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Modern History Essay Marking
Laura.lopresti:
Hi, would you mind reading my intro and conclusion to help improve it... topic is Germany :) thanks
the question is To what extent did weakness in the Weimar Republic account for the growth and rise to power of the Nazi Party to 1933?
Intro: Germany’s Weimar Republic (1919-1933) had numerous flaws and weaknesses, which were vital for the growth and rise of the Nazi Party. A major frailty of the Weimar Republic was the way it formed, and constitutional flaws. These led to the army and key political groups opposing the Republic. Oppositions to Weimar included the NSPAD (Nazis), and allowed for their growth throughout the 1920s. It was predominantly the failing economic of the Weimar Republic that led to the extreme impact of the Great Depression, allowing the NSPAD to gain power.
conclusion: Without weaknesses in the Weimar Republic the Nazi Party would not have come to power in 1933. It was because of the constitutional flaws, including the abuse of article 22 and 48 by Presidents, that the army, along with major political groups including the Nazis, opposed the Republic. Finally, the failing economy during the Weimar period resulted from the unrealistic expectations of the Treaty of Versailles, and the harsh impact of the Great Depression. This forced German citizens to take extreme measures and support the NSPAD, which allowed Hitler to gain control of Germany in 1933.
jakesilove:
--- Quote from: Laura.lopresti on February 28, 2016, 07:30:06 pm ---Hi, would you mind reading my intro and conclusion to help improve it... topic is Germany :) thanks
the question is To what extent did weakness in the Weimar Republic account for the growth and rise to power of the Nazi Party to 1933?
Intro: Germany’s Weimar Republic (1919-1933) had numerous flaws and weaknesses, which were vital for the growth and rise of the Nazi Party. A major frailty of the Weimar Republic was the way it formed, and constitutional flaws. These led to the army and key political groups opposing the Republic. Oppositions to Weimar included the NSPAD (Nazis), and allowed for their growth throughout the 1920s. It was predominantly the failing economic of the Weimar Republic that led to the extreme impact of the Great Depression, allowing the NSPAD to gain power.
conclusion: Without weaknesses in the Weimar Republic the Nazi Party would not have come to power in 1933. It was because of the constitutional flaws, including the abuse of article 22 and 48 by Presidents, that the army, along with major political groups including the Nazis, opposed the Republic. Finally, the failing economy during the Weimar period resulted from the unrealistic expectations of the Treaty of Versailles, and the harsh impact of the Great Depression. This forced German citizens to take extreme measures and support the NSPAD, which allowed Hitler to gain control of Germany in 1933.
--- End quote ---
Hey!
Below are my comments. Hope you find them helpful! I only really included things that I think you should correct, so don't get too put off by all the red!
Original Intro/Conclusion:
SpoilerIntro: Germany’s Weimar Republic (1919-1933) had numerous flaws and weaknesses, which were vital for the growth and rise of the Nazi Party. A major frailty of the Weimar Republic was the way it formed, and constitutional flaws. These led to the army and key political groups opposing the Republic. Oppositions to Weimar included the NSPAD (Nazis), and allowed for their growth throughout the 1920s. It was predominantly the failing economic of the Weimar Republic that led to the extreme impact of the Great Depression, allowing the NSPAD to gain power.
conclusion: Without weaknesses in the Weimar Republic the Nazi Party would not have come to power in 1933. It was because of the constitutional flaws, including the abuse of article 22 and 48 by Presidents, that the army, along with major political groups including the Nazis, opposed the Republic. Finally, the failing economy during the Weimar period resulted from the unrealistic expectations of the Treaty of Versailles, and the harsh impact of the Great Depression. This forced German citizens to take extreme measures and support the NSPAD, which allowed Hitler to gain control of Germany in 1933.
Intro/Conclusion with comments:
SpoilerIntro: Germany’s Weimar Republic (1919-1933) It is definitely better to just say "The Weimar Republic", just because everyone knows that we are discussing German history had numerous flaws and weaknesses, which were vital for the growth and rise of the Nazi Party. A major frailty of the Weimar Republic was the way it formed, and constitutional flaws. Whilst obviously you can't discuss your entire thesis in the introduction, it is still worth expanding your points a little bit. "Constitutional flaws, namely Article 48" etc. etc. These led to the army and key political groups opposing the Republic. Which key political groups? Other than the Nazis? Oppositions to Weimar included the NSPAD (Nazis) Don't put Nazis in brackets, and it is the NSDAP, and allowed for their growth throughout the 1920s. This sentence doesn't really make sense. How did their opposition allow for their growth? Perhaps make it clear: "From a political perspective, by actively opposing every facet of the Weimar Republic, the NSDAP were able to gain national coverage and prestige, playing to the German people's fear of a failed state. It was predominantly the failing economic of the Weimar Republic that led to the extreme impact of the Great Depression, allowing the NSPAD to gain power. If this is the case, can you really say that it was the flaws of the Weimar Republic that caused the rise of the NSDAP? According to your last sentence, it was in fact international economic issues that brought them to power, something hard to attribute to the leaders of Weimar. Rethink this last point if you want to maintain your current thesis.
conclusion: Without weaknesses in the Weimar Republic the Nazi Party would not have come to power in 1933. You shouldn't make these kinds of sweeping conclusions in History. It may have been a factor, sure, but to say that it directly and absolutely caused the rise of the NSDAP is probably a bit presumptuous. Stick to "was a significant factor in" etc. It was because of the constitutional flaws, including the abuse of article 22 and 48 by Presidents, that the army, along with major political groups including the Nazis, opposed the Republic. Great! Specific enough, but also general. Finally, the failing economy during the Weimar period resulted from the unrealistic expectations of the Treaty of Versailles, and the harsh impact of the Great Depression. Linking the Ruhr crisis (presumably the first half of the sentence) with flaws due to Versailles is good, but again I would rethink your thesis regarding the GD.This forced German citizens to take extreme measures and support the NSPAD, which allowed Hitler to gain control of Germany in 1933. So the German people had no choice but to support the Nazi party? Probably tone this down a bit.
I think you need to spend some time going over your thesis, strengthening the sections I've pointed out above and deciding whether you can perhaps include a little bit more nuance. For instance, saying that innate flaws in the Republic (caused by Versailles, amongst other things) aided in the rise of the NSDAP, however the GD (which was not caused directly by failures of the Republic) also had a solidifying impact on their capture of power. Still, your knowledge of the time period is very good, and I can see a great introduction and conclusion coming! Just clear up what you are actually trying to say, and this will turn into a really top level response :)
jakesilove:
--- Quote from: matilda_woody on February 29, 2016, 07:01:45 pm ---Hey! This is an answer I've just had peer reviewed a few times and just do't seem to be able to get to stick. Do you mind checking to see if it's a logical, sustained argument and that I haven't accidentally managed to get some very important fact wrong? If you don't mind, that is?
Obviously the bibliography and other assorted referencing isn't here... but yeah...https://docs.google.com/a/parrastu.catholic.edu.au/document/d/1Om1LkJ7FDEh6pAByloXu-72aun01V3xEAAYVj1c3aOk/edit?usp=sharing
thanks!
--- End quote ---
Hey Matilda!
Because you've linked the essay as a google doc, I would have to request access in order to look at it. Would you mind attaching the essay as a word document, or copying and pasting it into one of these replies? Then, I can get onto it straight away and have it marked asap!
Jake
CatherineSchweinsberg:
Hey, this is my essay! It's for my historical investigation which I'm doing on the social impacts of the British Raj. The problem is, it needs to be 1,500 words but I'm about 250 words over and I don't know how to cut it down. I'm wondering if I'm analysing my sources correctly. Thanks :D
CatherineSchweinsberg:
Hey, I'm not sure if I remembered to attach my essay into the last post, so that's useful...
This is my historical investigation but the problem is, it's supposed to be 1500 words and I'm 250 over. Feedback for the whole thing in general would be great, but especially for the analysis of sources and stuff. thanks! :D
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