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Free AOS Creative Writing Marking!
kemi:
Hey :)
If we have the required number of posts can we PM our creatives? Assuming the thread hasn't locked of course.
Thank you!
sals101:
Not sure if im "showing instead of telling".
Butterflies slide down the knots in my stomach as I gazed across the lofty pastel apartments, jerking back and forth until my gaze would catch yet another pastel home for a millisecond more than the others. My paper thin heels glide down the car floor mats as the brakes and accelerator were impulsively shifting, like switching channels on TV, instead navigating through the rugged, slender roads in between skyscrapers. They reminded me of European roads, lined with bright coloured scooters, hanging ivy, the oceanic aroma. Oh how I missed greece, this was the closest thing to home, the same summer vibes which passed out rays of energy and sunshine occupied by the sun, besides today.
The clouds merged together, blocking any glistening sun, but my eyes remained fixated on the slippery concrete roads which let water droplets caress them.
“So Niles.. How are you ?”
“Harper , breathe it's okay, you deserve this.”
He knew me too well, I attempted to distract myself from my pounding heart.
“ what if they don't li -”
“If anyone doesn't like you that's their own loss”.
“But, you know me I'm used to being disappointed ”
“Harper, you deserve the peace not them.”
Delight flooded the heaviness upon my heart, Niles always knew the right thing to say, indeed I was the one who deserved peace, not only to wash over my pain but to completely erase it.
My childhood lay like a stone upon my heart, years of constant sorrow i wish i could take back from my 5 year old self and look at it the way i do now, adoption just meant you deserved to be loved more than you were. But what child is to know that at 5? .Waking up every morning in a row of beds amongst other abandoned children, eager to walk the sand, puddles, the fresh lawn and everything inbetween.
“ Hey Harper, look it’s your lanky uncle HAHHA”
Them swarm of empty hearted children, craving love would laugh hysterically when uncle Ray would wander through the scanty hallways.
Despite the jealous chuckles, uncle ray drowned me in warmth as if the sun huddled me,
the only blood relationship engraved in my mind,
I never knew if he was sent there or came willingly, but he radiated light amongst the dull, imprisoned property. The cuddles imprinted on my skin, spiked of his black and grey beard which would rind my cheeks, carving a smile, as he ruffled his face into my stomach, tickling me to the point where my body would curl up and roll to the imperfect floor. Disappearing, without a chance to see me become Harper Sandra Niles, Niles never failed to provide for me as a daughter.
Snapping out of bottled thoughts,pulling my exhausted face closer to the window as we travelled in line with the golden gate bridge, the breeze curling my soft blonde waves behind my ear, sorrow lingered at the tip of my tongue but the view took any words from my grip. Sliding back into the stiff Francisco streets, I Glanced at the cute cafe corners with displays filled of warm glazed donuts, peering at the engraved gold title laying upon the black marble cafe.
“OMG Niles is that wayfare!!!, Pull in to the right!”
“Is this the organic cafe you always talk about Harper?”
“YES! they have vegan donuts,cookies-”
“Got it! Let's get you something to steer the nerves, let me guess strawberry glazed?”
“DUHH”
Thrr rthrrrr, The engine urged, attempting to jolt, making little BRUPPP’s to offer motion. Too engaged at the sight of food my mind lost consciousness.
“Harper?”
“ yes Niles ”
“The car wont start”
Being muddled himself, Niles walked aggressively, tie swinging freely in the wind. A blonde man jolted, swerving around the corner in a navy suit, his dreamy eyes fixed on mine.
“Do you need help?”
“Our car wont start”
“It’s the battery” niles butted.
“My chauffeur can jumpstart it, but can I offer you a coffee lovely lady”
My eyes fixated on his handsomely toned body, sheer through his tux, but destiny awaited.
“ sorry we-”
“I understand” he replied
“Barry get the cables” He ordered
Barry and Niles were in deep worry about the car starting as it suddenly roared on.
“Thankyou so much -”
“It’s my pleasure”.
The pair bolted around the corner , brushing against the mini tree pots. Settling inside the car, mt mind boggled, my love for the warmth and joy in San Francisco shone through this gentleman.
I always craved affection which came with birthday candles, families huddled around dining tables, christmas trees, but would it really be the same knowing it wasn't a desire to love? My mind snapped out of inevitably deep thoughts.What were my parents doing in San Francisco?, they didn't belong in such as lively city, too harsh to rome these gentle streets. My heart was in sudden confusion. I became perplexed, not knowing what I wanted from this, I wasn't ready to settle for the guilty, ‘we had no choice’ bullshit.
“Niles do they even deserve to see me?”
“They need to see what they left behind, don’t fall for their sappy guilt”
“Pull over niles, I never want them to ghost over the person I have created for myself”
“You just need to show them what they've missed and what they will never be apart of”
“I don't want them to live with disclosure”
“Just do it, so you can live knowing you never really needed them”
“Ok”
Ok was never enough, but I knew seeing them was the only path to tranquility.
Arriving at a flat street, a speckle of sun dusting upon the roof. Deep breathing , gripping tight as my heels settled into the cracked road, jerking my leg. A hasty spark shifted into me, trembling, across the broken road in my heart.My hands leaped into the polished brass door knocker, knocking silently against my aggressiveness. My ears met with the door lock twisting, turning to niles, gazing at the door, every tick of the door dug deeper with a sharp knife right through my emotional wounds.
prickles:
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you need 50 posts to get something marked. Keep posting around, answering or asking questions and you'll get there in no time :)
fantasticbeasts3:
--- Quote from: asahyoun3 on October 09, 2017, 10:59:43 am ---I was wondering if you could read my Creative piece and give me some pointers on how to improve it. Thank you!
SpoilerDinner was the best. My family and I could just laugh, talk and enjoy ourselves. We could forget about the stresses of life and focus on the good thing, the little things. Once upon a time, life was great, with no worries and no troubles. Since Marcus, we could not be the same family. Everything is blurred and obscure. We had no direction or sense of where life is taking us. There was once a time, I looked up to Rob, I idolised him, I wanted to be him but it was his act of foolishness that now he is nothing to me and there is no way i could forgive him. I had a deep anger and indignation towards Rob, my uncle only by name, nothing more. I knew what he’d done wasn’t intentional, it was a mistake. One mistake, now one less person at home.
One month has passed since the accident, Marcus, only 7 years old, didn’t deserve to go out this way. Jake and I were in the car with Marcus and Rob, and I could only wish it was me not him. He spent his time with laughter and joy and nothing but a smile, one that could light up nations. My parents would visit him every weekend, showering his grave with flowers and messages, but Jake and I would never go. It was too hard to witness. I would sit in my dark, black room, reminiscing on moments in Marcus’ life. I go back to the days, when we would spend every summer on the soft, sparkling, white sand that dance upon my feet. The rays of the sun radiating our bodies as packets of energy, while we’d kick up the surface of the icy surf so that droplets would glimmer like diamonds in the sunlight. On our lips the crystalline salt sat on our tongues, with the freshness of life filtering through our lungs. It was one moment in time, that was an eternity of joy and exuberance. But eternity like happiness has an end, for Marcus his end came too early.
I believed the time was right to visit Marcus. Jake and I moved to the cemetery, with mixed with emotions of anxiety and anger. Jake walked next to me silent, in the windy, drained streets, with all the emotion sucked from his body. Through his red eye’s, I could see the anger inside him, his despair and retreat from the world in his pale face. As we arrived at Marcus, Jake was stiff, suffocating in his own body, like words and pictures would collide in his head. Trees covered the cemetery, the brown leaves were curling and stiff. The branches drooped. It seemed so forlorn in the colourless arena they surrounded. Next to us was a table, of sandstone blocks, covered with mold. Rob was seated on the table. The disgust and anger moved up my body, A swelling of the veins waiting to explode, with the urge to say things, you would rather left unsaid.
I walked up to him, with Jake rather staying with Marcus, resisting myself from saying something that I would regret. I was expecting Rob to bombard me with apologies and ‘please forgive me’ speeches. It wasn’t like that at all though. He had accepted what he had done and knew it was wrong. Not much was said, but the feeling of shame and guilt radiated from his body. The atmosphere was tense but quiet, until Jake walked up to us, Rob stated with remorse “I know sorry isn’t going to do much, but I really am sorry ”. Jake retaliated and with all the anger throttling him he blasted “you apologies to someone if you spill a drink on them. You killed my brother and ruined everything in my life”. I grabbed Jake and moved him away from Rob, calming him down, I went back and sat with Rob, tears falling down his face, the guilt tearing at his heart, ripping at his insides. I could see his pain and sorrow. The anger I was feeling was not for Rob but for not having Marcus in my life, I could now say “You are forgiven.” and move that darkness out of my life. He replied “ How could you forgive, after all I have done, the pain I have caused”, I replied with a quote from a book I read, “Because darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Back where it all started, the sands beneath my feet it’s white, it’s soft, it’s calm, what more could you ask for really. Everything feels warm, soft and still, like the whiteness is holding me up. All of the death and horror has been left behind and I have been cleansed by the light. It’s a beautiful irony that it has taken death to transport me to this beautiful place, I can see the pure white
--- End quote ---
hi! the post requirement is currently 50 posts to get an essay or creative marked! sounds like a lot, but they do build up quickly - keep asking questions, answering people's questions, participate in discussions and you'll get there :-)
best of luck with your hsc,
fantasticbeasts
sophiegmaher:
Hey! I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to integrate a stimulus into your creative: how central should the stimulus be, and how much does the integration of the stimulus count towards the mark?
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