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HSCNewcastle2017:
Hey
Would really appreciate some feedback. Only got 7/15 in my trial however due to time constraints I didn't manage to include as much detail.
The question asks “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes”
Thanks in advance.
Spoiler
This metaphor by Marcel Proust invites the responder to explore new horizons with the message that the real voyage of discovery is exploring individuals’ inner space, by questioning hegemonic belief systems and by being mindful and paying attention to how individuals perceive themselves and the world. Individuals’ varying experiences uncovers the deepest truth and brings forth the best version of ourselves. The play ‘Away’ by Michael Gow successfully places his characters into life changing situations to force them to gain fresh perspectives on the world and those around them, in the Vietnam War era. Meanwhile, the memoir ’The Happiest Refugee’ by Anh Do explores the growth and change of a refugee and his own discovery and acceptance of his culture and how we can look at this with ‘’new’’ eyes.
It is through encounters with others and society that characters are transformed the most, both in attitudes and values. In the play ‘Away’, Gow effectively engages the audience in Coral’s journey through placing her into interactions with other characters that have had cleansing effect on her. Coral’s heartfelt soliloquy reveals her isolation and confusion as a result of the death of her son. The repetition of the rhetorical question, “What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?” shows that she is not coping with her grief as a result of her son’s death. Tom reminds her of her lost son and becomes a mentor in her healing. In playlet ‘’The stranger on the Shore’’ Tom uses his only wish not to return to ‘’normal life’’, but to metaphorically help Coral to live. Coral’s hesitance to recover is conveyed through her dialogue, “I cannot walk I am afraid” which meets affirmative Tom’s “I’ll show you how”. Tom plays the role of metaphoric healer and encourages Coral’s catharsis and growth as a person. Further Coral’s transformation is conveyed through the use of mime. The symbolism of Coral’s holding handful of shells and letting them fall through her and sharing this moment with Roy conveys that the time away helped her to rediscover herself and to form deeper bond with others. Through Coral’s character transformation, Gow shows the audience that self-growth can only come through interaction with others and change can only come through a willingness to change and accept the helping hand of others.
Through experiences with the world we discover our true place of understanding, the place we feel most comfortable. Within ‘Away’, the significance of this realisation is demonstrated through Gwen’s character. At the beginning of the play, Gwen is represented as a miserable judgemental woman conveyed through an angry outburst when her set of keys have gone missing, “I have not got them. There! Are they there? Can you see a set of keys? Can anyone see a set of keys?’’. Keys are a symbol of direction searching for meaning of her life, while her empty handbag is symbolic of her exposing her life and frustration. The sudden discovery of Gwen’s past, “You’ll never know what we saw, never be without a home, never be afraid everything could fall apart any second” creates a message for the responder to develop empathy. The repetition of word ‘’never’’ conveys the hardship experienced by Gwen and the effect it has on her character. Gwen’s judgemental attitude is challenged after her discovering Tom’s fate. Transformation takes place as she walks with Tom’s mother Vic in gesture of equality and solidarity. Water imagery symbolises moral cleansing, discovery that tolerance and respect for others are more valuable than material things. The repetitive inclusion of rhetorical questions as Gwen wonders ‘’what am I trying to say?” indicates the depth of transformation she has undergone. Through these examples, Gow is showing the audience the importance of self-reflection and the necessity of confronting issues in order to undergo a discovery.
Confrontations and relationships with others lead to new discoveries of self and the world. Anh’s character transforms from being a loving son who looks up to his father to a son prepared to assert himself in order to protect his mum from his father’s abusive behaviour, “If he lays a finger on mum, I will kill him. I took the largest kitchen knife I could find and stuck it under my bed.’’ As a result of the long time periods Anh spent watching his father’s alcohol abuse and the violence that had a detrimental effect on him, he made the shocking discovery that he is prepared to do anything it takes to protect his mother as he transitions into being the man of the household. The imagery of the largest kitchen knife conveys both the shocking factor of this self-discovery and the seriousness of his determination. It is by placing his character into conflicting situations with others that Do enables the audience to develop empathy and learn and discover something about themselves.
The development of one’s character is contributed to the experiences, emotions and changes that they have faced in the past. Anh’s heartfelt honesty in describing his raw and often unflattering emotions is both humbling and disarming. Anh’s struggle with lack of money and feeling of inadequacy due to being poor corrupts the depth of his love for his mum, “What surprised and even shocked me… was not Mum’s willingness to work. The fear of having no money was so merciless and so overwhelming’’. As the story unfolds, this shocking discovery led Anh to develop determination to succeed, “I took jobs that weren’t even comedy, but if it involves me getting up with the microphone, I was there”. By naming some of the unpopular and undesirable jobs Anh was taking on, Do conveys that his road to success was not straightforward, but having to endure detours and challenges that shaped his destiny for the better. Through the use of his character’s realisations and the way he deals with key issues in his life, Do makes the audience understand that although discoveries could be confronting and provocative, they are also necessary in order to progress through life in a positive way.
Individual perceptions are influenced by unhurried revealing of its characters. The author masterfully uses narrative to describe his father, Tam Do as unfailingly brave and clever. Whether he puts himself into harm’s way by bravely using fake ID or when he bravely faces the pirates threatening to execute all his family, it appears that his bravery has no limits. However when questioned by Anh, he admits “If you really want to know the truth, I was shitting myself! All of those times shitting myself!”. Do uses repetition of the phrase ‘’shitting myself” as juxtaposition to his father’s assumed bravery. Through this revealing conversation between father and son, Do enables the audience to develop a new found understanding of his father’s character and see him in a new light, “In that moment my respect for this man went up tenfold” and encouraging them to accept and confront their own fears. In order to fully understand others, Do suggests that we first need to understand ourselves through our character.
We have been programmed to view the world with a set of assumptions, however we have the ability to connect the seemingly unconnected and blend an existing knowledge into new insight about some element of how the world works. It is when we are challenged by difficult circumstances, such as in the play ‘Away’ or by viewing the world from different cultural perspectives, such as in the memoir “The Happiest Refugee”, that we are forced to reflect on our experiences and discover a new sense of perspective about our place in the world. Self-discovery involves introspection and learning about people, places, events and relationships that can challenge previous beliefs and attitudes, and we can do it in our own backyard. Just like Marcel Proust has wisely remarked “The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”.
fantasticbeasts3:
--- Quote from: HSCNewcastle2017 on September 19, 2017, 11:13:24 pm ---Hey
Would really appreciate some feedback. Only got 7/15 in my trial however due to time constraints I didn't manage to include as much detail.
The question asks “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes”
Thanks in advance.
Spoiler
This metaphor by Marcel Proust invites the responder to explore new horizons with the message that the real voyage of discovery is exploring individuals’ inner space, by questioning hegemonic belief systems and by being mindful and paying attention to how individuals perceive themselves and the world. Individuals’ varying experiences uncovers the deepest truth and brings forth the best version of ourselves. The play ‘Away’ by Michael Gow successfully places his characters into life changing situations to force them to gain fresh perspectives on the world and those around them, in the Vietnam War era. Meanwhile, the memoir ’The Happiest Refugee’ by Anh Do explores the growth and change of a refugee and his own discovery and acceptance of his culture and how we can look at this with ‘’new’’ eyes.
It is through encounters with others and society that characters are transformed the most, both in attitudes and values. In the play ‘Away’, Gow effectively engages the audience in Coral’s journey through placing her into interactions with other characters that have had cleansing effect on her. Coral’s heartfelt soliloquy reveals her isolation and confusion as a result of the death of her son. The repetition of the rhetorical question, “What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?” shows that she is not coping with her grief as a result of her son’s death. Tom reminds her of her lost son and becomes a mentor in her healing. In playlet ‘’The stranger on the Shore’’ Tom uses his only wish not to return to ‘’normal life’’, but to metaphorically help Coral to live. Coral’s hesitance to recover is conveyed through her dialogue, “I cannot walk I am afraid” which meets affirmative Tom’s “I’ll show you how”. Tom plays the role of metaphoric healer and encourages Coral’s catharsis and growth as a person. Further Coral’s transformation is conveyed through the use of mime. The symbolism of Coral’s holding handful of shells and letting them fall through her and sharing this moment with Roy conveys that the time away helped her to rediscover herself and to form deeper bond with others. Through Coral’s character transformation, Gow shows the audience that self-growth can only come through interaction with others and change can only come through a willingness to change and accept the helping hand of others.
Through experiences with the world we discover our true place of understanding, the place we feel most comfortable. Within ‘Away’, the significance of this realisation is demonstrated through Gwen’s character. At the beginning of the play, Gwen is represented as a miserable judgemental woman conveyed through an angry outburst when her set of keys have gone missing, “I have not got them. There! Are they there? Can you see a set of keys? Can anyone see a set of keys?’’. Keys are a symbol of direction searching for meaning of her life, while her empty handbag is symbolic of her exposing her life and frustration. The sudden discovery of Gwen’s past, “You’ll never know what we saw, never be without a home, never be afraid everything could fall apart any second” creates a message for the responder to develop empathy. The repetition of word ‘’never’’ conveys the hardship experienced by Gwen and the effect it has on her character. Gwen’s judgemental attitude is challenged after her discovering Tom’s fate. Transformation takes place as she walks with Tom’s mother Vic in gesture of equality and solidarity. Water imagery symbolises moral cleansing, discovery that tolerance and respect for others are more valuable than material things. The repetitive inclusion of rhetorical questions as Gwen wonders ‘’what am I trying to say?” indicates the depth of transformation she has undergone. Through these examples, Gow is showing the audience the importance of self-reflection and the necessity of confronting issues in order to undergo a discovery.
Confrontations and relationships with others lead to new discoveries of self and the world. Anh’s character transforms from being a loving son who looks up to his father to a son prepared to assert himself in order to protect his mum from his father’s abusive behaviour, “If he lays a finger on mum, I will kill him. I took the largest kitchen knife I could find and stuck it under my bed.’’ As a result of the long time periods Anh spent watching his father’s alcohol abuse and the violence that had a detrimental effect on him, he made the shocking discovery that he is prepared to do anything it takes to protect his mother as he transitions into being the man of the household. The imagery of the largest kitchen knife conveys both the shocking factor of this self-discovery and the seriousness of his determination. It is by placing his character into conflicting situations with others that Do enables the audience to develop empathy and learn and discover something about themselves.
The development of one’s character is contributed to the experiences, emotions and changes that they have faced in the past. Anh’s heartfelt honesty in describing his raw and often unflattering emotions is both humbling and disarming. Anh’s struggle with lack of money and feeling of inadequacy due to being poor corrupts the depth of his love for his mum, “What surprised and even shocked me… was not Mum’s willingness to work. The fear of having no money was so merciless and so overwhelming’’. As the story unfolds, this shocking discovery led Anh to develop determination to succeed, “I took jobs that weren’t even comedy, but if it involves me getting up with the microphone, I was there”. By naming some of the unpopular and undesirable jobs Anh was taking on, Do conveys that his road to success was not straightforward, but having to endure detours and challenges that shaped his destiny for the better. Through the use of his character’s realisations and the way he deals with key issues in his life, Do makes the audience understand that although discoveries could be confronting and provocative, they are also necessary in order to progress through life in a positive way.
Individual perceptions are influenced by unhurried revealing of its characters. The author masterfully uses narrative to describe his father, Tam Do as unfailingly brave and clever. Whether he puts himself into harm’s way by bravely using fake ID or when he bravely faces the pirates threatening to execute all his family, it appears that his bravery has no limits. However when questioned by Anh, he admits “If you really want to know the truth, I was shitting myself! All of those times shitting myself!”. Do uses repetition of the phrase ‘’shitting myself” as juxtaposition to his father’s assumed bravery. Through this revealing conversation between father and son, Do enables the audience to develop a new found understanding of his father’s character and see him in a new light, “In that moment my respect for this man went up tenfold” and encouraging them to accept and confront their own fears. In order to fully understand others, Do suggests that we first need to understand ourselves through our character.
We have been programmed to view the world with a set of assumptions, however we have the ability to connect the seemingly unconnected and blend an existing knowledge into new insight about some element of how the world works. It is when we are challenged by difficult circumstances, such as in the play ‘Away’ or by viewing the world from different cultural perspectives, such as in the memoir “The Happiest Refugee”, that we are forced to reflect on our experiences and discover a new sense of perspective about our place in the world. Self-discovery involves introspection and learning about people, places, events and relationships that can challenge previous beliefs and attitudes, and we can do it in our own backyard. Just like Marcel Proust has wisely remarked “The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”.
--- End quote ---
sorry, it's me again - just a heads up that it's 25 posts for work marked! in the meantime, another student may want to give you feedback, but to have your work marked by the markers here it's 25 posts :-)
blasonduo:
Hello! I did not do well in AOS, and thought why not ask for advice ^_^
This is basically what I wrote in trials (fixed some spelling :P ) and it gave me a 10/15 in my trial paper, and I'd love for you to point out the weak arguments :)
How would I improve? Also, here is the question;
The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known.
How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
Thanks! :)
SpoilerDiscoveries can reveal emotions or greedy desires that can destroy the integrity of the characters which transforms both the character’s and the audience’s outlook on the world. This can lead to new values and ideas which can reflected upon by reconsidering past events. Through the film Life of Pi by Ang Lee and the poem “I wandered as lonely as a cloud” By william Wordsworth, we, the audience are also challenged with these new ideas which engage us to discover a deepened understanding of ourselves.
In “Life of Pi”, Discoveries can reveal emotions or greedy desires that can destroy the integrity of the characters which transforms both the character’s and the audience’s outlook on the world. Pi discovers a new identity of what was initially hidden in him, being his aggression and survival attributes “Hunger can change everything you ever thought you knew about yourself.” This shows how hunger is willing to consume Pi and reveals his new desperation for survival. This disguised allegory symbolizes Pi’s transition into beast, that reveals that Pi had to change his identity between man and beast in order to survive. Through this, we are able to compare these new attributes to Richard Parker, where we, the audience watch two contrasting worlds clash, a symbol of Pi’s contrasting thoughts which leaves an overall different identity and portrays Pi’s change into Richard Parker, which is driven by his hunger. “You’re seeing your own emotions reflected back in his eyes.” and the constant shots viewed from Richard Parker’s perspective allows the audience to attach emotionally and physically into this new world of Pi’s psychological conflict, and to sympathise with him. It is only when Pi’s integrity has been lost, does he realise the world he has been living in. “He brought the evil out in me, and I have to live with that” The metaphor and emotive tone with the close-up of Pi’s face supports and highlights the emotional distress Pi is facing. As Richard Parker leaves Pi’s life, the colours fade, compared to the first fish killed by Pi, resembles both purity and beauty being drawn out of life. The use of sparse colours with the absence of Richard Parker shows that even though Pi’s worst attributes were revealed by him, these attributes were required to stay alive but are no longer needed, a symbol of a part of Pi is being abandoned, yet forever lingering in his life shown through the close up of Pi sobbing. Through these change in emotions and desires, Pi is able to explore a different perception on himself and the world which draws us, the reader to explore this new personality.
Secondly, These new discoveries lead to new values, ideas or perspectives which can reflected upon about the future or by reconsidering past events. After Pi’s journey and losing an important aspect of his life, “The world lost its enchantment” The metaphor and vivid imagery explores Pi’s newfound independence and explores his new perspective on life; bland and miserable. Pi’s new discovery links to the abandonment of identity through the abandonment of Richard Parker. “I wept like a child, not because I was overwhelmed that having survived, I was weeping because richard parker left me so unceremoniously, it broke my heart.” The emotive tone exemplifies the impact of past experiences and how past discoveries can evoke emotional conflict while the personification of the broken heart further portrays Pi’s emotional conflict with his past experiences especially with his newfound self. From this, Pi is able to adapt to new values and to have a deepened understanding of himself and others, especially through others. “I never was able to thank my father, for all I learnt from him, to tell him without his lessons, I never would have survived.” The dialogue portrays a broken link in Pi’s past, and how reconsidering these events can spark new values and perspectives in his life. Through this, the audience is able to grasp the difficulties in certain discoveries and how a rediscovery has a transformative potential to the character.
Similarly, The title, “I wandered as lonely as a cloud” uses both personification to portray emotionally the loneliness of the cloud to the author to express their perception and ideas on the world, he has the freedom to do whatever he wants, but is unable to discover his identity in the world. Through the discovery of place, the author is able to shape their understanding of life, which changes their emotional standing and outlook on life. “I saw a crowd, A host of golden daffodils; Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.” The personification of the daffodils dancing, gives an atmosphere of flow and rhythm, portraying them as majestic. The daffodils symbolise society as a whole, where the human-like nature explores the new outlook the author has, contrasting to their sense of loneliness and isolation to society portrayed at the beginning. “They stretched in never-ending line … Ten thousand saw I at a glance” The hyperbole communicates the newfound emotions of the author, he is overwhelmed with the daffodils and their beauty. The use of “Glee” and “jocund” adds emotive language to the whole experience, which vividly express the powerful image the author saw and how it made him feel human, he discovered a new world, which offered him new perceptions of the world of nature and himself, which results in new values and identity and through this, a sense of tranquility and contentment is expressed to the audience.
Discovery can be hidden, taking interpretation and deep thoughts before being discovered, which can only be discovered through his personal experience and values. “I gazed—and gazed—but little thought”. The repetition of “gazed” explores the lack of discovery, especially with the importance. It was only later with a “vacant mind” does this discovery transform the author’s perspective on life and society both mentally and emotionally. Rediscoveries can be found through the same past experiences, which can evoke past emotional memories “then my heart with pleasure fills”. The discovery made him able to understand himself and his self-worth in life, and deepens his understanding of himself.
For a text to truly engage its audience, it must first challenge the audience with new perspectives, values or ideas in which we are able to discover ourselves. Both texts effectively engage the audience in a vivid, yet distinct way.
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: pikachu975 on September 17, 2017, 12:08:07 pm ---Hi! Just wondering if I could get feedback on these notes (basically an essay in dot point form). The main concern is the related since I basically forced my mod C related in:
--- End quote ---
Hey! Sure thing - I'll do my best to get a feel for the strength of your analysis ;D
Spoiler
New Understandings
Discoveries about one’s surroundings can lead to new understandings as their previous perspectives are challenged.
Good Thesis, you could hone in on what SORT of new understandings and what SORT of challenges depending on the question.
This is emphasised as Guevara’s plan to journey Latin America results in a realisation of the harsh landscape.
* “distant countries, heroic deeds and beautiful women spun around and around in our turbulent imaginations”- The vivid imagery details his initial idealistic vision of his journey.
I wouldn't say this quote is the best example vivid imagery, there's not many descriptors.
* Despite his idealised planning, Guevara is confronted with the “sulphur mines in the mountains where the climate is so bad and the living conditions so hard”.- The stifling connotations joined with conjunction - “and”, bring together the unforgiving climate and inhumane living conditions.
- Causes audiences to empathise with Guevara’s unexpected observation of the unrelenting environment.
Be careful that you aren't presenting your quotes in a text-focused way, you don't need to explain the context of the quote within the story to this extent, necessarily. Good inclusion of the audience response. Quote might be a tad long, could you just pull the second half?
* “the lives of the poor … who die miserably in one of the thousand traps set by nature”- Personification of nature reveals Guevara’s new understanding of humanity’s struggle against powerful natural forces, changed from his idealistic vision of the land.
Ditto here, only the last part of the quote shows the techniques - Go easy on yourself by only remembering the crucial bit. What does Guevara's new understanding reveal to the audience more generally?
Comparatively, Mathorne meticulously depicts the notion of nonconformity, as the audience discovers the chaotic consequences of the Tramp’s disillusionment and society is instilled with tremendous fear.
* The priest’s high modality command, “submit to the Lord” and high angle- Provides to the audience an initial view of the powerful priest controlling society and the Tramp’s beliefs, but he is disenfranchised as he retorts, “Why don’t you try it?”
Good combination of literary/filmic techniques, but again be careful of text-focused analysis. Go beyond what it reveals about the text/characters - What does it reveal about the conceptual idea?
* “The undertaker’s coming”- Followed by the shaking camera and fearful facial expressions
- The sudden and unexpected discovery of the Undertaker coming to the town causes immense fear in individuals and disruption of social stability.
Very text focused analysis here as well, go BEYOND how it affects the society and the text, this relies heavily on the plot point rather than the techniques.
* Society hiding in their barricaded houses- Symbolism joined with non-diegetic sound of paranormal whispers, anxious tones and petrified facial expressions.
- Portrays the profound fear discovered by the residents and causes audiences to understand the chaos caused by the disillusioned Tramp.
Try and make the audiences understand something broader, say, the fear that nonconformity induces, for example.
Transformation
The complex process of discovery can be confronting and provocative for individuals as they make emotional discoveries about individuals and society.
Such is true of Guevara’s travelogue as he is emotionally confronted with the struggle of the proletariat within Latin America, sparking his new Marxist values.
* “We had been knights of the road; we belonged to the long-standing wandering aristocracy”- The metaphor reveals their perspective of themselves; that they are of higher status and royal compared to the impoverished.
What does this reveal about transformation?
* One of Guevara’s first findings is the communist “couple, numb with cold”, “had not one single miserable blanket to cover themselves with” and “carried a mysterious tragic air”- Emotive language appeals to audience's pathos, causing them to empathise with his provocative realisation of “the profound tragedy circumscribing the life of the proletariat the world over”.
Slightly retell in how you've presented the quote in the notes - Be sure not to do that in the essay itself. Perfectly fine for your own cues.
* His realisation is seen as, if humanity is cleaved “into two antagonistic halves, I will be with the people”- Showcases how confronting and emotionally meaningful the discovery of poverty is as it sparks his “other, definitive vocation”.
- The hyperbole reveals the extent to which he will pursue equality and justice as his worldview has been significantly altered.
This is good, you've broadened the analysis a bit to a broader exploration of a confronting Discovery. Still slightly too focused on "him," you need to go beyond analysing the character.
On the other hand, Mathorne’s animation depicts the employment of religious power to control society. However, power is a construct shaped by the flaws of human intellect and hence, both the audience and Backwater residents are emotionally confronted as they discover the priest’s malicious intent.
* Lack of emotion of residents, gloomy colours, and zombie-like movement towards the church- Responders make a confronting discovery, through the stark illustration of the lack of meaning and purpose of society, that the residents mindlessly follow the priest’s commands.
That first bit of lack of meaning and purpose, is where the focus should lie. The realisation about the residents in the story is meaningless!
* This is juxtaposed by society showing emotion as Bubba says “Father, you have brought this upon us”- The aggravated tone and ghoulish white eyes convey the initial transformation of society towards murderous savages, arising from the realisation of the priest’s lies and deceit.
- The audience realises the utter chaos brought about by the priest’s manipulation through emotionally moving images of chaotic screaming and gory, violent scenes of decapitations and murders.
* Transition to bright colours of the town after everyone has murdered each other- Combined with the positive symbolism of the rainbow and melodic whistling of the Undertaker.
- Contrasts the earlier darkness shrouding the town.
- Illustrates the emotional discovery of audiences as they are confronted with the shift from graphic scenes to the joyous atmosphere of the town.
What sort of emotional Discovery? Be specific, link it to your theme of transformation.
I'd say your analysis of your related is good! Definitely didn't strike me as overly out of place ;D my biggest comment is probably that your analysis is very text focused, very much focused on what the audience learns about "the residents," or "Guevera," etc. This is like talking about a puppet rather than the ventriloquist - You are analysing the puppet rather than what the puppet is saying. Go beyond the characters of the story and focus instead on what the audience is being taught conceptually about Discovery ;D
(I know the composer/character gap is blurred for the memoir, so a little more leeway there) :)
I made some comments in bold throughout as well - Hope the feedback is helpful ;D
pikachu975:
--- Quote from: jamonwindeyer on September 20, 2017, 06:18:51 pm ---Hey! Sure thing - I'll do my best to get a feel for the strength of your analysis ;D
Spoiler
New Understandings
Discoveries about one’s surroundings can lead to new understandings as their previous perspectives are challenged.
Good Thesis, you could hone in on what SORT of new understandings and what SORT of challenges depending on the question.
This is emphasised as Guevara’s plan to journey Latin America results in a realisation of the harsh landscape.
* “distant countries, heroic deeds and beautiful women spun around and around in our turbulent imaginations”- The vivid imagery details his initial idealistic vision of his journey.
I wouldn't say this quote is the best example vivid imagery, there's not many descriptors.
* Despite his idealised planning, Guevara is confronted with the “sulphur mines in the mountains where the climate is so bad and the living conditions so hard”.- The stifling connotations joined with conjunction - “and”, bring together the unforgiving climate and inhumane living conditions.
- Causes audiences to empathise with Guevara’s unexpected observation of the unrelenting environment.
Be careful that you aren't presenting your quotes in a text-focused way, you don't need to explain the context of the quote within the story to this extent, necessarily. Good inclusion of the audience response. Quote might be a tad long, could you just pull the second half?
* “the lives of the poor … who die miserably in one of the thousand traps set by nature”- Personification of nature reveals Guevara’s new understanding of humanity’s struggle against powerful natural forces, changed from his idealistic vision of the land.
Ditto here, only the last part of the quote shows the techniques - Go easy on yourself by only remembering the crucial bit. What does Guevara's new understanding reveal to the audience more generally?
Comparatively, Mathorne meticulously depicts the notion of nonconformity, as the audience discovers the chaotic consequences of the Tramp’s disillusionment and society is instilled with tremendous fear.
* The priest’s high modality command, “submit to the Lord” and high angle- Provides to the audience an initial view of the powerful priest controlling society and the Tramp’s beliefs, but he is disenfranchised as he retorts, “Why don’t you try it?”
Good combination of literary/filmic techniques, but again be careful of text-focused analysis. Go beyond what it reveals about the text/characters - What does it reveal about the conceptual idea?
* “The undertaker’s coming”- Followed by the shaking camera and fearful facial expressions
- The sudden and unexpected discovery of the Undertaker coming to the town causes immense fear in individuals and disruption of social stability.
Very text focused analysis here as well, go BEYOND how it affects the society and the text, this relies heavily on the plot point rather than the techniques.
* Society hiding in their barricaded houses- Symbolism joined with non-diegetic sound of paranormal whispers, anxious tones and petrified facial expressions.
- Portrays the profound fear discovered by the residents and causes audiences to understand the chaos caused by the disillusioned Tramp.
Try and make the audiences understand something broader, say, the fear that nonconformity induces, for example.
Transformation
The complex process of discovery can be confronting and provocative for individuals as they make emotional discoveries about individuals and society.
Such is true of Guevara’s travelogue as he is emotionally confronted with the struggle of the proletariat within Latin America, sparking his new Marxist values.
* “We had been knights of the road; we belonged to the long-standing wandering aristocracy”- The metaphor reveals their perspective of themselves; that they are of higher status and royal compared to the impoverished.
What does this reveal about transformation?
* One of Guevara’s first findings is the communist “couple, numb with cold”, “had not one single miserable blanket to cover themselves with” and “carried a mysterious tragic air”- Emotive language appeals to audience's pathos, causing them to empathise with his provocative realisation of “the profound tragedy circumscribing the life of the proletariat the world over”.
Slightly retell in how you've presented the quote in the notes - Be sure not to do that in the essay itself. Perfectly fine for your own cues.
* His realisation is seen as, if humanity is cleaved “into two antagonistic halves, I will be with the people”- Showcases how confronting and emotionally meaningful the discovery of poverty is as it sparks his “other, definitive vocation”.
- The hyperbole reveals the extent to which he will pursue equality and justice as his worldview has been significantly altered.
This is good, you've broadened the analysis a bit to a broader exploration of a confronting Discovery. Still slightly too focused on "him," you need to go beyond analysing the character.
On the other hand, Mathorne’s animation depicts the employment of religious power to control society. However, power is a construct shaped by the flaws of human intellect and hence, both the audience and Backwater residents are emotionally confronted as they discover the priest’s malicious intent.
* Lack of emotion of residents, gloomy colours, and zombie-like movement towards the church- Responders make a confronting discovery, through the stark illustration of the lack of meaning and purpose of society, that the residents mindlessly follow the priest’s commands.
That first bit of lack of meaning and purpose, is where the focus should lie. The realisation about the residents in the story is meaningless!
* This is juxtaposed by society showing emotion as Bubba says “Father, you have brought this upon us”- The aggravated tone and ghoulish white eyes convey the initial transformation of society towards murderous savages, arising from the realisation of the priest’s lies and deceit.
- The audience realises the utter chaos brought about by the priest’s manipulation through emotionally moving images of chaotic screaming and gory, violent scenes of decapitations and murders.
* Transition to bright colours of the town after everyone has murdered each other- Combined with the positive symbolism of the rainbow and melodic whistling of the Undertaker.
- Contrasts the earlier darkness shrouding the town.
- Illustrates the emotional discovery of audiences as they are confronted with the shift from graphic scenes to the joyous atmosphere of the town.
What sort of emotional Discovery? Be specific, link it to your theme of transformation.
I'd say your analysis of your related is good! Definitely didn't strike me as overly out of place ;D my biggest comment is probably that your analysis is very text focused, very much focused on what the audience learns about "the residents," or "Guevera," etc. This is like talking about a puppet rather than the ventriloquist - You are analysing the puppet rather than what the puppet is saying. Go beyond the characters of the story and focus instead on what the audience is being taught conceptually about Discovery ;D
(I know the composer/character gap is blurred for the memoir, so a little more leeway there) :)
I made some comments in bold throughout as well - Hope the feedback is helpful ;D
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Thanks heaps! So would you recommend just changing the analysis and stuff rather than changing the quotes? Also if I understand what you're saying, you're saying to focus more on what each technique says about discovery in general rather than what each technique says about the text?
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