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jkkke:
Hey this is the half yearly draft I did the question is: To what extent was the collapse of the Weimar Republic the result of the Depression? Could you please look at the layout and thesis if it makes sense. Don't think my layout is very good and might have too many paragraphs and maybe some pointless information. Also any general feedback would be good, thanks heaps :)

jakesilove:

--- Quote from: jkkke on March 08, 2016, 08:38:50 pm ---Hey this is the half yearly draft I did the question is: To what extent was the collapse of the Weimar Republic the result of the Depression? Could you please look at the layout and thesis if it makes sense. Don't think my layout is very good and might have too many paragraphs and maybe some pointless information. Also any general feedback would be good, thanks heaps :)

--- End quote ---

Hey!

Below are my comments. Thanks for the post!

Original Essay:
SpoilerQuestion: To what extent was the collapse of the Weimar Republic the result of the Depression?
The Great depression had a major impact for the collapse of the Weimar Republic however there were other factors involved politically, socially and militaristically. The Weimar Republic had to battle with a long ideology of authoritarian rule, the German people blaming them for Article 241 as well as never having the support of the Reichshwer.
Before the Great Depression happened there were issues that Weimar Republic still had to deal with. Article 241 from the Treaty of Versailles was extremely harsh to the German people and stated the entire war was Germanys fault. The signing of this Treaty outraged the German people and were left very bitter which is a stigma the Weimar Republic had to deal with and never got rid of. Article 48 was also criticized by the German people as it stated the president could appoint and dismiss chancellor at any time as well as suspend German people’s fundamental rights.
The Weimar Republic also faced political opposition who tried to overthrow they’re form of government. The first right wing attempt to overthrow the government came in 1920. Kapp Putsch who wanted an authoritarian style of government, Putsch gained the support of General Von Luttwittz and on March 13 entered Berlin, however the workers of Berlin declared a workers strike which paralysed the city. This proved the Weimar Republics instability as a government.
Throughout the Weimar Republic time, the Reichswehr maintained itself a superior place in German society and practically being a ‘state within a state’. The army never backed Weimar, which also lead to the collapse. When Weimar requested help from the army in the Putsch situation they responded saying ‘Reichswehr don’t fire on Reichswehr’. When they’re influence rose in politics such as Hindenburg being president in 1925 onwards and army officers such as Von scleider 1930-1932 it led to the demise of the Weimar Republic as they never supported them from the start thus making strategies to throw them from government.
The Great depression was not the only economic troubles Weimar faced and when France occupied the Ruhr on January 1923 to make the workers’ pay for their reparations in stopped their industrial r region. By the end of March Germany only received 1% of their usual coal deliveries this sent German economy into hyperinflation which caused workers to struggle making them further question the Weimar Governments approach.
When the Great Depression comes in 1929 the German people, army and other parties all have reasons to dislike the approach they have and want a totalitarian state back. The Depression allowed powerful groups such as the army, large landowners and leading civil servants that never supported Weimar to express their disaffection. This is best explained in the quote by Kershaw ‘In Germany where the roots of democracy are shallow, looked to change a system they felt, less and less upheld their interests, and move to an authoritarian rule.
On October 1929 when Walls street share prices began to drop rapidly which sent people to sell their shares this had a huge impact on Germans banks who were major investors.  People rushed to draw out their investments which caused banks to run out of cash. To make this money back Germany had to recall all loans to German businesses which forced them into close. This increased unemployment which made Germany lose their tax revenue making it difficult to pay of their repayments. The Depression encouraged Hindenburg to move from his quiescent attitude towards a more interventionist policy based on authoritarian rule. This first came in the appointment of Heinrich Burning who Kolb describes as ‘not the last chancellor to before the breakup of Weimar, but the first chancellor in destroying democracy. Brunings policies to raise taxes for unemployment benefit and reduce unemployment benefits t make it more affordable made Germans plunge deeper into unemployment rising from 2258000 in 1930 to 6031000 in 1932. This didn’t please any political parties and when Brunings government had to rely on article 48 to govern. In 1930 only 5 decrees were used, by 1931 this had increased to 44 and 66 in 1932. The decrees undermined the confidence in the Weimar Republic which benefited extremist parties such s the communists and Nazis as the public anger grew towards Weimar. Brunings downfall came in May 1932 as he has done enough to move government sufficiently to the right. This marked the end for Weimar Republic. In the elections of July 1932 the Nazis and Communists controlled 52 per cent of the Reichstag making the Weimar effectively dead and in January 1933 Hitler was named chancellor and the authoritarian system was back in place.
All these factors played a role in the collapse of Weimar Republic and when the Great Depression came it gave everyone an opportunity to express their disaffection towards Weimar. Although these events did play a significant role it was the Great Depression that was the major impact of Weimar Republic collapsing as the powerful groups such as the army wouldn’t of has a chance to dismise Weimar.

Essay with Comments:
SpoilerQuestion: To what extent was the collapse of the Weimar Republic the result of the Depression?

The Great depression had a major impact for the collapse of the Weimar Republic however there were other factors involved politically, socially and militaristically. Good Thesis statement, and layout of (what I hope to be) your coming structure! The Weimar Republic had to battle with a long ideology of authoritarian rule, the German people blaming them for Article 241 as well as never having the support of the Reichshwer. Reread and proof read your essay: a few misspellings, "a long ideology" doesn't make sense (a long standing ideology?). I also think you should put "the War Guilt clause" in brackets, to prove you know what Art 241 was! Also, I would expand your introduction a little bit.

Before the Great Depression happened A bit colloquial, try to use historical voice. there were issues that Weimar Republic still had to deal with. Article 241 from the Treaty of Versailles was extremely harsh to the German people and stated the entire war was Germanys fault. Again, very colloquial The signing of this Treaty outraged the German people and were left very bitter which is a stigma the Weimar Republic had to deal with and never got rid of. Article 48 was also criticized by the German people as it stated the president could appoint and dismiss chancellor at any time as well as suspend German people’s fundamental rights. Did they dislike this? You already said that Germany was used to a long standing ideology of authoritative rule: isn't this the example of remnants of that rule, and so wouldn't your thesis suggest that Germany was used to it?
I think you've done a good job offering examples of different reasons for the fall of the Republic (or at least issues that it had to deal with other than the GD). I would link these issues more strongly with the actual collapse of the Republic (which is the question) and make sure that your thesis follows logically.

The Weimar Republic also faced political opposition who tried to overthrow they’re form of government. Grammar, spelling[/b ]The first right wing attempt to overthrow the government came in 1920. Kapp Putsch who wanted an authoritarian style of government, Putsch gained the support of General Von Luttwittz and on March 13 entered Berlin, however the workers of Berlin declared a workers strike which paralysed the city. Facts are correct, but your use of language isn't quite. "Kapp Putch" didn't want anything; that was just the name of the event. This proved the Weimar Republics instability as a government. Does it? You just said that the Government managed to combat (successfully) a right wing movement to overthrow them. Doesn't that display its strength? You could argue either way, but whichever you choose you need to be stronger on that point.

Throughout the Weimar Republic time, Spelling, grammar. the Reichswehr maintained itself a superior place in German society and practically being a ‘state within a state’. If you're using a quote, tell me who you're quoting. The army never backed Weimar, which also lead to the collapse. When Weimar requested help from the army in the Putsch situation they responded saying ‘Reichswehr don’t fire on Reichswehr’. When they’re influence Spelling rose in politics such as Hindenburg being president in 1925 onwards and army officers such as Von scleider 1930-1932 it led to the demise of the Weimar Republic as they never supported them from the start thus making strategies to throw them from government. Read this sentence out loud, and see if it makes sense to you. This is complicated stuff you're talking about, so it is really easy to lose track of the point; make sure to proof read your essay so that you know exactly where you can improve and rewrite sections.

The Great depression was not the only economic troubles Weimar faced and when France occupied the Ruhr on January 1923 to make the workers’ Grammar pay for their reparations in stopped their industrial r region I don't think you've proof read this essay. By the end of March Germany only received 1% of their usual coal deliveries this sent German economy into hyperinflation which caused workers to struggle making them further question the Weimar Governments approach. Grammar, spelling. However, a good point, and definitely an example of troubles facing the Republic: However, did this lead to the downfall of the Republic? I'm still not clear on that point.

When the Great Depression comes in 1929 the German people, army and other parties all have reasons to dislike the approach they have and want a totalitarian state back. You repeatedly use "they" throughout this essay. Are you talking about the Weimar Government, the Weimar Republic in general, the Chancellor...? The Depression allowed powerful groups such as the army, large landowners and leading civil servants that never supported Weimar to express their disaffection. Great sentence; concise, clear and true. Try to rewrite some of your wordiest sentences like this. This is best explained in the quote by Kershaw ‘In Germany where the roots of democracy are shallow, looked to change a system they felt, less and less upheld their interests, and move to an authoritarian rule. Again, really great summary and conclusions drawn! I feel like you really GET what's going on, but you need to rethink how to express it and which conclusions you draw. Look to the successes of the second half of this paragraph, and try to emulate it across the essay./color]

On October 1929 when Walls street share prices began to drop rapidly which sent people to sell their shares this had a huge impact on Germans banks who were major investors. Grammar, spelling. Don't resolve the GD down to a sentence; that's not really entirely true. You don't need to understand why the GD took place, just its impact on the Weimar Republic. People rushed to draw out their investments which caused banks to run out of cash. To make this money back Germany had to recall all loans to German businesses which forced them into close. This increased unemployment which made Germany lose their tax revenue making it difficult to pay of their repayments. The Depression encouraged Hindenburg to move from his quiescent attitude towards a more interventionist policy based on authoritarian rule. This first came in the appointment of Heinrich Burning This is not his name who Kolb describes as ‘not the last chancellor to before the breakup of Weimar, but the first chancellor in destroying democracy. You don't end the quote, and the quote must have been typed out wrong Brunings Grammar policies to raise taxes for unemployment benefit and reduce unemployment benefits t make it more affordable made Germans plunge deeper into unemployment rising from 2258000 in 1930 to 6031000 in 1932. Great statistic, try to use more like it! This didn’t please any political parties and when Brunings government had to rely on article 48 to govern. Re read this sentence; there's no ending to it. In 1930 only 5 decrees were used, by 1931 this had increased to 44 and 66 in 1932. The decrees undermined the confidence in the Weimar Republic which benefited extremist parties such s the communists and Nazis as the public anger grew towards Weimar. Brunings downfall came in May 1932 as he has done enough to move government sufficiently to the right. Always use past tense This marked the end for Weimar Republic. In the elections of July 1932 the Nazis and Communists controlled 52 per cent of the Reichstag making the Weimar effectively dead and in January 1933 Hitler was named chancellor and the authoritarian system was back in place.

All these factors played a role in the collapse of Weimar Republic and when the Great Depression came it gave everyone an opportunity to express their disaffection towards Weimar. Although these events did play a significant role it was the Great Depression that was the major impact of Weimar Republic collapsing as the powerful groups such as the army wouldn’t of has a chance to dismise Weimar.

You need to proof read your essay, quite thoroughly, because a lot of the sentences don't really finish or, to be honest, make sense. You have a good understanding of the time period, and you understand your thesis quite well, which is really, really impressive. However, you need to think through each point in more detail. A couple of the examples you use don't lend themselves to your thesis based on your argument, and so either change the examples or strengthen their link to the thesis. You need to link each point to the COLLAPSE of the Weimar republic, and so you should explain WHEN the collapse happened at the START, not the end. Then, you should link each point to the collapse (ie. you say that Bruning ended the Republic).
You need to talk more about the G.D. Because the question is SPECIFICALLY asking about it, you should generally spend 60% of the time of the G.D, and 40% on other factors (50/50 max, but even that is not ideal).

I think that you need to, first, proof read, and second, think about each point and relate it directly to your thesis. To do this, write out your thesis is one sentence, then contemplate the issue you are discussing. Think about how you can use it to support your thesis because your thesis is absolutely correct. The G.D had a huge impact, but relied on previously instated conditions.
This has the potential to be a really great essay, but you definitely need to put more work into it. Good luck!

Jake

beatrizmorais98:
Hi! I am trying to write an essay for modern history. The question is: Account for the initial consolidation of Nazi power in 1933-1934.
I don't know what to write in this Essay... Suggestions?

Thank You :)

elysepopplewell:

--- Quote from: beatrizmorais98 on March 13, 2016, 05:14:29 pm ---Hi! I am trying to write an essay for modern history. The question is: Account for the initial consolidation of Nazi power in 1933-1934.
I don't know what to write in this Essay... Suggestions?

Thank You :)

--- End quote ---

Hey there! I would use this as an opportunity to talk about the following:
-The manipulation of the legal process (the dismantling of democracy through votes)
-Extensive use of terror
-Extensive use of propaganda
-Removal of all opposition.

Once you flesh out these ideas, you have a whole essay ready to be written! Let me know if something doesn't make sense :)

sydneyg:
Hey there! I'm just wondering if I could get some feedback on this draft essay on the question - To what extent did economic weaknesses contribute to the collapse of the Weimar Republic? So that I can do a final edit by Tuesday. Thanks so much!

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