Parents expect too much?

[Peanut Butter]

Hey guys!

Sometimes when I don't do as well as I expected or when a test/SAC is really hard, my parents become disappointed in my marks. Sometimes I'm even too scared to tell them my marks.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I'm super scared that my study score for my 3/4 subject this year will not be up to their standards!!

[_fruitcake_]

Hey guys!

Sometimes when I don't do as well as I expected or when a test/SAC is really hard, my parents become disappointed in my marks. Sometimes I'm even too scared to tell them my marks.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I'm super scared that my study score for my 3/4 subject this year will not be up to their standards!!

Remind them that the ATAR comprises of 2 subjects that are worth 10%, remind them that your 3/4 subject could be one of those, further does scale down by 2 and is very competitive

My parents expect a 98 from me, and i said why? They said 'its good', i reminded them that i only need a 90 for my course, isnt that what the ATAR is all about? To get into uni? good luck

[jammin]

If it's any consolation, I'm repealing methods if I get below 49 raw
(will be forced by parents). Plenty of people think this is unreasonable, I did myself at a point, but now I just look at it as a challenge.

So yeah, there's quite a chance for me to do worse than my father's expectations.

@fruit atar is probably more for the bragging rights that comes with it for the month following results day

Over time though, you start to either
1) get consumed by these thoughts
Or 2) consume it

Don't do 1

If you did badly because you just got unlucky that's one thing, but if you did badly because you didn't put in the necessary effort it's completely different.

Don't be upset if the circumstances were outside your control!

[pi]

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

Your parents are disappointed because they care, that's a /good/ thing.

What do I do? I just don't tell my parents my grades.

[BakedDwarf]

Hey guys!

Sometimes when I don't do as well as I expected or when a test/SAC is really hard, my parents become disappointed in my marks. Sometimes I'm even too scared to tell them my marks.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I'm super scared that my study score for my 3/4 subject this year will not be up to their standards!!

It's better to have parents that have high expectations rather that ones that have little or no expectations.

I only wish my parents put more emphasise on education. I didn't discover what VCE or education was until mid year 11, where I mostly had an underdeveloped ability to learn.

So despite your parents having high expectations, understand the big picture. They want to maximise your potential, which would, in most cases, increase your chance of 'success'.

[_fruitcake_]

It's better to have parents that have high expectations rather that ones that have little or no expectations.

I only wish my parents put more emphasise on education. I didn't discover what VCE or education was until mid year 11, where I mostly had an underdeveloped ability to learn.

So despite your parents having high expectations, understand the big picture. They want to maximise your potential, which would, in most cases, increase your chance of 'success'.

I didnt understand what VCE was until 3 weeks into year 12.. and i speak 2 languages better than english, and i am getting 90% for english, so dont feel bad about what u havent done, rather focus on the good things u done!

[99.90 pls]

Hey guys!

Sometimes when I don't do as well as I expected or when a test/SAC is really hard, my parents become disappointed in my marks. Sometimes I'm even too scared to tell them my marks.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I'm super scared that my study score for my 3/4 subject this year will not be up to their standards!!

I used to have similar experiences to you. As pi said, it's because they care. Embrace the pressure and let it motivate you. However, if you feel that they're being unreasonable and/or counterproductive (which is very possible), I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

1) What kind of scores do I want?
2) Why do I want these scores?
3) How will I achieve these scores?

Set your own "standards" - your own idea of success - and work hard to achieve these goals. If you succeed, they are YOUR successes, not your parents'. If you fail, they are YOUR failures and you will have to learn from YOUR mistakes. Understand that detaching your parents' expectations and reactions (e.g. disappointment) from your own successes/failures will ultimately liberate you and make you an independent individual, not just in studies, but in life.

[archenemy]

Everyone else has basically said what I would've said except probably x100 more eloquently Pretty much ask yourself what are you goals, set your own standards etc

Also could it be that your parents are heavily emphasising on your academics because they believe that at this point of your life, studying is an extremely important, if not, only priority? If you try your best, hopefully they will acknowledge that.

When the results come, even if it doesn't necessarily live up to your parents initial "standards", you might find that they aren't as "disappointed" as you think that they will be. I feel like some parents will set really really high standards as a way of "pushing" their children to do better (when in reality they are happy as long as they see their children putting 100% effort regardless of results?)...all personal opinion though    

[strawberries]

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

Yes omg.
How do I deal with it? Yeah I don't tell them my SAC marks either, but if they ask I generally lie about it (which is not good haha)

My parents expect a 98 from me, and i said why? They said 'its good', i reminded them that i only need a 90 for my course, isnt that what the ATAR is all about? To get into uni? good luck

This omg. I 'only' need like low 80s to get into my dream course yet they only think around 95+ is 'good'.

[Callum@1373]

One thing that has worked for me cos my parents are have real high expectations of me (which are ridiculous!)

Tell them the what your goal is on a SAC, and then tell them the times when you beat the goal, works for me!

Or just not tell them at all e.g marks not available yet/ungraded/teacher is sick haha they always help 

[Mc47]

My parents care, but they never really stick their noses in.

For the most part I think they realise that my education is all about me. Everything I do is for myself now, not anyone else. And they trust that I will make the right decisions.

[Peanut Butter]

Thanks for all your help guys!

But on another note...

This fear of disappointing my parents has added a lot of stress and pressure to me. Not so much direct pressure from my parents, but a lot of self-pressure. I don't want to disappoint them, especially since they are paying so much for me to attend a private school - I would hate for them to think that I have been a waste!

[Adequace]

Thanks for all your help guys!

But on another note...

This fear of disappointing my parents has added a lot of stress and pressure to me. Not so much direct pressure from my parents, but a lot of self-pressure. I don't want to disappoint them, especially since they are paying so much for me to attend a private school - I would hate for them to think that I have been a waste!

Whatever happens in VCE, your parents will probably never think of you as a waste..

[natdogg]

Thanks for all your help guys!

But on another note...

This fear of disappointing my parents has added a lot of stress and pressure to me. Not so much direct pressure from my parents, but a lot of self-pressure. I don't want to disappoint them, especially since they are paying so much for me to attend a private school - I would hate for them to think that I have been a waste!

If there's one thing I learnt from League, it's that it's never over until it's actually over. If you can help it, focus less on how you might 'disappoint' your parents, as that will induce more and more harmful stress. Instead, aim to channel that self-pressure into something you can utilise to push yourself to achieve greater results.

The exams are not coming, Adequance, Cosine is coming for the exams.

This attitude is what I'm talking about. If you know about Cosine's situation you'll know what I mean. Don't let pressure overwhelm you. Overwhelm pressure.

From my personal experience, Procrastination trumps Intellect. Pressure trumps Procrastination. Intellect trumps Pressure. Kinda like rock-paper-scissors. Pretty cool, right?

It's never too late to aim for a better score, especially since the exam is worth 66% for Further, but even if you don't do as well as you might hope, it could be a pretty solid wake up call to motivate you to work harder next year. I really like 99.90's advice:

I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

1) What kind of scores do I want?
2) Why do I want these scores?
3) How will I achieve these scores?

Especially the Why part. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a motivation when you study. It triggers a more 'effective' study, instead of an average person's "Do the homework, hope I do well." attitude.

Also, going back on the point of 'don't focus on how you might disappoint', just focus on your studies. Don't worry about the things outside of your control, focus on changing or improving the things you can control. Much like a pimple, worrying about it and irritating it will only create even more stress, causing the pimples to worsen, resulting in a confidence drop and a negative loop spiraling to your doom. (Sorry for the weird and mildly gross analogy)

Many people I know who get 50's in their subjects don't think for a second that they'll get a 50. They just buckle down and work, and VCAA rewards hard work.

I think I've digressed.. but anyway, these are my personal thoughts and I wish you good luck in your future endeavours!



Pressure creates diamonds.

[geminii]

Thanks for all your help guys!

But on another note...

This fear of disappointing my parents has added a lot of stress and pressure to me. Not so much direct pressure from my parents, but a lot of self-pressure. I don't want to disappoint them, especially since they are paying so much for me to attend a private school - I would hate for them to think that I have been a waste!

I wanted to add a comment to this, mainly because the way you're feeling was exactly how I was feeling, maybe only a couple of weeks ago.

My parents were putting so much pressure on me. If I got a B+ and told them that, my dad would ask me, "Don't you feel like you could have done better?" And I'm thinking to myself, "of course I do! But whenever you ask me this question, I feel like I'm not good enough for you! Which just makes me feel like oh, why should I bother trying?"

They talked to me as if I didn't care about my grades, which is absolute nonsense. My grades mean a lot to me. If I get a B+, I beat myself up over it. It's hard enough with me putting pressure on myself - and then when they talk to me as if I didn't even try? It felt horrible. I felt absolutely horrible.

So this started in about late grade 6 - early year 7. I had to talk to my psychologist at school because I started getting depressed. I lived with depression until mid year 9, when (thankfully) it left. It was horrible.

My psychologist recently set up a meeting with my parents to talk to them about how I was feeling. Turns out, my parents were't 'getting mad at me' - they were just feeling upset for me, that I didn't get the grades I wanted. It's just the way they were going about expressing it that made me feel like absolute garbage.

Long story short, I think you should talk to your parents. Tell them exactly how you feel and make sure to use lots of phrases like "when I tell you my grades and you get disappointed, I feel [insert feeling here]." Let them know how you feel because they may not even realise!!!!

Best of luck with this, hope you feel better soon. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me!