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Free AOS essay Marking!
bsdfjnlkasn:
--- Quote from: theblackswan on September 25, 2017, 04:50:43 pm ---Can you have a look at my intro please? I wrote it on the spot but I've altered it a little so that you wouldn't be frightened of how much I've managed to butcher the art of writing essays! :P
Questions: "Discovery allows us to view the hidden experience as a common, human experience." (I really didn't know what to put)
The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones is an element shared by all of humanity. It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden. The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development.
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Hey again blackswan! Hopefully these comments are helpful :)
The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones this is sort of implied in what "unfamiliarity" means is an element (experience?) shared by all of humanity Nice thesis :). It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden I think you could join this sentence with the previous to avoid repeating yourself at the end (i.e. where you say "this process is propagated..." because you're attributing it to curiosity again). Or you could delete the sentence about curiosity, your choice. The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara I think you could do more with the texts, rather than just stating that these ideas about discovery are presented in the texts, you should say how and compare the way in which this is done. Again, I think it's important to introduce your prescribed before your related so that you can connect ideas and show how they are developed by your related. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development.
Although commenting on the similarities is a good way of synthesising, you could make your intro more engaging by offering a perspective that isn't shared, as this will broaden your exploration of discovery.
Let me know if you have any more question :D
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: theblackswan on September 25, 2017, 04:50:43 pm ---Can you have a look at my intro please? I wrote it on the spot but I've altered it a little so that you wouldn't be frightened of how much I've managed to butcher the art of writing essays! :P
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Questions: "Discovery allows us to view the hidden experience as a common, human experience." (I really didn't know what to put)
The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones is an element shared by all of humanity. Good concept! I feel it could be simplified ever so slightly but the idea is definitely solid. It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden. These last two sentences (somewhat) say the same thing - You really only need one of them! The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara. I'd like some brief synopses of how the concept you've introduced is present in each composers work. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development. Good- Ensure you use the specific wording of whatever the question is in your conclusion.
I think this works well, but you should introduce the concept more quickly! Having four sentences introducing the concept is a little much - Aim to do it in two, three max, then spend the saved space introducing the texts in more detail!! :)
miraxx:
Hey ;),
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?
justwannawish:
--- Quote from: miraxx on October 01, 2017, 03:13:43 pm ---Hey ;),
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?
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Hi and welcome,
The free service is available for everyone ;D , however, you do need a certain amount of posts. Currently, because of the lead up to the HSC, it's 50 posts, which isn't that much if you contribute to forums, talk to other people, ask and answer questions, etc. Let me know if you need anything :)
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: miraxx on October 01, 2017, 03:13:43 pm ---Hey ;),
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?
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You're all VIP's ;)
But yeah, as mentioned above - We have to prioritise a little, so we offer it as a reward for people who have posted around the forums a bit!
Full explanation is here, if you like ;D
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