that I need assistance with. I'm actually not entirely sure that the entire essay makes sense and relates to my main thesis statement. Thank you! :)

--- End quote ---

Hey Hannah! Your essay is attached below with some helpful comments, I tried to address your comments as well  :D

SpoilerAnalyse the ways in which this poem reflects the purpose, the ideas and techniques of Owen’s poetry as a whole.

Wilfred Owen’s poetry reinvigorates the horrors of war and displays the paradox of war as it dehumanises those who fight, therefore giving our humanity to death. War is depicted as pitiful, futile and damaging which therefore reveals the true aspects of war rather than the propagandist’s view that displays war as heroic and noble. This was achieved through Owen’s extensive use of visual and aural imagery, which is evident in his poem’s Strange Meeting, The Next War, and Insensibility which all expose the readers to the dismal affect that it had on the soldiers. These poems exhibit powerful connotations of the terrors of war that resulted in the soldiers becoming vulnerable to insensibility.Solid introduction! I would say to try to lead with the concept rather than the text, but this question is very text-based, so what you have likely works quite well.

The pity of war, from Owen’s perspective, lies in its desire for nations to have authority over another without considering the ramifications for its own populace. Owen's Strange Meeting delineates war as inevitable and pitiful where he asserts that wars will reflect the loss of truth and integrity of humanity. I think this is a great start! I wouldn't be concerned about either of your comments I like this! Owen uses colour, aural and visual imagery to convey his message of the consequences of war, allowing the audience to feel connected to the poem and therefore develop a deeper understanding of the suffering the soldiers experienced; displaying the truth of war. For example, 'Yet no blood reached there from the upper ground'. The use of ‘blood’ allows the readers to visualise the traumatic image that the soldiers witnessed themselves and emphasises the frequency of injury occurrence. You are doing super powerful analysis here, brilliant! Try 'word choice' rather than 'use' though. Visual imagery was applied within this poem to amplify the atrocities of war. Talk in present tense where possible. The image of war is intensified through the line ‘Through granites which titanic wars had groined’ where ‘titanic’ is a representation of magnitude wars. ‘Granite’ assists to convey the brutality of war due to its laborious effect, simultaneously with ‘titanic’ creating an exaggerated image that displays the significance of Owen’s meaning of war. Owen applies these poetic devices to Strange Meeting to portray the truth of war, including the horrors that it produced in order to expose society to the truth of war, rather than the lie the propaganda presented. This exposed the audience to how insensible the soldiers became as a result of the impact that death had on their daily lives. Fantastic! Very powerful stuff, ensure you always have specific literary techniques associated with each example, and try to be specific with the explanation, some of it seemed the tiniest bit generic

Courage, wisdom and bravado are nothing in the face of the overwhelming horror that war creates. Owen’s The Next War, stresses that wars will be the cause of spiritual death due to the terrors that it reveals. This poem displays aural and visual imagery that portray the power of death and express the ramifications of war, resulting in the soldiers becoming dehumanised. The relationship between death and the soldiers is explored through the line 'We've walked quite friendly up to Death', emphasising the familiarity that has come of death. This suggests that war has enforced death upon the soldiers on such a frequent basis that they have begun to consider ‘him’ as a ‘friend’. Another example of this imagery is 'He's spat at us with bullets and he's coughed', signifying the death of an old man where the readers begin to feel pity for him and the soldiers. The verb 'spat' enables the audience to imagine how the bullets sounded when they were shot, giving them a deeper insight to how the soldiers experienced it. This develops Owen's purpose of the dehumanising effect of war in order to shock the readers out of their complacent attitude towards battle. Owen effectively applied imagery to his poem in order to portray the connection between the soldiers, war and death and to also confront the audience with an altered view on war. The power of death displayed in this poem presents the idea of how the soldiers became emotionless.Almost no comments at all, absolutely fantastic. Again, be sure you have specific literary techniques, saying "The use of figurative language in the line" is better than saying "The line"

Constant tension and stress cause psychological injury that negates our sensibility. Owen's Insensibility portrays war as having a dehumanising nature that develops the soldiers’ pain to numbness. The poem's purpose was to display the dehumanising effects that the soldiers endured as consequences of war due to a result of society's naivety to believe that war is acceptable. Owens metaphors and colour imagery convey this purpose in order to inform and connect to his audience, allowing them to have a deeper understanding of war and its effects. This is clearly evident in stanza three with the emotive metaphor 'their hearts remain small-drawn'. This reflects the idea that nothing can alter the insensible state of the soldiers, hence they become futile. The soldiers were contrived to fight on a daily basis and this stripped them of their humanity each day that they woke. Therefore, through Owen’s language used within this line, the audience are confronted with how much the soldiers gave up in order to serve their country with ‘pride’. Owen’s application of metonymy to 'The front line withers' expresses how the soldiers metaphorically and literally disappeared. Their personalities and emotions were soon depleted due to the impact that war had on them. There were soldiers frequently witnessing their friends die, however this had little effect on the men as they became immune to the apprehension of war. A little too much explanation without linking to audience here I think. This is also reflected in the line 'Men, gaps for filling' which represents that each dead man is replaceable, suggesting their death is insignificant. This strongly highlights the dehumanisation of the soldiers, as before they went to war, they valued friendship and love, and therefore ached during the occurrence of a devastating event. Owen effectively applied imagery to this poem in order to portray the dehumanising conditions of the soldiers. The audience are exposed to the true characteristics of war which altered their perception from it being courageous, honourable. Much better with techniques here, but perhaps a little weaker on the analysis?
   
War takes our humanity due to the barbaric nature that it presents. Owen’s poetry illustrates this idea through his application of visual, aural and colour imagery that allow the audience to gain a thorough understanding of the traumatic experiences that the soldiers suffered. Owen’s Strange Meeting, The Next War and Insensibility all exhibit the horrors of war and how it psychologically affected the soldiers. Owen presented the ‘truth’ of war which juxtaposes the propagandist view that portrayed war as bravado and dignified. The purpose of displaying this was to alter society’s perception of war to the true aspects that it exhibits which result in it being futile. Therefore, Owen applied these facets to his poetry in order to convey the insensible affect that war had on the soldiers and how the futility of war reveals the fragility of our humanity.Fantastic conclusion! You even lead with the concept, try doing this in the Thesis paragraph!

I don't have much to say about this at all, you are analysing INCREDIBLY well, you have great examples, and your use of techniques was much stronger towards the end. Fantastic.

In terms of your Thesis statement; your Thesis is that Owen uses techniques (specifically imagery) to portray his view on the horror of war. I think you back this up quite well, in that your body paragraphs take themes of war and show how a poem represents them. Nice! What I will say is that your quotes and explanations don't necessarily relate specifically to the body paragraph they are in: Be sure you are conducting analysis which relates directly to the specific theme (for the poem) you are discussing. In a body paragraph on authority over populace, all your examples should relate to how THIS theme is portrayed. At times you slipped into more general analysis, be careful.

But no, I think you answered the question and backed up your thesis quite well indeed. Work on use of techniques, and backing up the idea in EACH paragraph, and you will have the start of an absolutely stellar piece of writing  ;D

mimi967:
Thanks so much!! I really appreciate it!

hannahboardman98:
Hi this is Module B Poetry essay :)

jamonwindeyer:

--- Quote from: hannahboardman98 on March 21, 2016, 04:18:58 pm ---Hi this is Module B Poetry essay :)

--- End quote ---

Hey Hannah! Essay attached with some helpful comments  ;D

SpoilerWilfred Owen’s poetry reinvigorates the horrors of war and displays the paradox of war as it dehumanises those who fight, therefore giving our humanity to death. War is depicted as pitiful, futile and damaging which therefore reveals the true aspects of war rather than the propagandist’s view that displays war as heroic and noble. This was achieved through Owen’s extensive use of visual and aural imagery, which is evident in his poem’s Strange Meeting, The Next War, and Insensibility which all expose the readers to the dismal affect that it had on the soldiers. These poems exhibit powerful connotations of the terrors of war that resulted in the soldiers becoming vulnerable to insensibility. Still an awesome Thesis! To develop it even further, try taking Owen out of your Thesis statement. This abstracts the essay topic and focuses on concept rather than text.

The truth must be continually told if we are to be reminded of the horror and insensibility of war. Owen's Strange Meeting, delineates war as inevitable and pitiful where he asserts that wars will reflect the loss of truth and integrity of humanity. Owen uses colour and visual imagery to convey his message of the consequences of war, allowing the audience to feel connected to the poem and therefore develop a deeper understanding of the suffering the soldiers experienced. For example, 'Yet no blood reached there from the upper ground'. The use of ‘blood’ allows the readers to visualise the traumatic image that the soldiers witnessed themselves and emphasises the frequency of injury occurrence. Society did not perceive war as ‘killing’; rather, they romanticised it which involved serving your country to save people’s live, disregarding the murdering aspect of war. Therefore, Owen clearly demonstrates the truth through exposing the audience to these brutalities that war produced. Visual imagery was applied within this poem to amplify the atrocities of war. The image of war is intensified through the line ‘Through granites which titanic wars had groined’ where the hyperbole, ‘titanic’ is a representation of magnitude wars. ‘Granite’ assists to convey the harshness of war due to its laborious effect, simultaneously with ‘titanic’ creating an exaggerated image that displays the significance of Owen’s meaning of war. Owen applies these poetic devices to Strange Meeting to portray the truth of war, including the horrors that it produced in order to expose society to these realities rather than the lie the propaganda presented. This illustrated how insensible the soldiers became as a result of the impact that death had on their daily lives. Wow! Absolutely fantastic analysis here now, much more focus. Now to push you even further. Try further integration of your ideas, that is, get your example, explanation and audience impact, everything in a single sentence. "Owen's use of TECHNIQUE in the description of blah blah, QUOTE, shocks the audience with its realism and thus reveals the truth of war through powerful imagery." This is hard to do,  but you are at that level!

Courage, wisdom and bravado are nothing in the face of the overwhelming horror that war creates. Owen’s The Next War, stresses that wars will be the cause of spiritual death due to the terrors that it reveals. This poem displays visual imagery that portrays the power of death and expresses the ramifications of war, resulting in the soldiers becoming dehumanised. The relationship between death and the soldiers is explored through the line 'We've walked quite friendly up to Death', emphasising the familiarity that has come of death. This suggests that war has enforced death upon the soldiers on such a frequent basis that it has become a normative to experience it. In line 12, ‘We laughed, -‘, Owen purposely applies a caesura to make the audience pause and reflect on the situation. This enables the audience to understand the association of death with laughter, establishing that it is abnormal. Owen applies this ironic tone to the loss of their humanity, in order to shock the readers out of their complacent attitude towards battle. Owen effectively applied (make sure to speak in present tense!) visual imagery to his poem in order to portray the connection between the soldiers, war and death and to also confront the audience with an altered view on war. The power of death displayed in this poem presents the idea of how the soldiers became emotionless. Another fantastic paragraph, though perhaps it needs a slightly better conclusion. Further, make sure that ALL of your textual references have an associated technique.

Constant tension and stress cause psychological injury that negates our sensibility. This intro has a syntax error, should be "causes." Owen's Insensibility portrays war as having a dehumanising nature that develops the soldiers’ pain to numbness. Owens metaphors and colour imagery convey this purpose in order to inform and connect to his audience, allowing them to have a deeper understanding of war and its effects. This is clearly evident in stanza three with the emotive metaphor 'their hearts remain small-drawn'. The idea that nothing can alter the insensible state of the soldiers is reflected here as they no longer have a sensitive heart, hence displaying their detachment from their emotions. The soldiers were contrived to fight on a daily basis and this stripped them of their humanity each day that they woke. Owen’s application of metonymy to 'The front line withers' expresses how the soldiers metaphorically and literally disappeared. Their personalities and emotions were hastily depleted due to the impact that war had on them. There were soldiers frequently witnessing their friends die, however this had little effect on the men as they became immune to the apprehension of war. This is also echoed in the line 'Men, gaps for filling' which represents that each dead man is replaceable, suggesting their death is insignificant. This strongly highlights the dehumanisation of the soldiers, as before they went to war, they valued friendship and love, and therefore ached during the occurrence of a devastating event. Owen effectively applied imagery to this poem in order to portray the dehumanising conditions of the soldiers. The audience are exposed to the true characteristics of war which altered their perception from it being courageous, honourable.This paragraph is slightly weaker than the other two. I think your concept in this last paragraph now has great focus, but your wording of "pain to numbness" is slightly "airy." Essays need concrete, logical arguments, and this ever so slightly falls short, and that is just a wording issue. Further, the middle of your essay has two sentences where you fall into textual retell, explaining the impact on the soldiers IN THE TEXT. Don't talk about things IN THE TEXT, use the text as an example for how composers like Owen create meaning.
   
War takes our humanity due to the barbaric nature that it presents. Owen’s poetry illustrates this idea through his application of visual, aural and colour imagery that allow the audience to gain a thorough understanding of the traumatic experiences that the soldiers suffered. Owen’s Strange Meeting, The Next War and Insensibility all exhibit the horrors of war and how it psychologically affected the soldiers. Owen presented the ‘truth’ of war which juxtaposes the propagandist view that portrayed war as bravado and dignified. The purpose of displaying this was to alter society’s perception of war to the true aspects that it exhibits which result in it being futile. Therefore, Owen applied these facets to his poetry in order to convey the insensible affect that war had on the soldiers and how the futility of war reveals the fragility of our humanity. Fantastic conclusion now that is developed! Remember, talk only in present tense!

This is now an absolutely KILLER essay! Fantastic work Hannah, this is brilliant. A few things to fix, including:
- Talking in the Present Tense
- More Frequent Use of Techniques, and perhaps a wider variety of techniques (although I know this essay demands a focus on imagery)
- Synthesis of ideas into single-sentence constructions (see the comment in the first paragraph)

You can also continue to develop the clarity and power of your paragraph topics. They are all great as they are, but they can still be pushed to be even more sophisticated. Think about ways you can make them more unique, clearer, and introduce more complex ideas. Totally not necessary, but hey, I have to give you something to work on  ;)

hannahboardman98:
Hi I was just wondering if my structure is band 6 material in my introduction below:




War was misinterpreted by society, where the horrific ramifications were absent from their perceived view. Wilfred Owen’s poetry reinvigorates these horrors and displays the paradox of war as it dehumanises those who fight, therefore giving our humanity to death. War is depicted as pitiful, futile and damaging, revealing the true aspects of war rather than the propagandist’s view displaying it as heroic and noble. In Owen’s poems Strange Meeting, The Next War, and Insensibility, his extensive use of visual, aural and colour imagery and figurative language, assist in the portrayal of the truth of war. These poems exhibit powerful connotations of the terrors of war that resulted in the soldiers becoming vulnerable to dehumanisation.

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